Note: This post is part of the Life-Changing Facts series. Check out the other posts on fear, attachment, habits, and healing the inner critic.

“The moment you move out of the way, you make room for the miracle to take place.”
~Dr. Barbara King

The number one desire for most people on this planet is to be happy. And I don’t mean the silly-smile-on-your-face version. True happiness is a deep sense of well being, the capability of abiding in a state of ease and peace that is present no matter what. Happiness is a way of being that can permeate every moment of your life.

The Problem

But for most of us, happiness seems to be elusive. Instead of simply being happy, we play out conditioned habits that distort our thoughts and bring drama and disappointment to our lives.

If you want to be happy – reliably, completely happy – then you need to see in great detail how your thought patterns and emotions make you unhappy. When you stop feeding unhappiness, you will realize a simple fact: you always have the option of being happy.

The Facts

Are you ready to get serious about happiness? Then consider these 10 life-changing facts. Contemplate them and apply them diligently to your own inner experience. You will know the happiness you long for.

1. Enduring happiness is possible. This is the essential starting point. You can have faith that enduring happiness is possible. How do I know?

I used to live with lots of inner struggles, wondering why I couldn’t be happy. Years ago, I heard about the possibility of ending suffering. I didn’t know how to achieve it, but I was set on fire to find out.

Now I know. If you make the choice to live a conscious life in every moment and investigate how you get in your own way, enduring happiness is possible.

2. You need to get serious about happiness. Moments of happiness may appear, but if you want to be truly, deeply happy, you need to get down to serious business. The power of habits is strong, so happiness takes a great willingness to be aware.

Make the commitment to happiness, keep it alive in every moment, and you will see results. Guaranteed.

3. If you rely on unreliable objects for your happiness, you will not end up happy. What is an unreliable object? A person, a situation, the future, a house, possessions, money, status. None of these can offer you a guarantee of happiness because they are outside your control.

And if you place your happiness in the hands of something you don’t control, you have set yourself up for disappointment.

Don’t look for happiness in anything outside yourself. Instead, turn your attention inside. Shed the habits and patterns that keep you unhappy, and you will discover the wellspring of happiness that is always here, unrelated to any objects or circumstances.

4. If you want to be happy, look at how you make yourself unhappy. Happiness is your true nature. It is here, always available, but is masked by your conditioning. If you want to know happiness, these automatic habits and patterns need to be untangled.

Don’t wait for happiness to miraculously appear in your life. Notice when you are unhappy, and investigate:

• What are you thinking?
• What are you believing?
• What emotional reaction has captured you?

Become an expert in how your conditioning works and the ways it affects you. You will see that these habits are stressful and depleting. Then, you are faced with a choice. Make the commitment to no longer feed them with your attention. They don’t serve you anyway, so let them soften and dissolve.

When you stop buying into the patterns that make you unhappy, simply relax and feel the sense of well being that is possible.

5. Happiness breeds more happiness. When you incline your thoughts, feelings, and actions toward happiness, you create a happiness momentum. How to do that? Don’t be afraid to be happy.

Orient your life toward situations and people you enjoy. Notice what is already working, rather than what needs to be changed. Open your heart to recognize your many blessings.

6.Happiness is always present and available. You can spend a lifetime trying to work out your past so you can feel resolved. And sometimes these tangles need attention.

But don’t put off happiness one more second. Don’t delay happiness by thinking things need to be perfect before you are happy.

Instead, go deeply into the direct experience of this present moment, right now. Let all boundaries and mental structures collapse, including the idea that you are a separate entity in this vast universe of love. This is the doorway to the enduring happiness you are searching for.

7. Happiness is a word that refers to a state that can’t be defined in words. Many words point to happiness – peace, ease, well being, love – but none of them defines it accurately. True happiness is a state, an experience. It is life itself, the essential reality of all things.

Just for one moment, let go of your idea about what happiness is. In fact, let go of all ideas about everything. Drop any words, and notice what is actually here in your direct experience – the peace beyond peace. You have come home.

8. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. These are the words from a recent research study that shows that people spend on average half of their waking hours thinking about something other than the task at hand and that these wandering thoughts cause unhappiness.

When you realize that your mind has wandered, shift your attention into the present. Simply see, hear, taste, touch, and breathe. Experience reality as it is unfolding right in this moment. There is no struggle here, only peace, ease, and happiness.

9. Thoughts undermine your happiness. Become very knowledgeable about the kinds of thoughts that undermine your happiness. Then, when you notice that they have taken hold, relax your attention away from them. Make a vow to say “No” to the thoughts, and say “Yes!” to happiness every time they appear.

