Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Your Life Is Your Message

Note: I am honored to have a guest post published today on Robin Easton’s blog, Naked in Eden, called, “Are Your Maps Holding You Back?” Feel free to stop by and visit!
gandhi

“Let your life speak.”
~Quaker saying

“If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?”
~Dogen, Zen master

One of the most important questions we can ever ask ourselves is, “What do I want?” In my role as a therapist, I often ask this question of people when I first meet them. The most common response? “I never thought about it.”

Here we are, with the moments of this precious life ticking away. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to stop and consider, “What do I really want?”

The Fallout from Not Asking

We all know what happens when we evade this question. We go along blindly, pleasing others, constructing a life that matches what we were taught to want or what we think we should want.

Until we contemplate what it is that we actually want, we bump along, patching things together, hoping the anxiety and discontent we feel will somehow dissipate.

I recently undertook an exercise in which I made a chronological list of all the events in my life having to do with my career, and the list was long. I moved from one position to another, quitting without a plan, secretly longing for the time when I would have enough money to stop working altogether.

As I looked at the list, the reason why was obvious. I had moved from fear, from views I developed from my past, from my identities – but I had not moved from my heart or my soul. I never stopped to ask myself, “What do I really want?” It was quite a revelation.

Needless to say, my approach has shifted dramatically. I have exposed the beliefs that were limiting me and befriended the ghosts of my past. I absolutely refuse to make a move unless I am clear that it is guided by clarity and truth, no matter what the consequences. My inner fire is roaring right now, and I have no idea what the future will bring.

Life is Expressed in our Actions

If we are not living according to what we really want, what are we doing? Gandhi said, “My life is my message.” If your life is your message, what is it expressing?

All we need to do is take a look at how we spend our time to determine what we actually value, what we choose to express in any moment. Try tracking where your attention goes for the next few days.

  • What do you spend your time thinking about?
  • What actions do you take over the course of a day?
  • How do you treat other people and yourself?

When you consider what you really want and what you are actually expressing, how does it look? Are your actions aligned with fear and maintaining the status quo or with love and inner knowing?

Say you want to relate with kindness, but you find yourself snapping and stonewalling. Maybe you want freedom from a habit or addiction, but you keep doing it over and over. Perhaps you want to be at ease with yourself, yet your thoughts are incessantly critical.

Maybe you find that your actions do express your deepest heart’s desire.

Even though I longed to be fulfilled in my work, for many years, my choices were driven by fear and misconception. What occurred was far from a disaster, but it left me frustrated and dissatisfied. What I was expressing was a fraction of what I know I am capable of.

The Ultimate Commitment

As we take the courageous step into radical honesty and ask ourselves what we really want, may we be tender and forgiving. Every second of our past has brought us to this moment. We would not be here, open and willing, on the precipice of greatness, if any of it had been different.

We can play the “if only” game forever, or we can hold everything in love and commit to truth from now on. If our life is to be our message, we can:

  • Become aware of fear so it doesn’t divert us;
  • Identify roles and patterns that aren’t serving;
  • Listen to our deepest yearnings;
  • Make decisions with full awareness; and
  • Follow what brings us happiness, joy, love, and true fulfillment.

This is the path that I choose. Care to join me?

The Seeker’s Guide to Inner Guidance

pathrose“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Steve Jobs

My lovely friend, Jenny, recently told me that she is faced with some big life decisions. With so much sincere devotion, she has been searching for her inner guidance, trying to hear the still, small voice within. Yet she can’t quite find it.

She described to me the experience of thinking she is close to it, then getting confused. Of recognizing the mental stories about her situation swirling in her mind, preventing her from finding clarity.

I don’t know about you, but I know that confusion well. Should I or shouldn’t I…what if I do…what if I don’t…but what about… And I know the possibility of finding my way through it to the place of clear seeing.

If your inner guidance seems inaccessible, or if you are boxed in, stuck, or indecisive, here are some pointers that might help. These are pointers in the sense of suggestions, but they also point toward what is alive in us – the whisper of truth, knowing, and ultimate fulfillment.

Recognize your thoughts, but don’t buy into them

In any moment, whether faced with an important decision or not, we may be unable to hear the quiet voice of truth because of thoughts bouncing around in the mind like popcorn. We tell ourselves how things should be, we make a list of pros and cons, we’re trying to fix ourselves so everything falls into place. You may have noticed that trying to stop these thoughts is fruitless, so just let them be.

We find our way to the quiet inner voice by recognizing thoughts, then not believing them. I know this sounds radical, but it is the absolute truth.

The mental activity in our minds does not offer the clarity that we are seeking. When thoughts beckon, look elsewhere. When doubt creeps in, notice what was arising just prior to the doubting thought, as this is likely your inner voice speaking.

