Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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The Art of Discovering the Space In-Between

trapeze“There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen

Even if we don’t notice, there are spaces in-between everything. There is space between thoughts, between breaths, between all things.

See how the environment you are in right now is filled with space? Your attention is undoubtedly drawn to the objects in it – a table, a pen. But notice how much space there is between the objects. Focus on it for a moment. There is so much space. Quiet, silent, existing, huge, not needing anything.

If you sit in meditation, you might first notice a flurry of thoughts, and no space. But eventually, the thoughts settle, and you recognize space, the ground of being from which everything else arises.

Relaxing

Space is at the core of relaxation. We move our attention away from the busyness of our lives, we pause from all the efforting, we move from doing to being.

It takes effort to engage with the objects that draw our attention. Physical forms and thought forms pull us away from our center, away from the stillness, the ground of being.

Several years ago, I was lying on a chaise lounge, enjoying the sun. My mind was so quiet. As a thought arose, I moved my attention into it and felt tension in my body. This made me curious. I switched back and forth a few times, between thought and no-thought. I saw that the effort of thinking created tension and effortlessness was relaxing.

It was a lightbulb moment, as I saw that even positive thoughts were subtly stressful. I discovered the power of the space in-between to open the door to so much happiness.

Experimenting

No matter how much we are filled with forms, space is always present.

What forms fill your awareness? Can you notice the space in-between?

Try relaxing your attention away from the forms, just for a moment. See what it’s like to experience space. It’s not about the past or future. The space is here, in this right-now moment. Can you feel it?

Allowing

Of course, it’s fear that keeps us clinging to our treasured objects. Whether thoughts or people, money or stuff, we have the illusion that if we keep our attention on these, then we can control them. We are scared to let them go because the known feels so much safer than the unknown.

But staying in the known is ultimately confining. It’s not enlivening or liberating. We live in the boxes (cages?) we have constructed and avoid the possibility of wide open space. We choose tension over relaxation, habit over potential. We accept “good enough,” while turning away from everything we truly long for.

As Eckhart Tolle says, we are constantly chasing forms by thinking, doing, and reacting against.

And in every moment, there is space – breathing space, quiet and clear. Right now.

I recently spoke with a friend who is cracking open so beautifully. He cannot contain the love that is emerging. He is seeing through the objects of his mind and discovering space overflowing with love. He is surprised at how he is naturally kinder – in his interactions, while driving. These changes are coming effortlessly.

The fear is that space is empty. Yes, it is empty of forms. But it is filled with formless intangibles – joy, love, freedom, generosity, kindness.

It takes surrender to relax into space. Letting go of what we know, allowing ourselves to hang between the trapeze bars.

But how else to open to wonder, creativity, life?

The spaces in-between hold all the possibility.

What have you discovered about the spaces in-between? What keeps you from going there? Let’s talk…

A Simple Guide to Decluttering Your Mind

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“The single clenched fist lifted and ready, or the open hand held out and waiting.
Choose: For we meet by one or the other.”
~Carl Sandburg

There’s a lot of talk in the blogosphere about simplifying our lives. I love when things are simple. I recently saw “The Social Network,” and what struck me was the portrayal of lives filled to the brim with complexity.

It got me thinking about clutter – the internal kind. The worries, should’s, buried emotions, and repetitive stories that populate our minds and keep us caught in unhealthy patterns. Clutter is defined as “a disorderly heap” or “confused noise.” I don’t know about you, but I am aware of some clutter I could stand to lose.

A Decluttered Mind

The goal of reducing clutter is to eliminate the non-essentials and keep only what is needed. If you are cleaning out your closet, this means deciding which pile each thing belongs in. But when it comes to the contents of your mind, the choice is where you place your attention. What do you want to feed with your most precious resource – your attention?

Just imagine, for a moment, an uncluttered mind. Feel your way into it. It is still and pristine like a mountain lake on a windless day. Even if a ripple appears, the tranquility remains, undisturbed. Your actions are clean and efficient. In the spaciousness, you notice creative impulses, novel ideas, and boundless peace. You feel light, calm, and alive.

Inquiry for Thoughts and Feelings

Are you ready to declutter your mind? Experts suggest asking a series of questions to decide what to keep and what to let go of. Take each thought pattern, each emotion, any internal experience that holds you back and pose these questions:

  • Do I need this? Is it essential or necessary?
  • Does it serve me? Is it helpful or useful?
  • Am I attached to it? Can I let it go?

