Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Don’t Believe It!

“The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it.”
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

What do you believe about yourself that keeps you feeling small, unworthy, incapable, or damaged?

Whatever you were told about yourself that defeats you, whatever you have come to identify as your flaws: Don’t believe it!

You were responsible for your mother’s alcohol use? You ruined everything by being born? Your sister is better than you? You shouldn’t reach for the stars?

Take any self-sabotaging assumption – and Don’t believe it!

Believing these untruths is the beginning of a downward spiral that we are all familiar with. In our minds, we create a reality that seems so real that we sacrifice our talents, inner clarity, health, and well being. Subtract these beliefs, and you will find unlimited treasures of possibility, sanity, and peace.

As you explore the smudges on the window that keep you from seeing clearly, can you have great compassion for yourself? No need to add a layer of self-blame for holding on to these beliefs. All it takes is this: start where you are, and cultivate a deep willingness to see through to the truth.

How Did I Get Here?

If you don’t have your own, spend some time with young children, maybe at a playground. They are so open and impressionable. This was you at 8 months or 5 years – open and impressionable. You were totally receptive to absorbing all of the messages that came your way from people around you. And sometimes those messages were unsupportive and defeating.

Young children are naturally self-focused, the center of their universe. Everything that happens is interpreted through a filter of “me.”

A young child isn’t capable of understanding the reasons why a parent would ignore or abandon her. She assumes it is her fault and takes on the identity of worthlessness. A parent says, “You’re no good;” a child can’t see that the parent feels inadequate, so takes the statement at face value.

Prior to these self-beliefs, we are confident and curious. After these beliefs set in, we feel contracted and limited. We scurry to find ways to cope with a life situation that seems frightening, aggressive, or empty. And the result is layers of conditioning that make lightness and joy seem unattainable.

Remember the lightness and joy? They are in there, I promise you.

The Process of Untangling False Beliefs

I don’t mean to be flippant by saying, “Don’t believe it.” For most of us, it takes some time to untangle these deeply-held mindsets we carry around. Ultimately, though, a thorough and precise investigation into these beliefs reveals that they simply aren’t true. When this is understood in all aspects of your being, the palpable result is freedom, a reclaiming of your natural self prior to conditioning.

Unwinding these beliefs is usually a process. Once you begin to pay attention to them, you see that each time they arise presents an opportunity to investigate how they operate in you. Each moment of investigation is a chink in the armor you have built around you.

Identify the Beliefs

How to investigate these core beliefs? Begin by identifying them. Signs of a hidden belief include depression, anxiety, strong emotions, conflict in relationships, general dissatisfaction, hopelessness. Take your current experience as the starting point, and use your loving attention to highlight the story you tell yourself. What do you believe about yourself and other people that leads to your unhappiness?

Say you feel lonely. You might be telling yourself: I can’t make friends; I’m unlovable; There’s something wrong with me if I’m alone. Once you have discovered these beliefs, you are ripe for investigating them.

Go to the Source

Think back to illuminate how these identities took hold of you.

  • Who said these statements to you?
  • What circumstances occurred that led you to believe them? Take your time here so you can understand exactly how these perspectives lodged in you.
  • Now step into the shoes of people who were less than supportive toward you. What was happening for them that led them relate to you in the way they did? How were their hearts closed? Can you see how it was not your fault?

Integrate Your Discoveries

Return to the core beliefs and consider them in light of what you have just discovered. These identities may not feel so solid in you now. Maybe you will notice that you took as true a critical statement that was made because of someone else’s confusion.

Allow yourself to question the beliefs. Do they fit all of you? Can you find the part of yourself that is still alive and has not been affected by them?

The Emotional Aspect

Inherent in a self-defeating belief is a state of lack. Something about you doesn’t feel good enough, important enough, confident enough. As you now know, this feeling of lack originated early on in your life, and there may still be a part of you craving the love and attention you missed.

