Blog - Dr. Gail Brenner

From Unworthiness to Freedom: Return to Your Natural State

“Achieving Balance” SarahGoodnough.com

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

Just about every single person I meet with is consumed in shame and self-doubt. It’s a dis-ease that’s rampant in our society today. We feel worthless and inadequate. The language in our minds that we use to describe ourselves is so harsh and disparaging.

And we’ve come to believe that what these thoughts tell us is the truth of who we are.

Right now, reflect on the possibility that these thoughts of brokenness and inadequacy don’t accurately describe you. They’re programmed ways of thinking about yourself, but they’re not an accurate reflection of the truth.

You absolutely did not come into the world believing yourself to be inadequate. You came in innocent, whole, and filled with potential. Thinking you’re unworthy and not good enough is an identity you learned through your interactions with others.

Returning to Your Natural State

So the medicine for this identity is to return to your natural state. This is the state of who you were before the identity took hold. And this state, your essential wholeness, has always been here and available to experience.

Distorted beliefs grab our attention and become our reality. But the invitation here is to untangle from these beliefs by withdrawing your attention from them.

Thoughts such as, “I feel worthless; I’ll never amount to anything,” might be very familiar to you. But what happens when you stop feeding them with your attention? What happens when you stop using them to label yourself?

They’re seen as a pattern of words that are random and meaningless. And amazingly you’re free of their impact!

Nothing to Get Rid Of

Every time you notice that you’re caught in thinking that you’re unworthy or lacking, it’s possible to relax your attention away from the story in your head and open to being here right now.

The story may recur many, many times. But don’t see that as a problem. Your job is not to get rid of these thoughts, but to soften your connection with them. And you do that by withdrawing your attention from them. You stop feeding the hopelessness and despair so you’re not reinforcing this way of being.

So here’s how it works. The thought comes, I’m inadequate, I’m worthless, I messed up again, I’m a failure, there’s something wrong with me. Then you stop, and say, “Wait a minute. This pattern of thinking isn’t serving me. I don’t want to believe this about myself. I don’t want this thought pattern ruling my choices any longer. I don’t want to feel so bad.”

With this fire in your belly to stop the suffering, you withdraw your attention from these thoughts. Let them float away like a cloud or burn in the fire of your intention to be free.

You don’t need these painful beliefs about yourself to function in the world. In fact, you might find you’re a whole lot happier without them. Not that they go away, but you don’t use them to define yourself.

The Simple Truth

These thoughts tell you that you’re broken and need to be fixed. But what you realize when you stop buying into them is that right now, you’re here, present, and okay. You don’t need to be fixed or improved.

You’re no longer stuck in the conversation in your head about how you’re inadequate or what you should or shouldn’t have done. Your attention opens to presence, to relaxation, and to the simple fact that without these thoughts, everything is okay. You are okay.

Now there’s space in this present moment. You release into your natural wholeness, into not knowing. Now, you wonder, “How can I be without these thoughts? What will I do? What will I say?”

These are beautiful questions that arise when you step out of limiting thoughts and into a world of new possibilities.

So right now in this moment, notice that without your attention feeding the thoughts of inadequacy and brokenness, you can’t possibly be inadequate or broken. Self-doubt disappears. You no longer need to strive for attention, approval, and validation.

The only true solution to any problem is to realize that your thoughts are not who you are. Then you’re available to the magnificent, never-ending river of life.

What About You?

How do you handle feeling unworthy and inadequate? How have you found freedom from these thoughts? I’d love to hear…

Note: I’ve received many beautiful emails about my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. If it helped you, please consider leaving a review on Amazon to let others know.

So much love…
Gail

Know How Thinking Works

Note: I’m excited to share with you Chapter 11 from my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It’s the kind of book you’ll want on your bedside table with 52 essays, each with a reflection or practice to bring the teachings alive in your own experience. To purchase the book, please click here.

