Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Your World Is a Projection of Your Inner State

world_projection“Liberation is not an acquisition, but a matter of courage, the courage to believe that you are free already and to act on it.”
~Nisargadatta Maharaj

How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life? Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing?

As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: It has nothing to do with the world.

Our worlds are a projection of our inner state. That’s right. There’s no objective world “out there.” Take two people with two different histories and two different perspectives. They’ll see the exact same situation in two completely different ways.

It’s like you’re looking out through a window. If your window is layered with programmed habits that define your experience, your inner state is limited and edgy. If your view is pristine and clear, with nothing in the way, you’re open, expansive, and available to what is.

What is your window onto the world? Is it murky, filled with the smudges of emotions, fears, and distorted beliefs and expectations? Then you’ll find a disappointing world out there where people are driven by their own emotions and situations will fail to meet your needs.

Is your window clear? You’ll engage with open, loving people who aren’t steeped in drama. You’ll find fulfillment and happiness effortlessly.

How It Works: An Example

Say that your intimate relationships just don’t go well. Somehow you end up with someone who creates conflict, who triggers you unendingly, or who doesn’t treat you with love and respect. It’s no mystery as to why these patterns recur for you, and it has nothing to do with the other.

It’s about your own inner experience.

  • Maybe you believe a sad story that you’re not deserving. Then you’ll choose someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
  • Maybe you have lots of ideas about what your partner should say and do. There will be no way he or she can possibly satisfy you.
  • Maybe you’ve been burned by relationships in the past. Your protective walls will prevent you from experiencing true intimacy. Your partner will want more from you than you’re willing to give.

And if you show up with a loving heart, with preferences but not expectations, you’re already fulfilled. You’ll choose wisely and flow like water when difficulties arise.

The Sacred Path to Clarity

I’m going to go out in a limb here and assume that what you want is ease and clarity. You want your window to be clear so you don’t get knotted up by situations that leave you spinning to try to figure them out. You want to feel okay about yourself, others, and the things that happen.

It may be easier than you think to experience this way of being.

There’s a spiritual practice called “neti-neti,” which means “not this, not that.” You take everything that arises in your experience, and you see it as not really you. A thought that you’re not good enough? Not you. A feeling of fear? Not you. A belief that you’ll get rejected if you get too close? Not you, as it’s a projection into the future and not about what’s happening now.

Neti-neti invites you to see what is actually true. And it’s not these distorted experiences that muck up your window.

Underneath all your patterns, your fears and hurt feelings, your rigid expectations is peace. When you see these habits as simply objects that pass through your consciousness, you don’t need to make them your reality, and you’re peaceful. The smudges come, but you don’t grab them so they don’t stick to your clear window. Neti-neti—they’re not you.

Experience this right now, if you can. Take an old familiar thought you’ve been thinking about yourself for decades. Now, imagine it floating though your mind without taking hold of it. There it goes…and here you are, free of it in this moment.

Now, feel a familiar impulse to lash out or pull away. Let it move through, and it doesn’t disturb.

You can inhabit the space of presence, the stable ground of being, where you’re free of these personal complications. Here, your window is clean. There may be shadows that cross it, but they move through without creating trouble.

See past them, and here you are…so crystal clear that your inner light shines brightly, everywhere. Let your life emerge from this clarity. It’s a blessed life in true service to love.

What About You?

How’s your window? Can you find the space of clear seeing? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

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Being One with the Effortless Unfolding of Life

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“How can I be still? By flowing with the stream.”
~Lao-tzu

“To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle. Every cubic inch of space is a miracle.”
~Walt Whitman

Whatever your preferences, needs, desires, or expectations, life unfolds with such grace. Have you noticed?

We have an amazing word to describe it—serendipity, being pleasantly surprised by events that occur, seemingly by chance. They just happen.

I’ve been the recipient of serendipity myself recently. I’d been traveling the past few weeks and had to change my plans at the last minute due to a long flight delay. Instead of having to wake up at 4:00 am, I could now sleep until 7:00—except that I bolted awake at 5:00, realizing I had mistakenly made a train reservation from London to Paris instead of Paris to London.

I figured I was out the money for the wrong train ticket until a lovely agent arranged for my refund—without laughing at me for my mistake.

Could I have planned any of that or made it happen? I could have been more diligent about checking the reservation before clicking “reserve,” but by the time I realized it, the cards had been dealt. What’s the use of criticizing my actions when they were already done? As for the rest of it…serendipity!

