Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Does It Seem Like the World Is Against You?

“We read the world wrong and say that it deceives us.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

When I was 40, I was on top of the world. I was fit and healthy, and I thought I had it all together. Until I was slammed with an unusual medical problem that required two major surgeries to fix. My overriding thought? “This shouldn’t be happening to me.”

I was carrying an assumption that young, healthy people don’t get weird medical problems. And when life showed me differently, I was thrown for a loop. I fought and resisted valiantly until acceptance set in. It was a relief to finally go along with what the world was presenting to me.

Assumptions Create Your Reality

What is an assumption? It is an idea that you project onto reality about what should or shouldn’t happen. It is taking for granted that you know how something should be, when the truth is that you don’t know at all. And it paves the way for struggle and resistance.

You are living a reality created by your assumptions, rather than the real one that is actually happening.

Consider these examples:

  • Bad things shouldn’t happen, especially to good or innocent people.
  • Things will always be as they are, or as you want them to be.
  • You expect that you will fail.
  • You assume you are right.
  • You assume you will have nothing valuable to contribute to a conversation.
  • You take your identities as absolute truth, assuming you are fearful, inadequate, entitled, or unable to be a loving partner.

Living according to your assumptions is stressful and limiting. It’s like walking around in a small room packed with furniture. Everywhere you turn, you bump into something.

When your assumptions rule, the world feels structured and unfriendly, and your passage through it is rocky.

Either you set up your life so that the world meets your negative expectations about yourself (a self-fulfilling prophecy). Or you find yourself constantly reacting when life throws you a curve.

If you want to be happy, peaceful, and at ease, you may find that holding onto assumptions doesn’t serve you.  Then you are moving with what is being offered to you rather than resisting.

Open Up Your View

You might have heard the new-age definition of the word assume – it makes an ass out of “u” and me. I don’t find this helpful – or true. But let’s explore the effects that assumptions do have.

  • They limit your view of what is possible.
  • You have tunnel vision and can’t see clearly.
  • You stay stuck in a negative view of yourself.
  • You set yourself up to feel frustrated or disappointed when your expectations aren’t met.

Keep this up, and it will definitely seem like the world is against you.

Recently, I have been giving some talks on the everyday reality of living with someone with Alzheimer’s Disease. On the surface, you might expect that getting Alzheimer’s would be a terrible tragedy, and as a family member you may doubt that you can cope.

But if you stayed with these assumptions, you would miss out on a whole other amazing, heart-opening perspective. Many caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s will tell you that it’s hard, but it is also a blessing.

You get to express love in needed and wonderful ways. You learn how to truly meet another person just as they are. You are invited to live in the moment where memory isn’t required.

And if you are lucky – or wise – you discover how to appreciate what is here rather than focus on what is missing. See how life is so full and generous?

Discover Overflowing Possibility

If you are living in a world of assumptions, you may be missing out. When you find yourself stuck, expand your view. Take the widest angle lens possible so you can see what is actually being offered to you.

Life is so fresh as it unfolds, simply bursting with potential. Really, anything is possible. Life doesn’t need your assumptions to know what to create next – it does a fine job by itself.

Maybe you will decide to do yourself a favor. If your assumptions aren’t serving you, let them fade away. Align with the flow of what is happening right now, and live, happily, as the openness that you are.

Do your assumptions serve or get in the way? What if you were to let them go?

Note:  I had a lovely interview last evening with Jonathan Mosen of MushroomFM radio. Here’s the link if you’d like to listen in.

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Awaken to the Power of Slow

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

We’re moving way too fast, and it’s time to slooow dooown. Does your life fly by at warp speed? Are you exhausted, always living three steps ahead of yourself?

We think that everything we do is so important. The situations in our lives demand our attention and fuel an agitated, nonstop mind.

How are we ever going to realize the peace and happiness we want if we don’t slow down?

Slow Down and Rest

Over coffee with some friends, we were lamenting the loss of the sabbath. In the olden days (well, the 1960’s), stores were closed on Sundays, and it was a day of true relaxation, a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

It was an opportunity to stop, rest, enjoy, and connect – free of the pressure to do and achieve.

But slowing down isn’t just about taking a break.

