Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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12 Enlightening Ways to Find Peace in Any Moment

find-peace-1“Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear.”
~Gandhi

As humans, we suffer when our attention is locked into painful thoughts and feelings. If you stop in any moment when you’re unhappy, you’ll be able to know exactly why you’re suffering.

You’ll notice that your attention is caught in thinking negative, agitating thoughts. You might be worrying about the future, ruminating about something that happened in the past, thinking about what you should have said or done, judging yourself or others in your mind.

You might be holding expectations about how you think things should be that aren’t being met. And you might be aware of emotions and tension in your body, feeling stressed, anxious, frustrated, or sad.

Waking Up to How We Suffer

We’re often unaware of where our attention goes unless we consciously take a look. And when we’re unaware, we mistakenly identify with limiting thoughts and emotions that just aren’t true.

They’re affecting our mood, how we show up in our lives and our relationships, and the decisions we make. Without our realizing it, these habits become our reality.

My experience of becoming aware of where my attention is focused makes it completely obvious why I’m not peaceful and happy in any moment. How could I possibly be happy if my experience is dominated by stress and negativity?

The first time I saw this, it was a huge and exciting revelation. If I knew how I was suffering, I knew that I could find my way to peace in any moment.

Ways to Peace

How to do that? Here are some of the ways I’ve found to be helpful. Try them out. Experiment. And know that it’s possible for you to be peaceful now…and now…and now…

  1. Develop a new way of relating to your experience. Make a U-turn with your attention away from the world. Tone down the drama and become curious about your in-the-moment experience instead.
  2. Become an expert in how you suffer. Notice what thoughts are consuming your attention. Realize how these thoughts affect your mood, how you show up with people, the life decisions you make. Now you’re motivated to find another way of being.
  3. These conditioned thought patterns don’t serve happiness. Shift your attention away from engaging with the content of the thoughts and instead just be aware that they’re present.
  4. Then get to know the experience of “being aware,” which itself is peaceful. Allowing thoughts to flow through you like clouds in the sky, you’re conscious and alive. Amazingly you realize that this “being aware” is not touched by the content of the thoughts. It remains peaceful no matter what thoughts and feelings are present. In the moments when you’re consciously aware, you’re not resisting your experience by believing it’s who you are.
  5. Use your breath and your senses to come alive to the present moment. What do you see, hear, and feel in your body?
  6. When you’re in the throes of a strong feeling, know that ruminating on the story about the feeling will only keep it locked into place. The experience of every feeling includes physical sensations. Instead of feeding thoughts, move your attention into your body. Notice the physical sensations and let them be present as they are without needing to get rid of them. This deep acceptance is a beautifully loving way to be with yourself. You stop resisting your experience, and you’re at peace.
  7. Our lives are way too busy, and our happiness is served when we slow down. Call it meditation or just sitting, but spend a little time every day being quiet.
  8. Reduce the mental and emotional noise around you. When we’re unconscious, we tend to move too fast and make decisions that don’t serve our peace and happiness. Becoming more aware, you might realize you want align your lifestyle to invite peace. This might mean you drink less, let go of people in your life who aren’t serving peace, watch less news and fewer violent movies, or reduce the drama in your life by gossiping less.
  9. Be on the lookout for spontaneous and natural experiences of joy, awe, wonder, tenderness, gratitude, heart-opening, and clarity—and experience them deeply.
  10. Relish in doing things you enjoy. Listen inside to how love, enthusiasm, aliveness, and creativity want to move you, then take action even if it’s scary.
  11. Have patience and compassion with yourself. It takes time to counteract decades of conditioning and unconsciousness. Stay committed to your desire for peace.
  12. Don’t feel frustrated when habits recur—that’s what habits do! Celebrate every sacred moment of waking up to the suffering so you can know peace.

Realize that you don’t have to be defined by unhappy thoughts and feelings. In any moment, let them go. And here you are, steeped in awareness, peaceful, and fully one with the unfolding of life.

What About You?