I used to live my life completely caught up in my mind. An underlying sense of anxiety fed a constant stream of thinking that left me feeling stressed and out of sorts.

Now I know it’s not a requirement to live in that stress. I’ve studied these thought patterns and have found 99.9% of them to be repetitive, negative, and patently unhelpful. They don’t support, and they don’t bring joy and celebration.

One day many years ago, I was lying by the pool relaxing in the sun, and I decided to experiment. I brought to mind some common, worrisome thoughts and immediately felt physical tension in my body. Then I shifted attention away from those thoughts, and noticed that after a short time, the tension released. I went back and forth between thought and no thought until the lesson became crystal clear. And the lesson was about how much unconscious stress I had been holding onto, probably for decades.

From that moment on, I lost interest in thinking. Many thoughts still come, but if they are critical, agitating, gloomy, or divisive, I dismiss them. Because I don’t want to pretend that I’m separate from this amazing life that’s here right now.

We take thoughts to be real, but they aren’t. What is a thought? It’s a wisp of energy with words attached. And when we believe the meaning of these words, the thought becomes our reality. Mixed with emotions like fear and anger, the thoughts seem to have a life of their own. We believe the self-doubt, judgments, and fears about the future.

But thoughts are temporary. They are the mind’s feeble attempts to protect and control. Recognizing them and letting them be, we’re free of their meaning and the tension they create. And we’re here, fully alive in this beautiful, uncontrollable, mysterious unfolding.

Practice

Get to know the content of your thoughts—not to embellish the stories, but to realize how negative and self-defeating they can be. Feel how these thoughts bring stress to your body.

Check in to see if your thoughts are actually necessary. Don’t pay attention to them and see what happens. You may notice that your life unfolds just fine without that constant, judgmental, complaining commentary. In fact, aren’t you more here and alive without it?

What About You?

To read more, you can purchase At the Core of Every Heart here. Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them.

And once you read the book, I would be so grateful if you would leave a review on Amazon so others can know about it.

So much love…
Gail

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New Book: At the Core of Every Heart

I’m so pleased to let you know that my new book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title is, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It will be published on June 14, and you can order it now by clicking here or on the book cover.
The title comes from this beautiful quote by Indian saint Sri Anandamayi Ma:

When by the flood of your tears
the inner and outer have fused into one,
you will find Her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life,
the very core of every heart.

And that’s where we meet—in the love and aliveness at the core of every heart.

We all benefit from support along the spiritual path, and that’s just what this book offers. It contains 52 short essays, and each has a practice or reflection that invites you to pause, come alive to the moment, and remember the deepest truth of who you are. As the subtitle says, it’s about waking up and living free—right in the midst of the practicalities of our everyday life.

Here are some of the chapter titles:

Tending the Garden of Presence
Stillness Beckons You
Learn from Experience
Clarity Beyond the Inner Critic
Be Empty of the Exhausting Story of “Me”
Feeling Shame and Regret?
Living the Yes! to Life
When Times Are Tough
Free of the Anxious Mind

Each chapter is user-friendly. We start with everyday human problems: holding a grudge, believing the harsh critical voice in our minds, being stuck in feelings from the past. Over and over, we meet our experience with deep acceptance and discover the unifying field of aware presence that holds everything with love. It’s the living, breathing, timeless knowing that all is well beyond our personal attachments to stories and emotions.

At the Core of Every Heart includes stories from my own and others’ life situations that we can all identify with. It skillfully navigates the paradox of this messy, emotional human life and the freedom that’s available in any moment. Right here and now, we open our hearts fully to everything and realize the most profound release into limitless ease, spontaneous joy, and loving celebration. This is what is possible for you.

Please click here to pre-order.

Always in love,
Gail

A Practical Guide to Loving Your Emotions

“Freeing Self Expression” SarahGoodnough.com

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

Does your emotional life seem like a puzzle? We experience emotions and they bring suffering and upset to our lives. But somehow we know that it’s possible for them to move through us like clouds across the sky.

