Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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The Ripple Effect of Your Grace-Full Life

ripple_effect“Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention.”
~Sharon Salzberg

It never ceases to amaze me how much everything matters. To say that all things are interconnected is an understatement. Really, everything you do, say, and think is part of the whole and, in some way, affects not only yourself, but everyone and everything else.

This is a powerful teaching that invites each of us to take full responsibility for the choices we make. Even the tiniest ones have a ripple effect. Do you come from fear or from love? Are you in resistance or aligned with life?

Answer these questions truthfully, and you will begin to understand the practical significance of your day-to-day choices.

The Ripple Effect

A friend of mine manages a restaurant where the chef is a tough, controlling character. Some might call him a bully. He rules the roost by forcing the orders to be prepared in a certain sequence even though it doesn’t make sense, then doesn’t allow the kitchen staff to speak to one another to coordinate. This leaves the salad maker standing idly when there are salads to be made and all eight food preparers shaking in their boots in response to his angry outbursts.

See the ripple effect? One person affecting eight people directly who have low morale and undoubtedly take their work stress home. Let alone the servers, the management, and the restaurant patrons waiting for their food. Then the effect on everyone they come into contact with…and on and on it goes.

There must be a better way.

This morning I stopped at a diner for breakfast. I was greeted by a lovely Indian man who literally bowed to me in greeting and was served by a waiter just oozing with sweetness. I left with my heart singing, and now you are the fortunate recipient of their kindheartedness coming through me. May it ripple out everywhere.

The Ultimate in Taking Responsibility

What is amazing is that being a bully or an angel is under your control. Your starting point may be a place of suffering and alienation. You might be absorbed in self-pity or terrified to connect.

This is not a problem because transformation is always possible.

Once you understand that what you say, think, and do matters, you can become meticulous about the choices you make in any moment.

Your Unique Ripple

Begin by contemplating the ripples that flow out from you.

  • Does your way of being serve you and everyone else?
  • Are you at ease enough within yourself to choose wisely, not haphazardly?
  • Are you lost in emotional reactions, or are you conscious and aware?

I spoke with a 94-year-old woman recently who told me she is ready to die. She looks back on a life well-lived, feeling satisfied and content. She is at peace.

I know I don’t want to be on my deathbed with doubts and regrets, and I imagine you don’t either. The moment you have is this one, and the potential impact of your choices – every single one of them – is profound.

Your Grace-Full Life

You can’t help but be part of the whole. This is not only your life that we’re talking about. How you speak to your loved ones, the energy you bring to your work, how you spend your down time – it all matters.

If you are stuck in being reactive, if you find it difficult to make choices that are beneficial in any area of your life, then commit to taking care of business. Look into yourself and tell the truth so your habits can begin to unravel. Make a project of being aware, even in the hardest of situations. Get the help that you need so you can live your grace-full life.

When you truly understand the power of all your choices, what do you choose?

I’d love to hear…

Flourish in the Face of Fear Intensive starts January 13: Are you ready to go deeper in your exploration of what limits you to discover freedom from fear? Consider joining the 3-week “Flourish in the Face of Fear Intensive.” I am so excited about the possibilities it offers you because it is chock full of practical, straightforward information you can apply to the moments of your precious life. Please click here for more information and to register.

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A Simple Phrase That Can Change Everything

Announcing two upcoming events: A free tele-call on How to Flourish in the Face of Fear and the Flourish in the Face of Fear Intensive. Please see the events page for more information and to register.

“Life is actually really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
~Confucius

A simple phrase that can change everything. Are you wondering what it might be?

OK, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Get ready, because it may radically alter your perspective. Here it is: “Oh, this.”

When does “Oh, this” come into play? Whatever happens, whatever arises, the most simple and intelligent response is, “Oh, this.” It means you accept, you embrace, you tell the truth and receive with an open mind and heart. Say “Oh, this” to:

  • Present circumstances
  • Events from the past
  • Things people say and do
  • Your own emotional reactions

It’s not about being passive and resigned. It’s not about gritting your teeth and putting up with or getting through. You don’t have to grin and bear it.

