Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Discovering the Sacred in Everyday Life

“Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness.”
~Galway Kinnell

Although you may not realize it, your everyday life is already sacred. Everything arises from the one source. Everything is an exquisite expression of life, of pure being.

One of my clients reported that she is starting to become more aware of things in her life she never noticed before. She loves it when someone unexpected shows up at her door. She flows through the day responding with ease to everyone and everything. And she is attuned with all her senses when she takes a walk outside.​​​​​​​

These are new experiences for her, but this deepening awareness has always been available. Things aren’t becoming more tender or sacred. The way nature appears to her hasn’t changed.

What’s changed? Her perspective.

Rather than living in the mental noise, she’s more willing to say a friendly, “Hello,” to her reactions when she’s triggered and let them be. She is slower and quieter so there’s space to see and appreciate everything.

She’s sensitive and grateful—and her heart is touched over and over.

Discovering What’s Sacred

This is the sacred in everyday life.

When something is recognized as sacred, it is known to have a quality that is beyond the material, physical world. It’s not subject to the mind’s analysis, judgment, or interpretation.

It is illuminated by grace. It may look ordinary, but as we encounter it with nothing in the way, we stand in awe of its very existence.

Recognizing the sacred all around us—which includes ourselves, we take nothing for granted. Then everyone and everything is a gift, a surprise, an expression of the light of consciousness.

Oh, the puddles of rain outside my window! I get to breathe! I get to hold my friend who just lost her husband.

Most of us need reminders—a gentle tap on the shoulder that invites us out of the mind’s noise and into the living reality of this now moment.

And this is where rituals and practices are helpful.

A friend has an altar at home that she visits in reverence every morning. Another steeps himself in books describing the exquisiteness of being present in nature. And another starts the day with a guided meditation that grounds her in presence.

Your Rituals and Practices

There are countless ways to remind yourself of the sacred quality of everything. Here are some suggestions:

  • Set an alarm with soft chimes to awaken you to presence any time during the day;
  • Pair a conscious breath with a common action, such as standing up or feeling the urge to check your email;
  • Read or listen to something that inspires you before you turn out the light at night or just upon waking;
  • Offer a prayer of gratitude before you start eating a meal;
  • Go to a busy cafĂ© and see the tenderness in everyone (I love this one!);
  • Commit to slowing down and being aware when you find yourself rushing.

The mind may tell you that if you were really far along on your path to awakening, you wouldn’t need rituals and practices. And this is an opportunity to not listen to the naysaying mind.

Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to absorb into the experience of being aware. Come up with actions that bring you back to the spaciousness beyond your personal self, and incorporate them into your daily life.

With each moment of consciously being aware, you’re here: peaceful, free, and utterly alive.

What About You?

What are your rituals and practices for coming home? Do you have any resistance to using them? I’d love to hear your reports and comments.

The Pain of Holding On—and the Promise of Letting Go

“As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I met with someone recently who was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Going through a breakup, she felt hurt, disappointed, left, lost, and all the other feelings that you might expect.

And in the middle of all this pain, came the golden insight: “The only way out of this pain is to let go.”

Sounds easy, but how to do that?

Inquiry for Letting Go

This insight prompted an interesting line of inquiry to identify the hook that was causing the pain:

  • What was she holding on to?
  • What endings did she not want to face?
  • What was she hoping for that wasn’t happening?
  • What expectations were hidden below the surface of her awareness?

The answers to these questions revealed so many ways that her attention was stuck in wanting things to be different than they are. No wonder she was in so much pain.

The letting go of these hooks happened without too much struggle because she really, really wanted the pain to stop. She went through each one, and asked, “Can I let go of this?” Each time, her wise mind pictured holding on then letting go, and said, “Yes.”

In fact, she felt the relief of finally being more aligned with the truth of how things are.

How to Move with Change

As humans, it’s natural to hold on. We want control, we resist change—and we want what we want. We get into a certain groove and expect things to stay that way forever.

