“Everything that kindness touches relaxes into its true nature.”
~ Pamela Wilson

Are you stuck on needing to be be in control? You’re definitely not alone.
As humans, our brains are constantly finding problems with ourselves that need to be solved. By instinct, we notice what we think is wrong—then get busy trying to change, control, or fix it.

• If you worry too much, you plan for every possible outcome.
• If you don’t like the way you’re feeling, you try to move on and ignore the pain.
• If you feel badly about yourself, you try to make everything perfect.
• If you don’t like how someone else makes you feel, you do everything you can to change them.

All of these efforts seem to make sense. If you don’t like the way things are, then why not make it better or different?

However…seeing the world in terms of problems and solutions is fundamentally flawed, and here’s why.

• It reinforces the belief that right now is not okay. It makes us feel like we’re lacking, inadequate, and missing what we need to be happy.
• It makes us believe that something is wrong with this moment that needs to be fixed or changed.
• And it makes us hope for happiness at some future time, which keeps us searching endlessly to fix ourselves.

This belief that there’s something wrong with our present moment experience is good for business. People spend literally billions of dollars a year on books, retreats, workshops, and programs to learn to fix what we’ve been led to believe is broken about ourselves.

But here’s the amazing news: there is a better way, a radical way, and it’s available to you for free, right now…and in every moment.

Right now you can give up all the effort to change, control, and eliminate your troublesome thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to wait one more second hoping you’ll eventually find your way to peace and happiness.

What you can do is turn toward yourself and form a kind and friendly relationship with your inner experience. Here’s where you’ll discover you’ve never been broken.

Think of it like this. Whatever is arising in you—mental resistances, difficult emotions, energy in your body—these aren’t problems. They’re like friends knocking on your door that want to come in for a visit. So the question for you is: how do you meet them?

Do you ignore them hoping they will go away? Do you reject them and ask for better friends instead?

I don’t know about you, but for me, that approach hurts. It feels like I’m turning away from my humanity, rejecting the tender and young parts of my experience that want to come to conscious awareness.

It creates an inner war, a divided sense of self, and a sustained feeling of anxiety that something isn’t right.

Do you feel stuck in a recurring pattern? Then there’s some part of your inner experience that’s waiting for your love and care.

Welcome these delicate parts that arise in you—grieving, fear, pain, tension in the body. Give them the space to breathe and be. Let them just be here, invited into loving awareness…welcomed home endlessly…

When we turn toward ourselves, we get to be infinitely kind with all that arises…and we start to feel whole. It’s what we’ve always wanted.

See how there’s nothing to fix, control, or change? Simply be here, relaxing as the welcoming presence for whatever arises, saying a warmhearted “hello” to all of it.

Now there’s space for the free flow of whatever comes…and there’s harmony, peace, and the end of inner conflict. No longer caught in efforts to change and improve, you’re here…available, inspired, present, and free…

“When by the flood of your tears the inner and the outer have fused into one,
you will find Her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life, the very core of every heart.”
~Sri Anandamayi Ma

Whether you consciously know it or not, the truth of your essential nature is and always has been infinite awareness and boundless love.

Nothing needs to be changed in you to have this realization—it’s a matter of noticing what is already the case.

Yet, here we are living the human life. We react, we get stuck, we yearn for more…

We don’t feel like we’re resting in boundless love. We’re caught up in the sense of separation, which gives rise to the belief that something about us needs to be fixed.

In the moments when the sense of separation relaxes—when we stop thinking about ourselves and our problems—we find that we’re more available to being present with things as they are. These are times when we’re not clouded by need and fear, and we’re just here and awake, receiving everything in openness.

Laughing with someone…watering your plants…sitting down for a break after being busy all day…enjoying a bite of food…

You may experience these simple, easeful moments more than you realize, so be on the lookout for them. They’re what’s already here before the mind starts telling you what’s wrong.

If you take an honest look at your experience, you may find that your mind-driven habits are old news. Needing to please others, keeping yourself too busy, using substances to soothe the pain…

Check to see if they’re still necessary—because along with these activities of the separate self is the underlying call to simply relax and be.

Can you feel it?

Little by little, we let ourselves come into alignment with what is already true…the simple reality of our right now experience…here before the mind convinces us that we’re separate. It’s waiting for us, the homecoming we all long for, so close and available that we miss it.

How to find this radiant aliveness of simply being present?

• Slow down;
• Turn your attention inward—away from the outer world and your mind;
• Notice the sensations of breathing;
• Find spaciousness around anything you’re experiencing;
• Relax and be…

From here we’re available to bring compassion to painful feelings that arise. We catch the conditioned movement of our patterns and let it be without acting on it.

