Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Fearful? Get to Know the Unknown

“Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation.”
~Alan Cohen

Anyone who experiences fear knows about fearful thoughts. Without exception, these thoughts project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do – or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of all the negative scenarios that could happen.

And the effect? Afraid to move, stuck, limiting yourself, playing it safe. And all the while caught in your spinning mind and missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now.

These fear-infused thoughts rob you of happiness and well being that are rightfully yours.

The Rational Approach

As humans, we are blessed to have access to a well-developed frontal cortex, which gives us the capability of being thoughtful and rational. In contrast, fear comes from the limbic system, a more primitive, animalistic part of the brain that drives basic survival.

The intelligent investigation of fearful thoughts invites us to fire up the cortex and subject them to rational analysis.

Now is the time to bring these thoughts out of the shadows. Why wait one moment longer? When they float through your mind without your full attention, they exert their power and control over you.

But with a logical laser focus, you can see through the lies and distortions they make you believe. And, by doing so, you enter into the realm of truth and sanity.

The Truth of the Unknown

At the foundation of every fear-filled thought is a desire to know what cannot be known. This desire manifests as an imagined negative, scary outcome.

  • I won’t find a job.
  • I’ll always be alone.
  • I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.
  • What if I fail.

Each of these common thoughts makes an assumption about the future.

And here is the logical truth: you cannot know anything until it actually happens. You have two choices: you either know or you don’t know. You absolutely know something to be true once it has already occurred. And if something hasn’t yet occurred, you don’t know what the outcome will be.

Fearful thoughts guess or assume the worst with no logical evidence. When you take these assumptions to be true, you end up paralyzed and miserable.

“I Don’t Know” Revealed

Part of being free of the effects of fear means shifting from emotion to logic, using all of the brain’s capabilities. Logic shows you the distortions in these fearful thoughts that sap your energy and slam the door shut on your potential.

What you do find is one of the most useful truths: I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll find a job, or be rejected, or fail.

“I don’t know” opens the door to unlimited possibilities that the fearful mind can’t begin to contemplate.

Seeing the truth of the unknown is like a healing balm for fearful thoughts. And here are the effects:

  • No more wasting energy and time worrying about the future.
  • No more pressure to know what you can’t possibly know.
  • Openness to all possibilities.
  • The end of “should” – what you should know or should be doing.

Living in the reality of the unknown brings our attention clearly into the present. Let go of the imagined future, and you will discover:

  • A focus on doing what needs to be done now
  • Appreciation and gratitude
  • Relaxation
  • Enjoyment
  • Acceptance
  • Wonder

The unknown is the truth, and the truth will set you free. Do you want to be free of the effects of fear? Say “Yes!” to the unknown.

Have you discovered the value of not knowing? Are you struggling with fearful thoughts? I’d love to hear…

Finding Your Way Back to Your Self

“Love says ‘I am everything.’ Wisdom says ‘I am nothing.’ Between the two, my life flows.”
~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

The most transformative thing you could ever do is remember who you are. I don’t mean the “you” who you think you are or the one defined by the roles you play or the masks you wear. Not the one who is driven by fear, insecurity, or need. But the real you – pure, shining, precious, whole, undamaged, undefended.

Do you have the courage to find your way back to your Self?

Recognizing Your Self

You will know when you get there, even if for an instant, and here are the signs. You let go of conflict and confusion. You are lovingly present with things just as they are. You are enthused by creativity, wonder, life itself.

Your personal needs and wants fade in importance, and you find yourself being effortlessly generous and available. With a full and open heart, you let the conditioned patterns and tendencies that have defined you wind down. They are old news, anyway, and don’t serve a purpose anymore.

There is space to express yourself in any way you are called to do so. You listen to life, to love, “How am I moved? How am I to be used?” And you respond with ease. You use your skills, capabilities, and gifts in the service of the truth as it appears in you.

You are empty of beliefs, troubles, and the need to control, yet you are amazingly full and overflowing.

You may not be living in this remembrance of Self, but it resonates because it is true. And here is your task:

  • Bask in the glow of knowing your Self in those moments when the light shines through
  • Untangle the patterns that veil the truth of your Self.

It’s so simple. If this is all you ever do, you will have lived a blessed life.

How We Forget

We all develop false identities so that we can survive in the world. We learn to seek approval or create a certain image that we show to the world or take a stand as independent or defiant. We strive for money, power, control, or love.

And it is so understandable why we do this. Early on in life, we get the message that who we truly are is unacceptable. We shouldn’t feel the way we feel, we should think and act in ways that will please those around us. We learn to suppress ourselves, to ignore and avoid our natural longings so we can feel safe and loved.

And what is the result? Confusion, alienation, separation, and massive discontent. This is how we lose our way.

Some examples: a young girl needing to hide her feelings and wear the mask of being good and sweet so she doesn’t add to her parents’ stress; another being told a dark family secret and needing to pretend that everything was fine; a young boy growing up in the chaos of ongoing verbal abuse with no space to express his feelings; any child with an alcoholic parent who can’t be there to listen, support, and guide.

