Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Too Much Thinking? Four Insights to Guide You to Freedom

“Don’t wait for your mind to be quiet.”
~Mooji
“All the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.”
~Eckhart Tolle

“If only my mind would give me a break.” “How do I get these thoughts to stop?”

These are frustrations I hear a lot from people trying to find peace from their thoughts.

Well, I’ll let you in on a profound secret: you can’t make your thoughts stop.

And the more you try, the more you’re actually focusing on the process of thinking and creating an inner war—you against your thoughts.

Remember: what you resist persists. Wanting your thoughts to stop is resisting them. You’re in a state of non-acceptance. Here they are, churning in your mind, and you’re wanting the moment to be different than it is.

Trying to get rid of thoughts actually energizes them—and it won’t bring you the peace you’re looking for.

But don’t lose hope…because freedom from the pull of thinking is absolutely possible. And it’s about shifting the relationship you have with your thoughts—not about getting rid of them.

Without realizing it, most of us are attached to the content of our thinking.

  • We’re conditioned to go to our minds for information and guidance;
  • We give our attention to every doubt and worry;
  • We believe the thoughts that tell us we’re inadequate and unlovable.

No wonder we feel stressed!

There’s a completely different way to relate to our thinking other than believing it, which is to lose interest in what thoughts are telling us. That way you’re not fighting with thoughts or wanting them to go away.

They can be present, but you’re just not paying attention to what they’re saying.

Practice loosening your attachment to thoughts. Because once you’re less connected with the content of your mind, you’re more available to listen, engage, be curious, feel, expand, and fully live your lovely life.

Here are four insights about thoughts that might help…

#1: You are not your thoughts.

You existed long before you started thinking. There’s an innocent, original part of you that is naturally alive and aware, that has nothing to do with your thoughts.

Here’s an experiment for you to try: pretend that you’re not defined by your thoughts, and see if you’re still here. Get to know this “you” who is alive prior to your thoughts.

Your thoughts may tell you that you’re unworthy and limited, and they may tell you that you’ll be lost if you don’t worry incessantly. But without buying into these beliefs, you’re still here—and you’re way more at peace.

#2: You can choose how you relate to your thoughts.

Since your thoughts are not who you are, you can choose how much attention you give them. You can live in the stories they tell you, or you can see them as mental chatter, a droning sound in the background, that has no meaning whatsoever.

#3: You don’t have to believe the content of your thoughts.

Take a look at the content of your thoughts. If thinking is a problem for you, you will find that your thoughts are quite negative. They tell you to constantly be on guard so you can’t enjoy life. They fill you with doubt and concern. They judge everyone and everything.

They make you believe you’re a fraction of your true magnificence.

Bringing in insight #2, you can choose how you relate to these thoughts. Do you want to magnify this content and make it your reality? Or do you want to drop the thought-created reality and see things as they truly are?

#4: You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Most thinking is negative and useless. It’s just not needed. Sure you need thoughts to follow directions or plan a trip. But it is not your birthright to be stuck in ruminating thoughts that spin around and make you feel anxious.

When you don’t pay attention to thinking, you’re open to life as it is.

  • You have a fresh perspective on everything;
  • You relate to others with your heart open instead of with fear, lack, or judgment;
  • You take things as they come without resisting them.

Why not try it?

Let go of your attachment to thinking and expand into the unknown, overflowing with potential. You’ll discover a whole new way of being…

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Slowing It Down

“When we slow down, quiet the mind, and allow ourselves to feel hungry for something that we do not understand, we are dipping into the abundant well of spiritual longing.”
~Elizabeth Lesser

When I feel into how we all live day-to-day, it seems to me that we’re moving way too fast.

We’re in our heads with spinning thoughts, our actions are pressured, and we’re ahead of ourselves and missing out on being present in the moments of our lives.

Constantly on our devices, we’re living in a culture of distraction.

We tend to go through our days like robots, unaware of the reality of what’s actually happening. There’s no room for inner reflection or just being. We’ve lost connection with ourselves…and life…

And if you’re like me, you feel ungrounded, anxious, and just plain tired.

What are the effects of this way of living?