The final phase for releasing a belief often includes recognizing this place of lack and filling it up with love and attention. Where does this love and attention come from? From your own precious heart. You have within you the capacity to heal the apparent deficiency.

Open your heart to fill up all parts of you that are waiting to be seen in love. Pour it on like a waterfall, and let yourself drink it in in every cell. This is the remembering of your natural, full, unconditioned being.

Every time the contraction around a belief arises, the sadness and despair, you have an opportunity to fill with love even more deeply.

It was Jesus who said, “for you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Tell yourself the absolute truth, especially about those unexamined beliefs that seem so real.

Know yourself, as you are, and you are free.

You are welcome to check out some other articles I’ve written about beliefs here and here.

 

How to Meditate

clouds“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. “Henry Miller

In the last post, we talked about the purpose of meditation. I mean the real purpose. Sure, meditation can lower blood pressure, improve sleeping, and help people cope with physical pain. These are not small benefits and are valid reasons to meditate.

The Role of Meditation

But if what we want is freedom from self-defeating habits of all kinds and the realization of enduring happiness and peace, the practice of meditation can be a huge support.

There is no law that says we must meditate or we must know ourselves. The choice is completely ours. Some people avoid it like the plague, and others simply aren’t interested. But for those lucky ones (you?) who want to be truly happy and cannot help but ask the big questions, meditation is a tool that helps to shed habits and realize freedom.

When we are under the influence of our habitual patterns, inner discovery is next to impossible. Take an alcoholic as an example. Could he possibly see what is driving his need to drink while sitting at the bar with a gin and tonic?

Substitute for “alcoholic,” procrastinator, commitment-phobe, overeater, or self-deprecator, and you will discover your version of avoidance. When we allow the momentum of our patterns to carry us, we are too involved to see how they actually operate.

Freedom Is Possible

Simply sitting in quiet on a regular basis becomes a refuge of sanity from the pressure of our habits. It provides the space for us to stop and see what we are actually experiencing. It is a step away from the endless hamster wheel.

We learn that thoughts are just thoughts, feelings just feelings, and that we don’t need to react. It is so amazing to see that we can feel angry or recognize a recurring story of woe in our minds and we don’t need to do anything. We are simply present.

This is the freedom that stopping makes possible. Our choice is this: we can stay blind to what motivates us and continue playing out habits, or we can stop, notice what we are thinking and feeling, and allow those experiences just to be present.

The How-To

Meditation is extremely simple – we sit quietly and allow everything to be as it is. Whatever we experience, we simply see it without doing anything to it. We might notice physical sensations, sounds, thoughts, or feelings that may be subtle or strong. We might notice urges to do something or tendencies to resist or avoid.

Our job in meditation is simply to be aware of these comings and goings without involving ourselves. We may feel the urge to move our attention in a given direction, but instead of acting on the urge, we stay still and allow it to unfold. That’s all there is to it.

You can think of yourself as the boundless sky. Clouds and weather pass through, but the sky is present, unmoving, unaffected.

For many of us what I am suggesting is easier said than done. The point of meditation is not to instigate a fight with what we experience. It is to be with what is. If avoidance or self-criticism appears, then that is the experience to receive in that moment. If you feel a fight brewing, then be with those feelings, thoughts, and body sensations.

When we meditate, we have a neutral, friendly attitude to everything that arises – the hard experiences as well as the mundane and blissful ones. Most of us wish to be accepted unconditionally by people. Meditation is the opportunity for us to be unconditionally accepting of ourselves, of every experience that arises in the moment. All are welcomed in the space of open awareness.

The Nuts and Bolts

Start to meditate by setting aside a few minutes for yourself. If the idea of meditating scares you, just try it for maybe five minutes, eventually working up to fifteen minutes or more. The idea is to be alert, awake, attentive, open, and receptive.

Settle your body into a comfortable sitting position, and close your eyes. Once you are settled so your body can be still, begin to pay attention to your breathing. This, alone, can be amazing. Simply track your inhale and exhale. Notice what happens around your nose, chest, back, and belly. All you are doing is noticing.

