Perspectives on life Articles and Blog Posts

How to Follow Your Heart

monarchs1_21 What’s a blogger to do when all she wants is to be quiet? Words seem to impose on the space of supreme happiness that is already brimming over without anything in it. I am at peace.

And then the fears come. Will they abandon me and my blog if I follow my heart and just be quiet? What if I don’t publish when I’m expected to? What if I fail to say that one golden nugget that will help someone live a better life?

I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know. My heart melts at the tenderness of your comments and emails…water falling from my eyes and a smile on my face. I support you immeasurably, always.

And right now, in this moment, I need to walk in nature. I need to listen to the birds and watch the waves caress the shore. I want to be unscheduled, free to follow truth, love, and beauty. And it’s not writing that is calling me, it’s silence.

So I’m doing something some would call radical. I’m not going to push myself outside of my truth. I’m going to stay close to the bone. I’m going to meet my Tuesday morning deadline, but not with the kind of post I usually offer. What I am offering is my willingness to respond not to external or mind-made demands, but to the inner teacher in its infinite wisdom.

I wish you well, my friends. I’m off to the beach.

Love,

Gail

PS: The photo is of me taken by my beautiful friend, Marilee.

Wisdom Conquers Fear

anandamayi-1

In every moment of our lives, we have a choice – to be constrained by fear or to live freely. It’s the difference between being ruled by the head or the heart, adhering to limits or opening ourselves to infinite possibility.

Fear is the #1 deterrent to actualizing a fulfilling, creative, and generally awesome life. Not that there is anything wrong with fear. It’s a natural human emotion that looks out for us by protecting, guiding, and keeping things safe. And sometimes that’s just what we need.

But when fear is in control and our thinking is limited, we are playing it small. Whether we are aware of it or not, we inhabit a self-defined box labeled “same,” while ignoring the possibility of what is new, different, and potentially hugely satisfying.

Our inner wisdom is always nudging us in the direction of bigger, freer, and more expansive. It shows up in unconventional ways – the random thought about what you would love to be doing, the sense of excitement that appears from nowhere, the “Yes!” you feel when you engage with an idea, person, activity, or situation. It may also whisper the truth about what is not working in your life.

Inner Wisdom Triggers Fear

Inner wisdom pushing toward the surface is a signal for fear to go on alert. When we are guided to change, to move out of our comfort zone, to test the waters of the unknown, the part of us that is wired to survive feels threatened. It’s like the inner sentry has just cocked their rifles, ready to defend against the enemy.

Bringing our fear out into the light of day is essential if we want to create the space for our gifts and passions to be expressed. And understanding our inner wisdom helps to liberate it. Learn to navigate these seemingly discordant paths and fear will lose its power over you.

Get to Know Fear

Although fear can diminish with time, it is unlikely to disappear altogether. Think of coping with fear as a lifestyle. The goal of getting to know fear is not to eliminate it, but to become aware of it so it can be recognized and understood. It may arise a million more times, but when you are open to working with it rather than hiding from it, you can begin to find your way through with a modicum of ease.

When fear is triggered, here is what happens:

Our minds formulate every possible (and not so possible) negative outcome so that we don’t move forward.
We have thoughts filled with self-doubt – I can’t, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t.
We feel tense and nervous.
We worry.
We might feel sick.
We don’t want to take a risk.
We feel paralyzed, afraid to make a move.
We want to linger in familiar territory.
We want to remain in control.

The experience of fear is all about protecting us from the unknown. It is ironic that fear wants us to stay on familiar ground, even if the life situation or thought pattern we play out isn’t serving us. But something in us knows when the time is ripe to let go of the old.

Get to Know Inner Wisdom

When we listen to the inner voice inside us that speaks the truth, we are invited – or compelled – to step out into the unknown, to take a risk, to try something new. The wisdom that comes through us is about growth and possibility, rather than survival. It isn’t concerned with safety or protection. It doesn’t understand the language of limits. It is endlessly creative because it has no interest in the mind structures that clamp down our thinking.

Fear of risk? Self-doubt? The need to feel in control? These have no meaning to the boundless nature of our inner wisdom.

If you dip your toe into the waters of your true voice, be prepared to meet the experience of not knowing. Recognize that you simply don’t know. Then wait, surrender, trust. When the truth of not knowing becomes real to you, you realize that anything is possible. Ideas you never would have considered pop into your mind. Chance encounters open doors to amazing opportunities. Help and support come from everywhere.

