Freedom Articles and Blog Posts

How to Stop Stumbling Blindly Through Life

leaping_man “Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

Have you ever had an epiphany – a moment that changes everything? The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear.

This recently happened to my friend, Angela, in an unlikely circumstance. Much to her surprise, the outcome of grieving the loss of her beloved dog has sparked a tremendous natural uprising of kindness that is permeating every area of her life. It’s the type of kindness that comes from pure empathy, the recognition of the one heart that dissolves all separation. She virtually glowed as she shared with me her dedication to allowing this newfound realization of kindness to transform her whole way of being.

The Power of Commitment

I love those moments when we have an epiphany that changes everything. The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear. When we are inspired to make the commitment to live our lives according to what we truly want, to what seems undeniably obvious, we find ourselves facing the unknown with the exit door closed and locked behind us. For Angela, it was the commitment to kindness. For me, it was an unceasing quest to understand the truth about reality.

A commitment of this level stokes the inner fire like nothing else. We stop pretending that our true desire doesn’t matter, and we devote ourselves entirely to it. Inevitably, old ways of being will fall away, and we will be tested. Like the shoot of a flower emerging out of the earth, we step into the unknown full of possibility.

The commitment can be to anything – kindness, truth, health and well being, forgiveness, freedom from the inner critic, mindful communication. At this moment in your evolution, what do you commit to?

This path of deep commitment is exceedingly supportive, showering us with gifts, if we use it well. It commands us:

To be conscious in the moments of our lives,
To choose skillfully,
To investigate how we turn away, and
To resolve to stay true.

We shift from going through the motions like an automaton to intelligence, wisdom, and alignment. Try it out and see what wonders are set in motion in your precious life.

The Fire to Live Consciously

Life is a constant stream moving through us, layered with life circumstances and inner reactions. When we live an uncommitted life, we fall victim to these experiences as long as they remain unexamined. We feel confused and anchorless.

Committing to a path, value, or intention is like an alarm clock going off in the middle of the night. We are shaken awake and asked to become conscious. Rather than stumbling through life, we realize that we can be present for it and truly live. We let go of filters that color our perceptions, and see clearly what is actually arising in the moment. Oh, this feeling, this interaction. So much intimacy with everything is revealed.

We stop living on the surface and come to appreciate that unconsciousness has kept us from experiencing feelings, sensations, tenderness, and compassion. What we experience may not always be comfortable, but we awaken to our lives. Only then do we contact the possibility of realizing our heart’s desire.

The Fire to Choose

The outgrowth of becoming conscious is the capacity to choose. We begin to notice when we blindly go astray, and in that noticing realize the possibility of making choices. It dawns on us that we can actually make a decision infused with our deepest intention.

This is how habits change. At first, we don’t realize that we are actually making a choice about what we think, feel, or do. Behavior seems to occur; thinking patterns appear and proliferate. Once consciousness ignites, we recognize that our actions have been fueled by unseen fear and lack. We contemplate the possibility of considering what we actually want and allowing the choice to flow from this generous, healthy, bountiful place.

This is a revelation! We can actually unwind our conditioned patterns enough so that we are no longer victimized by them. It’s just like waking up to ourselves. We can experience the moments of our lives stable in the understanding that we are aware and alive. We can be free of unconscious motivations and pulls. We can be guided from the most intelligent place inside of us.

The Fire to Investigate

Making a commitment with both feet in opens the doorway to any feelings we may have been avoiding. We live unconsciously in the hopes of hiding from painful emotions. In the commitment to stay true to something , the automatic habits come to an end, and the energy that has been driving them has space to surface.

This is where the rubber meets the road. If we are to live the intention or value that is most important to us, we need to be fully aware of all the programming that diverts us. This might mean befriending fear, welcoming inadequacy, or leaning into long-standing sorrow, then learning how these feelings generate behavioral patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy. The more we know how these dynamics work, the greater the chance of being able to make a different choice when they arise.