Another way to start is to open to sounds. Let your awareness be receptive to any sounds that appear, close or far. Be the still point in the center, and allow the sounds to come to you.

After a minute or so, let go of paying attention to the breathing or hearing sounds, and open your attention completely to everything that arises. You might notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations in your body. Just be a loving presence.

Thinking Is Not a Problem

At some point, you are likely to notice that you have gotten caught up in thinking about something. This is completely natural, and not a problem. When you realize you have been lost, simply shift your attention back to the space that receives everything.

This may happen thousands of times, if not more. Still not a problem. Each time, gently return to loving awareness. This is the movement to presence that stems the momentum of playing out habits unconsciously. This momentum is highly conditioned, so it takes some time to soften. Be kind with yourself.

One of the misunderstandings about meditation is that the goal is to stop thinking. You will realize that this is impossible. Thinking may stop, but it happens on its own and not because you are doing anything to make it stop. Thinking is part of experience, and all experiences are welcomed unconditionally.

No Goal

The goal is not to get anywhere or accomplish any particular state, including states of rapture or bliss. The “goal” is simply to be with what is. Be awake to the ordinary, everything as it is.

Meditation serves as long as it is needed. Some people have been meditating daily for decades and for others the practice comes and goes. There is no assignment or “should” about it. If you feel moved to meditate, then enjoy. If not, life will bring you exactly what you need in some other form. If you are aware of avoiding meditation out of fear, you may consider examining your resistance.

In the ultimate state of awakeness, meditation is the enduring way of being. Even the concept of the meditator falls away, and all that exists is pure awareness. Thoughts and emotions may come and go, but awareness, you, remains untouched. This is what Adyashanti calls true meditation.

If you haven’t meditated before, give it a try. I’d love to hear how it goes. If you are a seasoned practitioner, feel free to share your experiences. Any questions are always welcome and will help everyone.

Next post: guided audio with a period of silence to support welcoming your own experience in meditation.

image credit: twoblueday

In Awe of the Ordinary

“My daily affairs are quite ordinary; but I’m in total harmony with them. I don’t hold on to anything, don’t reject anything; nowhere an obstacle or conflict. Who cares about wealth and honor? Even the poorest thing shines. My miraculous power and spiritual activity: drawing water and carrying wood.”
Layman P’ang

These are the words of an ancient Zen master speaking about his experience in daily life following the realization of profound, enduring peace. These words are believed to be written about 5000 years ago, yet they carry wisdom that we all can benefit from today.

The Ordinary is Extraordinary

Peace cannot be found anywhere other than in this present moment. We may enjoy fantasizing about the future or replaying an entertaining memory, but true peace and lasting happiness are realized when the mind chatter quiets and we dissolve into the flow of life. When all of our thoughts about ourselves are put to rest, we no longer exist as separate beings – we are at one with the unfolding of life.

Then we are free to directly experience what is here. Without the usual mind activity – ceaseless commentary, planning, analyzing, etc. – we are alive to just what is in front of us. Washing dishes becomes a play of textures, eating dinner a symphony for the senses.

Many of us live in the ideas about what our lives will be like when…when we are wealthier, thinner, settled down…fill in your version of your future life. Life is happening right now – this breath, these words, the sensations of sitting and movement, the constant and subtle changes of the inner body.

Can you give yourself fully to the most ordinary task? What do you notice?

In Harmony with Daily Affairs

When we are present to what is, we show up in our lives without reservation. As Layman P’ang says, we don’t hold on to anything or reject anything, so we are at harmony with ordinary daily affairs. We are relaxed, unruffled, alert, aware. We do what needs to be done without resistance or drama.

This teaching invites us to consider how we are out of harmony with daily life. What would it take to discover harmony? What is in the way of being fully with the simple moments of your existence?

Consider everything that happens: brushing your teeth, preparing food, talking with a loved one, anything work-related. Can you carry out these activities without getting lost?