My point is not that we shouldn’t be responsible for our actions, check our reservations before we confirm them, or learn from our mistakes. But if we don’t spend our time crying over milk that’s already spilled (what’s your version of that?), we’re available to consciously experience the effortless unfolding of life.

It’s happening anyway. Why miss it?

The Way Things Are

This post is not about doing—it’s about noticing. We notice what is, as it is, in its absolutely exquisite perfection. And we surrender our personal need to control things.

Because not one of us could even come close to creating the marvelous array of forms and occurrences of all kinds that we call life.

As I write this, I’m on the (correct) train from Paris to London. How did this come to be—this complex set of machinery traveling at 180 miles per hour? How did it happen that the farmland I see out the window so abundantly produces just what we need? How could my “mistake” be rewarded so generously?

And what about all this beauty, this tenderness? It’s so palpable everywhere!

I know there are answers to some of these questions. But even when we know the answers, there remains the ineffable, the essence of life that just is. It can never be known by our minds, never adequately explained with thoughts or words.

It’s so here—in every breath, in everything you see, hear, and feel—the light behind all of it.

And when everything in form falls away, we realize this is who we are. Simply life itself with no separate person here making any effort to do anything. Just pure being.

Notice the Unfolding

When we resist life, we miss it. We’re caught in the should be’s and might have been’s that are filled with anxiety and sorrow. And at the same time, here is life, perfect as it is, effortlessly unfolding.

Just for a moment, can you put aside the fight with what is and just notice? It’s okay, you can let go of the self-berating and story-telling. It will still be there if you want it.

Instead, open your mind and heart, and simply notice.

  • What is here? (Pause…feel…experience…)
  • What do you know to be true?
  • Without judgment, where is beauty?
  • Without history, where is tenderness?
  • For a moment, consider that you may not be separate from any of it.

Being one with life…effortlessly unfolding…

What About You?

What do you notice when you allow life as it is? What gets in the way of noticing? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to share in the comments.

A few announcements: I was interviewed about relationships by Bill Weil at LovePong.com. You can listen to it by clicking here. And I’ve gotten some great feedback on this interview at InspireMeToday.com. Finally, Jenny Li Ciccone interviewed me for her free series on A Journey to Joyfulness. You can sign up here any time and watch 21 wonderful interviews, mine is on Day 8.

The Glorious Practice of Becoming Unglued

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“The choiceless truth of who you are is revealed to be permanently here permeating everything. Not a thing and not separate from anything.”
~Gangaji

If you rely on your mind to tell you about how things are, you’re asking for trouble. Because it’s the mind that divides, compares, judges, and evaluates.

It tells you that you’re not good enough, that you’re better than, that you’re lacking or insufficient. It makes you feel confused and anxious in your daily life. It seduces you into thinking that others are here to threaten you, annoy you, or withhold the love you long for.

It makes your feelings spin out of control.

Misunderstanding Who You Are

When we define ourselves by our thoughts, we forget the truth: that we are immeasurably vast, that peace is our very nature, that everything is connected, arising from the one universal source.

We forget that—before any thoughts have taken hold—we are awake, aware, and fully alive. We are pure existence minus the content of thoughts, without any form or personal definition.

So how do we go from this idyllic state of infinite awareness to these limited, separate, troubled entities we believe ourselves to be? Why don’t we live what is actually true?

Through the power of conditioning, limitless awareness gets glued to thoughts.

  • We are told from birth that we are separate and individual.
  • Our personal view of ourselves is reinforced by others and by our own thoughts.
  • We identify as a person with a name and gender who has goals, needs, fears, and desires.
  • We live this misunderstanding of who we are, incorrectly believing that thoughts are the true description of our reality.

The joy of simply being present is lost as we scramble to protect ourselves. We think we are lacking so we try to find happiness in the future that never comes. We strive to get our needs fulfilled—our thoughts deterring us from realizing that everything we want is right here, perfect as it is.

The Practice: Becoming Unglued from Thinking

How to unglue your lovely essence from thinking? How to live the truth of who you are?

Lose interest in thoughts. Ignore them. Don’t take what they say as truth.

You simply let go of focusing on the energy and content of thoughts. And you realize that you are aware and free, boundless and awake. You have no personal identity to protect or condemn. It’s so relaxing, so effortless to give up focusing attention on anything.

You flow like water.

Losing interest in thoughts is an invitation for your attention to disengage from thinking. You don’t need to stop thoughts or change them. These are strategies that take way too much effort to sustain.

Instead, see that thoughts are simply appearances in the expansiveness of presence. They don’t essentially mean anything—unless you believe them.