We are so much bigger than our emotions, and they can’t begin to define our true nature. Whenever you’re experiencing emotions, there is also something that is untouched by them, something that can hold them in a vast, loving embrace.

Our emotions—all of them—need tender loving care. And who best to care for them? You.

How to do that? Here’s a practical guide.

Emotions are given to us. They’re built into the human body. They’re an integral part of the experience of this lovely human life. And they’re here to be accepted and loved.

Sometimes emotions—the challenging ones like fear, grief, and anger—pass through like a light spring rain, and sometimes the weather is wild and stormy.

Don’t be attached to always wanting peace and happiness. When emotions visit you, don’t avoid them. Because you’ll be missing out on an opportunity for melting barriers inside you.

Openhearted Welcoming

Being with emotions is simple, once you get the hang of it. It’s just about letting the energy run through you.

First you notice the emotion: You’ll say, “I’m angry,” or you’ll become aware of a wave of upset or unhappiness.
Take a breath and pay attention to the sensations as you breathe.
Then turn toward the emotion, and hold it in the wide-open space of being loving and aware. Let the sensations in your body be. Welcome the energy or power or agitation or numbness.

When your attention gets drawn into your mind and you’re grabbed by a lot of thinking, gently bring attention back to your body and breath. Don’t wish for your experience to be any different than it is. Just breathe, open, and let things be.

And when you welcome the emotion fully, you’ll feel it. You might sob or scream as it moves through, and this is okay. It’s being released and liberated.

Be with your emotion like this for as long as it feels right—maybe 30 seconds or a half hour or more. You’ll know. At some point, you’ll be moved to focus on something else or take some kind of action. You’re just flowing to the next thing.

When You’re Flooded by Emotions

When strong emotions arise, they can be overpowering. They take you over so you can’t sleep. They occupy your mind so you can’t focus on anything else. You’re distraught and out of sorts.

If you’re panicky, deeply feeling grief, or in a rage, you might find it too hard to relax and let the emotions be. Maybe they feel out of control and too strong. This is when you take a different approach that honors the emotion but gives you some space from it.

Take several deep breaths, filling your lungs in the front, side, back, top, and bottom…then exhale.
Soothe yourself physically by hugging yourself or stroking your arm or shoulder. As you do this, focus your attention on the sensations.
Put your hand on your heart or belly. Take a few breaths.
Try this grounding practice. Put your attention on the situation you are in and name what you’re perceiving. For example, go into nature and say, “the air on my skin, the birds chirping, trees moving in the wind.”
And another grounding practice. Stand up and feel your feet on the earth. Feel grounded right where you are. Then breathe or name things or put your hand on your belly or heart.
Reflect on what you really want for yourself in the moment, and say “peace, calm, relaxation, steadiness.” Repeat whatever words resonate for you like a prayer.

Once you’re not so overwhelmed, turn toward the emotion directly and let it in like the loved one that it is. It will untangle naturally when it’s met with love and acceptance.

Emotions run through you, but they’re not you. Let them come and go, and here you are—awake and alive in this very moment.

9 Loving Ways to Be Free of Inadequacy

“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.”
~Eckhart Tolle

For some compelling reason, many human minds are inclined to think negatively. And the target of those negative thoughts is often ourselves.

We’re fearful of what might happen if we stretch into the fullness of our life path. We believe we’re broken, damaged, and inadequate. We live in the pain of unworthiness.

These thought patterns hang like a dark cloud, distracting us from joy, well being, and the brilliance of our infinite potential.

The Core of the Problem of Inadequacy

Our modern culture tells us that these thoughts mean we don’t love ourselves, and the fix is to love ourselves more. But how do we actually accomplish that?

We’re encouraged to repeat affirmations, change our thoughts, and remind ourselves of our accomplishments. It’s wonderful if these strategies work, but often they don’t. They might give relief for a while, but they don’t sustain the sense of optimism and trust we all deserve.

