Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Tools for Compulsive Thinking

tools“The more you think and talk, the more you lose the Way. Cut off all thinking and pass freely anywhere.”
~ Zen Patriarch Seng-T’san

In our last post, I invited you to reflect on four insights about thoughts and thinking, and how they apply to your own experience. How did it go?

As a refresher, the insights are:

  • You are not your thoughts;
  • You can choose how you relate to your thoughts;
  • You don’t have to buy into the content of your thoughts (very powerful to know!);and
  • You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Now it’s time to get even more practical. Today, we’re going to talk about some specific skillful means you can bring to your experience of thinking once you realize you’ve been lost in thought.

You may have noticed that thinking has a strong momentum to it. Certain thought patterns have been reinforced for decades, and they cycle around in your mind without actually helping you feel better or navigate life more intelligently.

It’s a sacred moment when you realize that these patterns have taken hold. Because now you have enough consciousness to do something other than compulsively continuing to think. It’s a celebration, a “Yes!,” a moment when the veil of thinking drops away and you have choices available to you. And here are some of these choices.

Stop and Breathe

When you become aware that you’ve been thinking, stop. Breathe. Feel the breath in your body. Immediately, your relationship with thinking shifts. You experience more space
more presence


Shift Attention Away from Your Thoughts

Notice that your attention has been involved in the stories your thoughts are telling you. This is what thinking is—being involved with the content of thoughts—churning endlessly!

Here’s the medicine: shift your attention away from this narrative. Lose interest in what the thoughts are telling you because they’re not helping you be happy and peaceful.

Instead, take a few conscious breaths, look around you and use your senses to reconnect with your surroundings, feel your body, and notice that you’re present and alive.

Now you’re out of the mental chatter. Even though it may still be going on in the background, you’re back here to the actual, living reality of the moment.

Feel the Sensations in Your Body

Underneath sticky thought patterns are often feelings that haven’t been explored. Stuck in thought, it feels like you’re one big head completely disconnected from your body.

Instead of continuing to think, move your attention into your body to feel the sensations that are present in the moment.

Welcome any tension, contractions, or subtle energies. Create a warm and open space for any sensations you notice. Spend a few moments or more letting them be without moving away from them.

Unexplored bodily sensations are the fuel for compulsive thinking because they’re interpreted as signs of threat and fear. If you ignore them, the anxious stories will keep running.

As you breathe with physical sensations, you’re uninterested in the content of your thoughts—and you’ll begin to enjoy the peace that’s here now.

Expand into Presence

Being aware is the steady, stable, ever-present silence from which thoughts arise.

You can be aware of things such as thoughts, physical sensations, objects in a room, or other people. And you can rest in the totality of being aware, free of objects.

When you expand into the being aware experience, you’ll get a taste of the space that is sometimes called thoughtless awareness. Rest your attention here, in this stillness, and you’ll notice great peace and relaxation.

Be Open to Fresh Options

You don’t need to rely on thinking to live. And if this insight is new to you, you may wonder how you’ll know what to do. Here are some possibilities:

  • Trust the truth of the moment and not your thoughts.
  • Be open to what the moment is calling for.
  • Instead of being motivated by fear and anxiety, ask, “What would love do?” or “How does life want to move me right now?”
  • Rather than trying to figure things out, listen and be receptive to what you hear.

Vigilance and Dedication

Thought patterns are highly conditioned, and will return, so expect to get hooked by thinking. Take each moment as an opportunity to untangle your attention and re-establish yourself in the present moment.