These thinking patterns can’t possibly support you in being happy:

• Self-criticism
• Compulsive worrying
• Regrets about the past
• Stories of how you have been wronged
• Thoughts about how things should be different than they are.

When they are present, you will know, as you feel heavy, tense, and depleted. Now you have the chance to make the essential choice. Just say no, every time. And as you do, you dip into the endless well of happiness that is here in this very moment.

10. Happiness is a choice. There are many things in life you don’t have control over, but you do have a choice about where you place your attention. You can feed stories that keep you afraid, despairing, and emotionally upset. You can convince yourself that you are unworthy of happiness. Or you can move your attention to the truth of what is present now.

I know these mental habits can be intense and consuming. But truth is more powerful. Love is designed to heal. Every time the habits arise, shift your focus to the present. Again and again and again. See what is actually true. Live here, and be happy.

What interferes with your happiness? I’d love to hear…

Note:  I love the work of Tara Mohr. Tara has recently released a book of her amazing poetry with the most beautiful images, which you can find here.

image credit

“To see things in the seed, that is genius.”
~Lao Tzu
We can’t help but plant seeds. Every moment is bursting with potential, and everything we do makes a statement about what is important to us. Our lives go in one direction, or another. We choose suffering, or happiness. We are relaxed or stressed, awake or asleep.

A friend of mine has a strong tendency toward negative thinking. It’s remarkable, really, how creative he can be to see the glass as half empty. I asked him to bring his awareness into his body, and his immediate response was, “I can’t do that.” With a little coaxing, he agreed to try, and the sense of peace was palpable in the room. It was the beginning of planting a new seed.

This is what makes life so amazing! We don’t have to be resigned to the same old, same old. We don’t have to continue to be trapped, stuck, or limited. We are not required to play out the script of our lives as if it has already been written.

Here’s the truth: every moment is fresh and new. And this may be your moment to plant a new seed.

Weeds You Feed

If you are considering tapping into your inner gardener, it might be worth your while to see what weeds you have been fertilizing. What have you been feeding that doesn’t serve?

• Fear. Are you making decisions out of fear rather than from clarity and joy? Signs are boredom, discontent, and frustration. Take a look to see how you might be worshipping at the altar of fear and limitation.
• Old baggage. Are you looking at the world through the lens of your past? What would it be like to throw away these old mindsets and see things as they actually are?
• Victimhood. Are you playing the blame game while identifying yourself as the victim? This can’t possibly support the expression of your beautiful, bountiful self.
• Self-limiting thoughts. Do you believe that you are inadequate, less than, not good enough? These thoughts may appear in your mind, but believing them fertilizes the seed of self-judgment. And nothing good comes from that.
• Emotional drama. Do you choose a good story over enduring peace and happiness? Maybe the gossip, upset, and expectations about what people should and shouldn’t do don’t serve you or anyone else.
• Compulsive behaviors. An honest appraisal will show you where you are overdoing it or choosing a well-worn, but unsatisfying, even unhealthy path.

See how your choices matter?

Plant One Small Seed

By planting a new seed, you are starting small. There is no need to make a revolutionary change or have a huge epiphany. Simply survey your landscape. See what you are doing that detracts from your happiness and well being, and plant a new seed.

Be willing to be present to yourself and your life and trust that you already know exactly what is needed. It’s OK, I promise.  I believe in you more than you will ever know.

Are you ready to garden? Maybe you will :

• Take a couple of breaths
• Make the phone call you have been putting off
• Take a nap
• Go for a walk
• Feel gratitude rather than self-defeat
• Tell someone you love them
• Meet yourself as you are

All it takes is one baby step out of your comfort zone and back to yourself. Test the waters, and you’ll be fine. Eventually your tiny seed will begin to sprout. You will find yourself more aligned with what you really want. Your life will sing your unique song.

I help people plant new seeds all the time, which is why I love the work that I do as a therapist. Someone comes in all tangled up. We set about identifying the beliefs systems they operate under that don’t reflect reality. They learn the intelligent approach to emotions. They discover the freedom that comes from simply being aware. They shed the pressures and misunderstandings they have taken to be true and reconnect with their aliveness. Step by step the knots unravel.

And it all starts by planting one small seed.

What seeds would you like to plant? How’s the gardening going? I’d love to hear…

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”
~Hafiz of Persia

Are you moving too fast to enjoy life? Are you caught up in problems and struggles? Are you pressing forward on automatic, burning the candle at both ends?