Fear is a valid experience that is common to life as a human. If we let our inner wisdom speak, fear is bound to arise. When it does, don’t freak out. Take a breath. Be curious about what it’s like and how it affects you. Receive it in an ocean of kindness. Let all the stories from your past that keep it in place unravel.

Turn toward your experience of fear and honor it. Then turn away from the ways it holds you back. Your inner wisdom is tapping you on the shoulder right in this moment. Are you willing to listen?

Fear…inner wisdom. What is your experience with navigating these paths? I’d love to hear…

How to Stop Stumbling Blindly Through Life

leaping_man “Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

Have you ever had an epiphany – a moment that changes everything? The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear.

This recently happened to my friend, Angela, in an unlikely circumstance. Much to her surprise, the outcome of grieving the loss of her beloved dog has sparked a tremendous natural uprising of kindness that is permeating every area of her life. It’s the type of kindness that comes from pure empathy, the recognition of the one heart that dissolves all separation. She virtually glowed as she shared with me her dedication to allowing this newfound realization of kindness to transform her whole way of being.

The Power of Commitment

I love those moments when we have an epiphany that changes everything. The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear. When we are inspired to make the commitment to live our lives according to what we truly want, to what seems undeniably obvious, we find ourselves facing the unknown with the exit door closed and locked behind us. For Angela, it was the commitment to kindness. For me, it was an unceasing quest to understand the truth about reality.

A commitment of this level stokes the inner fire like nothing else. We stop pretending that our true desire doesn’t matter, and we devote ourselves entirely to it. Inevitably, old ways of being will fall away, and we will be tested. Like the shoot of a flower emerging out of the earth, we step into the unknown full of possibility.

The commitment can be to anything – kindness, truth, health and well being, forgiveness, freedom from the inner critic, mindful communication. At this moment in your evolution, what do you commit to?

This path of deep commitment is exceedingly supportive, showering us with gifts, if we use it well. It commands us:

To be conscious in the moments of our lives,
To choose skillfully,
To investigate how we turn away, and
To resolve to stay true.

We shift from going through the motions like an automaton to intelligence, wisdom, and alignment. Try it out and see what wonders are set in motion in your precious life.

The Fire to Live Consciously

Life is a constant stream moving through us, layered with life circumstances and inner reactions. When we live an uncommitted life, we fall victim to these experiences as long as they remain unexamined. We feel confused and anchorless.

Committing to a path, value, or intention is like an alarm clock going off in the middle of the night. We are shaken awake and asked to become conscious. Rather than stumbling through life, we realize that we can be present for it and truly live. We let go of filters that color our perceptions, and see clearly what is actually arising in the moment. Oh, this feeling, this interaction. So much intimacy with everything is revealed.

We stop living on the surface and come to appreciate that unconsciousness has kept us from experiencing feelings, sensations, tenderness, and compassion. What we experience may not always be comfortable, but we awaken to our lives. Only then do we contact the possibility of realizing our heart’s desire.

The Fire to Choose

The outgrowth of becoming conscious is the capacity to choose. We begin to notice when we blindly go astray, and in that noticing realize the possibility of making choices. It dawns on us that we can actually make a decision infused with our deepest intention.

This is how habits change. At first, we don’t realize that we are actually making a choice about what we think, feel, or do. Behavior seems to occur; thinking patterns appear and proliferate. Once consciousness ignites, we recognize that our actions have been fueled by unseen fear and lack. We contemplate the possibility of considering what we actually want and allowing the choice to flow from this generous, healthy, bountiful place.

This is a revelation! We can actually unwind our conditioned patterns enough so that we are no longer victimized by them. It’s just like waking up to ourselves. We can experience the moments of our lives stable in the understanding that we are aware and alive. We can be free of unconscious motivations and pulls. We can be guided from the most intelligent place inside of us.

The Fire to Investigate

Making a commitment with both feet in opens the doorway to any feelings we may have been avoiding. We live unconsciously in the hopes of hiding from painful emotions. In the commitment to stay true to something , the automatic habits come to an end, and the energy that has been driving them has space to surface.

This is where the rubber meets the road. If we are to live the intention or value that is most important to us, we need to be fully aware of all the programming that diverts us. This might mean befriending fear, welcoming inadequacy, or leaning into long-standing sorrow, then learning how these feelings generate behavioral patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy. The more we know how these dynamics work, the greater the chance of being able to make a different choice when they arise.