How do you find peace in any moment? Experiment with these suggestions and let us know in the comments how it goes. I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

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10 Life-Changing Facts About Forgiveness

forgiveness_10lcf“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I’m a big fan of forgiveness, but I understand if it feels difficult or isn’t the right time for you. In my personal experience, letting go of a grudge against my parents opened my whole experience of life and paved the way for our relationship to be much more loving.

I never got an apology, and we never had “the talk” I thought I needed. I was just tired of feeling angry and resentful and wanted freedom.

Looking back, I can see that this grudge consumed my energy for many years—and now I rarely think about what happened. It no longer occupies my mental and emotional space.

If you are struggling with forgiveness, then this article is for you. Absorb these 10 facts, contemplate them, and experiment with putting them into action in your own heart and mind.

1. Forgiveness is life-changing.

When you turn toward yourself, notice how holding a grudge seeps into your thoughts and dominates your emotions.

Once you’re serious about forgiveness and make peace your priority, your energy naturally begins to open. Instead of chewing on thoughts about the past, you’re available to be compassionate with yourself and way more open to the wonders of the present moment.

2. Forgiveness is about your peace and happiness.

If you are stuck in bitterness, you are the one suffering. And once the knot inside untangles, you’re no longer living in distressing stories and painful emotions.

In a flash of insight, I realized how much anger I carried that affected my daily life. That was enough for me to commit to letting it go. I just wanted to feel better. That it changed my relationships for the better was a happy side effect.

3. Forgiving doesn’t mean you approve of bad behavior.

Here’s the truth: people do nasty things, and what happens in life is not always fair.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you approve of anyone’s behavior. Whomever is the target of your grudge needs to walk their own path.

The path of forgiveness is your own. You can’t control what happened or other people’s behavior, but you can absolutely control how you meet your own experience.

If we persist in focusing on the story of blame, we’re hurting ourselves in our minds. Committing to making space for all that arises, including the joys and gifts present right now, we’re well on our way to opening our hearts.

4. If you’re having trouble forgiving, there is attachment to the belief that what happened shouldn’t have happened.

If you fight the facts of what happened, you’ll continue to stay stuck.

Instead, take a deep breath, and bring awareness to your inner experience. Realize how painful it’s been for you. Let the sadness, grief, and anger come. And when you’re ready, step away from the pain refreshed and ready to live again. Can you feel how kind this is?

5. Being caught in not forgiving affects you more than anyone else.

You’re holding a grudge when you feel locked into a story of what happened and you feed that story with your attention. Every definition of “grudge” that I found talks about “ill will and resentment.”

Not forgiving means you’re solidifying your experience of ill will and resentment.

6. You don’t need an apology.

If you can have a heartfelt conversation with whomever you feel wronged you, then go for it. But often that isn’t possible. The person may be unable to hear you, unavailable, or deceased. And you are likely to find that the apology isn’t satisfying anyway.

Forgiveness is an inner letting go. In the state of not forgiving, you’re plying the hurtful story with your attention so it keeps feeling very real for you.

When you forgive, you stop thinking about the story, and you welcome your feelings in your own space of awareness. This is the kind and loving thing you can do in your own quiet moments.

7. Forgiving supports the health of your body.

Chronic anger and stress takes its toll on the body.

Research has shown that forgiveness reduces stress, decreases blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate, and improves sleep and immune system functioning. It also reduces anxiety, depression, and anger, and promotes a sense of well being.

8. You’ll probably need to express your feelings.

When we’re caught up in the story of anger and resentment, we’re actually avoiding the intensity of our feelings. Let yourself feel whatever you feel—anger, rage, sadness, grief. Express these feelings with a therapist, trusted friend, in a letter you don’t send, or in front of an empty chair.

Then take a breath and breathe with the sensations you feel. Let these sensations rise up and pass on. You’re untangling your attachment to the story and being present with your experience in a deeply loving way.

9. You may not need what you think you need.

By now, you probably have some distinct ideas about what you need in order for you to forgive. But consider other possibilities as well. And here are two for you to experiment with.

