Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Soften Something

“You are not separate from the whole. You are one with the sun, the earth, the air. You don’t have a life. You are life.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Soften something. This is a phrase I once heard in a yoga class—it’s an invitation that is simple and profound…

Soften something…see what happens when you let this possibility melt into you…

Immediately, your attention falls away from the outer world and turns inward to the inner landscape of your experience.

The invitation to soften something points to our conditioned patterns that mask the essential truth of who we are. What we soften are the tension of unresolved traumas, the emotions that won’t let us rest, and the nonstop thought loops in our minds that make us suffer.

And what’s revealed is relaxation, ease, and peace…We expand into the living reality that is always here beyond the layers of our conditioning.

So let’s investigate the possibility of softening something where contractions tend to live—in the body, mind, and heart.

Body

Bring your attention to the body. See if you notice places that feel agitated, tight, stuck, or numb. These are signs of old fears and other undigested emotions.

What would it take to soften something? Maybe you can breathe a little more deeply using the whole volume of your lungs or take a stretch to find more openness in places that feel tense.

Maybe just inviting softening in is enough for you to relax a little more.

Mind

How can you soften in your mind? If you notice a whirlwind of thinking, maybe you can step back and let the thoughts whirl without getting involved in what they’re saying. Maybe you can let the stories be—just for now.

If you notice a knot of self-judgment or a familiar theme of doubt, worry, negativity, or hating what is, maybe you can soften something.

Can you bring spaciousness to these thought patterns?

Heart

Now notice how you pull away from other people—and from life. Maybe these walls were helpful in the past so you could feel safe. But is it possible to step a little bit more into life as it is right now?

Can you soften something so you can turn toward yourself with compassion? Can you hear and see others without the veil of fear? Maybe soften something to find a little more intimacy with what’s here right now in the present moment…

The momentum of conditioning is powerful, and it closes us off from truly experiencing the magnificence of life.

In any moment, soften something in the body, mind, or heart. Notice as your whole experience shifts…and openly receive what comes…

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Are You Afraid of Being Still?

”I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.”
~Alan Watts

Are you afraid of stillness? Are you afraid of being quiet, of relaxing into yourself, of being intimate with your own experience?

I understand this fear. In our culture today, we’re highly conditioned to avoid our inner experience and just keep going. Have you noticed?

We thoughtlessly carry on with our busy lives and cluttered minds. We pick up our devices way more than we need to, and we move fast (going where?), so that doing something radical—just being still—seems intensely uncomfortable.

Then we complain about being anxious and unfulfilled while we search for the relationship or material possession or exciting life circumstance that we think will make us happy.

We’re afraid of what we might find if we stop all the distraction.

Choosing the conscious life is profound and sacred. You just know there’s something more than your everyday material existence. You long for deeper connection in the here-and-now.

You won’t find what you’re looking for by searching “out there” in the world. The call of the conscious life is to stop the effort of searching…and be still.

Stop…and take a breath… Stop…and be… Stop…open and expand…

This is the gateway into intimacy with yourself and all of life.

Then you’re poised to meet what arises in a vast space of unconditional acceptance. Because this is where peace lies. The still openness of your true nature holds everything in love with no resistance.

Finally in this stillness, whatever you find is naturally welcomed—sensations in your body, places where you’re shut down, the fear and grief of your inner child, old stories that no longer fit who you are.

What an insight to realize all that’s appearing that you were too busy—or afraid—to see! This is the movement of turning inward toward yourself that sets you free.

Settling into the stillness beyond the thoughts and feelings that you notice is an undefinable sense of well-being, a silent boundless field that effortlessly is.

It feels like coming home. It’s pure being you can’t find in your feelings or in situations in the world. And it can’t be figured out in your mind.

Rest here in this boundless open space that resists nothing.

Then bring this inner stillness into the activities of your daily life, being intimate with what is.

  • Slow down and be aware of life through your senses as you wash the dishes or walk down the street.
  • Feel into the experiences of beauty, gratitude, or tenderness when they appear.
  • Take the time to listen deeply with your whole heart.

This is action infused with stillness…the sacred path of the conscious life.

Are you afraid of being still? Gently turn within. There are treasures just waiting to be discovered…

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The Heart and Soul of Self-Compassion

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
~Buddha

Our true nature is endless peace, beyond space and time, and pure aliveness. And it’s beautiful to explore this truth directly.

But if you’re like me, sometimes we have very human experiences of getting caught in old stories and limited ways of thinking about ourselves.

We feel sad, angry, frustrated, unworthy, jealous, or shameful, and it doesn’t feel good.

At times like these, it can help immensely to practice self-compassion as a way home to peace.

We’re all good people, right? We care about others and know how to treat them with support, acceptance, encouragement, kindness, and love.

Self-compassion is about meeting our own experience with this same love and care.

Many of us are conditioned to turn against ourselves. In our minds, we belittle and criticize our bodies, our creative ideas, our choices, and our actions.

And when waves of emotion visit, we want to fix, change, and avoid—anything but let these tender experiences be as they are. We often feel like we’re just not doing it right.

Self-compassion is the healing balm that helps us weave the fragments of ourselves back together. And here is where we discover our essential wholeness that was always who we are.

We start practicing self-compassion by turning our attention toward whatever we’re experiencing in the moment. We slow things down so we can consciously feel what’s here. Why? Because it’s here for our loving attention.

We stop fighting with our feelings and instead stay open to lovingly receive what appears. And whatever it is, we welcome like our long lost child coming home.