“Oh, this” says ‘Yes!” to what is. It’s a revolutionary shift that transforms your whole way of being.

A Real-Life Example

I know it’s hard to believe, but occasionally people will do things that get on my nerves. I feel the frustration rising up in me – the desire to snap back or shut down.

What relieves the pressure and short-circuits the problem is the simple phrase, “Oh, this.” “Oh, this” to the frustration I feel, the urge to say something unkind, the need the person is expressing. It offers the welcome gift of a pause and the chance for understanding. It wakes me up and brings me back to where I really want to be.

“Oh, this” has saved me a lot of trouble.

The Resistance of “Not This”

For many of us, the essence of “Oh, this,” is unfamiliar. We aren’t used to responding by being humble and open. More commonly, we say, “Oh, not this,” as in:

  • I don’t want you to be saying that.
  • I don’t want you to want that.
  • I don’t want this to be happening.
  • That shouldn’t have happened.
  • I don’t want to feel the way I feel.

These statements all communicate a resistance to what is. How often do you not want others to want what they want? How often do you long to revise history or write the script for what should happen now and in the future? And how much pain do these reactions add to your life?

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

What I love more than anything is that there is a medicine for the illness of reaction and resistance. And the medicine is the deep acceptance inherent in “Oh, this.” It frees you from the grip of tension and grounds you in the reality of things as they are.

It offers the paradox of relaxing in the face of life’s challenges.

“Oh, this” can be the perfectly-wrapped gift that you give to yourself. And it’s a gift that keeps on giving. “Oh, this” centers you in your present moment experience.

It eases your attachment to emotions and stories. It unclouds your mind and establishes you in your heart. “Oh, this” ignites your natural wisdom so you can see clearly and respond with intelligence.

Your emotional triggers may take time to dissolve, but know that peace is possible. Say “Oh, this” whenever you remember – now…and now…and now… Each time, you are chipping away at these conditioned tendencies that don’t serve you anymore.

Each time brings you closer to recognizing the light, the wholeness, the love that you are.

Are you resisting anything? What helps you to be more accepting? I’d love to hear…

Note: I’m happy to announce my new Facebook fan page for A Flourishing Life. Come on over, click like, and join the conversation.

SOS: 5 Lifelines for Getting Back on Track

lost back on trackNote: I’m happy to announce my new Facebook fan page for A Flourishing Life. Come on over, click like, and join the conversation.

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”
~Arthur Rubinstein

If it happens to me, I’m sure it happens to you. Before I knew it, I found myself caught in my to-do list and unable to make decisions. My mind was flooded with “should’s”, and I felt like I was slogging through quicksand. Clarity and ease seemed a million miles away. Sound familiar?

Even in the midst of the fog, I never forgot this essential truth: it is always possible to find your way home to peace.

It is abundantly clear to me how little control we have. Thoughts show up, feelings appear, circumstances arise. We’re sailing along just fine, until all of a sudden we’re not.

But, as the saying goes, life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. This means that you are not a victim of life. In fact, every experience is tailored for your awakening. Every experience holds the possibility of freedom from it.

  • Being stuck is a short step from being unstuck.
  • Unhappiness holds the key to happiness.
  • Discontent is barely a breath away from contentment and ease.

It all depends on what you do with what you get.

If you’re off track, out of sorts, alienated, or just plain stuck, know that peace is possible. Apply these lifelines, then celebrate your arrival home to clear seeing, to sanity, to the fullness of being alive.

Accept things as they are.

As much as you want to change things to relieve your discomfort, what will help is just the opposite. Instead of trying to make your feelings go away, allow them to be. Stop resisting, and simply feel whatever you feel, even if it is painful or uncomfortable.

The end of trying to make something happen is the beginning of peace.

Be respectful, not harsh.

