Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Devotion…Surrender…

surrender“Until you practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is something you read about, talk about, get excited about, write books about, think about, believe in – or don’t, as the case may be. It makes no difference. Not until you surrender does it become a living reality in your life.”
~Eckhart Tolle

There is an open secret to the spiritual life, and it’s called surrender.

We can try our best to understand the nature of reality and our conditioning. We can hope forever that our troubling thoughts and feelings will subside so we’ll finally be at peace.

But until we surrender, the happiness we long for will elude us.

The word “surrender” means to give back completely, to release our ownership of something and offer it back.

What do you surrender?

  • Your personal needs and desires
  • Attachment to the content and meaning of all thoughts
  • Attachment to things being familiar and known
  • The need to know
  • The need to understand and analyze with your mind
  • The need to control

Thats a lot! It’s everything you hang onto that keeps you feeling separate—from others, from yourself, and from life.

In fact, you never owned these things—they were never you. Surrender brings you back to what was always true.

Surrender everything that makes up your personal identity, and where are you? Who are you?

You’re empty, willing, and totally receptive to let yourself be the instrument of something greater. And that something greater is the natural intelligence that is the pure substance of life.

Everything is given—the people you know, your talents and skills, the situations you find yourself in, the challenges and joys that make up your life.

You can subtract your personal desires and ideas about things, and your life is still here, beautifully unfolding as it is.

And things get a lot easier once we stop resisting this movement. We’re coming into alignment with things as they truly are.

To me, surrender arises from absolute devotion to the intelligence of the life force that is all-knowing, all-encompassing. I bow down with utter humility, beyond receptive, open with nothing personal in the way.

I don’t need to carry any concerns or figure anything out. I don’t go into my mind for answers.

I simply let myself be taken by the river of life that is already flowing, receiving everything that’s given without one second of hesitation.

What’s invited is pure devotion, releasing everything until you are nothing and letting yourself be the vessel that you truly are.

You love what’s given with all your heart. You’re a thousand percent willing to do the bidding that’s offered.

Surrender leaves nothing out, not one stone unturned. But don’t get deterred by the totality of what is being asked of you. Take a baby step in the direction of surrender.

  • Stop questioning one idea you’re attached to and flow with what’s given.
  • Put aside your view on how you want things to be in one situation and wholeheartedly embrace what’s actually happening as it is.

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Bow down with humility to your one true home, and there’s just infinite luminous pure being.

“Life is a mystery. You cannot understand it unless you surrender, for your intellect cannot grasp its expansive and infinite nature, its real meaning and fullness. Bow down low and be humble; then you will know life’s meaning.”
~ Amma

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A Wise and Kind Relationship to Your Feelings

​​​​​​For the past two weeks, we’ve been studying emotions. You can find these past posts here and here. What have we discovered?

The Essence of Meeting Emotions

  • The physical body is primed to experience emotions. They’re normal.
  • Things get complicated when our thinking minds try to make sense of what’s happening. This creates rumination, worry, confusion, and irritation. Your mind just can’t let go of the story.
  • Avoiding emotions will keep you stuck in them.
  • Even though you want to avoid them, turning toward emotions is the path to being free of their grip.
  • Turning toward our emotions creates a new and friendly relationship with them.
  • Taking a slow and conscious breath is a helpful first step.
  • How to turn toward? Welcome all sensations, even the ones hiding out in the shadows of your body. Let everything be welcomed in the stillness of your being.

Being with Your In-The-Moment Experience

Here’s the paradox when it comes to emotions. Logic will tell us to avoid them because who wants to feel pain?

But turn toward them and worlds open up. Without paying attention to the story running in your mind, you get to notice your in-the-moment experience.

There are physical sensations…energies…vibration…and the space these experiences arise in. It’s a moment of peace when you meet your feelings as they are.

Avoiding feelings is divisive within and separates us from ourselves. We might call it inner war.

Turning toward and meeting emotions is the path to coming to peace with ourselves.