The process of making a commitment to a true intention reveals its opposite. In Angela’s longing to deepen in kindness, she began to realize all the subtle ways she had been harsh. My quest for truth unveiled false identities and roles that held me back. Compassion spills over as we recognize the misguided ways we try to protect and care for ourselves. And this clarity shows us that only love and how it guides us makes any sense.

The Fire to Stay True

No doubt, we are tested when we make the choice to stand in our own truth. According to legend, in the days following the Buddha’s enlightenment, the demon, Mara, showed up to entice him with visions of beautiful women.

Mara represents the temptation to give into our conditioned habits and ignore our deepest longings. When we commit to a path, Mara will most likely arrive for a visit. These trials are nature’s way of testing our resolve, and their function is to inspire us to stay true to our commitment.

Commitments are powerful – and necessary to withstand the enticements of our familiar patterns.

Vowing to live in our own fundamental truth opens up a whole new way of being. Once the fire is lit, no matter how hard we try, we just cannot stay the same. When we put the old behind us and step out into the realm of possibility, we have set the stage for wonders to happen.

Have you made a commitment to something that is important to you? How has it affected you? I’d love to hear…

Bored? Go Straight to the Source

Note: As you investigate boredom, you may find it helpful to listen to a guided audio meditation I recorded called, “You Are Welcome as You Are.”

“Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.”
~Zen Proverb

There was a time when boredom ruled my life. Either I was bored, or I spent my time escaping boredom. Sure, I chose some great ways to stay occupied, and I had a lot of fun. But, if I really tell the truth, a lot of my activity was driven by the fear of being bored.

We all know what it is like to feel bored. We somehow trick ourselves into believing that nothing interesting is happening. We feel numb, restless, and unsettled. We don’t know what to do with ourselves. And it doesn’t feel very good, does it?

Even now, you may feel like clicking away from this page. Who wants to tap into a feeling we strive so hard to avoid? But here is the paradox – and the secret doorway: we can bring aliveness to our investigation of an experience that seems so dull and lifeless.

Boredom Draws Us Outward; Wisdom Draws Us Inward

The definition from dictionary.com describes boredom as a reaction to unstimulating events in our environment. We may label as boring a conversation, a repetitive task, a speech, a person, or even life itself. Following from this definition, the malady of boredom would be cured if only we were adequately entertained by an array of fascinating circumstances. But this solution is doomed to failure, as life has a way of being mundane and ordinary.

We can chase exciting experiences endlessly, and many people do. But if our deepest desire is enduring happiness, then boredom is a golden opportunity rather than an obstacle. Why move into boredom rather than fix it? In the words of George Mallory, early Everest climber, “Because it’s there.” If our present moment experience is boredom, we have two choices: resist and avoid or accept and befriend.

And when we are awake and curious in our investigation of boredom, are we actually bored?

The Experience of Boredom

As we lean into boredom, here is what we discover:

In our minds, we may notice judgments about people and experiences, a sense of mental fog, and negative opinions about our present experience. There is a sense of contraction rather than openness.
Emotionally, we feel numb, blah, down, anxious, dissatisfied, hopeless.
The physical body shows heaviness, fatigue, agitation, an inability to get going.
The actions we choose might include sleeping, eating, picking an argument, getting into trouble, wasting time, using substances, or staying ridiculously busy.

It seems like a film of negativity and lack of motivation has descended on us. We feel locked in behind a smudged window that makes the world look drab. We are standing in our own shadow.

Going Deeper

Now that we are familiar with the experience of boredom, let’s peel another layer of the onion. One important question to ask is: Is boredom masking an uncomfortable feeling? We might find it easier to feel disinterested and blasé than to experience anger or sadness or fear. Maybe boredom keeps us from facing the reality of some aspect of our life situation.

When you tell the truth to yourself about what is actually present, what do you find?
Are you willing to turn toward this moment as it is in its entirety?
Can you let yourself see what you really want and need?