Rejecting or ignoring your experience is a kind of violence. It’s like slamming the door in the face of a new friend. When you push away feelings, you are divided against yourself. This is the cause of confusion and disconnection.

Instead of wishing for a different reality than what you are actually experiencing, meet yourself as is with an open heart. Lean into the difficult energies and emotions.

I know it can be challenging, and you are likely to resist. But take the plunge anyway. Breathe into the hardest places. Your loving attention is what will make them soften.

Let go of goals and plans.

When you have lost your way, goals and plans can take you deeper into darkness and frustration. Plans come from the mind, and letting them go brings you closer to being in touch with what is really true for you.

Set aside some unstructured time for being rather than doing. Ignore the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind and the pressure to accomplish. The trajectory of your plans and goals can wait. What you need is to stop and be quiet.

Keep it simple.

When confusion is in charge, keep it simple. Let the should’s and demands fall by the wayside, and don’t try to figure it all out. Simply bring your attention to your inner core. Listen with an open mind and see what you are guided to do.

Abandon expectations so you can hear clearly, as you may be surprised by what is offered.

Relax.

Relax away from the agitation, the uncomfortable feelings, the mental noise. It will all run its course without you feeding it with criticism or panic. If you investigate your inner workings with precision, you will see that when you relax with what is, when you let all the drama go, there is peace.

Let yourself relax. Be patient and kind. Move with rather than against. And here is what will happen. What seems like a problem becomes an opportunity. Resistance turns into inner transformation. Over and over, your struggles will guide you back to yourself, your essence, your true home.

What do you do to get back on track when you are lost? I’d love to hear…

Why You Need to Be a Very Good Student

“Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.”
~Claude Bernard

What are you looking for? Do you want to make a change…discover how to stop suffering…realize the essence of your true self? There are so many beautiful teachings available – more than you will ever need. But what is most imperative is this: you must be a very good student.

How to Learn

You can hear or read the most clear and articulate teaching, but if it falls on deaf ears or drops into a mind that is closed like a bank vault, then things will stay exactly as they are. If you are lost in seeking, if you keep trying to find answers, you need to reflect on what you are bringing to the table as a student.

As you know, the momentum of conditioned habits is very strong. They infiltrate your body and mind and squelch your spirit. Unraveling them takes great resolve and commitment. You need to be very aware so you can see how they begin to take hold. And you need to stay open so you can receive the teachings you need in the deepest part of your being.

There was a moment in my own journey when this lesson landed. I had been hearing the same words over and over, retreat after retreat. Finally, in a stroke of grace, the clouds covering my mind parted, and the light poured in. I realized that my task was to take what was being spoken and apply it in my moment-to-moment experience.

It was the end of spoon-feeding, which doesn’t work anyway, and the beginning of true transformation.

Embody These Qualities

It is so easy for our brains to get congealed. We become so attuned to the familiar that the new seems inconceivable. But here is the truth: you have the capacity to know the peace you long for.

Are you waiting for your life to begin? Are you seeking but not finding? Then maybe you can be a better student by tapping into these essential qualities.

Openness

Let every aspect of your being be open. Open your eyes, your ears, your pores and cells and heart, your brain and mind. It might feel strange at first, like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz who is just getting oiled. But just this degree of openness may be enough.

Willingness

Be willing to go into the most feared places within yourself. Be willing to try something new, go out of your comfort zone, challenge your thoughts and beliefs about the world. Absorb the teachings you need, then apply them diligently to your own experience.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm comes from the Greek meaning, “possessed by the gods.” Let yourself be possessed by your quest for wholeness and freedom. Be willing to go out on a limb, to do things that don’t make sense, to let your journey unfold through you.

Curiosity

Be acutely interested in your in-the-moment experience. Be curious about how your reactions work. Shine your laser-like attention into the heart of your habits.