Slow Down and Reconnect

When you run at full tilt, you are disconnected from yourself. You are driven by your schedule or your perceived obligations. The mind has taken over, and your life has become built on concepts rather than the true aliveness that allows it to emerge naturally and effortlessly.

You have no time or space to get honest with yourself about the unhealthy patterns you play out.

Until you slow down…way down…nothing will change. Yes, things will happen, but

you will be a victim of your life rather than the enjoyer of it.

There’s no need to make a radical change. You can slow down and speed up as you wish. But consider dipping your toe into the wonder of slowing down. Because when you do, you open to the possibility of unifying yourself and reducing confusion.

You discover that everything you were looking for is already here.

You meet peace, harmony, and contentment – right here in this present moment.

Are you ready to slow down? Here’s what you get. Welcome to sanity, welcome to your life.

Be Here Now

Of course, you are always here – how could you be anywhere else? But when your mind is spinning with thoughts about the past and worries about the future, you feel anywhere but here.

Slow down your activities. Take some time to be quiet. Lose interest in your thoughts so their power wanes.

Let go of analyzing, judging, categorizing, projecting, wishing, and see that things unfold just fine. Whatever needs to happen will happen without your intervention.

Have no expectations, and you can’t possibly be disappointed.

Breathe. Be. Allow rather than do. Rest in the stillness of you.

Observe and Feel

Slowing down creates the space to get very familiar with your automatic programming. Do you smoke, eat too much, keep yourself ridiculously busy? Are you driven by need, lack, or control?

These patterns cannot possibly bring you peace.

When you slow down, you tell the truth to yourself. You feel the effects of these self-betrayals.

You learn so clearly how these habits play out there is the possibility of choosing differently.

I recently spoke with a 95-year-old woman who was still intensely concerned about what people think of her. So painful. Please don’t let this be you.  Slow down, and do the work that is required for your precious well being.

Notice

If you slow down, and you’re not filling your mind with a jumble of thoughts about the future, then what?

Ah, this is where living starts. You will notice the array of appearances that come and go.

Open to sounds. Feel sensations. Look around you with totally fresh eyes. Be awake as you drive, clean, cook, laugh.

Feel the essence of people around you so you can meet them exactly as they are – selflessly.

Enjoy the blossoming of life that is inseparable from you.

KISS

KISS stands for “keep it simple, stupid.” I can’t remember the last time I used the word “stupid,” but the “keep it simple” part is filled with wisdom.

When you slow down, you simplify. The most natural way of being emerges, and here’s what you discover:

  • Action happens effortlessly based on what is appropriate in the situation
  • The veils of your conditioning fall away, leaving you free
  • Thoughts release their grip on you
  • You are moved by love, not fear

Slow down. Arrive right here where you have never left. You will naturally emanate joy everywhere.

Do you find it difficult to slow down? What have you discovered when you do? We’d all love to hear…

My blogging friend Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker has just released his lovely book, The Raven Who Spoke with God, on Kindle. Click here to check it out (non-affiliate link).

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Five Must-Do Actions to Uncover Your Natural Brilliance

“We become what we love. What we put first in our lives is what we receive from life.”
~Guy Finley

In case you haven’t noticed yet, the truth of who you are is intelligent, creative, and naturally fulfilled. This is your essence, your true nature, that is non-negotiable and undeniable.

You don’t have life – you are life. You don’t find peace – you are infinitely peaceful at the core.

But sometimes the clouds move in, and your inner glow seems to be hidden. You want to be happy, yet fear deters you. You long for an end to suffering, but you just don’t know how to go about it. You are desperate for your light to shine even though it seems very, very dim. (Light? What light?)

When we are perfectly aligned with life in its purest form, it unfolds effortlessly. But for most of us, effort is required for a time. It helps tremendously to know what you should focus on and how you should handle your reactions and troublesome habits.

And if you’re really serious about releasing your inner brilliance, you will make it a practice to apply these actions as often as possible during your daily life. This is what I have done for years, and it’s been a joy to know in my own experience that the clouds move on, and the light keeps getting brighter and brighter.

Familiarize yourself with these five actions, then, when the moment is right, engage with them. Put them into practice, notice the results, and prepare yourself to be surprised. For each one is a doorway to your limitless light.