Try giving yourself what you think you need from someone else. If you think you need love, give yourself love. If you think you need understanding, spend some time in deep compassion and understanding with yourself. If you think you need an apology, imagine getting it and feel the effects in your body, mind, and heart.

Then see if you can give out to others what you think you need. Can you open to others with love, acceptance, and understanding? Is there anyone you feel moved to apologize to?

10. It’s so freeing to forgive.

Not forgiving keeps you locked into feeling like a victim. You think that something was done to you, and you put the possibility of healing into someone else’s hands.

When you embark on the path of forgiveness, you’re reclaiming your power. You’re taking loving care of your own thoughts and feelings, and helping your own sense of peace to flourish.

When we bring our loving attention to the places inside that feel stuck, magic happens. Spaciousness…peace…intimacy…aliveness in the present moment…

Surrender Your Mind to Your Loving Heart

surrender“Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot foresee the outcome.”
~Deepak Chopra

I love the act of surrender. When we’re holding on tight to something with so much effort, it means we can thankfully let go.

When we feel like we’re carrying the world on our shoulders, we can give it back, drop the weight, and trust that things will be okay.

The Ease of Surrender

I surrender a lot. When life presents me with a situation that I just can’t figure out, I stop trying. Instead of endlessly rolling it around in my mind, I wait, listening intently, fully receptive to the answers that might appear.

When there are too many things to do, I stop trying to do them and let myself be guided.

And when things just don’t feel right, I know I’ve taken a turn off my true path. And that’s the perfect time to stop, let go, and surrender.

From where I sit, surrendering makes life so much easier. You don’t need to stay stuck in the fog of confusion. You don’t need to know all the answers. The pressure’s off, so you can truly relax.

“Going with the flow” takes on a whole new meaning.

How Surrender Works

I recently found myself urgently trying to make a decision, and the way forward just wasn’t clear. I tested out a couple of different options, but each time I felt an inner “No.” I had no enthusiasm and felt forced to do something I didn’t really want to do.

There were red flags everywhere that I was looking in the wrong direction. So I decided to surrender.

Instead of choosing with my mind about what I thought should happen, I went to my heart. I asked:

  • What would I enjoy?
  • What am I enthusiastic about?
  • Where does my creativity want to express itself?
  • What would be fun to do?

And as soon as I started asking these questions, the answers flooded in. To my surprise, I realized I wasn’t confused or stuck. I just hadn’t created the space for these answers to emerge.

Here’s the lesson that came as clear as day. The mind creates struggle, and the heart knows. I can spin around in my mind with its desires, expectations, and judgments, or I can let all of that mental activity merrily float off into the ethers.

I can suffer and contract into an agitated little ball, or I am here, happy, clear, and free, with a smile on my face.  🙂

Your Turn to Surrender

Are you interested in surrendering? Here’s what to do.

  • Get to know that cranky, needy personal voice with its endless desires, requirements, and opinions. Recognize it, then let it go. Don’t give it your attention.
  • If it feels right, ask questions appropriate to your situation. How is your heart wanting to speak?
  • Now here’s the juicy part. Simply listen. Find that place of supreme openness beyond the thinking mind where you don’t need to know, and be available to what that openness has to tell you. Let yourself be visited by the grand intelligence that lies behind everything. And trust it no matter what your fears tell you.

Surrender your mind to your loving heart. It’s simple and courageous and the only sane thing to do.

What About You?

What keeps you from surrendering? What happens when you do? What do you surrender? I’d love to hear…and if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

Note: You are most welcome to attend our next live meeting of Living in Truth. Please click here for the info.

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The Must-Do Way to Heal from the Pain of Inadequacy

heal_inadequacy“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
~Eckhart Tolle

The problem of inadequacy is rampant in our society. Call it low self-esteem, need for approval, or the disease to please—if you believe that you are your conditioned habits, you’ll live with the sense that something’s missing.

The messages about lack are everywhere. Just watch ten minutes of commercials on TV. You’ll be told you aren’t young enough or thin enough, or that you don’t have the car or even cleaning product you need to be happy. We live in a culture of non-acceptance, which is supported by what many of us learn from our families of origin.