These situations leave us trying so hard when all we want is to be happy, to rest, to let go of all the effort of trying to be or to get. We want to know who we really are before all the veils, patterns, and strategies have been applied.

The Way Home

The trail of breadcrumbs back to our Selves is always available – we just need to learn how to recognize it. Moments of joy and contentment, the flash of a creative idea, an inner knowing that cannot be denied, a fleeting sense of being connected to all of life, a realization of love so huge that it seems impossible to contain.

When you notice these experiences, stop and let yourself revel in the celebration. You are home!

And then there are the breadcrumbs of another sort. These call us to be honest, investigate, study how our conditioning works, be vigilant so we can choose wisely. Some examples: being caught in the whirlwind of a habit; recognizing the ways you avoid and defend; becoming aware of a consistent pattern in choices you make that don’t serve you; general unhappiness.

If you use these experiences well, you see them clearly with open eyes. You are willing to change and let go. You see them as a reflection of the ways you are veiled, and you stay true to your intention to remember your Self.

In truth, you are never stuck. Being stuck is a frame of mind, unwillingness, a strategy of self-protection. What seems stuck is always ready to soften, and all it takes is your kindness, your clear intention, your willingness to put down all the weapons of defense and rest in things as they are.

Blessed Remembrance

When you touch into who you really are, there is a recognition. Oh, I remember. That’s who I am. We meet ourselves like a long-lost friend.

Just for a second, drop everything, like a hot potato. You can always pick it up again. Let yourself be in no-mind, no-story, no-attachments, no-needs, no-beliefs. Be clear and unidentified. You just might find what you’ve been searching for your whole life.

Do you remember? Do you forget? I’d love to here…

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Shhhhh…Are You Listening?

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”
~Khalil Gibran

Listening is an overlooked and undervalued way of being in our culture. Yes, a way of being, for when we listen, we are still, empty, receptive, alert, and interested. We are paying attention. We are open and available. Can you let yourself feel it right now?

True listening comes from a place of silence. If your inner world is filled up with swirling thoughts and agitated emotions, listening will be impossible. Whether you are trying to hear your own inner voice or the voice of another, you are filtering your perceptions through a haze of lack, anxiety, and confusion.

Imagine trying to decide on your next career move if you are engulfed in fear and overwhelm. Try working out an issue with your partner if you are already adamant about what you want and need. Bear the heartbreak of being too focused on your to-do list to listen to your child’s concerns.

But when you address these habits of thinking and feeling so they no longer disturb you, the whole world opens up. Put them aside, and you hear as if for the first time. You notice nuance and detail. You are clear, fresh, and in the moment.

Start in Silence

If you want to deeply listen, start in silence. Bring your attention inward to discover the space within you that is free of turmoil. Absorb yourself in it. Let yourself be still.

Really, this is all that you need to know. Once you are silent, you have given yourself the capacity to listen. You have let go of pulling in or pushing away. Struggle melts away, and you are open to hearing things as they are. You are effortlessly receptive.

And as you dwell in silence, you can’t help but soften. When you turn your attention away from the thoughts and feelings that provoke you, what is the result? Your heart opens. You feel connected, aware, and loving.

The Magic in Sound

Now from this place of silence, open to sound. Let hearing expand beyond any boundaries to all sounds that arise and pass on. Don’t label what you hear, simply listen. It’s a wonderland out there.

The Still, Small Voice Within

We are always receiving direction about how to move in our lives – if we are open to listening. How is it that we ignore these messages? We are too distracted to listen. We think we have all the answers. We cloud our thinking with drama and emotional upheaval. Then we wonder why our lives are so out of whack.

The medicine for these problems is closer than close. All we need to do is listen.

Recently, a friend of mine said with tears in her eyes, “I know I need to quit my job. I’m exhausted. All I want is time when I don’t have to do anything. I have been living in the structures of my life for a long time and they have lost their meaning.” To me, this is clarity, not complaining. She is finally listening to the still, small voice within.

Listening is the first step, and being willing to act on what you hear is the second. Listen to what you know to be true in the deepest, wisest part of your being. Then have the courage to let your life unfold according to its rightful plan.

The Greatest Gift

Have you ever been deeply listened to? You feel accepted as is, with no judgment and no agenda. Your listener isn’t resisting you or influencing you or expecting anything of you.

Some might say that deep listening is the greatest gift you can offer to another. Try it and see. You might get an insight or new perspective. You might see him or her with a fresh, compassionate eye. And your generosity just might flow back to you a thousand fold.

Authentic listening starts in silence. Be still and pay close attention. Open to all that arises. Trust that you can stop trying to control everything and that you can just be. Listen with your whole being, and the the deepest truths will be revealed.

What have you learned about listening? Do you need to listen more deeply? I’d love to hear…

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Let Stillness Permeate Your Life

“Silence is a source of great strength.”
~Lao Tzu

When in doubt, let stillness permeate your life. Stop…breathe…rest…wait. Be still.