Only then, can we fully receive the wisdom and inner direction that is being offered to us.

The Ultimate Solution

In the state of boredom, we look outward to fill ourselves up with amusing objects and feel frustrated when we fail to find them. This is an effortful doing that is ultimately unsatisfying.

Once we stop buying into the mental story of boredom, however, our minds become still enough to open to the vast space of the present moment. Seeking ends, and wonder, enthusiasm, gratitude, and creativity emerge. We rediscover that our hearts are capable of embracing all of life. We begin to care once again.

The contracted feeling of boredom is a sign that we have fallen asleep as well as an invitation to step out of our own shadow. When boredom appears, lucky you! If you receive it as a special gift and use it well, it will guide you to reclaim the beauty of this existence that is rightfully yours.

What is your experience with boredom? How have you dealt with it? I’d love to hear…

image credit

End the Insanity by Forgiving Yourself

“Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil;
With them forgive yourself.”
~William Shakespeare

I gave a presentation recently to a support group for older women coping with chronic lung diseases such as emphysema. The symptoms that affect their daily lives include fatigue, shortness of breath, and wheezing. Some have pain, most need the support of oxygen at least part of the time. None of them will be cured.

I asked if they ever wonder, “Why me?” and one woman admitted that she ponders the opposite question: “How could I have done this to myself?”

As it turns out, all of these diseases are the result of smoking. These lovely women grew up before the dangers of cigarette smoke were widely known. They told me that everyone smoked. It was so common, they couldn’t imagine having made a different choice. And now they are dealing with the consequences.

Why Forgive Ourselves

This interaction got me thinking about the power of forgiving ourselves. We’ve talked before about how staying stuck in a grudge makes us a victim of our own thoughts and blocks the natural expression of the life force through us. Not forgiving ourselves has the same effect. When we are caught in self-blame, we are blatantly unaccepting of our current life situation. We live in an unhappy story that keeps us bound and limited.

When we forgive ourselves, we remove the chains from the past which allows us to live freely in the present. We decide to stop repeating rueful and blaming thoughts in our minds like a broken record. We step off the wheel of suffering and discover an unlimited reservoir of wisdom and a huge capacity to proactively respond to what is in front of us. This is the pay-off that makes letting go the most intelligent choice.

Learn the Lessons

The companions of self-blame are some very uncomfortable emotions: guilt, shame, and regret. These can fester like an irritating wound that won’t heal and keep us suffocating under a blanket of negativity. They perpetuate a state of inner war and cause us to persecute ourselves unendingly. The decision to forgive ourselves releases us from the prison of these feelings. We discover that not only can we feel good, but that freedom and inner ease are our natural state, our birthright.

When tended to wisely, these feelings may contain a valuable lesson that we miss by staying in the rut of experiencing them over and over. When we welcome them in as friendly visitors and explore them with an open heart and mind, we can authentically ask, “What can I learn?” We gain perspective that guides our behavior from this point forward. We realize compassion for everyone, us included, who has made choices that have brought pain to themselves and others.

Transform the Contents of Your Mind

When our thoughts are caught in an endless loop of self-blame, the past, long gone, is kept alive in our thoughts. This is the funny thing, and the golden opportunity, about holding onto old baggage. The events themselves are over, yet we suffer because we repeat the story of them in our minds. We cannot control what happened in the past, but we can transform how we relate to the contents of our minds right now. In any moment, we can:

Stop,
Open,
Observe,
Investigate,
Explore,
Befriend,
Love, or
Move our attention elsewhere.

We can let the waves of our thoughts release back into the ocean.

Choosing Life

When we stop blaming ourselves for events of the past, miracles happen. Edges dissolve in our minds and hearts, leaving the space for wise responding, effective coping, and creative problem-solving. We are available to life, fully capable of receiving love and joyfully giving it away in all directions.