We’re taught that we’re not good enough, that we need exactly what we don’t have. It’s a legacy of lack.

The Pain Is Personal

Of course, this sense of lack seeps into our personal psyches. It might appear like this:

  • Living steeped in thoughts about what you should do or be to be acceptable and complete;
  • Needing others’ approval to feel okay about yourself;
  • Constant self-criticism;
  • Feeling that there must be something more to life;
  • Compulsive behavior that tries to fill your emotional void.

It’s like the bucket is always leaking. You rarely feel full, relaxed, and at ease.

Lack and desire are at the root of unhappiness. And feelings of personal inadequacy keep you searching, struggling to fulfill your needs and desires.

In Buddhism, it’s called the hungry ghost— that gnawing hunger to seek what you think you’re missing but which can never really satisfy.

You Are Already Whole

The invitation I’m offering to you here, right now, is to stop living in the false identity of “not enough,” to stop searching to get what you think you need in order to finally be adequate.

Instead, turn your into into the core of inadequacy to find out if it’s true. (Hint: It’s not.) Realize the possibility that, outside of the sad stories and hopeless feelings, the truth has always been here, waiting to be discovered.

You have always been all that you were looking for.

You are whole and complete, more than enough, full and overflowing—just as you are. You can wake up from the dream of personal lack, which is precisely the healing you’ve been looking for.

The Path to Heal from the Pain of Inadequacy

How to do that? Don’t believe the thoughts that try to convince you that you’re inadequate. Question these thoughts, and they’ll start to lose their power.

  • You observe them rather than believe them.
  • You realize you don’t have to take them as true.

When you stop and question your thoughts, you’ve put on the brakes to this painful habit. And that changes everything.

You realize that these thoughts appear, but they are not who you are.

Beautiful You

And who are you? Naturally kind and open-hearted…pristine…unaffected by anything that might have happened to you.

We’ve all heard the saying that you can see the glass as half empty or half full. I say, don’t just see the glass as half full.

Stop trying to fix what’s not actually broken in you and realize that your glass is already completely full and overflowing. Recognize that your fulfillment is already here, available right now, then go out there and enjoy your life.

Are you troubled by inadequacy? Have you found the way to heal from it? I’d love to hear…And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

You may have noticed that there was a problem with posting comments on the site for the past few weeks, but this is now fixed. Feel free to stop by. I’d love to hear about your challenges and insights!

Always in love,
Gail

PS: This post is inspired by Chapter 7 of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life. To purchase the book for yourself or a friend, please click here.

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Peace—It’s a Nanosecond Away

peace_nanosecondThere is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.

~Rumi

If there’s one thing I love, it’s this: that peace is always a nanosecond away.

It takes no time at all to take a breath, to step our attention away from the dramas and worries that consume us, to notice and be rather than engage.

It’s the sacred stopping of the momentum of programmed habits and the relief that comes from expanding into pure alive being. Can you feel it?

In the moment of being aware, obsessive thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. The pressure to change or improve melts away. All the doing to become something better gives way to simply receiving things as they are.

And what’s left? Effortlessly flowing with what is. Feeling the “Thank you” emerge from the stillness. Recognizing the sense that things are okay.

Tasting the palpable aliveness that’s masked when our minds are in charge.

It’s so simple. How to do it?

  • Stop. Notice that you’re suffering, and stop.
  • Take a cleansing breath.
  • Be alert to the aliveness that’s present and let the thoughts go.
  • Enjoy the moment of peace.

Then go deeper and explore this peace. Discover its vastness. Notice that it’s always here when your attention isn’t caught in thoughts. Realize the sense of union with everything as your mind and heart open endlessly.

These are not special moments reserved for the blessed few. This is what’s available in your everyday reality.

Let peace fill your body. Let love inform your actions. Inhabit the space where your true fire burns brightly.

What About You?