We breathe with our nervous system as it begins to calm. We have space to feel quiet, grateful, loving, and free.

It’s such a kind way to be. And the only thing that’s changed is that we’ve stopped paying attention to the stressful mind.

Do you feel the call to relax and be? Surrender to it…let it have you… You’ll discover the infinite peace that’s here at the core of every heart…

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I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”
~Hafiz

Are you feeling more anxious these days than usual? I’m sure you’re not alone.

These are times of uncertainty, which means we just don’t know what the future will bring.

And when we don’t know, what happens? The mind starts creating every possible scary scenario. What if this happens…what if that happens… Then anxiety lodges itself in your body.

Let’s first take a moment to thank the mind, as it’s only doing its job as part of our human survival system. It tries to think about all the bad things that could happen so we’ll be prepared to act. The survival system doesn’t want to be surprised by an unknown threat. It wants to feel safe and secure.

But here’s the catch—we’re not just a human survival system. We’re expressions of the unbounded aliveness that’s beyond human form. The momentum of this aliveness beckons us to return to our natural being and expand into the love, peace, and happiness we somehow know are possible.

When we believe what anxious thoughts tell us, we’re living in a fear-fueled fantasy in our minds, separate from aliveness, awareness, and truth.

The more we think these thoughts, the more we reinforce false views of ourselves and the world. And the more we’re contracted into fear and stress.

Being stuck in anxiety about the future is different from doing what you need to do. Maybe a scary scenario will actually happen—and then you will deal with it in practical ways the best you can. Anxiety comes from spinning in stressful thoughts.

So how do we untangle ourselves from these anxious thoughts and return to the
truth of ourselves? Ready? Get fed up with the suffering they bring to you and learn to not believe what they’re telling you.

Your attention is like the most nourishing food. What you pay attention to is what grows in your awareness.

Pay attention to a hypervigilant mind that’s trying to keep you safe, and all those fears and what if’s become your living reality.

But stop believing the content of your thoughts, and your attention is free to come back to the actual here-and-now reality, not the false one living in your head.

It was a turning point in my path when I realized that just about all of my thoughts:

• Were not actually true; and
• Didn’t bring peace and happiness to my life.

I wanted peace more than anything, so I started experimenting with not believing what my thoughts were telling me. I just gave up letting them take over my experience. They kept appearing, but I saw them as random noise in my head, rather than something important I needed to pay attention to.

Instead, I stayed present in the actual moments of life right here, right now, and I discovered that everything was just fine. In fact, only here do I find enjoyment, enthusiasm, contentment, gratitude, and love. I stopped worrying about the future, trusting I could deal with whatever comes.

Right now, take a moment to recognize the thoughts that are making you anxious. Notice how persistent they are and how you feel when you’re thinking them.

Then stop feeding them with your attention.

There’s no magic, no fairy dust or special technique that will take these thoughts away. You just need to stop being interested in them as much as possible.

What do you do instead? Appreciate the life that’s here right now. Take a breath…feel the physical sensations in you body, but don’t give them any meaning. Maybe even stop using the word “anxiety.”

With your attention in deep connection with the present moment, you’re simply here with what’s real…alive, breathing, and grateful…

Don’t be concerned when the anxious thoughts keep reappearing, because that’s what they do. Each time is fresh. Each time is your opportunity to lose interest in them and return to peace.

Keep trusting in the life force that is infinitely greater than your false personal self. Keep returning to the aliveness that is who you are.

This is the anchor that will set you free.

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“I have been a seeker and I still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars.
I started listening to the teachings of my soul.”
~Rumi

What are you looking for? Do you want to discover how to stop suffering?

Wake up to the truth of who you are?

There are so many beautiful teachings available to help you—more than you will ever need!

But don’t think they will give you all that your heart longs for.

You can read books, watch videos, and attend retreats forever, but until you apply these teachings to your own in-the-moment experience, you won’t find the peace you’re looking for.

Teachings are valuable as they point the way for you, but it’s unlikely that anything will shift until you turn toward your own inner experience.

That means putting down the books turning off the videos—and slowing things down—so you can notice the reality of the moment…the quality of your breath…the sensations that are present…the pace and tone of your thoughts…the uncanny sense of stillness underneath it all.

At the beginning of my spiritual path, I meticulously read several books on meditation. I spent weeks thinking about it, trying to understand it, and going over the instructions. I think I may have been a little scared to try it because I didn’t know what would happen.

Then one day, I mustered up my courage and decided to sit on a cushion, close my eyes, and be still. And that’s when everything began to change.

I left the mental realm of hope and imagination. I stopped intellectualizing about meditation—and entered the amazing world of my right now experience.

