Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Finally! Here’s the Secret to Peace and Happiness


“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.”
~Rumi

Let’s start by contemplating some common situations that arise in everyday life.

Anne gets frustrated every time her husband walks through the door and doesn’t give her a hug before moving onto other things.

Robert feels disappointed when the phone call he’s been waiting for never comes.

Melanie feels tense every time she reads the news.

These common situations leave us batted about by our reactions, feeling that something isn’t right, while what we really want is to feel okay inside.

Anne needs her husband’s behavior to change so she can feel loved. Robert needs that phone call so he can stop feeling disappointed. And Melanie needs better news so she can feel at peace.

Their happiness is attached to things they can’t control. And this is a setup for unhappiness.

Here’s a simple but brilliant truth—and it’s one that we can bring to our in-the-moment experience over and over.

The world is as it is. People do what they do. Things happen as they happen, and there are no mistakes. And our ideas about what should happen have little to do with it.

People aren’t wrong and the world isn’t wrong. It’s just how it is. Even if some of the things that happen are quite upsetting, this is a truth that doesn’t change. Things are as they are.

So if we don’t have control over things external to us—if we can’t manifest a world of people and situations that fulfill our every desire—then how can we be happy and peaceful?

The one amazing, life-changing option that we always have is to turn our attention away from our thoughts and the outer world and in toward ourselves to meet our inner reactions with loving acceptance.

The source of our discontent is not in what happens—it’s in our reactions to what happens. Underneath the stressful situations and unfulfilled desires are tender places of fear and longing.

While we’re busy in our heads hoping to be loved, wanting others to change, or wishing the news would improve, we miss ourselves…the tension in our bodies, the persistent anxiety, and the young parts that need our loving attention.

Our thoughts mostly tell us what is not okay and what needs to be fixed or changed….so don’t look for peace and happiness there… But opening to our feelings with love and kindness, we discover a whole new way of being with our experience.

We start by becoming peaceful with what arises in us, and eventually our view of the world changes to one of compassionate understanding…for ourselves and everyone else. We have the space to flow with life…

  • Receiving rather than resisting;
  • Welcoming in love rather than fixing or improving;
  • Being curious.

Exploring even deeper, we discover the underlying, stable formless reality that is already whole, fulfilled, and complete. Resting here in this spacious presence…allowing everything, resisting nothing…there’s peace…

Looking outward into the world to find ways to feel better is one of the many strategies we use to avoid our inner experience. Although it might work for a while, ultimately we will become aware of the pain of our feelings again.

But turn toward yourself with love and openness, and miracles happen. Finally, you’re connected, alive, real, and at peace.

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The Essential Way to Liberation from the Mind

“Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.”
~Hafiz

If you’re like most people, you define your everyday experience by your problems.

What is wrong? What isn’t going right? What if all these bad outcomes I’m thinking about actually happen? Why me? Why can’t I just be happy?

These worst case scenarios and comments on your personal inadequacies are all thoughts that appear in your mind. If you’re identified with these thoughts, if you take what they tell you as absolute fact and think they accurately describe you and your life, then you’ll never know the peace of your true nature.

Simply said, you won’t find peace and happiness in your mind—ever. Can you feel the power in that statement?

But lose interest in the content of your thinking, and where are you? Who are you? You’re right here, undefined by thought, awake in the luminosity of present moment experience and one with life.

It takes no time at all to leave the limitations of the mind. You don’t have to wait for your thoughts to stop or for bliss to appear. You don’t need special knowledge or the right method.

You only need to lose interest in what your thoughts are telling you. Don’t give any attention to the commentary, judgment, and mental blabbering.

  • Then open to your senses. Without labeling anything, just feel, see, hear, smell, and touch;
  • Look from behind your eyes, prior to your brain, and be the seeing itself—with so much freshness;
  • Forget words altogether, and directly experience what’s here beyond memory. No time, no space;
  • Be the open field of perception that endlessly includes everything with no resistance or separation.

By believing your thoughts, you’ve simply overlooked a fundamental truth that is always here, waiting for your infinitely kind attention.

In any moment, you can go beyond the mind and experience the light that shines through everything. You realize expansion, pure openness, endless being, and the deepest acceptance.