There is no need to rush into things, no need to always know the answer.

When we speed through our lives, overlapping one thing with another, we lose sight of ourselves. We are alienated from reality. We live in our heads – in our thoughts and pictures of what things should be like. And we forge ahead with the power of a tsunami.

But what if you were to stop? Stop thinking, stop doing, stop analyzing, stop the endless loop of stories in your mind.

What would you discover? Here are some possibilities:

  • Feelings you have been running from
  • Clarity about a situation in your life that you have been unwilling to admit to
  • The need to rest and take care of your body
  • A spark of creativity
  • Enjoyment, wonder, peace
  • Something completely unexpected

Stillness is a healing balm. It brings space and wisdom and sanity to our lives.

In stillness,

  • we don’t need to know
  • we allow things to be as they are
  • we realize that life continues perfectly without thinking about it
  • we recognize the opportunity for deep relaxation

Stillness returns our attention to the present. We go from living in our thoughts about the past and the future to the glory of now. We are authentic, real, available, accepting. We stop strategizing and open to the reality of our actual experience.

We see the pain and futility of hiding, pretending, avoiding.

How to Be Still

The how-to is simple. Just be still.

Why not try it right now? Draw your attention away from you mind, and explore the reality of this moment. Notice seeing, hearing, touching. Take in the sensations in your body – every tension, every vibration. Make space for your feelings.

* * * * *

Then let go of all the noticing, and just be still. Allow the quiet to pervade your experience – more and more deeply.

* * * * *

Even if this moment is unpleasant in some way, maybe you will recognize that you are alive to it. By being still, you wake up to your life, your experience, the reality of you. It’s refreshing to be still. We put down all the effort, all the trying, and simply relax.

* * * * *

Now go the next step. Instead of resurrecting your usual way of being, let your actions emerge from this stillness. See how everything you do can come naturally, without even thinking about it. Your life unfolds, and at the source of all your experience is stillness. Vast, empty, you.

When in doubt, let stillness permeate your life. Stop…breathe…rest…wait. Be still.

Love,

Gail

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The Art of Discovering the Space In-Between

trapeze“There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen

Even if we don’t notice, there are spaces in-between everything. There is space between thoughts, between breaths, between all things.

See how the environment you are in right now is filled with space? Your attention is undoubtedly drawn to the objects in it – a table, a pen. But notice how much space there is between the objects. Focus on it for a moment. There is so much space. Quiet, silent, existing, huge, not needing anything.

If you sit in meditation, you might first notice a flurry of thoughts, and no space. But eventually, the thoughts settle, and you recognize space, the ground of being from which everything else arises.

Relaxing

Space is at the core of relaxation. We move our attention away from the busyness of our lives, we pause from all the efforting, we move from doing to being.

It takes effort to engage with the objects that draw our attention. Physical forms and thought forms pull us away from our center, away from the stillness, the ground of being.

Several years ago, I was lying on a chaise lounge, enjoying the sun. My mind was so quiet. As a thought arose, I moved my attention into it and felt tension in my body. This made me curious. I switched back and forth a few times, between thought and no-thought. I saw that the effort of thinking created tension and effortlessness was relaxing.

It was a lightbulb moment, as I saw that even positive thoughts were subtly stressful. I discovered the power of the space in-between to open the door to so much happiness.

Experimenting

No matter how much we are filled with forms, space is always present.

What forms fill your awareness? Can you notice the space in-between?

Try relaxing your attention away from the forms, just for a moment. See what it’s like to experience space. It’s not about the past or future. The space is here, in this right-now moment. Can you feel it?

Allowing

Of course, it’s fear that keeps us clinging to our treasured objects. Whether thoughts or people, money or stuff, we have the illusion that if we keep our attention on these, then we can control them. We are scared to let them go because the known feels so much safer than the unknown.

But staying in the known is ultimately confining. It’s not enlivening or liberating. We live in the boxes (cages?) we have constructed and avoid the possibility of wide open space. We choose tension over relaxation, habit over potential. We accept “good enough,” while turning away from everything we truly long for.

As Eckhart Tolle says, we are constantly chasing forms by thinking, doing, and reacting against.

And in every moment, there is space – breathing space, quiet and clear. Right now.

I recently spoke with a friend who is cracking open so beautifully. He cannot contain the love that is emerging. He is seeing through the objects of his mind and discovering space overflowing with love. He is surprised at how he is naturally kinder – in his interactions, while driving. These changes are coming effortlessly.

The fear is that space is empty. Yes, it is empty of forms. But it is filled with formless intangibles – joy, love, freedom, generosity, kindness.

It takes surrender to relax into space. Letting go of what we know, allowing ourselves to hang between the trapeze bars.

But how else to open to wonder, creativity, life?

The spaces in-between hold all the possibility.

What have you discovered about the spaces in-between? What keeps you from going there? Let’s talk…