Having a chronic lung disease is a proving ground for sure. It is easy to sink into isolation, despair, and self-blame. Yet the women I met were true inspirations. Each day they choose to take the high road, to live in the “Yes!” and not the “No.” They expressed their fears and spoke about their trying moments, but their commitment to live their fullest lives was undeniable.

All of us face challenges. We contend with ways in which we are not completely at peace. We blame ourselves to no good end. And it brings me to my knees to realize that in every moment we have a choice – to suffer or to be free of suffering, to be weighed down by the past or to be fully alive now, to blame ourselves or open our hearts endlessly.

What do you choose?

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Still Attached? How to Have an Open Mind

Note to readers: I want to take a moment and let you know how much I deeply appreciate every one of you. Each week, I am blown away by your comments – your thoughtfulness, your good intentions, your willingness to face the hard questions in your lives and celebrate your insights and realizations. Each person’s comment is a source of inspiration to everyone else who reads it. We are a true community, joined heart to heart. Thank you.

“You must choose between your attachments and happiness.”
~Adyashanti

I am not a barfly, but I was enjoying a happy hour drink last week in a lively establishment. My companion struck up a conversation with the woman sitting next to him, and it was amazing to see what happened. Somehow they got on the topic of health care, and you could see her whole demeanor change. Her eyes went steely, her mouth tight, and she went off on the ills of the health care system. Obviously, he had hit a chord in her.

I saw right before me the power of holding a strong opinion. I can only imagine what it felt like to be her in that moment.

Are Your Views Making You Suffer?

In the last two posts, we have been exploring this most essential topic of attachment. First, we saw how attachment has to do with clinging to expectations of how we want things to be. Then, we went directly into the core of the experience of attachment to befriend the underlying fear and loss. Today, we explore attachment to views, beliefs, judgments, and opinions.

Not that there is anything wrong with being attached to our views. My interest always is in happiness and freedom. If your views bring you happiness, then there is no reason to question them. But if the attachment to a certain way of thinking leaves you scared, stressed, irritated, or tense, then you are faced with a choice: hold on to your views or question them.

For most of us, our views, beliefs, judgments, and opinions run deep. Some of them are so subtle that we don’t even know they exist – until they are confronted. I will never forget the first time I arrived in Kathmandu, also my first time in Asia. For those initial hours, I was completely overwhelmed, almost unable to take in the sights, smells, and sounds that were so different from anything I had ever experienced. Prior to that time, I had no idea how entrenched some of my beliefs were.

We saw in the last post that attachment is about being bound and tied to. When we are attached to ideas, our minds are sticky. We are looking at the world through a filter that judges experience as good or bad, acceptable or not. We bring our inner edges to the flow of life that is happening regardless of our beliefs about it. And it simply doesn’t feel very good.

The Choice to Let Go

Maybe you realize that some of your views don’t serve you. They cause separation, unhappiness, and inner division. Even so, we hold on tight, not really wanting to relinquish these treasured concepts that define our reality. Maybe you think the oil spill shouldn’t have happened or that terrorists should know better.

Instead, can you let your heart break with the outrage and sorrow that is driving these views.

If your sense of dissatisfaction is great enough, if you long for lasting happiness, if you know in your heart that these beliefs don’t bring you peace, then you are ready for an authentic exploration of them.

Happiness is Not in the Thinking Mind

All of these ideas – beliefs, judgments, views, opinions, expectations – are products of the thinking mind. When we take them to be true, we are clamping down on the free flow of life. We could certainly investigate each one and discover that we are believing something that is not absolutely true, that each contains a fallacy and an equally plausible alternative.

But why not take the short cut?

Freedom cannot be found in the thinking mind. It cannot be figured out or analyzed. Anything we think is ultimately not going to take us to happiness. More thoughts, more belief systems – more thinking.

True Openness

If happiness cannot be found in our thoughts, where is it? In a completely open mind, in a mind that doesn’t cling or grasp, in a mind so relaxed and spacious that no effort is expended to think, judge, or believe. This unattached mind is totally aligned with reality. It knows no limits and excludes nothing. It is friendly, loving, and benign.