  • Lost in compulsive behavior, there’s no space to feel ourselves and our emotions;
  • We’re so distracted that we avoid intimacy with others;
  • We feel confused and uncertain;
  • With our attention in our heads, we’re disconnected from the deep inner knowing of what’s true and real.

And we think this is how life has to be.

If you’re interested in peace, if silence is calling you, if you just want to rest, then maybe it’s time to consider……slowing……down……

When you notice you’re following your mind, take a slow and conscious breath… Slow down your movements…shine the light of awareness on what’s here right now…

You’re entering the sacred space of your present moment experience.

Without the veil of stressful thinking, feel what’s alive in this moment…

  • Love what’s present in your body…the tensions and vibrations that want space to be…
  • Open to what you notice through your five senses…
  • Use fewer words and listen deeply…
  • Be aware of the silent space in-between…beyond any ideas about your personal identity.

Slowing down invites you into waking up in this very moment… You know the formless vibration of present moment awareness, while holding all of your humanness in a loving embrace.

You feel the depths of what’s here, right into the very core of your belly, and meet it all with infinite kindness and eyes wide open.

Life in this moment is so incredibly rich, no matter what is showing up. But you’ll only know that by slowing down.

Can you expand into all that’s here with curiosity, wonder, and heart?

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Keeping It Simple

“Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.”
~Mary Oliver

At its core and in its natural state, life is simple—now in this moment, and always.

There is a just what’s here and happening…with no commentary, judgment, or resistance that complicates matters.

It’s like stripping the moment down to the barest experience of what is: just seeing, reading, breathing, sitting, hearing, talking, moving, life emerging…

But don’t take my word for it. See if this is true in your own experience. Take a look right now and delete the mind’s interpretations. What is actually here in your direct experience?

Continue with this contemplation, and you’ll start to notice how simple life is.

If something needs to be taken care of, it will become obvious. If you’re hungry, you’ll get something to eat. If the car is running out of gas, you’ll stop at a gas station. If someone asks you for help, you’ll say yes or no.

Can you imagine carrying out these activities without paying attention to the spinning commentary of the mind?

There is a natural, utterly simple unfolding of things that is completely apparent—when you can see it clearly without the mind’s complications.

But for many of us in our normal everyday lives, we’re distracted by mental and emotional noise…and we overlook the simplicity of the moment.

  • We go into our heads trying to solve endless problems;
  • We feed anxious stories about things not going our way;
  • We live in fear that we won’t get the attention and approval we crave;
  • We’re fearful of not being perfect and just being human.

The mind entices you into believing that the present moment is lacking. We believe that whatever is happening now isn’t good enough—and we’re not good enough.

And this leads to “if only” thinking. “If only I had more confidence, if only everything was just right and I felt comfortable.”

Then you scramble to find solutions to this perceived lack. And things quickly get complicated.

See how your thinking spins out of control? You move away from reality (so simple in its clarity) and into the made-up stories in the mind.

But here’s what’s always possible—to rediscover the simplicity of the moment.

Ignore the commentary that takes you away (blah, blah, blah…) and return to the bare experience of what’s actually here. This is where you find freshness and insight, “Oh, it’s just a thought! Oh, there’s nothing here that needs to be fixed.”

Peace and ease are always available—in this and every moment. But you won’t know that if you’re lost in the complexity of your thoughts.

Disregard the content of your thinking—just turn away from it—and you’ll discover the peace you’re looking for. If there is action to be taken, you can trust that you’ll know just what to do.

Keep it simple, and you might have the brilliant insight that nothing is missing and things right now are perfectly okay as they are.

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Bringing Ease to Your Present Moment Experience

“Open your heart to who you are, right now,
Not who you would like to be.
Not the saint you’re striving to become.
But the being right here before you, inside you, around you.”
~John Welwood

If there’s one thing I wish you knew, it is this: it’s possible to bring ease to your present moment experience.
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Sure, you can get caught up in fearful stories and go on in your mind about what shouldn’t have happened. You can doubt yourself endlessly and analyze every little detail about you and everyone else.

You can judge, compare, and dramatize everything. And this is what most of us call normal life.

But in any moment, we can shift our perspective. Yes, it’s possible!