You become aware of the sacred nature of everything.

Realizing this, your “Oh, no!” and negative drama—fueled by thoughts and emotions—become humility, gratitude, and the ease of receiving of things just as they are.

Practice going to the space outside of your thoughts, and you’ll discover that familiar ideas about yourself don’t exist here.

There’s no “you” who gets hurt or takes things personally. No one to worry about what might happen in the future. No problems.

You’re empty of fear-based, thought-based patterns and available to oceans of ease and well being.

It’s simple…silent…holy…and boundlessly peaceful…

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In Love with Life

“Just know that you are above and beyond all things and thoughts. What you want to be, you are it already. Desire nothing, for you lack nothing. The very seeking prevents you from finding.”
~Nisargadatta Maharaj

If you look closely, you’ll see that the mind always tells you there is something wrong with this moment.

It tells you that what’s happening is not as it should be and that something needs to change. It draws you into believing you’re not good enough and need to figure out how to fix yourself. It says that people should be doing something different than they are actually doing.

The mind almost always inclines to the negative. It will tell you that the peace you really want is “out there,” available at some future time…if only you knew how to find it, if only you weren’t such a mess, if only you read the right book or watched the right video.

When we live in this “if only” mindset, how can we feel anything but sad, alone, and anxious? Because our present moment experience is defined by lack and inadequacy.

Caught in the mind’s grip, we think we’re missing what we need to be happy. And we’re disconnected from the love and freedom available right now.

Isn’t this how most of us live?

Thankfully, there is a solution to this problem of lack, and, no matter what you believe, true happiness is actually possible. But the compulsive mind won’t help you know it—you need to look outside the mind.

What’s amazing to realize is that in every moment there is a sacred choice.

  • We can believe our thoughts—or take a breath.
  • We can think about a better future—or open lovingly to what’s happening right now.
  • We can stay stuck in the rut of robotic patterns—or shift to expanded consciousness and relax into infinite possibilities.

I am absolutely in love with the experience of being present. I love the sensitivity of being alive to feelings and sensations. I love feeling the tenderness of emotions and the deep relationships that are possible without fear and defensiveness.

And I love the spaciousness—the timeless, formless energy of pure being—that holds everything with total acceptance.

Sure, we could all be gripped by conditioned patterns if we want to be. But things get interesting once we fully understand that a choice is possible. We wake up into being conscious in the moments of our lives.

We feel into the limitation that patterns bring us. We become aware of how much the mind judges ourselves and others. And we answer the call of the heart into something greater.

Thoughts are limiting—and awareness is vast and infinite. Thoughts are repetitive and negative—and directly engaging with life reveals unlimited possibilities.

It doesn’t matter how many times you miss the opportunity to choose—because there is always another one. Every moment is so fresh, so alive!

Turn toward yourself and away from your thoughts. Step into the fullness of the present, the boundless space of being aware.

Then open to whatever you encounter with the deepest welcoming and an overflowing heart. This is what I love, and I’m sure you will love it, too.

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Getting Back on Track

“Insofar as we’re not conscious, we’re not free.”
~Gabor Maté

Just about every day I speak with people who tell me how they get off track. They feel disappointed when their expectations aren’t met, get trapped in the inner critical voice, bring irritation into their relationships, or believe the thoughts that tell them they’re inadequate.

What is happening that creates this reality? Our attention is pulled into the stories that run through our minds while our feelings are being ignored.

The possibility of freedom disappears as the machine of compulsive, unconscious behavior takes over. Yes, we’re acting and speaking, but we’re not actually aware of what we’re doing. We don’t realize that we’re living from confusion.

We’re like robots, lost in the forest of our habits with no access to our humanness, our compassion, our sensitivity, and our capacity to be aware. Sound familiar?

Getting back on track, we wake up to realize we’ve been disconnected from ourselves. It’s a moment of grace when conscious awareness is revealed to illuminate what’s actually happening in our experience.

Like a breath of fresh air, we come home to ourselves. Turning away from the mind and outer world, we look inward—with loving curiosity—to notice what emotions are present and how we feel in our bodies.

That’s how we begin to know what we’re actually doing and what’s driving us.

