Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Feeling Inadequate? Living Beyond Mind-Made Limitations

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

“I feel like a loser.” These were the words of a friend of mine, as we sat over coffee, and it just didn’t compute. Before me was a lovely woman with the kindest heart.

As I listened to her story, I became aware of the impressive power that comes with believing our thoughts.

Every time she showed excitement or clarity, in a split second these thoughts derailed her. “I can’t…” “It won’t work…” No wonder she felt like a loser. Her thoughts were constantly pulling her into limitations that she couldn’t find her way out of.

These beliefs telling us we’re inadequate and flawed are painful. Somehow they end up inhabiting our minds, living there for decades, stealing our happiness, creativity, and well being.

These thoughts are so familiar that we automatically believe them without questioning them. Then they unknowingly become our living reality, influencing how we show up in our relationships, our choices, and our ideas about what’s possible in our lives.

If you want to continue living the painful belief of your personal inadequacy, then read no further. But if you want to live in the truth of who you are, if you’re tired of feeling the weight of not living fully and freely, then bring your attention inward to your own direct experience.

That’s the beginning of the work that sets you free.

Inquire into Your Thoughts

The simple act of inquiring into thoughts is revolutionary because it invites you to reflect on well-worn assumptions and habits of mind.

Bring awareness to thought patterns you take for granted, and question if they accurately describe you. Are you really damaged, insufficient, or incapable? Or are these old labels that no longer apply?

Then go deeper to feel into the impact of these thoughts. How do they make you feel? Do they bring you peace and happiness? Notice the sense of lack and how it propels you to relate to others.

Be aware of how believing these thoughts shrinks you into a limited space…and begin to consider what’s possible outside this space. Who are you if you’re free of these thoughts that define you? What is most alive in you that wants to be expressed?

Turn Toward Your Feelings

Defining yourself as inadequate is also experienced as feelings in your body. What emotions are present—fear, rage, disappointment, grief? Go beyond the stories to recognize and welcome the sensations and energies that arise in your body.

Breathe with how the feeling lives in your body.…letting go of the story of not being good enough and being only with sensations. Have this be a lifestyle so the body has time and space to unwind.

Then practice letting it all be. Relax your attention away from sensations and into the openness in which these sensations arise. Here, everything is held exactly as it is with no resistance. Feel the liberation in all parts of your being.

Experiment with Living Free from Inadequacy

Now that you’re open beyond the story of inadequacy and you’re kind toward your feelings, you get to experiment with living from your essential wholeness.

Stand in your brilliance full of possibility. The thoughts may come, but you know they don’t define you. The feelings may appear, but you meet them lovingly so they’re not in charge.

What are you moved to do? How is it to show up unencumbered and free…in your fullness? How would things change for you?

Expand beyond habitual thoughts. Breathe new space into your body. Then see how life wants you to shine.

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What Is Your Window on the World?

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite.”
~ William Blake

How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life?

Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing?

As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: it has nothing to do with the world.

Why? Because the world is a projection of our inner state.

That’s right. There’s no objective world “out there.” It’s all in how we see it. Take any two people, and you’ll probably find two completely different perspectives on exactly the same situation.

How we experience things depends entirely on our inner state, our interpretations, our past, and our points of view.

It’s like you’re looking out through a window. If your window is layered with unresolved hurts and distorted ideas about yourself, how will the world look to you? Scary, frustrating, and ultimately disappointing.

And if your view is pristine and clear, with no layers in the way, the world feels inviting. You’re open, expansive, trusting, and fully available to what is.

Take a moment to reflect: what is your window on the world? How do you move through life?

A friend once told me that she used to feel flooded by judgments of how her partner couldn’t do anything right. And, not surprisingly, expressing these judgments created friction in their relationship.

Then she had an illuminating—and profoundly transforming—insight. She realized that whenever these judgments flooded in she was also feeling stressed and overwhelmed by her work.

She hadn’t been aware of how much her inner experience was clouding her window on the world.

She stopped giving attention to these negative thoughts and instead reconnected with herself—a few minutes alone after work, a walk to decompress, deep and conscious breathing—and the judgments miraculously dissolved.

See how valuable it is to turn toward your inner experience? That’s how you untangle challenging situations and find clarity about the real cause of problems. And that’s how intelligent solutions come to light.

In fact, knowing about the window you’re looking out of by exploring your inner landscape is the only path that will clear up confusion and bring you back to a settled place inside.