  • We can take a breath and get a timeout from all the thinking.
  • We can watch thoughts floating through the space of open awareness rather than being hooked into their content.
  • We can experience life through the aliveness of our senses instead of through the veil of the thinking mind.

We can be caught up in stories…or be with things as they are with spaciousness and ease.

We’re programmed to resist our experience. Without even realizing it, we’re incredibly harsh with ourselves. Have you noticed? We tell ourselves:

  • You shouldn’t feel like that.
  • You failed again at finding peace.
  • You’ll never improve.
  • You’re worthless and unlovable.
  • You got stuck with a bad lot in life.

How can we possibly be at ease when we’re feeding thoughts like these?

My friend, Amy, woke up one lovely weekend morning with a strong feeling of agitation. She had a list of things to do, and this feeling was interfering. She tried to push through it in every way possible, only becoming more and more frustrated with herself.

She wasn’t at ease with her present moment experience, and it was stressful for her. Can you relate? I know I can.

What about shifting to a kinder way of being—a way that brings ease to our present moment experience?

  • You say, “Oh, hello feeling. Yes, this is what is here right now.” You stop the fight with your own experience.
  • You focus on the sensations of a slow and deep conscious inhale and exhale. Why not try it right now?
  • You expand your attention beyond any thoughts and feelings to the space around them. You’re open like the sky rather than being trapped in clouds.
  • You invite yourself into being present with what’s here.
  • And you take action from a place of love and care—and not from expectations or obligations.

We don’t need to change or fix one single thing to be at ease with our present moment experience. We don’t need to create better thoughts or banish feelings.

We’re only asked to be kind and friendly with whatever we’re experiencing. And that simple shift changes everything.

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The Ease of Non-Attachment

“Non-attachment is not the elimination of desire. It is the spaciousness to allow any quality of mind, any thought or feeling, to arise without closing around it, without eliminating the pure witness of being. It is an active receptivity to life.”
~Stephen Levine

Some time ago, I was speaking to a charming 92-year-old woman who was in a nursing home following a fall and faced with the probability of never returning to the home she had lived in for decades.

When I asked her how she felt about this transition, with quiet strength she responded, “I’m not attached.”

She told me that as a young girl following the death of her mother, she learned that being attached brought her suffering and being open to the comings and goings of life brought a sense of ease.

This understanding enabled her to live life to the fullest—she had many wonderful adventures—as she was no longer afraid of what she could lose. She lived in true acceptance, and her sense of peace was palpable.

What can we learn about this profound message of non-attachment? Simply said, when we make our happiness dependent on people, money, success, possessions, circumstances, or even life itself, we suffer.

Attachments are sticky. Our freedom goes out the window as we spend our energy trying to keep what we want and reject what we don’t want, trying to feel safe, comfortable, and fulfilled.

Then when things don’t go our way, we feel let down and disappointed, concluding that life isn’t fair. We live in fear of what we could lose.

Consider these examples:

  • I need attention and approval from others to be happy.
  • I need to feel safe, so I can’t explore life outside my comfort zone.
  • I’m attached to routines and habits.
  • I need to feel peaceful and don’t like feeling agitated and upset.
  • I need others to change—or stay the same.
  • I’m attached to staying young; I’m afraid of aging and death.

If we stay mired in our attachments, we’re resisting reality. It’s like living in a room filled with furniture—everywhere we turn we bump into something.

And caught in stories about what we should or shouldn’t have, we’re distracted from the free flow of what life has to offer us. We contract into the known and resist expanding into wonder, potential, and spontaneity.

Can you feel into what it’s like to be attached? How do you feel in your body?

Recognizing your attachments, the invitation arises to reflect on how you want to meet whatever appears in the moments of your life.

You may not be able to control what happens, but you can choose how you show up to what comes.

There is nothing wrong with being attached—it’s part of being human along with grieving the loss of those we love. And, if we want peace, if we want to align with the truth of our experience, can we say “yes” to reality as it is?

Can we meet our reactions—the grief and fear—with an open heart capable of holding it all?

When we remove the veil of our attachments, along with our personal ideas about what is and isn’t okay, miraculously here we are…one with life, free, and fully alive.

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