As a support to get back on track, inquiry may be helpful. Consider these essential questions that take you out of the confusion of conditioned reactions and into the depth of your true heart’s desire. Ask yourself:

  • What is important to me in this moment? How do I want this moment to be?
  • What do I value?
  • How can I express myself to be aligned with what I really want?

A client came in humbled by the power of these questions. She told me that in the past week she posed them every time she felt irritated and discovered that they brought her back on track where she could open fully to her present moment experience.

She saw that her personal needs and reactive emotions were not what she really wanted for those moments, and she reconnected with a generous, loving heart, a relaxed mind, and the true desire for her own and others’ happiness. She left the drama of her thoughts so she could find calm and see things clearly.

Then she had the insight to apply these questions to all moments, no matter what the situation. She couldn’t contain her excitement about the possibility for her whole way of being in her life to be affected in a profound way—infused with awareness, love, and truth.

By asking these questions, we go beyond the blinders of our patterns and expand into openness and clarity. We’re present, aware, and fully alive.

As an example, consider a relationship you’re in where there is friction or disconnection. Your conversation with this person loops around in the same dissatisfying dynamic.

Now with a fresh view, how do you want your next interaction with this person to be? From your deepest truth, what is important to you?

Embodying these insights, how can you show up differently? Can you take care of your inner reactions, listen deeply with curiosity, be a bit more vulnerable?

When you’re triggered, lost, and things feel challenging, try asking these essential questions.

They just might bring you out of the fog of conditioned habits and home to yourself. And here you are, aligned with truth, with eyes and heart wide open.

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Bringing Ease to Your Present Moment Experience

“Open your heart to who you are, right now,
Not who you would like to be.
Not the saint you’re striving to become.
But the being right here before you, inside you, around you.”
~John Welwood

If there’s one thing I wish you knew, it is this: it’s possible to bring ease to your present moment experience.
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Sure, you can get caught up in fearful stories and go on in your mind about what shouldn’t have happened. You can doubt yourself endlessly and analyze every little detail about you and everyone else.

You can judge, compare, and dramatize everything. And this is what most of us call normal life.

But in any moment, we can shift our perspective. Yes, it’s possible!

  • We can take a breath and get a timeout from all the thinking.
  • We can watch thoughts floating through the space of open awareness rather than being hooked into their content.
  • We can experience life through the aliveness of our senses instead of through the veil of the thinking mind.

We can be caught up in stories…or be with things as they are with spaciousness and ease.

We’re programmed to resist our experience. Without even realizing it, we’re incredibly harsh with ourselves. Have you noticed? We tell ourselves:

  • You shouldn’t feel like that.
  • You failed again at finding peace.
  • You’ll never improve.
  • You’re worthless and unlovable.
  • You got stuck with a bad lot in life.

How can we possibly be at ease when we’re feeding thoughts like these?

My friend, Amy, woke up one lovely weekend morning with a strong feeling of agitation. She had a list of things to do, and this feeling was interfering. She tried to push through it in every way possible, only becoming more and more frustrated with herself.

She wasn’t at ease with her present moment experience, and it was stressful for her. Can you relate? I know I can.

What about shifting to a kinder way of being—a way that brings ease to our present moment experience?

  • You say, “Oh, hello feeling. Yes, this is what is here right now.” You stop the fight with your own experience.
  • You focus on the sensations of a slow and deep conscious inhale and exhale. Why not try it right now?
  • You expand your attention beyond any thoughts and feelings to the space around them. You’re open like the sky rather than being trapped in clouds.
  • You invite yourself into being present with what’s here.
  • And you take action from a place of love and care—and not from expectations or obligations.

We don’t need to change or fix one single thing to be at ease with our present moment experience. We don’t need to create better thoughts or banish feelings.

We’re only asked to be kind and friendly with whatever we’re experiencing. And that simple shift changes everything.

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The Ease of Non-Attachment

“Non-attachment is not the elimination of desire. It is the spaciousness to allow any quality of mind, any thought or feeling, to arise without closing around it, without eliminating the pure witness of being. It is an active receptivity to life.”
~Stephen Levine

Some time ago, I was speaking to a charming 92-year-old woman who was in a nursing home following a fall and faced with the probability of never returning to the home she had lived in for decades.