But don’t take my word for it. Right now, go inside and be with whatever is occurring. Without the mind’s interference, what do you notice? You’re simply allowing what’s here to be here—and it’s way more peaceful than resisting.

A New Relationship with Emotion

I received an email recently from someone who is on fire to explore her experience—even if it hurts (because that’s what it takes). And she made an amazing discovery. She is starting to notice how much fear underlies the addictive behaviors she plays out in her life.

What a revelation! Caught in the addictions, the fear goes unnoticed. But making the courageous move to be curious about her inner experience, she realized the depth of the fear that’s been driving her unsatisfying behavior.

Then her question was, “How do I overcome this fear?” Which means, “How do I win the fight over it? How do I conquer it?”

Basically, she is asking how to get rid of the fear. From my experience, that’s not possible.

First, she avoided the fear completely, not even realizing it was present.

Then she wanted to get rid of it.

And I am suggesting a third approach, which is to get curious about it.

The invitation is to form a new relationship with fear—or any emotion—that is friendly and kind.

  • Instead of panicking when an emotion is present, or hating that it’s here, you take a breath and say, “Hello, Emotion.”
  • You explore how it feels in the body.
  • And you make space for it to appear then float on.

This is the paradox when it comes to emotion. We turn toward our feelings with loving acceptance, and they stop derailing our happiness.

Like a miracle, we discover that by including our emotions and letting them be, there’s peace…lightness…and the sense that all is deeply okay.

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What You Need to Know About Emotions—Part 2

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

​​​​​​​Last week we started talking about emotions. Why? Because they’re part of the human experience. Many of us find emotions overwhelming and don’t know how to be with them. If you’d like to review, please go here.

Why We Fear Emotions

What makes our emotions so challenging? Why are we motivated to avoid them at all costs? Here are some possibilities:

  • You’re scared to meet what you’ve been avoiding for so long.
  • You’re not confident in your ability be with your feelings.
  • You’re afraid you’ll be overwhelmed and won’t know what to do.
  • If you turn toward the pain, you’re afraid you’ll cry forever.
  • You’re afraid of being uncomfortable.

Or maybe you believe you’re justified in holding onto your feelings because you’ve been wronged by someone or you’re waiting for an apology that you think will make everything right.

Do any of these resonate with you?

There’s something that each of these reasons has in common. If you continue to avoid your emotions, you’re bound to stay stuck.

  • If you don’t turn toward the anxiety you feel, you’ll spin in worry forever.
  • If you don’t meet your sadness with loving acceptance, it will always be tugging at you and keeping you from being truly happy.
  • And letting anger run wild? Well, we know how that affects us and those we love.

Turning Toward

Even though it sounds paradoxical, turning to meet our emotions sets us free from them. We stop spinning in the story fueled by the emotion and instead go right to the core of what we’re experiencing when we’re feeling something.

And what do we find?

Some energy in the body…some physical sensations. Maybe memories surface or tears come. And this array of experiences appears in the open space of being aware. They’re not personal—they just arise, stay a while, then pass on.

Even though it might feel painful to turn toward emotions rather than avoid them, we’re being authentic with what’s here in the moment and we’re paving the way toward discovering our essential wholeness.

Avoidance of our feelings leaves us divided from ourselves and life. Embracing them fully brings us to the altar of endless peace.

Every time I invite clients to stop the forward movement of the story and check into their bodies, they always take a deep breath and sigh it out. One person just told me she immediately feels lighter.

We all feel relief when we stop acting out on the inner tension by jabbering nonstop—and just stop and feel what’s here.

This is what grounds us in the here-and-now. It’s what slows us down and winds us back into ourselves. It’s what brings us to the doorway of the fall into presence.

Gracefully Being with Emotions

How do we meet emotions? It’s really not that complicated.

First, notice if fear or resistance are present. Acknowledge those experiences and honor them. Even if you’re afraid, take a baby step in toward yourself and feel what’s happening in your body.