What happens when you access these moments of peace? What gets in the way? I’d love to hear, and if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

Note: Please tune in for my radio interview on Patricia Raskin’s Positive Living Show. It’s Monday, June 8 at 2:30 pm Eastern time, 11:30 am Pacific. Click here for the info.

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The Pain of Closing Down and the Beauty of Opening to What Is

beauty of opening“You must choose between your attachments and happiness.”
~Adyashanti

I used to live in a world of “if only.” If only the right partner would show up or I wouldn’t get caught in traffic or my family life would improve. It was such an arrogant life—and so frustrating!

If only things would be the way I wanted them to be. It was all about me.

Here was life, effortlessly presenting itself, and I was too busy wanting it to be different to receive its gifts.

Yes, I was able to enjoy myself at times, but I was attached to all kinds of outcomes, large and small, and I suffered for it. Every time I wanted something to happen in a certain way, I set myself up for frustration, stress, and disappointment.

I was really tired of the pain, but I just couldn’t figure out a way through it.

Joyfully Opening to What Is

Fast forward to now, and I can’t help but smile. Because the unfolding of life is so beautiful in whatever form it takes, and the joy of opening to what is, as it is, is unspeakable.

Amazingly, peace was always available. I could have stopped glorifying these personal desires at any time if I knew better. But their power was overwhelming, and I never thought to question them.

Do you react to life with a big “No?” Do you want it your way, not the way it actually is? Is Now not good enough? Then you are suffering. I know because I’ve been there.

Why wait one moment longer to find your way out of this mess?

How to do it? With understanding. Understand how your personal desires bring suffering, and wisdom will erode them. Bring clarity to your life experience so you see that opening to things as they are—not as you want them to be—is the only sane and peaceful way to be.

From Closing to Opening

Every want contains within it a seed of resistance to what is. You think the present moment is missing something or not as good as it could be. “If only things were different,” your mind is saying.

But each want also holds the possibility of being free. Let’s consider two ways we close to what is: hoping for a better future and expecting things to be a certain way.

Hope is about wanting a better moment at some other time in the future.

It’s a story created by the mind, filled with thoughts about how your current situation is lacking.

Hope leaves you waiting, not living.

And your experience right now? Unhappy and dissatisfied.

New possibility:

Expand beyond the confining view of hope for a better future, and new possibilities come to light right in this moment.

  • Can you give your mind a rest from chewing on these stressful thoughts for a moment and breathe with just being present?
  • Can you say “Yes” to things as they are, even if your mind tells you it doesn’t like them?
  • Can you become aware of simply being okay?
An expectation desires a specific outcome, not necessarily the one you get.

It breeds anxiety and frustration as your mind zooms in on the one outcome you want. You miss out on an infinite number of other possibilities, and you end up resisting what actually does happen.

New possibility:

Expand beyond wanting one specific thing. Stay present and open to the possibility of all things.

  • Can you let go of trying to control life?
  • Can you open in your heart and body rather than being constricted by your thoughts and ideas?
  • Can you lovingly receive what occurs?

A Real World Example

Letting go of personal desires and opening fully to what is—here’s how it works for me in the real world.

I’m almost always accepting of how life flows, and it’s so lovely to hardly ever react to situations that arise.

But here’s what happened yesterday. I was scheduled for an hour-long interview on a live radio show. I arranged two days of plans so I could be available during this specific hour, which included asking my husband to delay his plans, which he graciously did.

Then two minutes before on-air time, I got the call that the host was canceling the interview because he was ill.

My first reaction? Not compassion for his illness. Instead, I felt anger, fear, and guilt all rolled into one. Then I worked through it.

  • I made space for the energies showing up in my body.
  • I calmly talked it over with my husband.
  • And I saw so clearly the pain of holding expectations.

Refocusing away from my agitated mind, I found peace and presence once again.

And the lessons?

Don’t expect to not get caught. There’s nothing wrong with having an emotional reaction now and then.

And know that you can find your way to peace. With understanding and clear seeing, let the boundaries of your personal self—with its wants and desires—dissolve.

And here you are…pristine…open to life…deeply at ease.