When I asked her how she felt about this transition, with quiet strength she responded, “I’m not attached.”

She told me that as a young girl following the death of her mother, she learned that being attached brought her suffering and being open to the comings and goings of life brought a sense of ease.

This understanding enabled her to live life to the fullest—she had many wonderful adventures—as she was no longer afraid of what she could lose. She lived in true acceptance, and her sense of peace was palpable.

What can we learn about this profound message of non-attachment? Simply said, when we make our happiness dependent on people, money, success, possessions, circumstances, or even life itself, we suffer.

Attachments are sticky. Our freedom goes out the window as we spend our energy trying to keep what we want and reject what we don’t want, trying to feel safe, comfortable, and fulfilled.

Then when things don’t go our way, we feel let down and disappointed, concluding that life isn’t fair. We live in fear of what we could lose.

Consider these examples:

  • I need attention and approval from others to be happy.
  • I need to feel safe, so I can’t explore life outside my comfort zone.
  • I’m attached to routines and habits.
  • I need to feel peaceful and don’t like feeling agitated and upset.
  • I need others to change—or stay the same.
  • I’m attached to staying young; I’m afraid of aging and death.

If we stay mired in our attachments, we’re resisting reality. It’s like living in a room filled with furniture—everywhere we turn we bump into something.

And caught in stories about what we should or shouldn’t have, we’re distracted from the free flow of what life has to offer us. We contract into the known and resist expanding into wonder, potential, and spontaneity.

Can you feel into what it’s like to be attached? How do you feel in your body?

Recognizing your attachments, the invitation arises to reflect on how you want to meet whatever appears in the moments of your life.

You may not be able to control what happens, but you can choose how you show up to what comes.

There is nothing wrong with being attached—it’s part of being human along with grieving the loss of those we love. And, if we want peace, if we want to align with the truth of our experience, can we say “yes” to reality as it is?

Can we meet our reactions—the grief and fear—with an open heart capable of holding it all?

When we remove the veil of our attachments, along with our personal ideas about what is and isn’t okay, miraculously here we are…one with life, free, and fully alive.

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Soften Something

“You are not separate from the whole. You are one with the sun, the earth, the air. You don’t have a life. You are life.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Soften something. This is a phrase I once heard in a yoga class—it’s an invitation that is simple and profound…

Soften something…see what happens when you let this possibility melt into you…

Immediately, your attention falls away from the outer world and turns inward to the inner landscape of your experience.

The invitation to soften something points to our conditioned patterns that mask the essential truth of who we are. What we soften are the tension of unresolved traumas, the emotions that won’t let us rest, and the nonstop thought loops in our minds that make us suffer.

And what’s revealed is relaxation, ease, and peace…We expand into the living reality that is always here beyond the layers of our conditioning.

So let’s investigate the possibility of softening something where contractions tend to live—in the body, mind, and heart.

Body

Bring your attention to the body. See if you notice places that feel agitated, tight, stuck, or numb. These are signs of old fears and other undigested emotions.

What would it take to soften something? Maybe you can breathe a little more deeply using the whole volume of your lungs or take a stretch to find more openness in places that feel tense.

Maybe just inviting softening in is enough for you to relax a little more.

Mind

How can you soften in your mind? If you notice a whirlwind of thinking, maybe you can step back and let the thoughts whirl without getting involved in what they’re saying. Maybe you can let the stories be—just for now.

If you notice a knot of self-judgment or a familiar theme of doubt, worry, negativity, or hating what is, maybe you can soften something.

Can you bring spaciousness to these thought patterns?

Heart

Now notice how you pull away from other people—and from life. Maybe these walls were helpful in the past so you could feel safe. But is it possible to step a little bit more into life as it is right now?

Can you soften something so you can turn toward yourself with compassion? Can you hear and see others without the veil of fear? Maybe soften something to find a little more intimacy with what’s here right now in the present moment…

The momentum of conditioning is powerful, and it closes us off from truly experiencing the magnificence of life.