If not, can you lovingly get to the heart of how you are taken away?

Everything Shines

Layman P’ang says, “Even the poorest thing shines.” This brilliant statement asks us to investigate: is there anything we are dismissing, avoiding, or denigrating? Are we identifying something or someone as “poor,” and failing to see the reality of its shining essence?

As I write this, I am reminded of a woman I knew in my early 20’s, and it is not my proudest moment. At the time, I was bent on being cool and hip, an identity I adopted with a vengeance. Susan was sweet, prim, and proper, and clearly wanted to be my friend.

I judged Susan in my mind, which led me to reject her friendship. I was viewing her through the film of my opinions about what was cool. I was certainly not seeing her shining essence.

Is there anything you are evaluating – a physical sensation, a person, an emotion, an activity – as not worthy of your attention, as something you feel entitled to ignore, as something you pretend doesn’t exist?

Seeing things as they are, without the judgments of the mind, illuminates the extraordinary nature of the most ordinary appearance. We stop striving for perfection, thrills, or the big stamp of approval. We don’t need to go anywhere for satisfaction because just what is here is unendingly full and complete.

When we are at one with life, when we see things as they are, the deepest fulfillment is revealed in the most simple experiences.

Everything can be transformed by our attention to the ordinary. When we truly see what we take for granted, endless worlds open up. Try bringing your awareness to the most mundane activities, and see what secrets are waiting to be discovered.

I’d love to hear about your experiences. What do you notice as you become aware of the ordinary?

Relationships, Happiness, Freedom, and More

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year!  May 2010 be a banner year for you in every way.

You may not realize it, but there is a very connected community developing here at A Flourishing Life.  Every reader of this blog has a compelling interest in knowing themselves so deeply that reality cannot be denied.  We are joined in discovering wonder in the ordinary moment and a heart overflowing with gratitude for no reason.

I read a post recently over at GoodlifeZen, the site of fellow blogger, Mary Jaksch, in which she listed all the guest posts she had written during the year. To acknowledge a great idea (Thanks, Mary!), I’ve decided to do the same.

My journey into the world of blogging has included the opportunity to post articles on some wonderful sites, and I offer these to you.

Freedom from the Prison of Your Habits #5: Feeling the Body

tai chi - posture kick with right heel“Few of us have lost our minds, but most of us have long ago lost our bodies.”
Ken Wilbur

This post marks the fifth and last in the series Freedom from the Prison of Your Habits. The previous posts are:

Here we bring our attention into the body, a place few of us know very well. Yet the body contains the residue of all our learning, all experiences, traumas, fears, conditioning. Whereas our minds may defend and avoid, our bodies are simple, reactive, and all-knowing. They have been present our entire lives absorbing the effects of our experiences.

Habits invariably show up as contractions in the body. In our natural state, prior to any conditioning, our bodies are open vessels through which our individual life stream is expressed. You can see it in infants who move with such openness and flexibility.

As we experience physical, mental, and emotional demands in life, stress takes its toll and the body begins to close down. These bodily contractions act like a defensive shield, armoring us to meet the challenges we face in the world. Presence is the peacemaker.

How to Be Aware of the Body

The final step to fully exploring a habit is to bring attention to the specific experiences in the body that accompany the habit. The method is simple: become aware of the body. Begin at the top of the head, at the toes, or at the strongest physical sensation. Be like a laser to discover all the tiny tensions, contractions, vibrations, and flutterings everywhere.

Make space for whatever you notice, allow it to be as it is, then micro-observe into the sensation even deeper to uncover layers of ancient holding. I guarantee you will be surprised at what you find. To paraphrase songwriter John Mayer, your body is an absolute wonderland.

Whether sensations change, release, strengthen, or disappear is out of your control. There is no goal other than welcoming experiences as they are. This is “being with” and “allowing,” not doing. These sensations are, they exist. You are simply making space to receive them in your awareness.