And here’s a hint to keep in mind: any distress you feel has nothing to do with the other person or the situation you’re in and is always an invitation to go within to explore your window—your own views, stories, and reactions—with tenderness and care.

My invitation to you today is to turn inward toward yourself to get a sense of your window on the world. Here are some questions to help you:

  • How do you view the world?
  • Go deeper within. What are the inner beliefs, stories, and emotions behind this view?
  • How would a clear window look to you with nothing in the way? How would it feel? How would you get there?

Seeing things as they are, without the layers of conditioning, may be more possible than you think. As an experiment, play with abandoning your opinions and attachments. Turn off the familiar stories and beliefs that cloud your view.

And here you are…fully present and intimate with all…

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Awakened Qualities—Enthusiasm

Welcome to the first article in a series called Awakened Qualities.

When you reflect on your everyday life experience, what do you notice? How do you meet the moments of your life?

Are you stewed in negative thinking and doubt? Does everything frustrate you?

Or are you peaceful, easygoing, and prone to joy?

Living in the Flow

Without the constriction of the idea of your mind-made separate self capturing your attention, infinite possibilities open up—available to you now and in every moment.

You may not be aware of it, but it’s absolutely possible to live in the flow of things as they are.

And when you don’t resist anything, life feels sane. You act from intelligence, clarity, and grace. This inner knowing is completely trustworthy.

In this series, we’ll explore some qualities of awakened living that you can experiment with in your own life.

Let the message of this article seep into the moments of your everyday life. Receive it in every cell of your being and see what opens…

The point is to bring these qualities alive in your own experience. And when you do, you’ll make the amazing discovery that everything you want may actually be here, right in this moment.

Enthusiasm—Being Divinely Inspired

Today we’ll explore enthusiasm. Every word contains its whole history, and the root of “enthusiasm” conveys being “divinely inspired, intensely eager, and rapturous.”

Take that in! Begin to imagine discovering the seed of divine inspiration and intense eagerness in the moments of your life. When have you felt that? It’s about living in the full-on Yes!

“Wow, I get to breathe right now! Wow, these colors, forms, scents, and sounds I’m experiencing right now!”

You may be wondering what I’m talking about if you’re not so enthusiastic about things in your daily life. Where is this enthusiasm? That’s because your attention is locked into the contents of your mind which tell you limiting stories about you and your life.

Where to Look

Most minds are filled with repetitive, anxiety-ridden stories, so it’s no surprise that you don’t find enthusiasm there. And you may be focusing on a situation, such as a job you’re not passionate about or struggles in your personal life. No enthusiasm there either.

You may feel bored, disappointed, or lacking. How could you possibly find rapture or divine inspiration there?

Perhaps you need to look somewhere else. Maybe this seemingly normal material world of people, objects, and events is not the whole reality of a given moment.

Maybe the way you’re thinking about these common everyday experiences is masking something deeper…

Beneath this seeming reality of the everyday human life is the energy of aliveness, the vibration of pure existence from which all things arise—here to be discovered in any moment.

It’s the open spaciousness that is aware and alive—and fully loving of everyone and everything.

Meeting the material world from this open spaciousness allows you to experience it in a whole new way.

  • Instead of saying, “I’m bored,” you meet boredom with freshness and curiosity. Maybe it has something to show me…
  • Instead of feeling stuck in a job, you go beyond the feeling of stuckness to expand your view. Is it my life path to be here? Since I’m here, how can I meet the tasks and people I encounter every day infused with love?

And eventually you live in the, “Wow, this is what I’m experiencing right now!” receiving whatever it is with full acceptance.

Beyond the Mind, Into the Moment

Can you feel into the possibility of going beyond what your mind is telling you and seeing familiar thoughts, feelings, and situations with fresh eyes? Here’s where you begin to access the Yes! to the moment.

When enthusiasm arises naturally in you, notice it and expand into it fully. It’s a divinely given experience that is a gateway into your true essence.

To find your inner enthusiasm, clear away your ho-hum ideas about things. Delete any history along with your assumption that things are familiar.

Then, with an awakened mind open like the sky, take everything in with exquisite freshness.

  • Notice the energies and sensations moving through…never before experienced!
  • What do you see, touch, and hear? So fresh!
  • Encounter people with no story of you and other. Heart bursting open!