In any moment, soften something in the body, mind, or heart. Notice as your whole experience shifts…and openly receive what comes…

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What Is Your Window on the World?

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite.”
~ William Blake

How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life?

Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing?

As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: it has nothing to do with the world.

Why? Because the world is a projection of our inner state.

That’s right. There’s no objective world “out there.” It’s all in how we see it. Take any two people, and you’ll probably find two completely different perspectives on exactly the same situation.

How we experience things depends entirely on our inner state, our interpretations, our past, and our points of view.

It’s like you’re looking out through a window. If your window is layered with unresolved hurts and distorted ideas about yourself, how will the world look to you? Scary, frustrating, and ultimately disappointing.

And if your view is pristine and clear, with no layers in the way, the world feels inviting. You’re open, expansive, trusting, and fully available to what is.

Take a moment to reflect: what is your window on the world? How do you move through life?

A friend once told me that she used to feel flooded by judgments of how her partner couldn’t do anything right. And, not surprisingly, expressing these judgments created friction in their relationship.

Then she had an illuminating—and profoundly transforming—insight. She realized that whenever these judgments flooded in she was also feeling stressed and overwhelmed by her work.

She hadn’t been aware of how much her inner experience was clouding her window on the world.

She stopped giving attention to these negative thoughts and instead reconnected with herself—a few minutes alone after work, a walk to decompress, deep and conscious breathing—and the judgments miraculously dissolved.

See how valuable it is to turn toward your inner experience? That’s how you untangle challenging situations and find clarity about the real cause of problems. And that’s how intelligent solutions come to light.

In fact, knowing about the window you’re looking out of by exploring your inner landscape is the only path that will clear up confusion and bring you back to a settled place inside.

And here’s a hint to keep in mind: any distress you feel has nothing to do with the other person or the situation you’re in and is always an invitation to go within to explore your window—your own views, stories, and reactions—with tenderness and care.

My invitation to you today is to turn inward toward yourself to get a sense of your window on the world. Here are some questions to help you:

  • How do you view the world?
  • Go deeper within. What are the inner beliefs, stories, and emotions behind this view?
  • How would a clear window look to you with nothing in the way? How would it feel? How would you get there?

Seeing things as they are, without the layers of conditioning, may be more possible than you think. As an experiment, play with abandoning your opinions and attachments. Turn off the familiar stories and beliefs that cloud your view.

And here you are…fully present and intimate with all…

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The Heart and Soul of a Peaceful Life

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”
~Hafiz

Is your daily life filled with struggle? Are you prone to feeling stressed, out of sorts, and just plain unhappy?

It is absolutely true that a peaceful life is possible for you. It’s not going to happen by magic, and it might take a while for the changes to settle in.

But if you decide to make peace a priority, then you will start to notice that it seeps in everywhere.

Where you once saw disharmony and confusion, you’ll now experience ease and well-being.

A peaceful life doesn’t mean that challenges and difficulties don’t arise. It is not about creating a perfect life or engineering things to be exactly as you want them to be. And it’s not about waiting for others to change so you can be peaceful.

After all, how much control do you really have over what happens?

The heart of a peaceful life has everything to do with how you receive what you experience. Circumstances arise, and you have emotional reactions to them. You get laid off, and you feel angry. The love of your life shows up, and you are filled with joy.

Peace comes when you say “Yes!” to the reality of all your experiences with openness and and grace.

When you stand squarely in the possibility of peace, anything can arise, and you, as the ground of being, are not disturbed.

Are you ripe for a peaceful life? Here are some things for you to consider—and bring alive in your daily lived experience.

Be aware of expectations.

If what you expect doesn’t happen, you are primed for disappointment and frustration. Expectations are in conflict with life and make you resist what is being offered to you.

And when you don’t expect anything, you are open to receiving life as it unfolds naturally. You are in sync with reality.

Recognize when expectations have taken over your thoughts. Reconnect with your longing for a peaceful life, let the filter of expectations go, and take things in exactly as they are.

When you feel hurt, a young part of you has been activated.

If you evaluate everything according to your needs and desires, you are bound to feel hurt. Rarely, are people actually trying to hurt you. You feel that way because the situation has triggered a young feeling in you about being unnoticed, unheard, or unloved.