1. Let go of any stories you are telling yourself.

We tell ourselves stories about the past and worry about what might happen in the future. Stories can be dramatic, scary, or sad. Some common ones are:

  • I’m a victim.
  • I’m no good.
  • I can’t.
  • I’m not worthy.
  • I deserve…
  • I should or shouldn’t….

No story serves the release of your inner brilliance. Stories categorize and define. They convince you that you are a fraction of who you really are. And they divert your attention from what is real, free, and alive in you.

Lose interest in all stories – yes, all of them. Shed the veils of thinking, and watch your brilliance take over.

2. Listen to the whisper voice of your natural self and let it guide you.

Once the roar of thinking dies down, there is the space for you to listen. Spend time being quiet. Just sit, and be infinitely open and available.

Guidance is always here. Your job is to listen and follow it.

Are you willing?

3. Don’t feed the drama of your emotions.

Emotions can easily get you side-tracked. Say, “No more.” See that emotions come and go like weather. Don’t worship at the altar of your feelings or let them direct your precious life.

Witness your emotions, but don’t get involved with them. They are not a reliable source of information or a signpost. Simply let them be, then the natural direction of your brilliance will unfold. Try it out, and see if this is true for you.

4. Follow what makes you happy.

Don’t be afraid of happiness, and don’t protect yourself from experiencing joy. Turn away from a need to please others or to live according to your should’s and expectations. Don’t be bound by pressures of any kind.

Now is your chance to be free. And now, and now. It’s very simple. If you let happiness guide you:

  • What would you do?
  • How would you relate to your stories and emotions?
  • How do you want to show up in the moments of your life?

Align yourself with happiness, and your natural brilliance will overflow everywhere.

5. Be completely open in your mind and heart.

If you are closed and resistant, you are locking yourself into a very small room. Instead, cultivate a sense of curiosity about everything.

  • Maybe you can be more fulfilled than you could ever imagine. (What is possible for you?)
  • Maybe you can be non-reactive and peaceful. (How would that affect your inner world and your relationships?)
  • Maybe what you identify as problems actually get solved when you relate to them differently. (What would you do with all the energy that is freed up?)

Be open to recognizing and questioning all assumptions. You will be well on the road to living as the infinite brilliance that you are.

It is true that you get out what you put in. Find the place inside you that can’t bear the suffering and confusion and troubled habits one moment longer. Practice these five actions continually.

Then step out of the way, and be your beautiful, shining self.

Do you practice these actions? What happens? Do you notice any obstacles to these practices? I’d love to hear…

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It’s So Simple: Just Press Reset

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”
~Jill Bolte Taylor

Teaching stories are everywhere, like this one, for example. My new husband and I were lost in the woods this weekend, and, well, what else to do but take out our iphones.

In a minute, his showed us the way, yet mine was woefully blank. A trip to the Apple store solved the problem – a simple reset, and I was good to go.

Reset Applied

The next day, I found myself grumpy and stressed. Then the lightbulb went off. Oh, a reset! And that was all that was needed. The clouds cleared, and there was openness and peace once again.

Really, my choice to reset changed the whole tone of the moment and the rest of the day.

Can it be as simple as that? Absolutely. You are never more than a nanosecond away from sanity. You are closer than close to knowing yourself as aware presence, alive to all possibilities.

Just as you choose to be troubled and downcast, you can opt for a reset. As the quote by Jill Bolte Taylor says, “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”

It’s Your Choice

Take responsibility for your mood, what you think about and believe, your attachments. Take responsibility for happiness, and you will see that this simple shift changes everything.

Here’s how it works:

  • Reset: What do I really want in this moment?
  • Reset: What is most important right now?
  • Reset: Let me forget about thinking and sink into the heart.
  • Reset: What emotion, expectation, or idea do I need to let go of – right now?

Maybe you think if you read enough blog posts, one day you will magically become happy or more in control of your thoughts or feelings. Maybe you think that happiness is not possible for you.

My suggestion to you is: don’t just read – try it out in your own experience. When you find yourself stuck in lack or misery, press reset. Clear your screen completely, and look out with fresh eyes. Drop the veils that hide your magnificence, and relax into the space of no projections.

Here each moment is brimming with potential. Whatever seemed frustrating or painful dissolves. You sparkle with creativity and openness. You are flexible so new solutions come to mind.