Always in love,
Gail

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10 Uplifting Questions That Can Set You Free

10-uplifting-questionsNote: I’m happy to let you know that I’m going to be interviewed on a radio show today, and you can call in to ask questions. I’d love to hear from you! I’ll be on The Self-Improvement Radio Show with Irene Conlan on Thursday, April 30 at 1:00 PM Pacific time. Please click here for all the details.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Speaking of interviews, there was a time when all I wanted was to know the answers. If someone asked me a question, my mind would get right on it, working hard to find just the right response. I wanted to know and get it right.

But now, I’m much more fascinated by questions than answers. I love to swim in not knowing, to float in the space that allows answers to arise. I don’t need to know, and I’m happy to tell my busy mind that it’s okay to be at ease.

Want to try it out? Take a breath, and let any of these questions flow into your consciousness—now and whenever you feel stuck. Your only job is to be receptive, curious, and open.

10 Uplifting Questions

1. What is most alive in me right now?

2. What is life asking of me?

3. What can I surrender right now that isn’t serving?

4. What false beliefs am I taking to be true?

5. Can I say “Yes!” to what’s happening in this moment?

6. What am I avoiding that is asking for my attention?

7. Can I welcome what’s happening in my body right now?

8. Can I stop, breathe, and simply be aware?

9. Who or what am I?

10. Can I open to what is present right now?

I’d love to hear what you discover. If you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

And if you’re enjoying The End of Self-Help, feel free to write a review on Amazon. It helps others to know more about the book. Just scroll down to the end of the reviews and click on “write a customer review.”

Always in love,

Gail

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Running and Staying

running_and_stayingNote: I’m so happy to announce that my book, “The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life” will be published this Thursday, April 16. If you’ve been helped at all by anything you’ve read on this blog, you can help others by purchasing a copy on Amazon.com. As people start buying it now, Amazon will promote it to an even wider audience who will hear about its message—that peace is truly possible in any moment. This is what I’d love everyone to know!

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 4, “Running and Staying.”

Always in love,
Gail

When you run from parts of yourself, you set up an inner war. Experiences appear—feelings, sensations in your body—yet you deny them. You turn away and pretend they don’t exist or you react to them with anger and resistance. Meanwhile, you’re preoccupied with your attention drawn into stories that make up your life circumstances, roles you play out, and behavior patterns that create the illusion of your limited identity. It’s a kind of violence. You’re fighting reality, evading the truth of the moment, cutting off a tender and valid experience that’s part of the totality. And you mistakenly believe you’re limited.

Yet, in our everyday world, this seems normal. As avoidance of feelings becomes a habit, our lives feel pressured and off-track. We have to keep moving because we’re afraid to be quiet or alone. Society constantly bombards us with messages that pull us away from ourselves—to buy more, do more, be more. And as soon as we’re unhappy, we think we need pills or the next self-help fad to fix it. We’re told that reality as we actually experience it is not okay. This is what we call life.

Every time you move away from the essence of your true nature, you avoid some aspect of your experience—and end up feeling fragmented. Part of you needs to stay hidden behind closed doors, while another part stands as sentry to make sure the secret feelings stay locked away. Meanwhile, you’re out in the world—or stuck in your head—compulsively keeping yourself occupied so you don’t feel the feelings. Life seems complex, disconnected, and confusing.

Things get even more complicated when these avoidance strategies turn into ways that you define yourself. You take on an identity: unworthy one, self-absorbed one, or one who is overwhelmed or depressed. You fall victim to these ways of being until you feel like you’re imprisoned in a steel trap, and you’re completely distracted from your essential core as aware presence. Yes, you’re breathing, and the days pass. But who are you? Whose life is this? Were you meant to search and hope forever? You must be in there, somewhere.