Be vigilant and dedicated—because it’s your happiness that’s at stake!

~~~~~~~~~

There’s a flow to thinking, then losing interest in the contents of the mind and releasing into the aliveness here now.
Isn’t it amazing that this release is possible?

Keep it simple and stress-free. Let compulsive thinking come and go without latching onto it—and let the experience of being aware be infinitely vast and open like the sky.

Layers of conditioning melt away, and here you are…in your original innocence…and wildly free…

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Stop…Be Still

“To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.”
~Chang Tzu

It was a lightbulb moment for me when I realized how much I had been putting up barriers to life—and happiness.

I was in a place on my path where I was diligently studying my in-the-moment experience—and I discovered that my first response to people, situations, and new possibilities was to pull away in fear.

For many years, I had been automatically saying “No”—before I considered what was being offered, before I let myself feel the excitement of something new and unknown. I probably missed out on a lot.

I was moving away from what was being given, and it felt bad.

As soon as I saw this tendency, I was committed to changing it. I didn’t want to be tamped down by a wall of fear. I wanted to relax and feel peaceful more than anything. I just knew there was more to life, and I wanted to figure out how to find it.

Over time, I learned to turn inward toward my inner experience, right into the blocks and walls. I learned to deeply accept everything without any resistance.

I shifted from moving away to staying, opening, and fully receiving things as they are. Finally, I was saying “Yes!” to life. It was a happy revolution in my whole way of being.

Caught in our conditioning, we tend to move in three ways: toward, away, or against. Which is your style? See how your mind and body moves—and how you move along with it—and you will discover the endless peace that comes with not moving.

Moving Toward

People who move toward feel a well of need and lack inside. If this is your style, you leave your inner grounding and grasp at people and things to fill you up and give you what you think you’re missing.

You believe your thoughts that try to convince you that you’re not enough.

Who you are is not defined by these limiting thoughts. Who are you if you don’t believe them?

Let your attachment to these thoughts go, and you’ll see that you are openness itself, whole, full, and lacking nothing.

Moving toward looks like this:

  • Seeking approval and attention from others
  • Concern about the image you present in the world
  • Sacrificing yourself for others, then feeling resentful
  • Perceiving yourself as lacking and flawed
  • Difficulty walking away from relationships that aren’t working
  • Attachment to your personal dramas
  • Grasping money, people, and objects
  • Feeling that you are special and avoiding your ordinariness

When you notice these tendencies, stop. With loving acceptance, let the feelings and urges arise, but don’t act on them. Be the space that they arise in.

Relax back into yourself, and realize that life is complete, just as it is, in this very moment.

Moving Away

Moving away is about fear and avoidance. There is tightening in the body, contraction in the breath, and a physical pulling away from whatever is arising. Threat is seen everywhere.

Moving away is built on a perceived lack of safety and security. What are you really afraid of, anyway? Can you consider trusting that you are OK and that you can engage with life as it’s unfolding right now?

Moving away looks like this:

  • Doubt and indecision
  • Nonstop thinking fueled by fear
  • Avoiding people and situations
  • Trepidation in the face of anything new
  • Fear of committing to anything
  • Excessive worry
  • Holding yourself back

Moving away has strong physical and mental elements. Learn how to relax your body and nervous system and breathe deeply. Experiment with not running your life by all the thoughts that appear in your mind. Put the thoughts aside (they aren’t helping you), and stay here and present.

Open yourself fully to the wonder of what’s actually here now. What are you experiencing through your senses? What is the space that these sense perceptions arise in?

Moving Against

You’re moving against when you’re stuck in anger, frustration, and entitlement. Some of us live at odds with the world, resisting everything. We show up ready for a struggle, while missing out on what is actually here when we let our guard down.

Moving against is a defensive posture that avoids vulnerability. What if you allowed yourself to tenderly open to the reality of what’s here now?

Moving against looks like this:

  • Anger and resistance to people, situations, and the world
  • Rebelliousness
  • A sense of entitlement—things should be the way you want them to be
  • Judgment—either outward toward others or inward toward yourself
  • Stuffing anger by eating, sleeping, and avoiding conflict at all costs
  • Desire for power and control

It takes so much effort to face the world primed for a fight. Really, there’s nothing to protect. Feel the sensations of anger, and notice the effortlessness of being open, soft, and receptive. Relax into life as it’s unfolding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The strategies of moving toward, away, and against sap your energy. They divide, fragment, and keep you from relaxing into the infinite space of what’s true and real.

What to do when you notice these tendencies? Stop
be still. Feel the conditioned movements—and don’t move into them. Be the vast welcoming openness that they arise in.

You’re lovingly noticing the thoughts and feelings, but giving them no energy that makes them real.

They shed like a snake sheds its skin. And here you are
not moving and fully available to all of life.

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A Better Way to Talk to Yourself

“In my experience, we don’t make thoughts appear, they just appear. One day, I noticed that their appearance just wasn’t personal. Noticing that really makes it simpler to inquire.”
~Byron Katie

As you probably know in your own experience, as humans we are highly conditioned to believe what our minds tell us about ourselves.

Without even being aware of it, we take on the way the thoughts describe us as our unquestioned reality.

  • If your thoughts tell you about all the things that could go wrong, you say, “I’m anxious,” or “I’m a control freak.”