The Process of Letting Go

Let’s be clear about what “let it go” means. It’s not exactly like throwing away those shoes you haven’t worn for five years – or is it?

Letting go might mean choosing to move your attention away from a non-essential thought or feeling every time it arises. Or, the process of asking these questions might automatically dispel a long-treasured, old, boring story.

I spent years holding resentments against my parents. One day, I realized that the one who was hurt most by them was me. It was an amazing revelation, and in that moment, the resentments were gone. For good. Almost miraculously, my relationship with my parents began to improve.

And sometimes the letting go is more of a process that happens over time.

Start by asking yourself the three questions, and see what you discover. Maybe you will be ready to let go of a mindset that doesn’t serve you. Or simply asking the questions may help the patterns loosen their grip.

As I was writing this post, I detected a subtle urge to cling to some non-essential thoughts and feelings I noticed. Was I ready to let them go? Did they comfort me in some way? I met the tendency to hold on with the sweetest acceptance, and everything melted once again.

Decluttering is not an order, or even a goal. With great wisdom and love, simply notice, inquire, receive, then watch what happens…effortlessly.

What is cluttering up your mind? Is it serving you? Is it time to let go? I’d love to hear…

Still wanting more? Click to learn about one-on-one sessions with me for personalized, insightful help.

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Wisdom Conquers Fear

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In every moment of our lives, we have a choice – to be constrained by fear or to live freely. It’s the difference between being ruled by the head or the heart, adhering to limits or opening ourselves to infinite possibility.

Fear is the #1 deterrent to actualizing a fulfilling, creative, and generally awesome life. Not that there is anything wrong with fear. It’s a natural human emotion that looks out for us by protecting, guiding, and keeping things safe. And sometimes that’s just what we need.

But when fear is in control and our thinking is limited, we are playing it small. Whether we are aware of it or not, we inhabit a self-defined box labeled “same,” while ignoring the possibility of what is new, different, and potentially hugely satisfying.

Our inner wisdom is always nudging us in the direction of bigger, freer, and more expansive. It shows up in unconventional ways – the random thought about what you would love to be doing, the sense of excitement that appears from nowhere, the “Yes!” you feel when you engage with an idea, person, activity, or situation. It may also whisper the truth about what is not working in your life.

Inner Wisdom Triggers Fear

Inner wisdom pushing toward the surface is a signal for fear to go on alert. When we are guided to change, to move out of our comfort zone, to test the waters of the unknown, the part of us that is wired to survive feels threatened. It’s like the inner sentry has just cocked their rifles, ready to defend against the enemy.

Bringing our fear out into the light of day is essential if we want to create the space for our gifts and passions to be expressed. And understanding our inner wisdom helps to liberate it. Learn to navigate these seemingly discordant paths and fear will lose its power over you.

Get to Know Fear

Although fear can diminish with time, it is unlikely to disappear altogether. Think of coping with fear as a lifestyle. The goal of getting to know fear is not to eliminate it, but to become aware of it so it can be recognized and understood. It may arise a million more times, but when you are open to working with it rather than hiding from it, you can begin to find your way through with a modicum of ease.

When fear is triggered, here is what happens:

  • Our minds formulate every possible (and not so possible) negative outcome so that we don’t move forward.
  • We have thoughts filled with self-doubt – I can’t, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t.
  • We feel tense and nervous.
  • We worry.
  • We might feel sick.
  • We don’t want to take a risk.
  • We feel paralyzed, afraid to make a move.
  • We want to linger in familiar territory.
  • We want to remain in control.

The experience of fear is all about protecting us from the unknown. It is ironic that fear wants us to stay on familiar ground, even if the life situation or thought pattern we play out isn’t serving us. But something in us knows when the time is ripe to let go of the old.

Get to Know Inner Wisdom

When we listen to the inner voice inside us that speaks the truth, we are invited – or compelled – to step out into the unknown, to take a risk, to try something new. The wisdom that comes through us is about growth and possibility, rather than survival. It isn’t concerned with safety or protection. It doesn’t understand the language of limits. It is endlessly creative because it has no interest in the mind structures that clamp down our thinking.

Fear of risk? Self-doubt? The need to feel in control? These have no meaning to the boundless nature of our inner wisdom.