The Root Cause of Habits

Take any problem you have—anything you do or any tendency you play out that doesn’t serve you. If you unwind it back to its source, you’ll find a feeling that you’ve been avoiding. And it’s this unexamined feeling that makes you think you’re separate. Say that you tend to be a people-pleaser. Shining a light on this tendency, you’ll notice that sometimes you feel obligated to do what others want you to do. You might tell yourself a familiar story about what you have to do or what’s expected of you. But if you look more directly at this feeling of obligation, you’ll become aware of some inner discomfort, a sense of being ill at ease. And if you investigate even more closely, you might find feelings of fear, sadness, lack, or emptiness.

So there you are, out in the world, living through the lens of believing you need to please others. You might even feel resentful or depleted because of it. All your efforts are about trying to come to a place of peace within yourself, reasoning, “If I make them happy, they’ll finally love and accept me.” But with your attention outside yourself, grasping what you think you need, you’re avoiding your innermost feelings. And you don’t realize that the deepest peace is available, right here in any moment, by turning your kind and spacious attention toward understanding the nature of these feelings. Here is where you can discover that you’re already whole, and here’s where the possibility for seeing through this painful way of being resides.

Consider addictions, self-defeating behavior patterns, or interpersonal strife—avoidance of feelings is the culprit whenever you’re suffering. Take a look at any area of your life that isn’t working for you, and you’ll surely find some challenging feelings lurking.

  • Do you limit your expression in the world? Fear is driving you.
  • Do you drink or eat too much? Some feeling is eating away at you or drowning you.
  • Do you complain? You’re likely to be irritated or disappointed.
  • Are you emotionally triggered by certain people? Do you continually make self- defeating choices? You haven’t yet discovered the feelings hidden outside your conscious awareness.

This is why you feel like a hamster on a wheel. When feelings are suppressed, they don’t disappear. Instead, they run the show from behind the scenes. You’re like a puppet, with unexplored emotions pulling your strings. These feelings push you to engage in behaviors and thought processes that falsely define you—and block the happiness you desire.

Reclaiming Yourself

The journey back to wholeness, beyond the fragments and cut-off places within you, involves shining the light of presence on emotions that have been hiding out in the shadows. You realize pure presence—not to heal or fix anything, or to change your behavior, or become a better person—because the truth of you has never been broken. These are traps that reinforce the false belief about who you are—and miss the possibility of resting in presence, available right now.

Instead, you reclaim these forgotten realms of unexplored feeling because they’re here, real, and valid. They’re an aspect of pure reality that takes shape as feelings, a sacred manifestation of the whole of life to be honored, not shunned.

What About You?

Are unexamined feelings driving you? What happens when you welcome them in? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

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Finding Yourself

finding-yourself“While you’ve been busy with your attention captured by feelings and thinking of yourself as separate and limited, you’ve missed the absolute truth: you have always been all that you ever wanted.”

I’m very excited to share with you an excerpt from chapter 1 of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life.
Love,
Gail

The self-help industry is fundamentally flawed. It perpetuates the myth that we are limited, damaged, inadequate selves who need to be fixed. Sadly, it keeps millions of people just like you hoping for a better future when they will finally be happy and fulfilled.

But what if this inadequate self isn’t who you are? What if it’s possible, at any moment, to be happy and free?

Discovering this possibility is a journey that leads you to the amazing fact that all you seek has always been here. What you discover won’t be new or unfamiliar. You’ve always been who you really are despite your distractions.

  • You’ve already delighted in the burst of joy that comes out of nowhere, if only for an instant;
  • You’ve felt the all-consuming feeling of love;
  • You know the wondrous sense of the unity of all;
  • You’ve experienced the spark of unexpected creative expression, and
  • You’ve dissolved into a bout of uncontrollable laughter.

You know in your heart of hearts that you’re bigger than your imagined limits.

Happiness isn’t nearly as elusive as we might think—if we know where to look for it. There’s a current alive in each of us that flows toward contentment, toward resting effortlessly in peace and ease. This current is so strong that every action we take is an attempt to find happiness.

When you seek approval, you’re trying to feel whole and relaxed. If you strive for money or material goods, you’re searching for the moment of ease when you finally fulfill your desire. If you overdo anything, you’re really looking for happiness, peace, and relief from inner turmoil.