Why? Because they don’t get to the core of the problem, which is that we identify with these self-defeating thoughts. We believe that they’re true—when they’re not, and we think that they tell us the facts about who we are—when these thoughts can’t begin to describe our magnificence.

9 Loving Ways

This identity of lack and inadequacy needs to be addressed head-on. Here are nine ways to do just that. Why would we go on believing a false identity when the truth of ourselves, which is so freeing, is right here to be realized and lived?

1. Form a friendly relationship with your thoughts.

Do the thoughts say, “I’m a loser, I’ll fail, I’m unlovable?” See how they limit you. When self-defeating thoughts appear, take a breath and say hello. Once you recognize them, be empowered to make the choice to live fully and not according to the limits they impose on you.

2. Be clear about what you really want.

Remember that what you pay attention to is what grows. Once you become aware that you’ve been in the grip of self-critical thoughts, you’re now able to choose where to put your attention. You can keep feeding the negative content of these thoughts, or try any of these supportive options in the moment.

Breathe deeply and track the movements of the inhale and the exhale.
Be still and meet your inner experiences with love and understanding—instead of believing them.
Ask: How does life want to move me? How am I called to serve peace and happiness?
Go do something that brings you joy and delight.

3. Be super willing to let go.

Letting go of the identity of unworthiness is like saying goodbye to a friendship that you know has reached its end. It might take some time, but be very willing to feel open in your mind and body, make space for new ways of being in the world, and see people and situations through the eyes of caring and not fear and need.

4. Know the truth.

Not one inadequate thought can possibly describe who you are. These beliefs are false descriptions that the mind comes up with, but who is the “you” they’re describing? You, who you really are, are way too glorious to be defined by any thought. You are unlimited, whole, free, and infinitely loving. And something in you has a sneaking suspicion that this is the truth. Know and live this truth. The world is waiting for you.

5. Don’t let your feelings guide you.

If you believe you’re unworthy, you’re bound to feel hurt, disappointed, and sad. As you probably know, these feelings pull you in and drag you down. Instead of following them, establish yourself in the intention to move beyond limitation. Stand up and feel your feet on the ground. Take a couple of breaths into your belly. Feel confident in your body as you take a few steps. Go out there and live the totality of what is true for you.

6. Be harmonious within yourself.

Believing the identity of feeling damaged or inadequate separates you from your own experience. Rejecting the feelings that arise within only strengthens self-hate. End the fight by being so very kind toward your own thoughts and feelings. Just welcome them from a place of friendly neutrality as if they were clouds floating in the sky. No charge, no drama. This is the most loving way to be with yourself.

7. Be here now—and not locked into the past.

Sometimes negative self-identities form because we internalize how people treated us when we were young. If you leave your mind unchecked, it will keep repeating this painful story forever.

Shift your attention away from the mind and step fully into presence, the aliveness of your being that has never been touched by brokenness or insecurity. Breathe in the aliveness, as this is the true medicine for the division and negativity you feel. Over and over, choose presence and not your thoughts—in the name of freedom, happiness, and love.

8. Act as if.

Take one situation or interaction, and approach it as if you felt whole, confident, and enthusiastic. How does it feel in your body? What thoughts would you be thinking? Embody this intelligent way of being in your own direct experience.

9. Rinse and repeat.

Don’t plan on eliminating all thoughts of unworthiness. Instead, commit to meeting them with loving presence. Notice them, acknowledge them, then turn away from them while you stay rooted in the fullness of unlimited potential. Do this every time the thoughts arise, and eventually they will soften.

What About You?

Have you found freedom from inadequacy? Still working on it? Do you live your true magnificence? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

New videos: I’m happy to share two new video interviews. I had lovely conversations with Grace Bubeck and Evita Ochel. Please enjoy!

Always in love,
Gail

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What Are You Serving?

