“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”
~Oscar Wilde

So many heartfelt comments to the last post about attachment. Thank you, all.

And what a tender topic. Who among us doesn’t struggle with attachment? The holding on can be so strong, the need to have things just as we want them so overpowering. If attachment appears, we have a choice: let it control our lives or allow it to lead us on an inner journey of self-exploration. I imagine you know what I choose, so let’s peel the onion of attachment just a little more to see what we discover.

The Mechanics of Attachment

Attachment is all about being tied up and constrained. According to dictionary.com, it is “a feeling (emphasis added) that binds one to a person, thing, cause, ideal, or the like.” Other definitions describe this feeling as affection or fondness. Now, I am all in favor of affection or fondness, but when readers commented about their struggles with attachment to material possessions or their children or what other people should do, something else must be at play.

And that “something else” is fear. When we are attached, we are absolutely terrified of not being in control and of being without what we think we have. If things don’t go as we want them to, if we lose the things and people that support our identities, if we really let go of viewpoints that don’t serve us, then we are stepping out into the unknown. Instead of addressing this fear, we clamp down on ourselves and the people around us, wanting everything to stay just as it is.

Attachment and Survival

The roots of attachment run deep, and it is all about survival. As young ones, we need to attach to the people around us to get our needs met. And who doesn’t melt seeing a mother duck with her brood.

The thing is, as wonderful as survival is, being attached to it is bound to cause suffering. Because no matter how hard we try, all life forms are created with an expiration date. To state the obvious, no one has made it out of here alive.

We start by being attached to survival, to those who make our survival possible, and it continues from there. We experience a great comfort with the known and the familiar and begin to fear letting go into what we cannot know or control.

Contemplating Loss and Meeting Fear

Take attachment to possessions as an example. I have a lovely Nepali friend who came to the US with nothing and was eventually able to realize his dream of buying a home. Now he is faced with possible foreclosure, and he is desperate. He is terrified of watching everything he worked for disappear before his eyes.

What he has done is nothing short of amazing, and it has been an honor to witness his journey. But somehow his home has turned into an identity, and he fears facing the loss and whatever may come as a result. I cannot see how this attachment to his home has served him – except if he chooses to investigate it.

Whatever we are attached to – children, partners, our health, success, our identities, life itself – all of it deserves exploration if we want to know peace. Playing the “what if” game can be useful. Here are the instructions:

• Bring to mind something you fear losing.
• Imagine the loss as realistically as you can.
• Welcome whatever feelings arise and meet them with a full and loving heart.

I make a practice of this “game.” I have gone around my home, taking in all the things I enjoy and appreciate, saying, “What if this went?” I have contemplated the people I love, and considered their loss. I have imagined myself homeless, alone, and in a wheelchair. This hasn’t been easy, but meeting these fears and sorrows directly has revealed so much peace.

The unexamined fear fuels the mind with all sorts of terrifying thoughts. We scare ourselves and don’t even realize we are doing it. The truth is I have no idea what is going to happen if any of those losses actually occurs. And I have no idea how I am going to respond. Something beyond my wildest dreams could happen.

These scary thoughts are like the boogie man in the closet – they don’t have much validity or substance. When I move my attention to what is driving the thoughts, the fear is seen just as sensation, as energy. When anything is possible without restriction, nothing arrives – or departs – unexpectedly.

Investigating our attachments opens the path to a life that is authentic and real. If we bring our fears out of the shadows with a willingness to befriend them, if we contemplate the dissolution of everything we know, the heart can’t help but sing a song of gratitude. Everything could go, but reality remains – this moment – fresh, alive, and overflowing.

image credit ducklings

“A trembling in the bones may carry a more convincing testimony than the dry documented deductions of the brain.”
Llewellyn Powers

“Few of us have lost our minds, but most of us have long ago lost our bodies.”
Ken Wilbur

I recently got a new GPS, and I love it! All I need to do is plug in the destination and follow the step-by-step directions, and I arrive exactly where I want to be. No thought is required, no figuring anything out. No maps, no getting lost. I simply listen and respond, and everything else is taken care of.

It is a big relief to not have to know how to get to where I’m going. I can relax and enjoy the journey.

Listening to the Body

Listening to our inner guidance is kind of like turning on the GPS. When we let go of the mental activity of trying to figure things out, we have the space to become aware of the guidance that is already there. And when we follow the directions that are offered, we stay on track and do not lose our way.

This is easier said than done, I know. But we can start by paying attention to the body. The body is like the voice inside the GPS. Using its own special language in the form of physical sensations, it tells us exactly what we need to know. If we are willing to listen.

In this complex world we inhabit, most of us are consumed with our thoughts. We live in our heads trying to analyze people and situations, sort through input, plan for every possible occurrence. We live by expectations and “shoulds.” If we were to draw the way most of us experience ourselves, it might look like this:

If we are so enamored with our minds, following the thoughts that pull us away from ourselves, how can we possibly be in touch with the messages that our body is trying to send us?

The Physical World Within

The body is extremely sensitive. It is the perfect barometer that tells us when our thoughts and actions are aligned with our inner wisdom and when we have turned away. If we carefully observe the reactions of the body, a whole world opens up. We notice subtle changes in heart rate, breathing, muscular tension, and digestion. We feel tightness, softness, vibration, heaviness, space.

When we begin to observe the body, what we might notice is a veritable orchestra of experiences not necessarily playing in tune. There are physical urges and desires that propel us in a given direction as well as habitual contractions of the muscles and constricted breathing. It may seem impossible to find the inner navigation.

But underneath the pressures and tugs is the whisper of truth waiting for our kind attention.

Just as we develop mental and emotional habits, the body has learned how to protect us with a physical armor. These patterns evolved in response to fearful experiences in the past. When we perceive a lack of safety in our environment, the body pulls in to prepare for attack or defense, fight or flight. And these patterns in the body may last well beyond the original threat itself. This leaves us living in a state of heightened tension borne of fear.

Listening to the intelligence of the body asks us to wend our way through the forest of our long-standing habits to discover the place of natural wisdom and clear seeing that has been there all along.

Learning the Language

For some of us, we need to learn the language of the body. The body speaks in physical sensations, illness, and injury. Everything that happens in our bodies is an opportunity to see what hidden treasures we haven’t yet become aware of.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with colitis. At the time, I prided myself on already having let go of many old patterns. But life had more in store for me. Since then, I have become so much more kind to myself. I don’t push myself nearly so much, and I take the time (usually) to relax. Even though my yoga practice is challenging, it comes from within rather than from me imposing it on myself – more a being than a doing. And when the symptoms flare up, which doesn’t happen too often these days, I’ve learned to stop, rest, eat the foods that help, and say no to requests for my time.

These symptoms became my navigation, and they have guided me beautifully.

Discerning the Whisper of Truth

Just as we know the feeling of “rightness” and certainty, we know when we are off – the sinking feeling, clenching in the gut, too much tension to sleep. But sometimes our experience is not so clear. The inner guidance whispers while the conditioned habits are screaming.

Then you “start where you are” by befriending the patterns so they begin to soften. Fighting them will only make things worse.

Being open to our inner intelligence is like a prayer. We put down our need to control and know, and we ask for help and direction. This is where the GPS metaphor breaks down. We can’t program in our destination because we don’t know what it is until we get there. All we need to do is listen, follow, and appreciate the richness of the journey.

What do you notice about the language of the body in your own life? What happens when you listen – or when you ignore it?  Is there anything that your body is telling you now that you haven’t yet heard?   I’d love to hear….

image credit:LaurenManning