Losing interest in thinking means you turn off the switch to everything you know. If you’re honest, it hasn’t been working for you anyway. Then,

  • You can’t feel inadequate.
  • You can’t be caught in anxious thinking.
  • You can’t worry about what the future might bring or ruminate about the past.
  • You have no capability to doubt, analyze, judge, or ponder, no repetitive mental patterns to distract you.

When you rest in presence as spacious awareness, thoughts may appear, but they don’t agitate you. They can be present or not—but either way, here you are…aware, undefended, peaceful.

This is true freedom. Reality re-created fresh in every moment. You: innocent, pristine, whole, undivided.

Always Here: Unattached and Free

The habit of thinking is so powerful that forgetting will happen as awareness again attaches to thoughts. You may miss the pure aliveness that you are many times. Be concerned only with freedom in this moment.

Your clue is that you suffer. Be patient—it takes time to erode this connection. Be kind—take a breath, and let the thoughts go, every time.

You are instantly, consciously, gloriously aware.

You already know that peace is right here waiting for you. Deep happiness, joy for no reason, gratitude that can’t be contained, wonder, awe, stunning clarity…these are glimpses of a crack in the thinking armor that lets in the light of conscious awareness.

Notice these. Live here.

The challenges of life still happen. Practical thoughts will appear just as you need them. And here you are—unattached and free.

What About You

Have you become unglued from thinking? Do you think your thoughts are real…or not? I’d love to hear…
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Change Is Beautiful

change_is_beautiful“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh

I love change. In fact, isn’t that what’s happening in every moment?

The unfolding of life is constantly fresh and new. It’s always overflowing with potential—letting an old story fall away, taking a breath instead of recycling an old habit, meeting someone you know with no baggage from the past, finally listening to yourself.

Every moment serving up the possibility of freedom from constricting beliefs and the tug of familiar emotions. Peace is the changeless ground of being, and change is celebration of the living reality of our everyday lives.

Goodbye, Hello

In the spirit of change, I am excited to announce that it’s time to say “goodbye” to A Flourishing Life and “hello” to new opportunities. Writing this blog for well over three years has been an amazing experience.

I am grateful for my connection with each of you, readers from around the world. I’ve grown as a writer and clarified the ways I communicate what I love the most: the conscious knowing of the deepest happiness, present moment living so tender and alive.

I am happy to say that the blog will continue, but it becomes part of a larger offering. I have written a book that will be published later this year (very exciting!). And the name change of this site—to GailBrenner.com—makes room for the blog, book, and other ways I might contribute.

The Way of Yes

The forthcoming book is called, “The Way of Yes: Finding Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life.” It offers a bridge between the common problems we experience in everyday life and the spiritual understanding that will set us free.

Yes, freedom from problems is possible. The inner critic? Feelings of inadequacy? Stuck in pain from the past? In the Way of Yes, we start where we are to discover that peace is right here—once we see through the habits of mind and feelings that hijack us.

We go from living the Way of No—rejecting, resisting, avoiding, pretending—to finding the Yes! in every moment. And I can tell you that the land of Yes! is infinitely peaceful, all-embracing, endlessly loving.

The book, “The Way of Yes” is a new presentation flowing through my heart to yours. Not a compilation of blog posts, it offers a very careful guide to realizing your true nature. We walk together from problems to real solutions, from the sense that you are broken to the knowing that you are already everything you ever wanted.

The book is being prepared for publication and will be available some time later this year. In April or May, I’ll launch a new website with a fresh design. And all along, I’ll continue to post regularly here at GailBrenner.com.

Living the Yes!

The past few months have been a time of tremendous opening for me. I’ve been shown so clearly the mindsets that held me back. And each time an old thinking pattern was revealed, I saw the fallacy of it. “I couldn’t finish such a large project.” “What if no one cares?” “What if everyone cares?” I could have let these thoughts deter me.

But instead, I took a stand in truth—every time. And now? No limits, no barriers. Every cell of my being is completely available to whatever happens.

Life is so generous in that it endlessly offers opportunities and drops them right at our feet. It takes a clear mind and open heart to notice and the willingness to live true to act. The mind can come up with an array of excuses and justifications—in my case, more than I was consciously aware of.

But in every moment, the call is the same: to say Yes! to life.

What About You?

Now, I’m wondering about you. Are you answering the call? What holds you back? How do you say Yes? And No? Please share in the comments below. Believe me, you are not alone in whatever you are struggling with, and sharing benefits everyone.