This post is all about slowing down – and I’m writing it for myself as much as for anyone reading this. Because it’s time to stop, be still, hop off the treadmill, and return to sanity.

It’s so easy to slip away from being aware. Even with the best of intentions, before we know it, we find ourselves moving mindlessly through life. We go through the motions, taking care of obligations, inhabiting habit patterns, and meanwhile longing for a time when the to-do list is empty. Our minds are caught in mental whirlwinds while we are missing out on what is already here.

We feel separate, deadened, and half-alive.

Joyful living takes commitment. It asks us to be awake and aware in the moments of our lives. It invites us to stem the momentum of our habits so we can reclaim peace, appreciation, wonder, awe, presence.

Do you want to master the art of joyful living? Integrate these 10 steps in your life, and the seeds of joy will flourish endlessly.

1. Bring silence and stillness into your life

If we turn down the volume on all the noise in our lives, we discover the amazing fact that silence and stillness are already here. And when we intentionally allow ourselves to be still, we naturally open to a deep appreciation of the present moment. We become relaxed, grounded and clear, and stress begins to melt away.

How can you bring silence into your life? When can you stop and be still?

2. Clean up

Someone recently told me she feels disgusted when she looks into her closet because of all the clutter. It”s a shame because every moment of disgust is a moment empty of joy.

If there is anything you are procrastinating about, anything you can easily fix, anyone who drags you down, pay attention. Don’t wait or settle for good enough. Carve out the time, figure out a solution, and clean it up. You are making the space for joy, peace, and happiness to illuminate your life.

3. Mind your own business

Do you want to be unhappy and frustrated? Then try controlling things you can’t actually do anything about. Like other people or most situations or the past or future.

If you are caught in an emotional reaction, turn the mirror onto yourself. Let the story go, and see what is actually true in your direct experience. Bring compassion right into the places where it is needed most.

Diligently work on the areas where you get stuck, and joy will naturally shine through you.

4. Give to others whatever you feel you are lacking

So many of us want attention, love, and understanding. We live in a state of lack, thinking that life can begin if only we get what we think we need.

Consider that you may not actually need what you think you need. It might just be an old story that has outworn its welcome.

Instead of living in lack, contemplate generosity. Give out to others what you want or need. Pull out the stops in offering attention, interest, and caring. Your sense of lack will be transformed into fullness. Believing you don’t have enough becomes love overflowing.

5. Use your senses

Life is so abundant right before our very eyes. Slow down and take the time to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. Eating an apple becomes a sensual delight, doing the dishes a symphony.

6. Recognize what is working

It is so easy to focus on problems and unhappy feelings. They grab our attention and won’t let go like a dog feasting on a juicy bone.

Take stock of what is working in your life. Is your living situation a good one? Do you know people who you love and appreciate? Do you enjoy your daily runs or a good home-cooked meal? Simply look around you, and you may be surprised by the bounty that is already present.

7. Live in forgiveness

If a grudge is interfering with your joy of life, then it requires your loving attention. Don’t let the minutes tick by while you live in self-righteousness or regret. Neutralize the stories from the past, and make the choice to live joyfully now.

Then live in amends. If you feel wronged by someone or you hurt another, deal with it. Don’t let it fester. Make a lifestyle of living free from hurts and grudges. You will feel strong, clear, and empowered.

8. Learn from life experiences

Sometimes the road of life is a bumpy one. If you want to master joyful living, be open to learning from the challenges that life brings you. Be honest about what buttons get pushed and recognize when you have dropped into a hole that you can’t seem to find your way out of.

Difficult life experiences are designed to show us the areas in our lives where we are not yet free. Use these situations well for your own liberation. You might have noticed that the teachings come until we understand the lesson. If there is a self-defeating pattern playing out in your life, slow it down so you can become conscious of what you are doing. Then make different, better choices with your eyes wide open.

9. Be pleasant

No matter what is going on in your life, show up in an open, good-natured way. No one likes a Negative Nancy. Stop complaining, and instead be patient, open, kind, and agreeable in your day-to-day life.

10. Lean into joy

Every moment offers a choice. Take a look at your life, and it will show you what you value. Are you choosing stress, conflict, and unhappiness?

Joy provides the perfect barometer for navigating through life. All you need to do is recognize what brings you joy, then follow it. Simple, right? Make room in your life for what is positive, light, and life-affirming.  You will have mastered the art of joyful living.

Do you live joyfully? Where do you get stuck? What other suggestions do you have?  I’d love to hear…