No source external to you can give you the experience of awakening or healing from your past or the freedom that comes when an old habit starts to fall away. Because these are not things that you find through learning.

They’re the fresh and alive reality of what you actually experience in the moment.

Say you’ve only heard about honey, but you don’t know what it is. You can hear 100 people describe the color, texture, smell, and taste, but until you put some on a spoon and take a taste yourself, you won’t really know what it’s like.

You have to experience it yourself to know.

So my words of inspiration for you today are simple: do it! Taste the honey. Put down the books, videos, and even this article, and:

• Take a quiet moment with yourself. This might include a conscious breath.
• Shift your attention away from your thoughts—any concepts, stories, or ideas about things.
• Open to being aware of your experience right in this moment.
• Now, notice the input from your five senses—what you see, hear, smell, feel, and taste. Notice sensations and energy in your body.
• Get a sense of any emotions that might be here.

Just for now, don’t resist. Be curious about what’s arising. Meet whatever is here with unconditional kindness.

This is reality…you’re here and fully alive…coming back to yourself…to conscious, heartfelt living, wisdom in everyday life, and the deepest intimacy with all things.

You can’t know any of these experiences if you don’t turn within.

It’s normal to be lost in our minds with our attention out in the world of people, objects, and situations. We’re seeking happiness, but we’re not going to find it there.

Instead, turn inward. Feel into your own experience. Then meet the world with wonder and amazement.

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Note: I’m excited to announce my next 6-session course entitled, “Deep Trauma Healing: Tending the Ground for Awakened Living.” It starts on Friday, October 15, and you can find details and registration here. The course is designed for a deep dive into our conditioned patterns as we lovingly support each other in our desire for real, embodied freedom. I’m offering a free info call about the course on October 12, details here.

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“Generally, between two people there is very little real meeting. There is only the coming together of two patterns. This causes conflict and boredom.”
~Jean Klein

These powerful words in the quote above by Jean Klein call us into a deep exploration of how we show up in our relationships.

When we come together with others, steeped in our patterns, we bring expectations, judgments, needs, and hopes. We feel fear, loss, and separation.

We come ready to project our past history onto the current interaction, seeing the other through a veil of mistrust or longing. We’re terrified that we’ll be rejected or ignored. We’re primed to be triggered by the other person.

How does that feel in your body? Edgy…stressful…anxious…sad…?

What I love about this path of truth is that we take nothing at face value. A spacious exploration of the patterns we bring to our relationships reveals this: deeply held fears that developed when we were young that landed in our minds and nervous systems.

Within just about all of us, there is a young part who feels alone and scared. And from those tender feelings develop strategies of withdrawing, shutting down, or seeking love and approval. These are intelligent reactions in the situations we were in years ago that helped us to cope.

It’s not the illuminated freedom of our true nature that withdraws, shuts down, or seeks love and approval. It’s the pattern. And knowing this invites a new relationship with these conditioned thoughts and feelings.

Rather than living as if they are true, we can observe them, which is a powerful shift. Then we’re free to turn toward our emotions with welcoming, attuning, soothing, and reassuring. We’re giving them the loving attunement we’ve all wanted when we were young.

Almost like a miracle, we feel these delicate emotions, and at the same time have the space to stay present. This is how we show up in our relationships free of patterns.

Then our hearts are truly open, and we’re intimate with ourselves and others.

This quote goes on to say, “Your neighbors and friends have ideas about you. Do not be taken in by these ideas or in turn have ideas about them. Don’t imprison people in your memory.”

Everyone with unexplored patterns is projecting them. We have ideas about others, and assume they’re true. Others have ideas about us, and we assume they’re true.

The invitation is to come to our relationships—with ourselves and with others—free of the past. This means acknowledging whatever separates us—resentments, judgments, hurt, fears—and holding them in love. We’re not imprisoning ourselves or others in our memory, as this is limiting…and fundamentally false.

Can you reflect on bringing this possibility of freedom from the past into your everyday life—with your partner, children, parents, friends, and colleagues? What arises for you?

Jean Klein finishes with, “So live in your surroundings as if for the first time. Be without qualifications. In this nakedness you are beautiful and every moment is full of life.”

This doesn’t mean that our patterns don’t appear. They do, and we get caught in them.

The beauty of exploring the nature of reality is that we realize we don’t have to identify with the patterns. We don’t have to live in the world—and in our relationships—as if we are small, needy, and fearful, expecting others to reject us.

Underneath these limitations, when you explore deeply enough, you discover the illuminated essence of who you are…fresh, alive, and free of memory.

And this is where intimacy with all is possible.

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