That’s it. You stop feeding the mind and open your attention into the fullness of what you’re experiencing. It’s like being the sky and loving every single cloud that floats by no matter what it is. You’re a friendly host, a mother or father gathering in your long lost children.

Opening fully to things as they already are is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

In the last post, we talked about taking a slow, conscious breath as a way into presence. Take that breath, then open into awareness and notice everything—every sensation hiding out in the shadows of your body, every bit of trapped energy that’s waiting for liberation.

Just breathe and allow…

I had trouble focusing the day I wrote this, and later on I noticed that my mind was foggy. I felt frustrated that I wasn’t crossing off items on my to-do list. Then I took that breath and stopped.

Oh, no wonder I was foggy! Turning inward, it felt like there had been a silent symphony playing that suddenly had the space to be heard. I didn’t even realize it, but I felt stressed, a little sad, and out of sorts. There was a sweet tenderness I had missed by trying to stay on task.

But turning inward to feel changed everything. Immediately, the frustration disappeared, and I was home again—connected, here, and utterly peaceful.

Why not try it? Right now…take a slow breath…expand your attention beyond your physical form…notice what’s arising in your body…being one with the unfolding of life…

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What You Need to Know About Emotions—Part 1

“Open your heart to who you are, right now,
Not who you would like to be.
Not the saint you’re striving to become.
But the being right here before you, inside you, around you.
All of you is holy.”
~John Welwood

Whether you are well established in knowing the peace of your true nature—or you’re new to the spiritual path—if you’re human, then you experience emotions.

We grieve and feel sad, we’re fearful at times, or we feel the burn of anger and maybe even explode. So far today, I noticed a jittery feeling in my chest when I woke up, and I felt the immediate rush of frustration in response to an email I received.

Emotions Are Normal

Our human bodies are designed to react to the outside world. Here’s how it works.

Our brains process information that comes in through our senses and sends signals out to the rest of the nervous system to prepare us for fight or flight.

If what we perceive is familiar and comfortable, we relax. But if there’s danger, the nervous system goes on high alert, ready to react.

Things get complicated when our thinking minds try to make sense of what’s happening. This leads to rumination, worry, confusion, and irritation.

And for those of us who’ve had traumatic experiences when we were young, our nervous systems are highly sensitive and subject to strong reactions such as terror, rage, hate, and chronic anxiety and hopelessness.

Returning to Being Aware

If you’ve made it a practice to study your emotions with curiosity and meet them with deep acceptance, the emotions won’t grab hold of your reality—and the natural state of peaceful awareness illuminates quickly.

Emotions still occur, but you notice them like clouds floating across the sky—and they don’t disturb you.

This happens to me a lot with fear. Fear is a highly conditioned reaction in my mind and body. I’ve studied it and felt it thousands of times, so usually when I notice it, I take a few breaths with the sensations in my body, then move on. The fear doesn’t create an inkling of a problem, and there’s peace.

Turning Toward

Emotions are asking for our tender loving care. Left unexamined, they leave us in pain and are the culprit behind behavioral choices that get us in trouble.

We’re frustrated because we want them to go away, but we just don’t know how to make that happen. They detract from our quality of life and block us from knowing the peace and happiness that are available in any moment.

So let’s take emotions out of the shadows and bring them to the light of consciousness—even the hard ones. Because only then will you be able to learn what to do with them so they don’t overtake you.

A Slow and Conscious Breath

We’ll be talking about emotions in the next couple of Fridays, as there is a lot to say. What I’d like to leave you with today is the simple practice of taking a conscious breath.

Whenever you feel tense or grabbed by an emotion or any conditioned pattern, stop and take a slow, conscious breath. Put your attention on the breath and take a slow inhale and exhale. You might put one hand on your heart and one on your belly as you breathe. Enjoy a few breaths as it feels right for you.

Conscious breathing is a reset for your experience and right away brings your attention back to the here-and-now. What’s happening? You’re just here breathing, and all is okay.