As you do, you are lighting up the hidden areas of your being. If each of these sensations had a voice, what would they be saying? Maybe they would be expressing terror, despair, frustration, or rage. By opening your heart to them and inviting them into conscious awareness, you are allowing them to speak in their own unique way. And in the seeing of them without resistance, there is peace. Fragments are embraced, and we are revealed as whole once again.

If you carry on observing physical sensations directly, you will eventually experience a release. Some people laugh, some sob, some go quiet, some jerk or vibrate. Breathing may change. You might feel a physical weight lifting off you. You may need less sleep for a while. Energy is being released, and you are reclaiming the natural state of openness, unimpeded joy, and deep relaxation.

Practices for Body Awareness

Since most of us are relatively unfamiliar with our physical selves, practices that support body awareness can be very useful – and enjoyable.

Conscious breathing

“When you inhale, you are taking the strength from God.
When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world.”
Yoga master B.K.S. Iyengar

One of the wonders of life in this body is the regularity of our breathing. Simply bring your attention to the specifics of breathing – the inhale and the exhale. The breath affects so much more than the chest and lungs. Discover the ripple effects of the breath in all parts of the body…just being curious about how the breath moves.

You might notice you feel more relaxed as you pay attention to your breathing, and the breath itself might shift in some way. Simply continue to be aware of every sensation.

Conscious breathing is a gateway to intentionally relaxing the body. This practice can help you to discover and release habits held in the body.  After a few minutes of noticing the breath, begin to deepen the breathing. Relax the belly as you exhale completely, then see how the inhale expands the chest and ribs and opens the upper back. Taking a few deep breaths, filling and emptying the lungs, brings presence into previously hidden areas of the body. The flow of oxygen calms the nervous system and releases muscular tension.

Gratitude practice for the body

Considering what you are grateful for is a beautiful heart-opening practice. You might consider including gratitude for the functions of the body. When we investigate the body, we become aware of an amazing, relentless propensity for life.

So much of what it takes to be alive in the body happens automatically – breathing, digestion, filtering toxins, renewing cells, fighting disease. You might take some time to bring your attention to the organs – heart, brain, kidneys, spleen, liver, colon, stomach – and inner workings of the body that work so hard to support life. As you become aware of each one, open your heart with gratitude and appreciation.

Movement practices

Most of you don’t know me personally, but those who do know that yoga is my thing. I’ve been practicing for 11 years, and to me, the experience of yoga is endlessly fascinating. Movement practices such as yoga, tai chi, chigong and others bring awareness to the body and promote presence by synchronizing movement with breathing. They invite the attention into the here-and-now by ignoring mind chatter and focusing directly on the arisings in the moment.

My lovely friend Ellen offers a practice you can stream on video called The Body of Presence. (Click on “yoga,” then “Body of Presence.”) She has a beautiful way of allowing movement to illuminate how habits are held in the body and giving space for them to dissolve naturally.

Movement practices also teach us how to be present in daily life. Moving into a yoga posture is no different from washing the dishes, taking a walk, dancing, etc.

Conclusion: Freedom From the Prison of Your Habits

This marks the end of the series on Freedom from the Prison of Your Habits. The key to the prison door is awareness. If what you want is to know happiness intimately, to reclaim the peace that is your true nature, unlock the door by deeply exploring your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. As each layer of experience is seen, the tendency to replay the habit softens.

The urge to enact the habit may occur, but your awareness is so revealing, your understanding so clear, that you choose a different way of responding. This may not happen the first time you turn your attention inward and away from the habit, but I promise you that as you continue to be aware of your experience in the moment, the momentum of the habit will diminish.

Every moment of awareness is cause for celebration. We all have direct knowledge of moments of the unconditioned – unexplained bliss, a suddenly quiet mind, tears of gratitude and tenderness, bubbling joy, a deep sense of peace and well being, a heart bursting open.

As we bring awareness to the experiences of conditioning, they are seen not as obstacles, but as invitations into presence. As reality is seen directly, in truth, as it is, the radiance of our true nature shines brilliantly.