  • If your thoughts judge, compare, and criticize—yourself or others—you live in that negativity and separation as if it were true.
  • You believe your opinions are facts.When we say, “I am
(fill in whatever the thought is saying),” we’re identifying with the content of those thoughts, taking it to be true.

Here’s a fact: identifying with our thoughts will always bring suffering to our lives. So if you want to suffer, how to do it? Believe what your thoughts tell you.

How You Speak to Yourself

For most of us, it takes time to untangle ourselves from the content of our thinking, and a skillful way along the path is to be very clear in the language we use.

It’s common to say something like,“I’m a mess and unlovable.” What’s more accurate is: “Thoughts are arising in me telling me I’m a mess and unlovable.”

You might say, “I’m worried.” But a more accurate way to describe what’s actually happening is to say, “Worrying thoughts are arising in me.”

When you say, “I’m worried,” you believe you’re the one who is worried, and there’s a sense of shutting down and believing all the implications of being someone who is worried.

But “Worrying thoughts are arising in me” changes everything. You are no longer identifying with what the thoughts are telling you. You have space for something new.

And it doesn’t have to be only about thoughts. You can also say, ‘The feeling of anxiety is arising in me.” Or, “There are sensations present in the body,” instead of, “I’m feeling anxious.”

Your Thoughts Don’t Describe You Accurately

This may sound like an awkward way to describe your experience, but it’s much closer to the truth than identifying with your thoughts. I highly recommend it.

There are benefits to this practice.

First, it’s a quick and obvious reminder that you are not your thoughts. It helps you to break the identification with your thoughts so you’re not taking them so personally.

Yes, that’s what I mean. Your thoughts aren’t personal to you—they just appear in the mind.

Once you have some space from the contents of your mind (which are mostly negative), you can be in the moment with openness, curiosity, and kindness.

Second, it invites you to question who you are and who you’re not.If fear or a judging thought arises in you, then who is the you that they arise in? This question offers an interesting exploration that will help you to suffer less.

If this doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry about it. Just live in the question of what’s true about you if you are not what your thoughts tell you that you are.

Take away the content of your thoughts
and what remains?

Your Turn

I invite you to try out this practice—how about right now? Close your eyes and notice the thoughts or feelings that are arising right now. Say, “These thoughts and feelings are arising in me.”

Now shift to the “me” that these objects are arising in. You’ll probably become aware of open space, ease, and peace. Now you are aware of the essential choice.

You can pick up those objects if you want to any time and make them real—or rest as this openness
endlessly


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How and Why to Turn Toward Your Body

“Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots.”
~Rumi

I love melting into the present moment. Here is where I deeply feel everything.

I take in the world through all of my senses and savor what I experience. And when I’m very present, without being drawn into thoughts about the past or future, it’s so fresh, and there’s a deep, undeniable sense of peace.

But it hasn’t always been like this. Before I knew differently, all I did was think—think, think, think. I worried
analyzed
dissected
looked at things from different angles.

I played out scenarios about what might and might not happen and doubted everything.

I endlessly evaluated, compared, and tried to understand why. It seemed to never stop.

I was like one big walking head with barely a body attached.

I didn’t know exactly what wasn’t working, but I felt tense and anxious most of the time. I wasn’t at ease in my life, and it didn’t feel good.

I was aware that I was suffering, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I tried psychotherapy—years of it—but didn’t get to the core of the problem. I even became a psychotherapist to help others
and still I suffered.

Thankfully, I wasn’t doomed to suffer forever. Things began to shift when I started on a spiritual path.

Studying My Inner Experience

Instead of trying to fix my problems and life story, I was directed to notice whatever was happening in my present moment experience. And this changed everything.

Looking inward, it was easy to see thoughts, as they were flooding me most of the time. But there was something else that I had missed completely.

I was amazed to realize how afraid I was and how much fear was living in my body.

I learned that all emotions are made up of two elements: a story running through our minds that’s fueled by the feeling—and physical sensations in the body. That was the key I had missed!

I was so much in my head worrying about the future and doubting myself that I didn’t realize how much tension and contraction was in my body—until I started becoming aware of it. No wonder something felt off!

There was a time when I would stop whenever I felt fear, close my eyes, ignore the thoughts, and simply feel the sensations in my body. Many times during the day, I sat on my couch feeling physical tension, contracted chest and jaw muscles, and shallow breathing.

I didn’t have a goal to get rid of or change these sensations—I just made the space for them to be present. Sometimes they would lessen, and sometimes not, but it didn’t matter.

It was relieving to finally get to the core of these uncomfortable feelings and let the sensations be. After rejecting my body for so long, it felt like I was being incredibly kind to myself.

And it wasn’t just fear that I felt. There was the array of emotions we all feel—anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration. Every time I was triggered, I stopped and welcomed the sensations appearing in the body.

And I began to realize something miraculous. When I didn’t pay attention to the stories my mind was telling me, the problems I thought I had all but disappeared. I felt surprisingly peaceful when I was simply present with the sensations as they are, so why go into all the drama? I became totally disinterested in it.

