Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Take a Glorious Breath

conscious breathing

“Best of all is to preserve everything
in a pure, still heart, and let there be
for every pulse a thanksgiving,
and for every breath a song.”
~Konrad von Gesner

Most of us underestimate the power of a conscious breath. But if you want to stop the momentum of programmed habits, it’s a tool you’ll want to have in your back pocket
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Just about every client I’ve ever worked with naturally takes an expansive breath, almost a deep sigh, when they first realize that their attention has been captured by a conditioned thought pattern.

This breath is like a homecoming. It breathes life into the body that’s been closed down and forgotten by endless mental activity, and helps the mind to open beyond a habitual and contracted line of thinking.

Just this morning someone was raving about the benefits of conscious breathing, as it helps her stop the habitual movement into anger. As a result, her relationships are improving, and she revealed, “I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.”

How Conscious Breathing Affects the Body

Conscious breathing calms the nervous system by relaxing your muscles, slowing your heart rate, and bringing oxygen throughout your body. It acts as a reset, taking you off the treadmill of mental patterns that run automatically so you can find the stillness and ease of being present in the moment.

Our lungs are actually quite large, going from the top of the collarbone to the bottom of the ribs and expanding through the front, sides, and back of the body. That’s a lot of space to fill up with air!

When we’re caught in stressful thinking, our breathing is shallow, using only a small portion of the upper lung. And the muscles and connective tissue around the chest, belly, and back are tense. And some of us even forget to breathe.

A couple of deep conscious breaths draws your attention away from your mind and invites opening and relaxation into your whole body.

Let’s Breathe…

Here are the instructions for conscious breathing. And if you click here, you’ll find an audio recording I made for you that will guide you.

  • Start by bringing your attention to your low belly, just below the belly button. You might even put your hand there so you can feel your belly expand and contract.
  • Exhale out all the air completely, then inhale from your belly, taking four slow counts to fill your lungs completely to the top of the collarbone…1…2…3…4. You’ll feel your ribs expand all around your body.
  • Then exhale slowly for a count of six…1…2…3…4…5…6.
  • Come back to normal breathing, and just be still.

When you’re ready, try a few more deep conscious breaths. You can change the counts for the inhale and exhale however you need to so it’s comfortable for your body.

Here is an audio recording I made for you to try out conscious breathing.

(To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.)

So simple, right?

A Useful Tool Anytime

You can take these conscious breaths anytime…

  • When you’re beginning to feel angry,
  • When you notice you’re stuck in worry, stress, or fear,
  • When your inner critic gets noisy,
  • When your mind is spinning with thoughts,
  • When you feel the urge to act in a way you know doesn’t serve you,
  • Anytime you’re triggered.

Simply breathe…inhaling and exhaling. You may notice you’re in touch with feeling vital and alive, grateful and still. It’s the universe breathing itself through you…

What About You?

Comments are open. Any questions or reports? I’d love to hear…

Getting Out of Prison

getting-out-of-prison“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”
~Eckhart Tolle​​​​​​​

We all hold identities about ourselves, and these are the filters through which we view the world.

Say that being capable is part of how you define yourself. That means you’ll show up in situations with confidence, believing you’ll be able to accomplish whatever is needed.

The Prison of Identities

Some of our identities are not so supportive.

If you believe you’re inadequate or unworthy of love, you’ll live as if these ideas are true, and you’ll feel and act like you’re inherently deficient. Here are some other examples:

  • You think of yourself as independent, so you don’t ask for help or share your needs with others,
  • You’re supposed to have it all together, so you think you have to hide your vulnerable side,
  • You think you need to be perfect, so the inner critic constantly bashes you to keep you in line,
  • You need to prove yourself, so you run yourself ragged creating a positive self-image.

Identities are made up of programmed thought processes and emotions that we wear like a skin that’s way too tight. And living them is exhausting.

We take the vast magnificence of who we are that expands way beyond these made-up identities and squish it to fit inside an imaginary boundary.

It’s like we’ve put ourselves in prison with the key sitting there right next to us.

Out of Prison

Believing these identities is optional because they are not who you are. Whatever you believe about yourself—you don’t have to believe it.

Couldn’t you take a breath and open to the fullness of the moment rather than ruminate about your inadequacy? Couldn’t you turn toward the inner critic, put up your hand, and say a firm, “No thank you?”

These self-beliefs are so familiar that we assume they are true. We can’t see outside of them, and we think we’re doomed to suffer forever.

The invitation always is to bring the light of conscious awareness to your in-the-moment experience. Notice what stories about yourself that you’ve taken to be true.

Then take the shortcut route to happiness. Have a mind that doesn’t believe what it thinks. Turn away from all of these identities, and you’ll find that things—right here and right now—are just fine.

Your Natural Brilliance

Putting on a limited identity separates you from others and the world and mutes your brilliance.

Step out of this skin that you pretend is real, and meet life as it is—generous, benevolent, and totally in love with itself.

How do you define yourself? How does that self-definition affect you? What would happen if you stepped away from this identity?

Leave it in a heap on the floor, as you enter the world innocent, full of wonder, and not knowing anything.

Questions? Comments about leaving the prison of your identity? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

PS: I’ll be in London the week of May 22. If you’re around, please come to the meetup. I’d love to see you!

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Loving the Unknown

“It is both the work and the adventure of a lifetime to reclaim the only moment we ever really have, which is always this one.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen.

And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or you resign yourself to playing it safe.

Your attention is captured in fear-infused thoughts, while you’re missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now.

Fear Fears the Unknown

At the core of every fear-filled thought is a desire to know what cannot be known. This desire manifests as an imagined negative, scary outcome.