If you dip your toe into the waters of your true voice, be prepared to meet the experience of not knowing. Recognize that you simply don’t know. Then wait, surrender, trust. When the truth of not knowing becomes real to you, you realize that anything is possible. Ideas you never would have considered pop into your mind. Chance encounters open doors to amazing opportunities. Help and support come from everywhere.

Fear is a valid experience that is common to life as a human. If we let our inner wisdom speak, fear is bound to arise. When it does, don’t freak out. Take a breath. Be curious about what it’s like and how it affects you. Receive it in an ocean of kindness. Let all the stories from your past that keep it in place unravel.

Turn toward your experience of fear and honor it. Then turn away from the ways it holds you back. Your inner wisdom is tapping you on the shoulder right in this moment. Are you willing to listen?

Fear…inner wisdom.  What is your experience with navigating these paths?  I’d love to hear…

Why Studying Your Habits Pays Off Immeasurably

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Note:  This is the second in a series of posts to inspire and support awakened living.  The first post asked, “Is Your Deepest Longing a Part-Time Hobby?”

“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Habits can be pesky little things, as you might have noticed. Before we realize it, we are embroiled in a conversation or thinking pattern that takes us down a road we prefer not to be traveling. We feel out of control, propelled by mysterious forces that make us question our sanity. We ask ourselves, “How did I end up here – again?”

I recently spoke with a friend whose mind was flooding her with harsh self-criticism. She just didn’t get it. She related how the past few months had rolled by with ease, and now this. Whatever your habit – food, alcohol, argumentativeness, obsessive thinking, self-criticism – you might notice that you are well into playing it out before you know it. It’s almost like being possessed.

We Need to Study Our Habits

So how do we get ourselves back? How do we regain a semblance of control so that we stop hurting ourselves? Get out the microscope.

Many of our patterns are so ingrained in us we don’t even realize we are doing them. The medicine is to become acutely aware of every aspect of them. Only then can we let them go. We become so familiar with them that we see them rearing their little heads – and when we do, we can choose differently.

The Fruits of the Analysis

You might be amazed when you begin to gain awareness of your patterns. Once I crossed the threshold to wanting to know everything about my experience, I realized that I was meeting much of my life with a fear response. When I put my reactions under the microscope, I saw a pulling in of the breath and a physical movement back and away. It was like a lion had just appeared in my path. Somehow I was reacting as if everything was threatening me.

This was quite a revelation. I had no idea the extent to which fear was driving me. But once I did, I was able to befriend the fear and untie the knots in my thinking that were keeping me boxed in. My awareness was so precise that I was able to go right to the root – fear – rather than playing out a pattern that left me feeling confused and unhappy. Then, just like dominoes toppling, many subtle tendencies started to unravel.

Can you see the power of penetrating awareness? When we place our habits under the microscope, we get to know them so completely that they can’t play out unconsciously anymore. Awareness is the get-out-of-jail-free card. It is the pathway to sanity.

The How-To Guide

If you want a sane, relaxed, drama-free life, put on a lab coat, and study your habits. Here’s how.

  • Press pause. When we stop our habits mid-stream, we immediately get some distance from them. This distance is essential to studying them. We step back and observe. We are witnessing what happens without being identified. Think of a specimen under the microscope. Be curious.
  • Proceed in slow-mo. Ssssllllloooowww it down. Start at the beginning or backtrack from the place you first become aware. Break it down into each step. Remember, you are focusing on your internal response – thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, pictures that appear in your mind. Know your habit so well that you could teach someone else to act it out.
  • Discover the root. Keep peeling the layers until you find that very first reaction. To find it, ask, “What else? What is under that?” This reaction is likely to be subtle, so take your time. It might be a physical response, like the drawing in of breath I described above, or an emotion or thoughts.
  • Give yourself love. Be so kind and compassionate toward yourself during this process. Welcome in whatever you find with a loving heart. We heal inner division, those cut off and hidden places in ourselves, with love. It works every time.
  • Connect with your inner wise one. Once the pattern is known so completely, it stops running like a madman. The emotional agitation and dramatic stories quiet down, making space for wisdom to arise. When you aren’t propelled by unseen forces, you might be surprised at the clarity that emerges.
  • Once is not nearly enough. The key to dissolving a habit is to work with it every time it arises. There is no goal, no such thing as a finished product. The habit appears in the moment, you study it, and it stops driving you. Every time. The more vigilant you are, the more willing you are to develop steady awareness, the deeper the possibility of being free.