Thoughts come in the form of beliefs, stories, opinions, and expectations. If you want to discover the inner voice of truth, don’t buy into thoughts. Open your attention to all aspects of experience, and let your natural intelligence speak.

Honor your feelings

As we walk the path to our inner voice, we are asked to welcome in our feelings. We refrain from analyzing them, and simply allow them. We notice what feelings are present, and let them be without the story around them.

Certain feelings are not trustworthy guides. Consider shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, frustration, and fear. Making decisions by following these feelings will keep our true voice locked away.

Now reflect on excitement, wonder, awe, potential, heart-opening, YES. Follow these, and your light will shine.

Spiritual teacher Adyashanti once said that fear is never a good reason to do anything. If fear arises as you step into your true path, meet it, feel it, let it be present as part of your experience. But don’t let it stop you. The world is waiting for you.

Consider all the data

If thoughts and feelings are not keeping us on track, then where do we look to find the inner guidance? We can open up our awareness to all aspects of experience.

See what your heart is longing for (and may have been longing for for a very long time). Notice what happens in your body as you contemplate different options or move in different directions. Experiment with not knowing and simply invite yourself to listen.

Bring your attention right into your natural wisdom itself, and surrender – just for a moment. Dip a toe into the flow of your natural life.

Feel your way in

I love this phrase that a friend said to me recently: just feel your way in. There is so much freedom in this approach.

If we feel our way in, we don’t need to have it all figured out. We can let go of searching for the big picture before making a move. We realize we don’t need to know all the answers. What a relief!

Feeling our way in means simply taking the next step. How to discover the next step? By taking in the totality of our experience and doing the obvious thing. It might be contacting someone or taking a break or attending to some thoughts or feelings that are tripping us up. We simply ask, “What is my next step?” and be open to whatever answer arises.

Notice what is actually here

The surprising thing about the next step is that we may already be doing it. Our natural wisdom is always speaking whether we hear it or not.

If we put figuring things out on hold, we have the space to notice our interests and tendencies. We can see what we organically move toward or away from. We spot natural inclinations and pockets of enthusiasm. These are the voice of inner guidance.

What commonly happens, however, is that we squelch these proclivities before they have had a chance to flourish. We judge them away or miss them completely because they aren’t aligned with our expectations.

So, just for a moment, let go of all mind activity, and see what happens. Where does the body go? What actions are taken? What do you feel moved to do, or not do?

Allow your natural life to take shape in this very moment.

Notice – and abandon – expectations

I’ve said this already, but it bears repeating. Listening to inner guidance requires recognizing expectations, then choosing to let them go. Expectations, which can be quite subtle, are like telling a river where it can and cannot flow. They suffocate a living process that needs air to breathe.

If you notice thoughts, such as, “What would … think?” or “I couldn’t possible do that,” you can be certain that an expectation has arisen.

We cannot know ahead of time what our lives will look like when we follow the inner voice. They simply unfold moment by moment. And in this unfolding, our true heart’s desires are realized beyond measure.

What has been helpful to you as you discover your inner wisdom? What have you found challenging? Are there any pointers you would add to this list?

image credit: jurvetson

The Body Tells the Truth

jumping

“A trembling in the bones may carry a more convincing testimony than the dry documented deductions of the brain.”
Llewellyn Powers

“Few of us have lost our minds, but most of us have long ago lost our bodies.”
Ken Wilbur

I recently got a new GPS, and I love it! All I need to do is plug in the destination and follow the step-by-step directions, and I arrive exactly where I want to be. No thought is required, no figuring anything out. No maps, no getting lost. I simply listen and respond, and everything else is taken care of.

It is a big relief to not have to know how to get to where I’m going. I can relax and enjoy the journey.

Listening to the Body

Listening to our inner guidance is kind of like turning on the GPS. When we let go of the mental activity of trying to figure things out, we have the space to become aware of the guidance that is already there. And when we follow the directions that are offered, we stay on track and do not lose our way.

This is easier said than done, I know. But we can start by paying attention to the body. The body is like the voice inside the GPS. Using its own special language in the form of physical sensations, it tells us exactly what we need to know. If we are willing to listen.

In this complex world we inhabit, most of us are consumed with our thoughts. We live in our heads trying to analyze people and situations, sort through input, plan for every possible occurrence. We live by expectations and “shoulds.” If we were to draw the way most of us experience ourselves, it might look like this:
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If we are so enamored with our minds, following the thoughts that pull us away from ourselves, how can we possibly be in touch with the messages that our body is trying to send us?

The Physical World Within

The body is extremely sensitive. It is the perfect barometer that tells us when our thoughts and actions are aligned with our inner wisdom and when we have turned away. If we carefully observe the reactions of the body, a whole world opens up. We notice subtle changes in heart rate, breathing, muscular tension, and digestion. We feel tightness, softness, vibration, heaviness, space.