 The amazing good news is that you don’t have to settle, you don’t have to accept good enough. Take responsibility for the energy you bring to any space.

If you are struggling, reset. It’s the button you are always carrying, right in your back pocket.

How do you reset if you’re having a hard time? Do you find it difficult? I’d love to hear…

In case you haven’t heard, I am offering a free ebook, “Tending Your Garden of Everyday Joy: 30 Reflections for a Flourishing Life.” It is my gift to you in appreciation when you sign up for the mailing list. Simply click here.

10 Life-Changing Facts About Fear: Take Two

free_from_fearAre you ready to go deeper, to really commit to discovering freedom from fear, consider joining the 3-week Flourish in the Face of Fear intensive.  I am so excited about the possibilities it offers you because it is chock full of practical, straightforward information you can apply to the moments of your precious life.  Please click here for more information and to register.

In the support of this upcoming event, I am reprinting a popular post I published a year ago called 10 Life-Changing Facts About Fear.  Address your fear directly and see if your life doesn’t change in some amazing ways.

10 Life-Changing Facts About Fear

“The presence of fear is a sure sign you’re trusting in your own strength.”
~A Course in Miracles

If you’re a human being, chances are you experience fear. These bodies we live in are built for survival, and fear is the gatekeeper. It protects us, keeping us safe and secure by making us wary of any potential threat that might come our way. Fear breeds caution, vigilance, and suspicion.

Which is fine if a hungry lion is chasing you. But if your intention is to live in the abundance that is always here, to lead with the heart, to be open to the depth and breadth of what might be possible in your life, then fear deserves your attention.

A Sacred Choice

Simply said, running from fear doesn’t work. If we avoid turning to face it, it will nip at our heels forever. What does this mean? We live a fear-led life, choosing partners, jobs, and friends out of fear. Habits and addictions run wild because we are afraid of meeting our feelings. We feel separate and alienated, while deep inside, we recognize the echo of truth whispering softly.

Here is my question to you as we move into 2012. What do you want? I mean what do you really want for this precious life you have been given? If you are committed to knowing yourself fully, to living fully, then get to know fear. Start with these facts, then step aside and let your life unfold in all its glory.

Facts About Fear

  1. Fear-motivated thoughts are all about “can’t.” They create a negative, imagined scenario about the future. Here’s the truth: you don’t know what is going to happen, so these thoughts can’t possibly be true. Buy into these thoughts, and you are inviting limitation. Let them float on by, and you will see what is actually true for you.
  2. Fearful thoughts are designed to keep you safe and limited. They are not wisdom, and they are not truth. You get to choose what to follow.
  3. Fear always includes physical sensations. Learn to recognize these, and receive them as they are with an open heart. Channel the energy of fear into excitement and enthusiasm.
  4. Fear makes us think that something negative will happen, when the truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Become comfortable with not knowing so that fear doesn’t rule you.
  5. Resisting fear strengthens it. The antidote is awareness – being willing to directly experience fear as it appears to you in the moment, recognizing the thoughts and physical sensations.
  6. The goal is not to get rid of fear, as you don’t have the power to make this happen. But you do have the power to change the way you relate to fear. Learn to receive it with curiosity and a loving heart, get to know how it spins thoughts that deflate the things you are enthusiastic about. But don’t feel like something is wrong or you have failed if it continues to appear. Simply meet it lovingly every time.
  7. A surge of fear tends to arise directly after a moment of truth. Say that an idea appears in your mind about something you’d love to do. Soon after, you might notice that your mind is filled with reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do it. Recognize that this is fear speaking.
  8. Recognizing the presence of fear allows you to make conscious decisions. You have the clarity to see what fear is guiding you to do, and you can consider what you really want.
  9. Fear is not the enemy. It can be the voice of reason, caution, and practicality that serves you well at times.
  10. It takes energy to resist fear. Getting to know it and allowing it to be lets your body and mind relax, as the fight is over. This opens a space for creativity, wonder, awe, love, beauty, inspiration.

Learn about fear. Know it so well that it can’t sneak up on you. Free yourself from the chains of fear, and every moment of your life will shine.

How have you dealt with fear? Does it hold you back? What happens when you embrace fear? I’d love to hear…