A Concrete Example

Habits still come up in me, like the one this morning, for example. My schedule is already full, but someone asked me to add something to it. I immediately feel tension in my body. I physically lean back and my breathing gets shallow. I notice negative thoughts (“I can’t”), followed by more thoughts scrambling to figure out how to manage everything.

Then I realize, “Oh, I’m afraid.” I breathe into the fear, relax with it, bring compassion and understanding to it. As it subsides, I have the space to decide the best course of action. Calmly.

As the fear continues to come in waves, I ride it out with ease every time. That’s it. No endpoint, no goal. Simply being wise and loving with my own experience so that I am not controlled by it.

Next time a habit catches you, get out the microscope. Know yourself so well that your driving emotions have no place to hide. Inhabit your awareness – it is your true home. Be joyful, intelligent, and relaxed in the moments of your life.

What have you learned by studying your habits?  What are the obstacles to studying them?  I’d love to hear…

Is Your Deepest Longing a Part-Time Hobby?

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“Being a warrior is not about the act of fighting. It’s about the ability, courage, and commitment to end the war within oneself and not quit until the job is done.”
~Richard Machowicz

Note: This is the first in a series of posts to inspire and support everyone in seeing through our so-called lives and awakening to the truth of our actual lives. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting articles that offer perspectives, reflections, and tools to support you along the path. I’ll be happy to answer any questions and walk with you if the going gets tough. I invite you to join the inner revolution – for freedom, full potential, and peace in every moment.

How serious are you about your happiness? Are you a dabbler in your quest for fulfillment? Are you settling for good enough, peaceful enough, confident enough?

If these questions strike a nerve, you probably know, in your heart of hearts, that you’re letting yourself slide. So one more question: are you ripe for taking a giant leap in your journey to be free of conflict, stress, and dissatisfaction?

If so, I am here to support you 100%. For I have discovered that a tremendous power is released when we orient our lives in the direction of truth and clarity in every moment. Yes, every moment, as this is a 24/7 deal.

Dedicate Yourself and See What Happens

This level of dedication bears fruit. When we are willing to allow every moment to teach us how we are still stuck, to guide us into alignment, to discover the “Yes!,” the strong pull from our tendencies subsides, and our natural life, the one we were meant to live, begins to take shape.

What is my evidence? The progression of my own life journey and that of many others who have undertaken the ultimate commitment. Over time, confining belief systems fall away, old stories no longer fit, and triggers have nowhere to land. Circumstances rearrange to allow a life guided by joy, beauty, and love to emerge.

Every Moment Supports Our Awakening

If we take an honest look at what life offers us, we will discover more support than we could ever have imagined. Every moment gives us what we need. Take this one, for example, even though it may not be the most exciting moment of your life. You have been moved to read this post, and it is affecting you in some way. Maybe it inspires, maybe it brings up fear or comparison, maybe you are bored.

Whatever reaction appears is yours to explore. If a desire to act arises, follow it. If your fears need attention, investigate them to see how they control you. If you’re not getting a “Yes!,” turn your attention elsewhere.

It’s that simple. When we pay attention to the truth of the moment, our troublesome patterns are revealed and the next step becomes apparent. Happiness is not conceptual. It is revealed moment-by-moment as the conditioned tendencies that throw us off melt away.

All Habits Need to be Seen

Sounds simple, yes, but it is not always easy. Who among us hasn’t played out patterns we aren’t proud of? In our relationships, we might be needy or argumentative or frightened of closeness. We might carry around baggage that we haven’t had the courage to put down. We place boxes around ourselves about how we are supposed to be, then live in disappointment waiting for life to start.

This is why 24/7 is so important. Our habits are sneaky. They run deep. And they are so familiar to us that we can’t imagine another way. Our job is to see them, to get to know them so well that we can make a choice to not let them carry us. When we are super aware, we realize how we hide from the truth of ourselves – eating, drinking, busyness, “poor me” stories – and we embody the strength to let the truth be seen. We revel in our capacity to listen to the deeper wisdom that invites us to navigate our lives with skill.

Can you see how generous life is? Opportunities abound for our awakening. Every uncomfortable twinge, every nuance of sensation in our bodies is information that can take us to deeper understanding and clarity. The truth is available, revealed in its glory once we take our happiness seriously. 24/7.

Is your deepest longing a part-time hobby? What do you notice when your commitment intensifies? What holds you back from committing? I’d love to hear…

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