Reflecting on these questions is the beginning of lifting the veils. We tell the truth. We feel the pain of self-betrayal.

And we live in the exquisite boldness of a life fulfilled.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you will write a book or quit your day job. The bold action for you might be to meet a loved one undefended, to not check your email for the zillionth time, to spend the extra moment with someone who needs it. And to realize who you are when fear and deficiency are seen through—infinitely peaceful, powered by love.

When you get out of the way, life, bursting with infinite potential, is right here, waiting for your kind and patient attention.

Comments? Questions? I’d love to hear…

A note to subscribers: If you receive posts by email or RSS feed, you don’t need to do a thing—delivery will continue as is. My twitter name has changed to @GBGailBrenner, but everyone who was following has been transferred to the new account. And I’m working on Facebook—it’s more complicated. Technology! I’m becoming more of an expert than I ever thought was possible.

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Is Your Comfort Zone Really That Comfortable?

comfortzone“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”

~Eugene Ionesco

Who doesn’t want to be comfortable? I love it when I have everything I need, when I’m relaxed, when I’m sitting in a cozy chair and I feel at ease with the people I’m with. All is well.

But there is this imaginary place we call our “comfort zone,” and I’m wondering if it is really all that comfortable.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

Let’s explore this idea of a comfort zone to see if it is actually supporting you and your happiness. What is it exactly?

  • It is not a real place. It is an idea created by you.
  • Its function is to keep you feeling safe.
  • It is what you know and are familiar with in all areas of your life—relationships, choices, how you spend your time—even thoughts patterns and feelings.
  • It excludes things you are afraid of or uncomfortable with.

Your comfort zone doesn’t sound like a bad place to be—unless you are comfortable with disharmonious relationships you avoid working on, unfulfilling behavior patterns, resentments from the past, and beliefs about yourself and the world that limit you.

It’s about keeping the status quo. And what is the force behind it? Fear.

It’s All About Fear

If you have a comfort zone, you must also have a discomfort zone. And what’s out there in the discomfort zone? All those experiences you are afraid of. Consider these:

  • Emotions you have been avoiding;
  • Changes that seem risky;
  • Potential and possibility that you aren’t allowing yourself to see;
  • The unknown, outside of what you believe to be true;
  • Ease with whatever life brings you;
  • The freshness of life unfolding as it is.

Living in your comfort zone divides the whole of reality into areas that are acceptable and unacceptable. It is a mind-created, fear-based division that requires you to manage your life experience so you don’t stray into unfamiliar territory.

Although you stay safe, you draw imaginary lines in the totality of what is possible that keep you stuck, scared, and dissatisfied. Feeling worthless, small, or doubtful, spinning your wheels in old baggage, thinking of yourself as a victim, habits that don’t serve—these are the province of the comfort zone.

The comfort zone may be safe, but what does it deny? Enthusiasm, wonder, curiosity, and infinite possibility beyond the mind’s limits. Is it really that comfortable?

Out Beyond Comfort

If you want your experience to be different than it is, if you’re not happy, then you are being offered a golden invitation—to go outside your comfort zone and get to know discomfort.

Sometimes life throws us out there whether we want it or not. Your wife says she wants a divorce, tragedy strikes, you watch your child going down a troubled path, you win the lottery. These are life-changing experiences that shatter our ideas about how things should be and make us reconsider everything.

But you don’t need to wait for an extreme life event. Connect with your heart and see what you really want. I doubt you’re truly comfortable playing it safe.

So what to do? Get comfortable with discomfort.

Realize that staying in the comfort zone takes effort and vigilance. It resists what is. It hides from what is true. It makes you believe you are fraction of who you really are.

Step away from playing it safe, and you enter the world of possibility. You stop basing your life on what is false and instead tell the truth.

  • Let yourself feel the fear that has been driving you, then don’t let it rule.
  • Experience the emotions that underlie your compulsive habits. It’s the only way to be free of them.
  • Have the hard conversations that you know will clean up your life. And it might be a conversation with yourself.
  • Be willing to answer the call to leap into the unknown.
  • Question every single way you define who you are to see if it is actually true.

You are welcome to stay in the comfort zone, if that is your preference. But be willing to tell the truth: is it really that comfortable?

Are you afraid of discomfort? Have you stepped out of your comfort zone? I’d love to hear…

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Note: Here is the video of a panel I moderated at the Science and Nonduality Conference. Topic is Spiritual Teaching, Psychotherapy, and the Quest for the Truth. Enjoy!