Explore this feeling to its root by letting go of the story and experiencing the sensations in your body. Take care of that young part of you that needs your love and care.

Use feeling hurt as an opportunity to explore within rather than blaming someone else, and your relationships will be much more harmonious.

Are you attached to being right?

Arguing your viewpoint brings suffering to your everyday life. If you are attached to being right, you will see others as wrong. You will react to their opinion and try to change their perspective. Needing to be right is all about resistance and separation.

Instead, bring to mind your desire for peace. Does needing to be right serve? What options do you have besides pushing your point?

Be curious instead of right. Listen deeply to understand the other’s point of view, and ask questions. Lovingly, with an open and generous heart, let others have their way. Decide to be close and connected instead of right.

Peace will pour into your life like a waterfall.

Don’t hide from your feelings.

When feelings are too strong or painful to experience, they go underground and wreak all kinds of havoc on your life. This is the source of addictions, complicated relationship dynamics, and general anxiety and dissatisfaction.

The road to peace is to be kind and friendly toward your emotions. Welcome them like a gracious, loving host, and allow them to be present…without acting on them.

Avoiding or indulging your feelings gives rise to endless dramas that are far from peaceful. Instead, simply take your stand as loving awareness and welcome them unconditionally. This is how clarity and connection—to yourself and to life—will appear to you.

Your Peaceful Life

A lovely, peaceful life is available for you. Commit to being aware of your inner landscape to see how suffering appears. Be aware of how your mind turns neutral occurrences into problems. Then turn away from the battle with yourself and the world, and let things be. Just relax…

You will know the heart and soul of a peaceful life.

Are You Attached? Here’s the Way to Freedom

“The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke

If the world out there doesn’t feel safe and welcoming to you, if you can’t be peaceful inside no matter what you try, then you may want to take a look at what you’re attached to.

What is it like to be attached?

  • You can’t be happy unless others respect, love, or approve of you;
  • You’re waiting for someone to apologize so you can be at peace;
  • You think your contentment in life depends on the right job, relationship, or family;
  • You expect other people to listen to and understand you—and get upset when they don’t.

We’re attached when we want someone or something outside ourselves to give us what we think we need to feel happy, whole, or peaceful.

Here’s the reality of being attached: we’re caught in a story of what we don’t have or what we lack, and we’re left waiting, hoping, and ultimately disappointed. We feel like a victim, putting our precious happiness in the hands of something we can’t control—what other people say or do and our life situations.

So how to get unstuck if you’re putting off your happiness waiting for something outside yourself to change?

If you want to be happy (who doesn’t?), you’re called to approach the problem from a different perspective.

As Einstein wisely said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

The new level of consciousness that is needed is to turn toward your experience and look within. Forget about looking out to the world, hoping to get the love or apology you think you need.

Instead,

  • Identify the story you’re telling yourself because it is a story designed to make you feel separate and lacking;
  • Experience how it painfully limits you; and
  • Experiment with losing interest in this story and bringing your attention fully into the present moment.

Rather than focusing on the loop of the story playing over and over in your head, take a breath and come back to what’s here and present right now.

Turning inward, what you might notice first is the pain you’ve been living with. For most of us, it’s the despair of a young child who didn’t get the love and care she or he needed. Putting the story aside, there’s the physical experience of this pain.

Now you’ve gotten to the root of the problem—the emotion that’s been lying here unexplored. And by noticing it, loving it, breathing with it, and letting it be present, it eventually begins to lose its power. It can’t hold up to the light of loving awareness.

You stop justifying the pain and waiting for resolution…and form a friendly and loving relationship with your own experience. This is how you become free of longing for something you don’t have and find the peace and happiness, right now, that you’ve wanted all along. It’s an incredibly kind way to be.

The painful feeling of not getting what you think you need will probably return many times, but each time is an opportunity to lovingly welcome your inner experience.

Being attached to an outcome you can’t control creates division that reinforces the idea that you’re separate and lacking—and it just doesn’t feel good. Turning toward what arises in you invites love, clarity, and compassionate understanding.

Instead of living in lack, you discover acceptance, celebration, and the simple joy of being alive.