Try bringing this perspective to the places in your life that feel shut down and flat. Or even to just what you’re experiencing right now. Shed the layers of contracted mind, and discover the Wow! at the heart of every moment.

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Flow Like Water

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“Wisdom begins in wonder.”
~Socrates

I recently spent some time with someone who triggers me, and my motto going in was “flow like water.” Flow like water: it turned stress into enjoyment, annoyance into curiosity. And it neutralized my reactions before they even had a chance to take hold.

And, since I was no longer caught up in my inner ruminations, it brought so much more compassion and understanding to our interactions.

Think about it. What does it mean to flow like water? Water resists nothing. It goes everywhere, embracing everything. It has no opinions or judgments.

It offers a gentle “yes” to everything it touches. Not a passive “yes” or a doormat “yes.” It’s a yes that comes from a loving, empowered choice to open our hearts to things exactly as they are—for peace, calm, and sanity.

Flow or Resist?

I recently received an email from someone desperately wanting her life circumstances to change. You could hear her plea to the universe in her words. “Please improve my health so that l can be happy.”

And here’s the truth: her health is as it is and my friend is sometimes harsh and unkind. We can wish with all our hearts for things to be different, but here we are, right smack in the middle of the life that has been given to us. Situations, people, our own conditioned reactions—this is the reality of what is here.

It’s Your Choice

We’re certainly not required to flow with things as they are. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting things to change.

But it’s important to know that you have a choice: how are you going to meet what appears?

And I choose the simplicity, ease, and inner stillness that come with flowing with things as they are.

How to Flow Like Water

Are you interested in experimenting? Want to experience what it’s like to flow like water? Try these:

In Relationships

  • Ignore your own opinions and preferences (I know it’s a lot to ask—just try it).
  • Stay open and present by listening deeply.
  • Try understanding other people rather than judging them. Be curious. What are they feeling? What is motivating them?

In Life Circumstances You Can’t Change

  • Appreciate the power of honesty and authenticity with accepting what is true.
  • Tell yourself that this is how things are at the moment.
  • Say, “yes” or “okay,” this is what is here right now.
  • Stop feeding the wish or hope for the situation to be different.
  • From this place of deep acceptance, what is being asked of you?

With Yourself

  • Don’t let your opinions and judgments define you.
  • Acknowledge difficult feelings when they arise, but don’t let them determine your choices. Instead, let things unfold.
  • Put aside your thoughts about things and instead be curious about what’s happening right in front of you.
  • Don’t assume anything about who you are or how you’ve responded in the past. Be open, fresh, and fluid.

When you find yourself stuck, caught, or just plain unhappy, consider flowing like water. It might just be the welcome shift that sets you free.

What About You?

What happens when you flow like water? What is it like to resist—and to flow? What do these experiments show you? I’d love to hear. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

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Peace—It’s a Nanosecond Away

peace_nanosecondThere is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.

~Rumi

If there’s one thing I love, it’s this: that peace is always a nanosecond away.

It takes no time at all to take a breath, to step our attention away from the dramas and worries that consume us, to notice and be rather than engage.

It’s the sacred stopping of the momentum of programmed habits and the relief that comes from expanding into pure alive being. Can you feel it?

In the moment of being aware, obsessive thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. The pressure to change or improve melts away. All the doing to become something better gives way to simply receiving things as they are.

And what’s left? Effortlessly flowing with what is. Feeling the “Thank you” emerge from the stillness. Recognizing the sense that things are okay.

Tasting the palpable aliveness that’s masked when our minds are in charge.

It’s so simple. How to do it?

  • Stop. Notice that you’re suffering, and stop.
  • Take a cleansing breath.
  • Be alert to the aliveness that’s present and let the thoughts go.
  • Enjoy the moment of peace.

Then go deeper and explore this peace. Discover its vastness. Notice that it’s always here when your attention isn’t caught in thoughts. Realize the sense of union with everything as your mind and heart open endlessly.

These are not special moments reserved for the blessed few. This is what’s available in your everyday reality.

Let peace fill your body. Let love inform your actions. Inhabit the space where your true fire burns brightly.

What About You?

What happens when you access these moments of peace? What gets in the way? I’d love to hear, and if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

Note: Please tune in for my radio interview on Patricia Raskin’s Positive Living Show. It’s Monday, June 8 at 2:30 pm Eastern time, 11:30 am Pacific. Click here for the info.

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