When we begin to observe the body, what we might notice is a veritable orchestra of experiences not necessarily playing in tune. There are physical urges and desires that propel us in a given direction as well as habitual contractions of the muscles and constricted breathing. It may seem impossible to find the inner navigation.

But underneath the pressures and tugs is the whisper of truth waiting for our kind attention.

Just as we develop mental and emotional habits, the body has learned how to protect us with a physical armor. These patterns evolved in response to fearful experiences in the past. When we perceive a lack of safety in our environment, the body pulls in to prepare for attack or defense, fight or flight. And these patterns in the body may last well beyond the original threat itself. This leaves us living in a state of heightened tension borne of fear.

Listening to the intelligence of the body asks us to wend our way through the forest of our long-standing habits to discover the place of natural wisdom and clear seeing that has been there all along.

Learning the Language

For some of us, we need to learn the language of the body. The body speaks in physical sensations, illness, and injury. Everything that happens in our bodies is an opportunity to see what hidden treasures we haven’t yet become aware of.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with colitis. At the time, I prided myself on already having let go of many old patterns. But life had more in store for me. Since then, I have become so much more kind to myself. I don’t push myself nearly so much, and I take the time (usually) to relax. Even though my yoga practice is challenging, it comes from within rather than from me imposing it on myself – more a being than a doing. And when the symptoms flare up, which doesn’t happen too often these days, I’ve learned to stop, rest, eat the foods that help, and say no to requests for my time.

These symptoms became my navigation, and they have guided me beautifully.

Discerning the Whisper of Truth

Just as we know the feeling of “rightness” and certainty, we know when we are off – the sinking feeling, clenching in the gut, too much tension to sleep. But sometimes our experience is not so clear. The inner guidance whispers while the conditioned habits are screaming.

Then you “start where you are” by befriending the patterns so they begin to soften. Fighting them will only make things worse.

Being open to our inner intelligence is like a prayer. We put down our need to control and know, and we ask for help and direction. This is where the GPS metaphor breaks down. We can’t program in our destination because we don’t know what it is until we get there. All we need to do is listen, follow, and appreciate the richness of the journey.

What do you notice about the language of the body in your own life? What happens when you listen – or when you ignore it?  Is there anything that your body is telling you now that you haven’t yet heard?   I’d love to hear….

image credit:LaurenManning

The Art of Listening to the Still, Small Voice Within

“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”
Shakti Gawain

I saw the film “Crazy Heart” yesterday. Jeff Bridges plays an alcoholic country singer who connects with Jean, the lovely mother of a 4-year-old son. At the climax of the story, Jeff Bridges’ character loses the little boy in a mall while he is at a bar having a drink. In the aftermath once the boy is recovered, Jean screams something like, “I knew in every bone of my body not to get involved with you, but I did.”

This got me thinking. How is it that we know in our bones the best course of action for ourselves, yet we take another path? And how often does it come back to bite us? We even have a phrase for it – against our better judgment. If our judgment is so good, why are we going against it?

The “Yes!”

Let’s begin our exploration of this important topic by looking at what it is like to know something in your bones. For me, I just know it. There is a definitiveness, an undeniable truth, a “yes!” This knowing does not arise from the logical and rational mind. It is not caused by emotions. It is clarity, pure and simple, that seems to just appear in my consciousness.

I was recently speaking to someone who was deliberating about a decision. I asked her if she ever had the experience of “yes,” of knowing something was absolutely true for her. She brightened, and told me about her clarity in deciding to marry her husband and in choosing a fulfilling career.

Isn’t this something we all know – this deep inner certainty?

Listening and Turning Away

Spiritual teacher Adyashanti says that truth is always speaking to us. The voice might be quiet, but it is ever present, guiding us to navigate the river of our lives with perfect intelligence. Are we listening, or is the inner cacophony too deafening to hear?

We can make our way to that still, small voice of truth by recognizing what makes us turn away from it.

  • It is not the voice in our heads telling us what we should or shouldn’t do.
  • It is not a story justifying our actions.
  • It may not look logical.
  • It is not what we are propelled to do out of fear.
  • Or out of neediness.
  • It cannot be discerned when we are clouded by strong emotions.

When our internal experience is crowded with stories, opinions, doubt, justifications, fear and other emotions, we aren’t quiet enough to allow the truth to be heard. And this is where we get into trouble.

Consider Jean from “Crazy Heart.” She knew in her bones not to continue the relationship but was misled by desire, inadequacy, and romantic ideals. I know I have made similar choices in my life. How about you?

If we make life decisions by listening to the noise – and not the silence – these decisions come from fear and unconsciousness. And we eventually suffer the consequences.

As we all know, the pull of the “noise” can be very strong. So strong that we don’t even consider stopping, pausing, inquiring into what is best or right. We blindly choose, or we opt for what seems logical or appropriate. We take the path that fits our ideas of how things are supposed to be. We are swayed by intense emotions.