“At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient . . . only the universe rearranging itself.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

How many of us burn ourselves out trying to do good in the world? We think that being of service means serving others no matter what. And we end up losing our boundaries and betraying our truth while strongly believing we need to keep giving.

It’s an exhausting conflict that has its roots in false ideas about how we define ourselves that ultimately lead to alienation and separation.

We start out with good intentions—to express love through our actions. But soon it gets messy. We feel rejected when our help isn’t received. We end up being taken advantage of. And we don’t believe we’re allowed to say no.

Our personal self is on the line because the results of what we do are attached to our happiness. We’re not giving just for the sake of giving. We’re giving so we can feel good or righteous or self-satisfied.

The problem here is the identity with the personal self, and the solution is to know that is not who we really are.

True Service

True service emerges effortlessly with complete surrender of everything personal. We take our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our stories, our expectations and needs, our attachment to any outcomes and throw all of it into the holy fire of truth. Because these are ideas created in our minds and none of them can begin to define the truth of who we are.

True service is revealed as simply listening. It’s about not knowing anything and being willing to be moved. It has nothing to do with thoughts or ideas. And it doesn’t come from lack, need, or the wish to feel good about ourselves. Actions happen with no regard to the outcome.

The Joy of Surrender

At the beginning of my career as a psychotherapist, I was confused about service. I felt frustrated when clients didn’t improve and considered that maybe my skills were inadequate. I’m so grateful for the help that changed my perspective entirely.

With no personal needs involved, I could show up fully in every moment. Without attachment to outcomes, the joy of doing this work blossomed. All that is being asked is complete surrender, and all that is left is emptiness and love. How that looks is none of my business.

True service is not only about how we relate to others. Every moment of surrender and listening is service. In these temporary human forms, we’re in service to the undivided, to the flow of life, to how love wants to move.

And it takes into account everyone and everything. It’s the energy you bring to driving in a traffic jam, the way you chop the celery, the kindest “no” that speaks what’s true.

Do you want to truly be of service? Then know who you’re not and discover who you are.

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Interviews, Private Sessions, and More

“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.”
~Chuang Tzu

Today, I’m sharing with you two recent interviews. The first one is from the site called Buddha at the Gas Pump, which includes hundreds of interviews with people interested in spiritual awakening.

I enjoyed this conversation with the lovely Rick Archer so much and am happy to share it with you. We discuss many useful topics, including the nature of identities that distract us from peace and how seeing through to the truth of language is incredibly freeing. You can watch the video and listen to and download the audio podcast.

The second one is a written interview on Psych Central and discusses my work as a therapist. You’ll read some practical advice about happiness and might even learn some little-known facts about my secret wishes!

And if you’re interested in private sessions with me, please visit this page to find out more. I love these one-on-one meetings with people. They are available by skype and can be very useful for unraveling conditioned patterns that you take to be true and discovering that you can live from your true essence that is already whole, peaceful, and at ease.

Please enjoy! And feel free to leave any questions or comments below or by clicking here.

Always in love,
Gail

Flow Like Water

“Wisdom begins in wonder.”
~Socrates

I recently spent some time with someone who triggers me, and my motto going in was “flow like water.” Flow like water: it turned stress into enjoyment, annoyance into curiosity. And it neutralized my reactions before they even had a chance to take hold.

And, since I was no longer caught up in my inner ruminations, it brought so much more compassion and understanding to our interactions.

Think about it. What does it mean to flow like water? Water resists nothing. It goes everywhere, embracing everything. It has no opinions or judgments.

It offers a gentle “yes” to everything it touches. Not a passive “yes” or a doormat “yes.” It’s a yes that comes from a loving, empowered choice to open our hearts to things exactly as they are—for peace, calm, and sanity.

Flow or Resist?

I recently received an email from someone desperately wanting her life circumstances to change. You could hear her plea to the universe in her words. “Please improve my health so that l can be happy.”