In a mind this open, beliefs, views, and opinions are like clouds in a vast sky; hoping, wishing, and expecting just dots on a panoramic landscape.

Imagine for a moment that you were not at all attached to any views or beliefs. You don’t presume anything will be a certain way. You don’t define yourself or others by any constructs. Opinions or judgments might float into your mind, but they appear and disappear effortlessly. Can you get a sense of this degree of openness? So expansive. Anything could happen, and you receive rather than react. Your heart overflows as separation comes to an end.

If you give yourself a rest and relax away from thinking, just for a moment, here are some things you might notice:

A feeling of expansion
Lightness
An open, tingly feeling in your heart
Peaceful
A sense of well being

In an open mind, there is no resistance to anything, nothing is out of order, nothing inappropriate or wrong. Thoughts are seen, but we don’t attach to them. They come and go of their own accord and they are not a problem when they arrive.

This is the possibility for all of us: to realize that the views, opinions, beliefs, stories we take to be true are simply phenomena that arise and pass on. Do you want to be happy? Allow your mind-heart to open endlessly.

What views do you hold closely? What does it feel like? What is it like to try to let go of beliefs and views we take for granted? I’d love to hear…

Attachment and The Art of Letting Go

newsstory “Non-attachment is not the elimination of desire. It is the spaciousness to allow any quality of mind, any thought or feeling, to arise without closing around it, without eliminating the pure witness of being. It is an active receptivity to life.”
Stephen Levine

Some time ago, I was speaking to a charming 92-year-old woman who was in a nursing home following a fall and faced with the probability of never returning to the home she had lived in for decades. When I asked her how she felt about this transition, with quiet strength she responded, “I’m not attached.”

She proceeded to tell me that as a young girl, following the death of her mother, she learned that being attached brought her suffering and being open to the comings and goings of life brought a sense of ease. This understanding enabled her to live life to the fullest – she had many wonderful adventures – as she was no longer afraid of what she could lose or gain. She has lived in true acceptance, and her sense of peace is palpable.

The Essence of Attachment

What does it mean to be attached? As we investigate closely, it seems to have to do with expectations. When we are attached to something – or someone – we want or need or long for circumstances to be a certain way. We want our partner to stay with us forever (or we want one to appear), we don’t want our children to grow up, we want our bodies to magically resist the reality of aging, we certainly don’t want tragedy to strike. We want things to be different, or we want them to stay the same.

Attachment carries with it the side effect of resistance. If we are attached to circumstances being a certain way, and they don’t match our wishes, we resist what is happening. Resistance looks like this: another lovely woman I know who is 88, losing her sight, barely able to walk across the room due to a failing heart, spending her days in despair wishing for her life to be the way it once was. She is attached to wanting things a certain way and is greatly resisting her present circumstances. And she is suffering tremendously.

The Reality of Life Unfolding

The truth is no matter what we want, the events of life happen, sometimes matching our desires, and sometimes not. So the question becomes: how do we meet the moments of our lives? We may not be able to control what happens, but we have the opportunity to choose how we respond.

So, consider asking yourself:

Am I weighed down by hopes and expectations?
Am I resisting what is actually here?

It all boils down to a simple truth: resistance brings suffering; acceptance and openness bring ease. We stop the inner war, and choose peace instead.

Letting go of attachment means receiving what is happening, without resisting. We hold our desires very lightly and stay open to what actually occurs. Even if it is the last thing we would ever want to happen.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being attached. But if we want peace, if we want to truly enjoy the moments of our lives, can we surrender into reality, as it is? Can we say, “Yes!” with an open heart capable of holding it all?

Is there any area of your life in which you are attached? How does being attached affect you and those around you? What do you imagine non-attachment would be like?

For another resource on attachment, please click here.

image: myklroventine

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