You might think you want a relationship or the perfect job or even your mother’s love. But, your real desire is the inner longing to be free of conflict, satisfied and complete, with no sense of something missing.

This is the ease of being you’ve been searching for your whole life. And you absolutely can know it in your own direct experience.

But you won’t discover it in the objects, people, and situations in the world. You won’t even discover it in your own thoughts. These are changeable, unreliable forms you can’t trust to make or keep you happy. If this is where you’re looking, then you probably already know your search will fail.

The good news—the most amazing news—is that the peace you long for is available, here and now, in this very moment…and endlessly. You come to know it when you learn how to stop relying on ideas about how you wish things were—and say “Yes!” to the reality of how things actually are.

The path to realizing the unlimited potential for happiness in every moment is radical. It involves a shift in consciousness that invites you to question everything you take to be true—all the stories, beliefs, hopes, expectations, and feelings that make up who you think you are—and discover that they’re the very source of your dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and personal suffering.

Take an honest look at the thoughts and feelings that consume your attention. Are you:

  • Waiting for others to do something so you can be happy?
  • Obsessing over all the things you don’t like about yourself?
  • Recycling thoughts about what should or shouldn’t happen in your life?
  • Living in fear, shame, worry, or depression?

No wonder you’re not happy. These everyday problems set you up for frustration and disappointment. They make you think the present is unfulfilling, and they delude you into believing that the ease you seek will be available at some future time.

This “if only” thinking keeps you chasing happiness rather than living it. And while you’re distracted by these thoughts and feelings, the deepest peace and happiness—available right now—go unnoticed.

Let me be clear: we’re not just talking about that smile-on-your-face feeling we call happiness. It’s not even the satisfaction you feel when things are going well—these are expressions of it. When you deeply accept everything as it is, the inner war with your own experience ends, and you’re not only peaceful, but joyful and content, as well.

This is your natural state: what you knew before any conditioned habits or emotional pain concealed it. It’s the pure aliveness that remains—when the pressure to do, fix, try, and accomplish falls away. Fear subsides, and you feel intimately connected with everything.

This is the happiness that is always available, always ready to be discovered. Even though you may not consciously experience it, you and I both know that it’s here. Even if it’s hidden, this loving presence is alive in your true heart.

Are you caught in “if only” thinking? Do you know your natural state? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to comment.

This is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life now available for pre-order on Amazon.com

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Fully Available to Life

available-to-lifeThere is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.
~Rumi

What is the point of living if we aren’t enjoying ourselves? This is the question that came to me as I was thinking about my full to-do list and worrying about an upcoming presentation. And it stopped me in my tracks.

When I took a look at all the things that seemed so important to accomplish, clear seeing showed me that everything was just fine. Nothing was late, and all was well.

It’s a pattern that can grip me—the need to do and keep up with tasks—and it was beautiful when the light of awareness pierced through these false and stressful thoughts. Immediately, I was home—to peace, relaxation, and pure enjoyment.

Here, I’m empty of conditioning and fully available to life!

Radio Interview

Where can you let go to return to ease, simply being here as pure presence?

This is one of the questions we discussed in an interview I did recently on ConsciousTalk Radio. The interviewers, Brenda Michaels and Rob Spears, were so much fun, making for lively conversation. Here’s the link to the interview that starts at about 4 minutes in. I hope you enjoy it.

Interview on ConsciousTalk radio

Book Available for Pre-Order

Also, exciting news! My book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life, is available for pre-order. It will be released on April 16, but you can order it now from Amazon.com in the paperback or ebook version.

Here’s the link: Pre-order book on Amazon

If you’re thinking of getting it, this may be the right time. You’ll be helping the book get noticed by Amazon, which will spread its message about happiness and freedom to as many people as possible.

It’s called The End of Self-Help because we’re not broken, damaged selves who need help. We’re already whole, full, and overflowing, and the book explains how to realize this. You’ll be able to read all about it on April 16.

What About You?

So for now, my question to you is: what stories can you let go of that trick you into believing you’re damaged or inadequate? What do you discover when you get out of your own way? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

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