  • I won’t find a job.
  • I’ll always be alone.
  • I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.
  • What if I fail?

Each of these common thoughts contains an assumption about what will happen in the future.

And here is the logical truth: you cannot know ahead of time what will happen. You either know that something is true because it has already occurred. Or it hasn’t occurred yet, and you don’t know what the outcome will be.

Fearful thoughts guess or assume the worst with no logical evidence. When you take these assumptions to be true, you end up anxious and paralyzed.

The Truth of Not Knowing

When it comes to fear, the most liberating statement you can make is, “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if I’ll find a job,” “I don’t know if I’ll always be alone.”

“I don’t know” opens the door to unlimited possibilities that the fearful mind can’t begin to contemplate.

Seeing the truth of the unknown is a healing balm for fearful thoughts. And here are the effects:

  • No more pressure to know what you can’t possibly know.
  • The end of “should”—what you should know or should be doing.
  • Infinite openness to all possibilities.

Living in the reality of the unknown brings your attention right into the present.

From Fear to Presence

Lose interest in the imagined, scary future, and you will discover:

  • The ability to focus on doing what needs to be done now
  • Appreciation and gratitude
  • Relaxation
  • Enjoyment
  • Acceptance
  • Wonder
  • Peace

The unknown is the truth, and the truth will set you free. Do you want to be free of the effects of fear? Say “Yes!” to not knowing. Savor the experience of saying, “I don’t know.”

Always in love,
Gail

PS: I had a delightful conversation with Lee Davy, creator of the Alcohol and Addiction Podcast. I think you’ll find it practical and helpful. Audio and video are available here.

Trust Yourself

trust yourself“There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.”
~Anthony de Mello

You may not realize it, but your attention is your most valuable resource. Because what you pay attention to creates your reality.

Feel into these three possibilities for where your attention might go:

You’re walking in nature and focusing on the sounds of the birds and the sun glistening through the trees. You experience a peaceful presence, expanded beyond yourself and your problems.

You’re attached to your thoughts, hanging onto them for dear life by paying attention to them. You experience stress, negativity, worry, and the anxious feeling that things aren’t okay.

You’re caught up in the drama of a situation, feeling agitated and out of sorts. Your attention goes to statements like these:

  • What should we do??
  • I can’t believe he did that—again!
  • She’ll never get it together!
  • This situation is terrible!

Suffering Is Optional

I listen to people chewing on their problems a lot. And I do it myself from time to time.

What I always notice, without fail, is that we have a choice. I may be sitting with someone who is suffering, but I absolutely know that freedom from this suffering is one split second away—with a shift of attention.

I always hold the possibility for their freedom—and for yours. Even though you may not know it, I know that whatever suffering you’re experiencing is not who you really are.

Just because negative thoughts come through, you don’t have to think them. If you’re caught up in drama, know that your involvement in it is optional.

Trust Yourself

What happens when you open your attention beyond the thoughts and into the present moment? It might be scary at first because you don’t know what you’ll find. And the stillness may feel way outside your comfort zone.

But this is the only way to be sane in your life. Only by coming home to yourself can you love the tender feelings that are here so they don’t drive you. Only by being with yourself can you be objective about what’s going on and gain clarity.

There is infinite support available to you in any moment, but you won’t find it in your thoughts or other people.

Bring your attention back to yourself. Put your hand on your belly, breathe, and feel your feet on the floor. Be still, and open to everything. Experience the vibration of life moving through you.

Listen deeply for the whisper of truth that offers you just what you need to know. This can be trusted.

The Exhausting Story of “Me”

“How long will you think about this painful life?
How long will you think about this harmful world?
The only thing it can take from you is your body.
Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.”
~Rumi

An unexamined mind is a self-centered mind. If you’re unconsciously taking the content of your thoughts to be true, then you’re fully engaged in the story of me…me…me.

If you’re stuck in the machine of conditioning, without realizing it, you’re constantly thinking about what you need, what you want, and what you should or shouldn’t be feeling.

Your Personal Agenda

The “I” that you define yourself as is the reference point for everything, and all your thoughts are about your personal agenda.

  • Am I okay?
  • Am I getting what I need?
  • Am I doing the right thing?
  • Am I safe?
  • I want more.
  • I think he shouldn’t have said that.
  • In my opinion, she should be doing it differently.
  • It’s her fault, not mine.

Not only is this inner self-talk exhausting, it creates an agitated, unhappy mind.

If you identify with the contents of that mind and it becomes the sole focus of your attention, you will undoubtedly feel agitated and unhappy. Instead of engaging with a mind filled to the brim with personal thoughts of fear and dissatisfaction, consider the radical proposition of being empty.

Empty of the Story of “Me”

What if you were to empty out these personal thoughts? How? Take them in a big heap and put them aside because they’re not serving.

And here you are, pure and pristine. A mind infinitely open like the sky. Breath breathing itself. You might think you need a personal self with all of its preferences and opinions. But here’s the truth: you don’t.

Life goes along just fine whether or not the mind is chattering. And when you’re empty of the personal self, your experience will be so much more peaceful.

But don’t take my word for it. Find out in your own experience. Next time you’re lost in suffering, realize how much your attention is supporting the story of me…me…me. Subtract the “me” and all that goes with it, and you’re one with the seamless flow of life.

An Experiment

Try this experiment: become very familiar with the story of the separate self and how it wends its way into your mind and body. Then empty it out. Pour out the personal needs and strategies that aren’t serving. Throw away the needless opinions, demands, and expectations. Then experience yourself as fully here and available to life’s unfolding.

What About You?

I’d love to hear your reports and insights. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Love to you…

Gail

PS: This passage is Chapter 33 from my book entitled, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. For more and to purchase the book, please click here.

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