And here’s the truth: her health is as it is and my friend is sometimes harsh and unkind. We can wish with all our hearts for things to be different, but here we are, right smack in the middle of the life that has been given to us. Situations, people, our own conditioned reactions—this is the reality of what is here.

It’s Your Choice

We’re certainly not required to flow with things as they are. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting things to change.

But it’s important to know that you have a choice: how are you going to meet what appears?

And I choose the simplicity, ease, and inner stillness that come with flowing with things as they are.

How to Flow Like Water

Are you interested in experimenting? Want to experience what it’s like to flow like water? Try these:

In Relationships

Ignore your own opinions and preferences (I know it’s a lot to ask—just try it).
Stay open and present by listening deeply.
Try understanding other people rather than judging them. Be curious. What are they feeling? What is motivating them?

In Life Circumstances You Can’t Change

Appreciate the power of honesty and authenticity with accepting what is true.
Tell yourself that this is how things are at the moment.
Say, “yes” or “okay,” this is what is here right now.
Stop feeding the wish or hope for the situation to be different.
From this place of deep acceptance, what is being asked of you?

With Yourself

Don’t let your opinions and judgments define you.
Acknowledge difficult feelings when they arise, but don’t let them determine your choices. Instead, let things unfold.
Put aside your thoughts about things and instead be curious about what’s happening right in front of you.
Don’t assume anything about who you are or how you’ve responded in the past. Be open, fresh, and fluid.

When you find yourself stuck, caught, or just plain unhappy, consider flowing like water. It might just be the welcome shift that sets you free.

What About You?

What happens when you flow like water? What is it like to resist—and to flow? What do these experiments show you? I’d love to hear. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

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There’s Space for That

“The song is ended…
but the melody lingers on.”
~Irving Berlin

As I write this, I’m grieving the death of my mother who passed away six weeks ago. That familiar sense of steadiness that I always experience as I move through life has been present, but it’s been interspersed with times of sadness and just plain emotional pain.

In recent days, I’ve realized that I haven’t given these emotions much attention. I haven’t pushed them away, but I haven’t welcomed them in either. And I know they’ve been sitting there humming in the background, muting my usual zest for life.

I talk a lot with others about embracing all of our experience and not resisting anything. I know in my heart of hearts, and through my own experience, that avoidance sustains suffering and embracing brings peace. So I thought it’s now time to follow my own suggestions.

That means letting down any barriers that have been keeping my emotions at a distance and inviting these emotions fully into the field of conscious awareness.

I led a meeting called Living in Truth the other night where a woman described how she had recently been experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil. But during the guided meditation, things quieted down, and she became aware of the possibility of being with her emotions in a new way.

The phrase that came to her was, “There’s space for that.” Confusion, upset, panic about not knowing what to do? There’s space for that.

It was a phrase that resonated deeply with me, and it perfectly applied to my own experience. The sadness and loss that had been hanging around along the edges of my awareness? There was space for that.

Before I wasn’t ready and even enjoyed the idea of connecting to my mother through grieving. But now there is a shift. There’s space for the emotions and whatever else wants to come.

As I settle into the being aware of meditation, resistance falls away. I can feel how I’ve subtly turned away from these feelings, and now they are welcome in a great expansive space. There’s no dramatic insight or explosion of light. But there’s a sense of ease that comes as the doing of resistance comes to an end, and the feelings themselves become softer and more diffuse.

The sadness is sweet, and rather than being lost in my own story of loss, surprisingly, the connection with my mother is alive and joyful.

No matter how pure our intentions to be free, the events of life can catch us off guard. Without realizing it, we create division—between life as it’s actually unfolding and our stories about it, between awareness and our feelings, between what others are doing and what we want them to do.

But at any moment, when the time is right, it’s always possible to bring space to that. We put down the fight, and rather than letting anything go, we let it all come in, welcoming things just as they are.

What About You?