The process of making a commitment to a true intention reveals its opposite. In Angela’s longing to deepen in kindness, she began to realize all the subtle ways she had been harsh. My quest for truth unveiled false identities and roles that held me back. Compassion spills over as we recognize the misguided ways we try to protect and care for ourselves. And this clarity shows us that only love and how it guides us makes any sense.

The Fire to Stay True

No doubt, we are tested when we make the choice to stand in our own truth. According to legend, in the days following the Buddha’s enlightenment, the demon, Mara, showed up to entice him with visions of beautiful women.

Mara represents the temptation to give into our conditioned habits and ignore our deepest longings. When we commit to a path, Mara will most likely arrive for a visit. These trials are nature’s way of testing our resolve, and their function is to inspire us to stay true to our commitment.

Commitments are powerful – and necessary to withstand the enticements of our familiar patterns.

Vowing to live in our own fundamental truth opens up a whole new way of being. Once the fire is lit, no matter how hard we try, we just cannot stay the same. When we put the old behind us and step out into the realm of possibility, we have set the stage for wonders to happen.

Have you made a commitment to something that is important to you? How has it affected you? I’d love to hear…

Who Do You Answer To?

“The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.“
~Elbert Hubbard

I see it all around me, and it breaks my heart. People who are confused, disgruntled, and desperate. Their lives are, in some way, misdirected and off track. They feel a deep, inner dissatisfaction, wondering, “Is this all there is?”

I was part of a beautiful conversation recently in which a lovely woman, a veterinarian, was questioning how to proceed in her life. She spoke of the hurt she experiences when, in the name of treatment, she causes pain in animals, and she admitted to the pride she feels from having the status of “doctor,” a level of education her father encouraged her to pursue. Her refrain, like a mantra, was, “I’m confused. I’m confused.”

Although we heard her words, what was apparent to everyone else in the room was her clarity. When she expressed a longing to commune playfully with lots of dogs, as a dogwalker for example, the glow emanating from her filled the room.

I came away asking myself, “Who is she answering to?”

Important Questions

Events happen in our lives, and we are making choices constantly. These occurrences come from somewhere. The word authority means the power or right to decide. It contains the root author, which derives from words meaning to write or create. Our lives are continually being created. Who (or what) is creating them? Who has the power or right to decide?

Asking these questions is essential…urgent, even. This is our life. Right now. The moments are ticking away as you read this.

Who/What Is in Charge?

If we consider who or what has authority for our lives, here are some possibilities.

Fear

When we give our power to fear, we make the choice to play it safe. What are we afraid of?

The unknown
Success or failure
Other people’s reactions
Change

Fear is an emotional response to an imagined future. When fear is the author of our lives, we turn away from possibility and live a limited and familiar storyline.

Other People’s Expectations

We frequently hear stories of people pressured out of following their childhood dreams to achieve status, image, or wealth. How many lawyers or bankers hold a secret wish to build furniture or paint? If we are answering to the expectations of family or culture, we are living in a tunnel vision that produces a one-dimensional existence, like a cardboard cutout.

Our Ideas About How our Lives Should Be

Some of us give our minds authority – minds that create pictures of what our reality is supposed to look like. We ignore the actual happenings of life while worshiping our mind-made constructed realities. When we pin ourselves in by ideas of what we should be doing, how much money we should be making, how the people around us should behave, we are asking for trouble. When we let the true, one reality express itself organically, well, that’s a different story.

Unquestioned Beliefs

I received my Ph.D. in psychology over 20 years ago, and, from time to time, I catch myself being identified with the role of “psychologist” to the exclusion of what life is actually offering me. These subtle beliefs can run deep. When we give them authority, we end up being what we think is a husband, employee, daughter, or lover. We forsake the freshness of the moment to play a role that disconnects us from our inner wise one.

Claim Life by Surrendering Your Version of It

At this point, you may be expecting me to stand on a soapbox and proclaim that we are the authors of our lives, that we are empowered to create our realities. This is certainly the view a proponent of personal development or the law of attraction would take. But that is not who I am.

Trying to create a better “you” is fraught with ongoing dissatisfaction because there is always something that can be improved in the realm of thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The only way out, the only way to be truly happy, is transformation beyond the personal “I.”

So, let’s embark on an exploration to know who is that “I” who is the author of our lives…who is that empowered one. When we look inside, we don’t find it! Really, where is that I? There are thought forms of all kinds and physical sensations. But is there really a thing called a body, a thing called “me” that has your name on it?