Trust

Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, but the ultimate teacher is life itself. Your teacher may be your child or an illness or loss. Trust that you are getting exactly what you need for freedom. And if you follow a person who is teaching, choose wisely, then trust completely.

Humility

Forget what you already know that isn’t serving you, and adopt an attitude of, “I don’t know.” Recognize that your mind tries to solve problems it can’t begin to know the answer to. Empty yourself of what you think you know, then let something new come forth, fresh in the moment.

Dedication

Stay with it. The journey to wholeness and healing can bring you all kinds of challenges. Remain connected with your true heart’s desire. Keep the fire burning.

Self-kindness

Habits run deep, so treat yourself with tough love. Be unceasingly attentive, and unendingly kind. Relax and breathe. Not resisting anything is the most loving thing you could ever do.

If there is something you know you need to learn, be like a sponge. Absorb the teachings and let them filter in completely. Then, as if you are reborn, emerge – fresh, alive, and whole.

How are you doing as a student? How can you incorporate what you learn into your daily experience? I’d love to hear…

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10 Love-Filled Ways to Live From Your Heart

“I name it silence. Some people say self, or love, or fullness. It is actually life itself.”
~Gangaji

Living from the heart is incredibly relaxing. You stop using your mind to analyze, plan, organize, and figure everything out. What a relief! As you let go of all of that mind activity, you are able to relax into presence, where there is no trouble and no resistance.

When you live from the heart, you begin to touch into the universal experience of love. Love is the source of everything – the fabric which makes up our very existence.

Sure, there are many waves in the ocean, but they all are made up of the same thing. Play with letting go of your individual self and live from the eternal ocean of love.

  1. Ask, “What would love do?” In any situation, look for the response that is peaceful and free of stress. Put aside your fears and conditioned habits, and let love guide you.
  2. Let love pervade every conversation. Can you not take your relationships for granted and be more openly loving? Even when things get tense, drop away from your emotional reaction and melt back into love.
  3. Treat yourself like gold. When it comes to love, you are included, too. Tune into what you need and let yourself have it. Live as stress-free a life as possible.
  4. Be here now. Spinning stories in your mind about things that have happened in the past and what might happen in the future take you away from what is here right now. When you are stuck in your mind, it is impossible to be fully in touch with the love that is here. Let your attention explore this very moment. Open your senses, open your heart, and live from there.
  5. Become aware of the oneness of love. Consider this: what is looking out of your eyes is the same as what is looking out of everyone else’s eyes. When you meet an “other,” you are actually meeting the essence of yourself. When you understand this, love is impossible to deny. Check it out with the next person you speak to.
  6. Don’t obsessively plan. In fact, only plan when absolutely necessary. Planning is in the mind, and when you realize how little planning you actually need, there is space to recognize that you are alive right now. And in that aliveness, let your heart glow.
  7. Make hard choices. When you live from the heart, you begin to be very honest with yourself. You may realize that certain situations or people aren’t working for you. Likewise, you will see your own tendencies that don’t serve. Sometimes, the most loving response you can make is a kind but firm, “No.”
  8. Honor your personality quirks. A funny thing happens when you live from the heart. As conditioning falls away, your natural gifts and inclinations have space to be expressed. Let your creativity flow in whatever way it wants to. Go where you are guided, learn what you want to learn, enjoy yourself in all your activities.
  9. Bring boundless acceptance to your moment-to-moment experience. Be a kind host to all the emotions and reactions that visit you. The more you resist, the more trouble you will have. Say, “Hello” and let it be.
  10. Get to know the unconditioned, totally free you. When you relax away from all your conditioned habits, you will discover formless space that is clear, open, and inherently loving. Begin to become familiar with this space, as it is the essence of you. Listen, let it guide you. Live here.

In any moment you have a choice – the head or the heart, inauthenticity or truth, distraction or love. Play around with living more in your heart. Don’t be shy. Let love in, and life’s greatest treasures will be revealed.

What is your experience of living from the heart? Is it easy? Do you resist? I’d love to hear…