What can you bring space to in your own experience? What is that like for you? Please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

The Way Through the Mindset that You’re Inadequate

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

“I feel like a loser.” These were the words of a friend of mine, as we were sitting over coffee, and it just didn’t compute. Before me I saw a beautiful being with such a tender heart. And in listening to her story, I again became aware of the impressive power of the mind.

Every time she showed excitement or clarity, in a split second her thoughts derailed her. “I can’t…” “It won’t work…” No wonder she felt like a loser. Her thoughts were constantly telling her these lies that she couldn’t find her way out of.

The Pain of Thinking You’re Inadequate

These are the kinds of painful thoughts that get us into so much trouble. They somehow take up residence in our minds, living there for decades, stealing our happiness, creativity, and well being.

These thoughts are familiar, and, without realizing it, we keep putting them on over and over like your favorite pair of jeans.

We believe what these thoughts tell us, and they unknowingly create our reality.

But these negative, denigrating thoughts have nothing to do with our true identity. Because these thoughts aren’t real. They’re a temporary gust of energy that travels through your mind. They’re sounds with no actual meaning.

But just reading these words may not be enough to find the wholeness that is already your natural state. How many times have you heard, “You’re perfect just as you are” or “You’re not inadequate—it’s only your thoughts?”

These statements are true, but they don’t become our reality until we know them in our bones. We need to own these truths and know that they are absolutely real.

If you want to continue living the painful belief of your personal inadequacy, then read no further. But if you really want to know the truth of you, if you’re sick and tired of feeling the weight of not being able to fully and freely be alive in the world, then bring your attention to your own direct experience. Do the work, because that’s the key.

Learn to inquire into your thoughts. Learn how to turn toward your feelings and embrace them with love and intelligence. And experiment—in the unfolding moments of your beautiful life—with knowing you are whole, boundless, open, and infinitely free.

Inquire into Your Thoughts

The simple act of inquiring into your thoughts is revolutionary. Inquiring cuts through well-worn assumptions and habits of mind. We take the programmed thoughts that run outside of conscious awareness, and we put them under the microscope.

Suddenly, what you took for granted as true is now completely fresh. Instead of being defined by these thoughts, you wonder about other possibilities.

And here’s what we examine:

Are these thoughts actually true? Are you really damaged, inadequate, or destined for mediocrity? Take any thought that has defined you, and question it, asking if it is true.

What is the impact of these thoughts? Say that one of your mantras is, “I could never succeed at that.” How does that thought make you feel? How does it affect your behavior? What does it do to your soul?

Do these thoughts accurately represent who you are? Feel how limiting thoughts contract you into a tiny space with no room to breathe. And begin to consider what’s outside this space. Get a sense of you, your real truth, without these thoughts defining you. Become aware of your essential nature limited by nothing. You’ll find it outside of your thoughts.

Turn Toward Your Feelings

Your identity of inadequacy is not just about your thoughts. You also feel it in your body.

And if you want to see through it into your true magnificence, turn toward your feelings. Is fear rage, or disappointment present? Go beyond the story to welcome the sensations that arise in your body.

Open to all of your experience, including feelings that may be hiding out in the shadows of your awareness.

Welcome the way the feeling lives in your body. See what it’s like right now in your experience without going into your head and into the false story of incapable you.

Then let it all be. Realize the space that allows things to be exactly as they are. Don’t resist, just be.

Experiment Living Who You Already Are

Now that you’ve seen these thoughts of lack and you’ve turned toward the feelings, act from the fullness that is absolutely alive in you.

Stand up in your brilliance. The thoughts may be present, but you don’t have to buy into them. The feelings may come, but you don’t need to let them run the show.

This belief that you’re not worthy is a mask that hides this truth: you are whole. Take off this mask, and begin to step into your truth.

Expand your mind beyond habitual thoughts. Breathe new life into your body. Then see how life wants you to shine.

What About You?

Have you discovered your natural wholeness? Bogged down by feeling inadequate? Please share in the comments. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

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