It’s a very helpful tool for when you’re caught by an emotion. By taking a conscious breath, you’ve stopped the momentum of the emotion and you’re in a position to let love and wisdom show you the way forward.

For more—and a guided audio meditation to support you, you can check out this article.

Wishing you expansion beyond your problems to the peace and ease of this now moment…

What About You?

Do emotions overtake you? How do you relate to them? I’d love to hear…

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I have a few openings for one-on-one sessions. If you’re interested, please click here for the information or reply to this email. I would love to work with you—and you can be anywhere in the world! Our conditioned patterns can be very embedded and tricky. Conversations tailored just for you and the ways you get stuck are so useful! Private sessions have been—and still are—an essential part of my path.

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Die Before You Die

“When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.”
~Mary Oliver

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“Die before you die”…this is a phrase from the Zen and Sufi spiritual traditions, and I recently got to see the meaning of it up close. For a month, I watched my 97-year-old father decline, leading to a peaceful death last week.

He felt good about his life, and was initially accepting once he realized that his body was starting to change. He said he was ready…my sisters and I had heartfelt conversations with him. But as the decline progressed further and he faced the depth of letting go that death involves, he became intensely agitated. Frankly, it was hard to witness.

He was angry and demanding with almost everyone. Although he wasn’t in pain, he couldn’t get into a comfortable position. And he cried out for help many times even though he couldn’t say what he needed help with.

At one point, he yelled with shock and disbelief, “I think I’m going to die!”

Facing Death

I can’t say what was going on inside him, but it looked like the closer he got, the more he was faced with what he would need to let go of…and he was angry and terrified.

The daily routines he relied on were taken from him, as he no longer had the strength for them. He had to let go of showers, food, and sitting in his favorite chair. He couldn’t reach out for someone’s hand. And ultimately, I think he was scared to realize that he couldn’t stay in the body and that life as he knew it was coming to an end.

He didn’t know what was coming next.

A hospice organization was involved, and the nurses gave him calming medication once he stopped refusing it. So in the last hours, he appeared to be at peace.

“Die Before You Die”

The phrase that kept coming to my mind as I was watching this process unfold was, “Die before you die.” And I was taken over by a flood of gratitude for the spiritual path that has been my home for a long time.

Because I absolutely know for sure that peace comes with letting go of attachments and accepting everything as it is. Peace is right here and available when we stop relying on the mind to control what we can’t control and go with life as it is actually unfolding.

What do we die to before we take our last breath?

  • All our expectations,
  • Our needs and preferences,
  • Our ideas about ourselves and others,
  • The entirety of our personal identities,
  • Attachment to our appearance, habits, and anything that makes us feel separate from others, and
  • The familiarity of what it’s like to live this human life.

We have what we have and enjoy it thoroughly, but know that none of it lasts forever. In fact, nothing in form lasts forever—no thought, no feeling, no relationship, the world as we know it—nothing. And if we’re busy worrying about what we might lose, we can’t fully appreciate what’s here.

Celebrating What’s Here

My experience is that letting go of these attachments is not sad and it’s not about loss. Because when we’re liberated from clinging to what we have, we’re free to celebrate with no limitation. What we have when we have it becomes so fresh! We get to play in the world of form, living this human life, as long as it lasts.

And when it goes, it goes. That’s the nature of all things in form. In a sense, they’re not real because they’re temporary. And clinging doesn’t make them more real—it only feeds our suffering.

Feel into what it might be like to surrender control over everything. Then see what remains, as this is the essence of the profound spiritual life. Here is consciousness, a stable sense of ease and peace that just is. This is the boundless ever-present field of being aware that receives everything with no preference and no attachment.

It’s what is always here when all forms fall away. And experiencing this makes me not fear death at all.

This is not to say I’m not mourning the loss of my father. I honor his memory every day as a ritual right now, and tears come sometimes. But if I look at it very closely, empty of any story about what happened, the deepest peace that I know to be the truth about reality is always present.