Change is scary and pushes us out of our comfort zone.

But here’s the truth that we’re all aware of: things change. And our job is to figure out how we want to move with those changes. We can go forward kicking and screaming, not accepting what’s happened.

Or we can look within to see where we’re holding on, and ask if letting go is possible.

So here are some questions for you to contemplate—but only if you’re suffering.

  • Are you holding on, attached to how you want things to be?
  • What could you let go of?
  • Are you willing to let go and open fully to the life that is being offered to you now?

Don’t rush this process. Take time to let the pain—and all the “I want’s” behind the pain—rise to the surface. Let it all be seen in the light of conscious awareness so nothing festers.

Then go through each one. Contemplate holding on…then letting go, and experience what happens.

Welcoming Letting Go

Letting go isn’t something you do. If it were that simple, we’d all be doing it. But here’s what you can do:

  • Recognize you’re suffering,
  • Become aware of the thoughts behind the pain,
  • Feel what it would be like to hold on,
  • And welcome in the possibility of letting go.

When you’re ready, when grace shines on you, you’ll leave the limited world of hopes and expectations and awaken into expanded consciousness, clear seeing, and the luminous truth of present moment experience.

What About You?

Are you holding on? Have you created the space for letting go? I’d love to hear in the comments. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

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A Simple Practice for Being at Peace with Feelings

“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~Carlos Castaneda

Much of the turmoil we experience in life comes from battling our feelings. We don’t want to feel what we feel, so we do everything under the sun to avoid them.

We overthink, overeat, use substances, stay busy—anything but actually stop and feel what we feel.

And when we resist what we’re feeling, we’re avoiding the truth of the moment, living in the fantasy of wishing for a better or more peaceful moment.

The Practice

I can tell you from where I sit, life is so much simpler when we come to peace with our feelings. And I see evidence of this every day in the clients I work with. All it takes is a simple, friendly shift inward toward what we’re experiencing.

In almost every session, at some point I’ll stop the conversation and invite the person I’m speaking with to place one hand on their heart and one on their belly and just be.

It’s a simple reset, a homecoming that turns down the volume on the turbulence of the mind and creates the possibility of opening into presence.

Where before there were problems, now there’s just sensation, movement, and the open space of being aware. In the moment, problems seem to literally melt away.

Ending the War with Feelings

Feelings have power only when we think we need to avoid them. But when we turn our attention toward them and feel what is present, the inner war ends and we’re being honest and authentic with things as they are.

It’s the mind that judges feelings as wrong or scary. When we let go of our interest in these diminishing thoughts and just feel the sensation, there is always an opening into peace.

I woke up last night at around 3am, and my body was filled with vibration. Rather than stressing or resisting, I spent the next hour or two loving these sensations. I had no goal and no agenda to change anything—I was the welcoming presence for whatever was there.

It’s that simple. You let the story line go, and love what’s here. Why? Because it’s here.

Why not try it? Close your eyes, and place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Just be present to whatever appears. You are the presence—loving your experience just as it is.

What About You?

What is your experience being at war—and at peace—with feelings? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

Turn Toward Joy

joy“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”
~Joseph Campbell

It seems all too common to me that we forget to turn toward joy. We tend to focus on what’s wrong, how bad we’re feeling, and the things that other people aren’t doing to meet our expectations—and we forget to turn toward joy.

For some reason, it’s easy to take joy for granted. It’s always here. If you look for it, you will always find a distinctive peace or aliveness at the heart of every moment.

But we miss it.

How We Miss Joy

We’re busy worrying about everything under the sun that we can’t control anyway. And we’re stuck in our heads, thinking about our own troubles, and spending way too much energy trying to solve problems that can’t be solved by thinking about them.

I recently had a heartfelt conversation with someone who told me with great heaviness that she had been suffering a good part of her life. She knows sadness…it’s been a constant companion.

We talked about ways to address the painful feelings and how to be compassionate when things become rocky.