It might begin to feel disorienting at this point, but that’s OK, trust me. If we open up even more deeply, all we find is the vibration and energy of life. We are alive! This is real: the current of life.

So who is the author? Call it God, the divine, the life force. The label doesn’t matter. What does matter is who/what we answer to. We are not in charge. When we surrender all false authority, what remains is clarity, intelligence, and perfect guidance that whispers when to stop, go, turn left or right, when to pause.

There isn’t much we can choose in this existence, but the one choice we have is the ultimate one – what we revere. Do we pay homage to fear, our own and others’ expectations, and unquestioned beliefs, or do we bow in humility and allow reality to show us the way?

One is an uphill struggle that mutes our existence. The other effortlessly lights up the world.

Do you connect with your inner wisdom? Do you wrestle with what it tells you? I’d love to hear…

image credit

End the Insanity by Forgiving Yourself

“Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil;
With them forgive yourself.”
~William Shakespeare

I gave a presentation recently to a support group for older women coping with chronic lung diseases such as emphysema. The symptoms that affect their daily lives include fatigue, shortness of breath, and wheezing. Some have pain, most need the support of oxygen at least part of the time. None of them will be cured.

I asked if they ever wonder, “Why me?” and one woman admitted that she ponders the opposite question: “How could I have done this to myself?”

As it turns out, all of these diseases are the result of smoking. These lovely women grew up before the dangers of cigarette smoke were widely known. They told me that everyone smoked. It was so common, they couldn’t imagine having made a different choice. And now they are dealing with the consequences.

Why Forgive Ourselves

This interaction got me thinking about the power of forgiving ourselves. We’ve talked before about how staying stuck in a grudge makes us a victim of our own thoughts and blocks the natural expression of the life force through us. Not forgiving ourselves has the same effect. When we are caught in self-blame, we are blatantly unaccepting of our current life situation. We live in an unhappy story that keeps us bound and limited.

When we forgive ourselves, we remove the chains from the past which allows us to live freely in the present. We decide to stop repeating rueful and blaming thoughts in our minds like a broken record. We step off the wheel of suffering and discover an unlimited reservoir of wisdom and a huge capacity to proactively respond to what is in front of us. This is the pay-off that makes letting go the most intelligent choice.

Learn the Lessons

The companions of self-blame are some very uncomfortable emotions: guilt, shame, and regret. These can fester like an irritating wound that won’t heal and keep us suffocating under a blanket of negativity. They perpetuate a state of inner war and cause us to persecute ourselves unendingly. The decision to forgive ourselves releases us from the prison of these feelings. We discover that not only can we feel good, but that freedom and inner ease are our natural state, our birthright.

When tended to wisely, these feelings may contain a valuable lesson that we miss by staying in the rut of experiencing them over and over. When we welcome them in as friendly visitors and explore them with an open heart and mind, we can authentically ask, “What can I learn?” We gain perspective that guides our behavior from this point forward. We realize compassion for everyone, us included, who has made choices that have brought pain to themselves and others.

Transform the Contents of Your Mind

When our thoughts are caught in an endless loop of self-blame, the past, long gone, is kept alive in our thoughts. This is the funny thing, and the golden opportunity, about holding onto old baggage. The events themselves are over, yet we suffer because we repeat the story of them in our minds. We cannot control what happened in the past, but we can transform how we relate to the contents of our minds right now. In any moment, we can:

Stop,
Open,
Observe,
Investigate,
Explore,
Befriend,
Love, or
Move our attention elsewhere.

We can let the waves of our thoughts release back into the ocean.

Choosing Life

When we stop blaming ourselves for events of the past, miracles happen. Edges dissolve in our minds and hearts, leaving the space for wise responding, effective coping, and creative problem-solving. We are available to life, fully capable of receiving love and joyfully giving it away in all directions.

Having a chronic lung disease is a proving ground for sure. It is easy to sink into isolation, despair, and self-blame. Yet the women I met were true inspirations. Each day they choose to take the high road, to live in the “Yes!” and not the “No.” They expressed their fears and spoke about their trying moments, but their commitment to live their fullest lives was undeniable.

All of us face challenges. We contend with ways in which we are not completely at peace. We blame ourselves to no good end. And it brings me to my knees to realize that in every moment we have a choice – to suffer or to be free of suffering, to be weighed down by the past or to be fully alive now, to blame ourselves or open our hearts endlessly.

What do you choose?