By being kind to what arises, we’re attuned to ourselves. We acknowledge what’s happening; we have our own back—which is exactly what these tender parts of ourselves are longing for.

And practicing this deep self-acceptance over time, we start to find a safe base within that we can return to any time—our harbor in the midst of any storm. We slowly trust again.

We practice self-compassion first with a willingness to be kind to ourselves—because I know you know that self-judgment is stealing your happiness. Then, turning inward, we’re curious about what we find.

  • What sensations are appearing in your body?
  • What thoughts are in your mind that are telling you negative, distorted stories about who you are?
  • What emotions want to be seen by you?

Simply this heartfelt noticing is a supremely kind act.

And here are some other ways to be self-compassionate:

  • We breathe with one hand on the heart and one on the belly—softening into ourselves, being our own best companion.
  • We arrive back to the present moment using our five senses. What do you hear, see, smell, taste, feel? This is what’s real right now.
  • We see how the inner critical voice undermines us, and we become a coach to ourselves instead. What can your inner coach say to support you?

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Once there’s space from the prison of your inner negativity, you get to listen deeply within. What is your inner aliveness saying to you? What wants to be born in you? What is itching to be expressed?

Then you find the courage to let the truth of you be known.

Bringing kindness within is the path that will light up the way…

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Start the Inner Revolution—One Moment at a Time

moment“If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?”
~Dogen

Sometimes we make this path of inner peace way more complicated than it needs to be.

  • We think we need to try hard to get rid of the thoughts and feelings that bother us.
  • If we keep getting caught in programmed patterns, we assume we’ve made no progress.
  • If we struggle, we conclude that we’ll never be happy and awake.

We have all kinds of ideas about attaining peace—and they’re just not helpful.

These ideas are products of a mind that take you away from what you really want. They hijack your attention from the sacred unfolding of this precious moment…as it is right now….

The only time you’re suffering is now, and the only time you can find peace is now.

You won’t rest in your true nature by hoping the past will change or by wishing for a better future. These are movements of mind away from this now moment that will keep you feeling like you’re lacking what you need to be happy.

Instead, we start the inner revolution—one moment at a time.

It takes just a second to invite in a slow and conscious breath when you realize you’re swirling in a conditioned pattern.

It takes no time at all to turn inward toward yourself with openness, kindness, and care.

This is being awake in your life, and it takes place one moment at a time.

You don’t need to be concerned with changing who you are or figuring out how to solve all your problems. The true path to peace is so much simpler—and it boils down to the moment.

Right now is where we:

  • Stop feeding agitating stories about ourselves and others;
  • Open to physical sensations and energies arising in the body;
  • Check in with our five senses to orient our attention back to the present;
  • Relax into the still, endless space of being aware that holds everything in love.

This is what changes everything. We now have a new relationship with the moment that’s authentic and real.

Your mind will tell you that finding freedom now isn’t enough. It will criticize you for not practicing diligently or doing it right. But none of this is true.

Just turn inward for a moment. Then another…and another… Start the inner revolution by turning within whenever you remember.

It’s as simple as that…finding inner freedom…one moment at a time.

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Abandon Hope and Wishful Thinking

hope“The spirit is so near that you can’t see it! But reach for it… Don’t be a jar, full of water, whose rim is always dry. Don’t be the rider who gallops all night and never sees the horse that is beneath him.”
~Rumi

I’ll let you in on a little secret. If you’re waiting to be happy or looking forward to the time when you’ll finally feel better about yourself and your life, then you’ll be waiting for a veeery long time.

You’re caught in a cycle of hope—hoping that things will be better than they are now, hoping you’ll get over the things that bother you, and desperately wishing that disturbing thoughts and feelings will magically disappear.

And while you’re waiting and hoping for a better future, what is your present moment experience?

  • You feel like you’re missing something;
  • Your mind is full of thoughts telling you you’re dissatisfied and frustrated.
  • You’re immersed in that inner friction of not being at ease with the moment you’re actually in right now.

If you feel like something is wrong with this moment, it makes sense that you would hope for a better moment—at some point in the future. After all, you reason, the future must be better than what’s happening now.

Here’s the problem with this line of thinking.

~~There is no future. When you drill down to understand what the future actually is, you see that it is a concept in your mind, an imagined picture of what you hope will happen, and a comparison that makes the present come up short.

~~If this moment feels somehow wrong, then you’re not opening fully to all that’s available to experience right now. You’re caught in the tunnel of your conditioned patterns. It’s like living in a cloud and forgetting that the sky exists. Or seeing only the words on a screen while losing sight of the screen itself.

Here is an essential truth, and it’s a truth that will begin to set you free. Ready? There is more to your present moment experience than your mind will have you believe.

While you’re busy in your mind hoping and wishing for things to be better, you’re missing out on a deeper exploration of the reality present right now.

And what’s present right now? This question starts you on a sacred heartfelt path of discovery.

  • Take a breath and feel the life moving in your body;
  • Check in with each of your five senses so you can savor you’re actual right now experience;
  • Look outside the noise of the thinking mind to find the silence between thoughts, the open space of effortless being, the intimacy with all things.

Notice that all of these suggestions invite your attention to rest outside of the content of thoughts that wish and hope for something better.

These thoughts about a better future lose their power as your heart opens with infinite tenderness and welcoming to what’s here now.

If you stay attached to hope and wishful thinking, you’ve sidestepped the profound, luminous openness that’s available right now.

Forget about the future, and lean fully into all of your present moment experience. Like a miracle, you’ll find exactly the peace and well-being you’ve been looking for.

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