Then it dawned on me—what about joy? The difficulties had become a magnet for her attention and had congealed into a disappointing life story. But there must be joy somewhere.

Then I learned about the joy she experiences seeing her children grow up and the charge she feels when her garden is flourishing.

And we looked at even the times of sadness to see if something else was present. Shedding the story of what happened and the history of neglect, we discovered a freshness right here that isn’t touched by any of that.

It’s in the vibrancy of the breath and the deep sense of being at peace that’s here once the mind stops diverting your attention. It’s the knowing that no matter what events are happening, there’s presence and stillness and an unfathomable sense of acceptance.

How to Turn Toward Joy

I have spent thousands of moments studying my experience. And I’ve found that, without exception, it’s always possible to turn toward joy. I don’t necessarily find it in the situations that occur. It’s not in my memories, because if I experience joy from a memory, I’m experiencing it right now. And I definitely don’t find it in my thoughts.

So where to turn to find joy?

  • First relax your attention away from any thoughts—and I mean all of them—and focus on the breath as it moves in and out. Already you’ll notice a peaceful shift.
  • Then relax away from the breath and expand into presence.

There’s a sweetness here that you might not have ever noticed before.

You’re not lost in any stories. You’re not concerned with how you look or worried about things you have to do. Although you may feel energy in your body, it doesn’t hold any significance.

Now you’re primed for joy, the joy that bubbles up naturally, the soft smile of just being. The mind-blowing amazement that anything exists that makes you dissolve into gratitude.

And while you’re at it, don’t just turn toward joy. Turn toward peace…happiness…expansion…tenderness…and appreciation.

The Sacred Choice

You can certainly feed your personal suffering and embellish on the worrisome thoughts that grab your attention. Maybe that is what you are most familiar with.

But you have a choice. And that choice is to turn toward joy. Right now in this moment and every moment.

What do you choose?

Any comments? What happens when you turn toward joy? I’d love to hear…

PS: Please check out downloadable Guided Meditations for Wholeness, Clarity, and Freedom. All 3 volumes are now at a low introductory price for a few more days. I think you’ll find them really helpful!

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New Book: At the Core of Every Heart


core final front cover 6-1 copyI’m so pleased to let you know that my new book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title is, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It will be published on June 14, and you can order it now by clicking here or on the book cover.
The title comes from this beautiful quote by Indian saint Sri Anandamayi Ma:

When by the flood of your tears
the inner and outer have fused into one,
you will find Her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life,
the very core of every heart.

And that’s where we meet—in the love and aliveness at the core of every heart.

We all benefit from support along the spiritual path, and that’s just what this book offers. It contains 52 short essays, and each has a practice or reflection that invites you to pause, come alive to the moment, and remember the deepest truth of who you are. As the subtitle says, it’s about waking up and living free—right in the midst of the practicalities of our everyday life.

Here are some of the chapter titles:

  • Tending the Garden of Presence
  • Stillness Beckons You
  • Learn from Experience
  • Clarity Beyond the Inner Critic
  • Be Empty of the Exhausting Story of “Me”
  • Feeling Shame and Regret?
  • Living the Yes! to Life
  • When Times Are Tough
  • Free of the Anxious Mind

Each chapter is user-friendly. We start with everyday human problems: holding a grudge, believing the harsh critical voice in our minds, being stuck in feelings from the past. Over and over, we meet our experience with deep acceptance and discover the unifying field of aware presence that holds everything with love. It’s the living, breathing, timeless knowing that all is well beyond our personal attachments to stories and emotions.

At the Core of Every Heart includes stories from my own and others’ life situations that we can all identify with. It skillfully navigates the paradox of this messy, emotional human life and the freedom that’s available in any moment. Right here and now, we open our hearts fully to everything and realize the most profound release into limitless ease, spontaneous joy, and loving celebration. This is what is possible for you.

Please click here to pre-order.

Always in love,
Gail