We ignore the gentle tap on the shoulder that could show us the way.

Discover the Still, Small Voice

How do we know when truth is talking?

  • It moves us toward love – for ourselves and others.
  • It ultimately brings enjoyment.
  • There is no sinking feeling that something is wrong.
  • The body unclenches.
  • There is a sense of clarity, excitement, or relief, an undeniable knowing.

It’s fascinating to become familiar with your inner wisdom, and here are some ways to experiment.

  • Go to the grocery store without a list. Bring your attention inside, and listen to where you are directed to go.
  • Rather than doing an automatic behavior, such as turning on the TV after dinner, sit quietly and see what you feel moved to do.
  • Let go of your morning routine. Stay in bed, and wait for the inner signal to do the next thing, and the next. (At first, you may want to wait for the weekend for this one.)

The true path for our lives cannot be figured out or created. Our job is simply to listen, and in the listening, we will be given all the guidance we need to do exactly the right thing. When we listen, life unfolds mysteriously. We get out of our own way and allow the still, small voice to be heard.

How have you turned away from your inner wisdom? What have you learned? What is your experience with the experiments described above to get to know the quiet inner voice? I’d love to hear….

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Everyday Meditation

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“If your everyday practice is to open to all your emotions, to all the people you meet, to all the situations you encounter, without closing down, trusting that you can do that – then that will take you are far as you can go. And then you’ll understand all the teachings that anyone has ever taught.”
Pema Chodron

In a comment on the recent post, How to Meditate, reader Linda wrote about the peace and calm she experiences when meditating, then acknowledged, “I want to find the way in to that state more often.” I imagine Linda is not alone. Does anyone out there want to feel peaceful and calm more often?

Discovering a state of inner tranquility, through meditation or any other means, is revolutionary. In this busy, driven world we live in even a few moments of silent awareness can change everything. When we discover that this haven of calm is always available within us, we realize that a moment of stopping and dropping in brings sanity and perspective. This is everyday meditation.

Meditation in This Moment

As we addressed in a previous post, true meditation is simply being aware of everything without resistance. Being aware takes a movement of our attention away from outer circumstances and the stories we tell ourselves about them. We go from being involved with the contents of our restless minds to being the space that everything arises in.

Why not try it for a second right now? Close your eyes, and move your attention first to your breathing, then to the space prior to the breathing from which the breath arises. Or look at the space in which these words you are reading is appearing. You will notice that that inner space is clear, quiet, and undisturbed. It is peace itself.

As we can see, this space is available, always. When it is revealed, it is just like the clouds parting to reveal the sunlight that has been there all along. A formal meditation practice is a training ground that adds a great deal of support to this realization, but the only requirement to be aware is a willingness to shift our attention.

Becoming Aware

Obsessively engaging in thinking, most of which is unproductive, can be thought of as a habit. Moving our attention away from thinking can feel like we are trying to stop a freight train barreling down the tracks. But freight trains can slow down, and becoming aware that we have been thinking is like the moment the brakes are applied. There is a stopping – and then the opportunity for a conscious choice. These moments are overflowing with possibility. Where do you choose to place your attention?

Every time we realize that we have been caught up in thinking and shift to the space of awareness, the habit of thinking softens. Every time we make the choice to stay awake to what is actually happening, we know peace.
We cannot make ourselves become aware that we have been thinking. These moments simply happen. But, by implementing the suggestions below, we can nudge ourselves in the desired direction.

  • Meditation Practice. A regular meditation practice is a great support to increase the moments of awareness. When we set aside a few minutes every day to sit quietly, we are removing ourselves from the outer stimulation of the world and inviting in moments of awareness.
  • Investigate the Habit of Thinking. Become very familiar with the experience of being caught up in thinking about something. What is happening in your body? What emotions are arising? What is the energy like that is motivating the thoughts? Do you feel depressed, anxious, or conflicted. Any of these experiences can signal you to wake up and make the choice to shift your attention to the space of awareness.
  • Be with Like-Minded Others. Go to a meditation group. Connect with people who are interested in exploring inner stillness. Read blogs that support truly knowing yourself – rather than fixing yourself.
  • Know Your Triggers. Make conscious choices about the stimuli you expose yourself to. Be fully in the world, but be wise about how you do it. If violent movies agitate you, if you find the news disturbing, make another choice. See how you can orient your life toward stepping off the spinning hamster wheel and allowing yourself to be still.
  • Give Yourself Reminders. It might sound mechanistic, but it can be helpful to get into the habit of stopping for a moment before getting out of bed in the morning or starting your car.

When we become aware, we wake up from the lives we create in our minds to experience what is actually here – this breath, these sensations. Peace is closer than we could ever imagine. Be still, and you will know reality as it is – fresh, clear, and alive.

image credit: Monica’s Dad