It wasn’t immediate, but over time, I felt less stressed. I didn’t worry so much about making the right decision or trying to figure everything out. I was lighter, happier, more present, and more loving toward others.

One morning I woke up and, much to my amazement, I realized that I hadn’t been anxious for quite some time.

Now, years later, I have a loving relationship with whatever appears in my body, and this relationship has served me well.

The Residue in Our Bodies

The body contains the residue of all our learning—all experiences, traumas, fears, and conditioning.

Whereas our minds work overtime avoiding, explaining, and distracting, our bodies are simple—they react to the stimuli around us. They have been present our entire lives absorbing the effects of our experiences.

In their natural state, our bodies are open vessels free of tension. That’s why infants move with such freedom and flexibility.

Stress takes its toll as we experience physical, mental, and emotional demands in life. We become scared and untrusting, and the body begins to close down. These bodily contractions are like a defensive shield, armoring us as we meet the challenges we face in the world.

Bringing our attention back into the body gets to the root of the problem. Here is where we connect with ourselves, heal separation, and discover our essential wholeness. This is what’s right here and available when we turn our attention within.

How to Be Aware of the Body

How do we become aware of what’s happening in our bodies? Here are three practices that help you build a kind and loving relationship with your present moment experience in the body.

Try them out, and you’ll say goodbye to being harsh, rejecting, and hard on yourself
and hello to peaceful living.

Practice 1: Conscious Breathing

One of the wonders of life in this human body is the regularity of our breathing. And we can use the breathing as a tool at any time to focus our attention inward and turn away from our busy minds.

The instruction is very simple: be conscious of what happens when you breathe. Simply bring your attention to the direct experience of breathing—the sensations of the inhale and the sensations of the exhale—and be curious.

You might notice you feel more relaxed as you pay attention to your breathing, and the breath itself might shift in some way—or not. Simply continue to be aware of all the sensations. Almost immediately, you’ll naturally breathe more slowly and deeply, which soothes the nervous system.

A conscious breath is available to you any time you feel stressed or stuck. It’s a reset, a wakeup call, and a gateway into being at peace with yourself.

Practice 2: Welcoming Sensations

When you welcome sensations, you stop and simply notice the sensations that are present and allow them to be. You meet any sensation with an attitude of acceptance, curiosity, and love—with no story, no commentary, and no need to figure it out.

Rather than panicking with what you notice or going into a story about how hard it is to feel it, you’re simply aware of it. You’re the welcoming presence that invites the sensations into the light of conscious awareness. This is what I practiced on my couch many years ago and still do often throughout the day.

Sitting here, breathing and allowing things to be as they are, you’re likely to feel an uncanny sense of ease.

When do you welcome sensations?

  • When you’re triggered,
  • When you feel anxious or ill-at-ease,
  • Any time at all.

Practice 3: Mindful Movement

If you live with your attention lost in your mind, it helps tremendously to invite your attention into the body as much as possible. Mindful movement practices help.

Yoga, tai chi, and slow walking bring awareness to the body and encourage presence by synchronizing movement with breathing. They invite your attention into the here-and-now by ignoring mind chatter and focusing on being with the moment as it is.

Movement practices also teach us about being present in daily life. Moving into a yoga posture is ultimately no different from washing dishes, folding laundry, or taking a walk in nature.

Coming Home to Ourselves

When we’re completely in our heads, we’re pulled into the drama of our problems. We feel fragmented, anxious, and alienated from ourselves.

That’s how I was living years ago without even realizing it. And maybe that’s how you’re living, too.

By turning away from thoughts and being aware of what’s appearing in the body, we begin to come home to ourselves. Here we discover spaciousness, grounding, and connection with all of life.

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Meeting Anger with Love and Understanding

meeting anger“Whatever you resist you become. If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, you are always confused. We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.”
~Adyashanti

Note: In this post, I’m sharing the presentation I made at the Science and Nonduality Conference (SAND) in October, 2017. I hope you find it helpful! Love, Gail

Whether it leaves you seething inside or it explodes into your relationships, anger is a powerful emotion. But many of us are uncomfortable with anger, especially if we think we’re “spiritually advanced” enough to have moved beyond it.

How do we react to feeling angry? We fight it, justify it, deny it, or stuff it. We’re frustrated when anger overcomes us and we feel so out of control. We feel guilty if we believe it’s an unwholesome emotion we shouldn’t experience.

Anger is one of the ways the timeless, formless breath of life breathes itself into form. So let’s bring anger out of the shadows of shame and meet it with the endless embrace of love and understanding.

Anger is a normal expression of the human experience. And seen through the eyes of awakened awareness, it’s a doorway to embodying our essential aliveness beyond time and space.

We investigate the experience of anger that’s behind the actions it brings about. Anger consists of a narrative in the mind and strong physical sensations in the body.

We’ll explore how anger contributes to the pain of separation and learn ways to be with the elements of anger that are practical and enlivening.

Unexamined anger feeds the illusion of the separate, limited self. When we turn toward anger with curiosity, it’s no longer the raging beast driving us, but becomes a powerful ally for awakening and authentic living.

To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.

 

What About You?

What is your experience of anger? What is it like to meet anger with love and understanding? I’d love to hear in the comments…

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