Blog - Dr. Gail Brenner

SOS: 5 Lifelines for Getting Back on Track

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“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.”
~Arthur Rubinstein

If it happens to me, I’m sure it happens to you. Before I knew it, I found myself caught in my to-do list and unable to make decisions. My mind was flooded with “should’s”, and I felt like I was slogging through quicksand. Clarity and ease seemed a million miles away. Sound familiar?

Even in the midst of the fog, I never forgot this essential truth: it is always possible to find your way home to peace.

It is abundantly clear to me how little control we have. Thoughts show up, feelings appear, circumstances arise. We’re sailing along just fine, until all of a sudden we’re not.

But, as the saying goes, life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. This means that you are not a victim of life. In fact, every experience is tailored for your awakening. Every experience holds the possibility of freedom from it.

Being stuck is a short step from being unstuck.
Unhappiness holds the key to happiness.
Discontent is barely a breath away from contentment and ease.

It all depends on what you do with what you get.

If you’re off track, out of sorts, alienated, or just plain stuck, know that peace is possible. Apply these lifelines, then celebrate your arrival home to clear seeing, to sanity, to the fullness of being alive.

Accept things as they are.

As much as you want to change things to relieve your discomfort, what will help is just the opposite. Instead of trying to make your feelings go away, allow them to be. Stop resisting, and simply feel whatever you feel, even if it is painful or uncomfortable.

The end of trying to make something happen is the beginning of peace.

Be respectful, not harsh.

Rejecting or ignoring your experience is a kind of violence. It’s like slamming the door in the face of a new friend. When you push away feelings, you are divided against yourself. This is the cause of confusion and disconnection.

Instead of wishing for a different reality than what you are actually experiencing, meet yourself as is with an open heart. Lean into the difficult energies and emotions.

I know it can be challenging, and you are likely to resist. But take the plunge anyway. Breathe into the hardest places. Your loving attention is what will make them soften.

Let go of goals and plans.

When you have lost your way, goals and plans can take you deeper into darkness and frustration. Plans come from the mind, and letting them go brings you closer to being in touch with what is really true for you.

Set aside some unstructured time for being rather than doing. Ignore the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind and the pressure to accomplish. The trajectory of your plans and goals can wait. What you need is to stop and be quiet.

Keep it simple.

When confusion is in charge, keep it simple. Let the should’s and demands fall by the wayside, and don’t try to figure it all out. Simply bring your attention to your inner core. Listen with an open mind and see what you are guided to do.

Abandon expectations so you can hear clearly, as you may be surprised by what is offered.

Relax.

Relax away from the agitation, the uncomfortable feelings, the mental noise. It will all run its course without you feeding it with criticism or panic. If you investigate your inner workings with precision, you will see that when you relax with what is, when you let all the drama go, there is peace.

Let yourself relax. Be patient and kind. Move with rather than against. And here is what will happen. What seems like a problem becomes an opportunity. Resistance turns into inner transformation. Over and over, your struggles will guide you back to yourself, your essence, your true home.

What do you do to get back on track when you are lost? I’d love to hear…

Confused? How to Find Laser-Like Clarity

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”
~Lao Tzu

Indecision…confusion…lack of clarity. If these define your current reality, then this post is for you.

A friend of mine had been living in this state for months. He was facing a major life decision, and although he longed for clarity about it, all he got was uncertainty. He tried figuring it out every which way, but nothing seemed to clear the fog.

Letting Everything Go

Then he did what needed to be done – he died to everything. He let everything go.

His preferences for what he wanted
His hopes for how things would turn out
His identities – the kind of person he prided himself on being
All attachments – to relationship, money, status, appearance, even to life itself.
All should’s, all expectations

He opened to things being messy, crazy, and completely up for grabs. He was willing to accept the answer, no matter what it was.

From this emptiness, with everything out of the way he was able to truly listen, and undeniable clarity emerged. No longer iffy or doubtful, the answer shone like a beacon and his path opened up without question.

Clinging Is Resistance

He had been entangled in the mind-stuff, trying to determine the answer without having to face his attachments. He described the conflict as one between his head and his heart. In his head, he was busy bargaining and strategizing. There was too much mental noise, too much grasping, to hear the voice of his heart.

What it took was a willingness to drop everything. And I mean everything. To not resist any possibility, to not know anything, to be so incredibly open beyond any imagining. To be willing to say, “Yes!” to whatever appears.

Your Turn

Now, what about you…are you ready? Are you courageous enough to take off all the blinders and hear the truth? Here is how to die to everything:

Take everything you know, everything that defines you, and throw it into the holy fire.
Surrender anything you are holding on to – any ideas, attachments, hopes, desires, preferences.
Open every cell of your being.
Listen deeply with nothing in the way, no expectations at all about what you will discover.
Be so devoid of any personal will that you are willing to embrace whatever path shows itself to you.

Gaining clarity about a decision does not mean that your confusion won’t return for a visit. In fact, expect it. The last thing fear wants is the exhilaration of freedom, so it will beckon you. Here is your job: stay grounded in the clarity that you know to be true. Surrender, die to everything, over and over and over.

Truth is fierce business, as you can see. It is not for those who want the easy way out, not for those who want to cling to what is limited and familiar.

But, oh, the fruits of surrender. Laser-like clarity…the deepest intimacy with all things…peace beyond peace…

Where are you stuck or confused? What is masking truth and clarity? I’d love to hear…

Silence, Stillness, and the Art of Being

“Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?”
~Maurice Freehill

There was a time when I was afraid to be still. I lived in my head, trying to analyze, organize, strategize, and figure everything out. Really, all I wanted was to be happy, and somehow my attempts kept missing the mark.

Then I learned about the power of stillness. I learned to refrain from moving my attention anywhere. I learned to stop creating a life through my mind and instead to let things be. I went from noise to silence, from doing to being.

It was a revolution that changed everything forever.

Resting in Stillness Is Meditation

When you rest in stillness, you notice the momentum of your habits and urges, but you don’t act on them. You actually experience the moment – the feel of the wind on your skin, subtle sounds you never noticed before. You can tell what your body wants and needs. You are here, alive, receptive.

It’s both ordinary and extraordinary at the same time.

The exploration of stillness is commonly called meditation. All it takes is a few minutes, and you will begin to see the benefits and potential. If you are interested, simply sit down, close your eyes, and be. Don’t try to stop your thoughts or change anything. Just be the awareness that everything arises in.

Even to suggest that you notice is too strong. Expend no effort at all. Simply be aware, which you are already anyway, and let things unfold. Thoughts and physical sensations appear, feelings arise…just allow everything without getting in the way.

That’s all there is to it. Do this period of non-doing for a few minutes or longer. Do it even when what appears is painful or challenging. Relaxing into stillness is so loving because you are letting go of the need to fight or control your experience. And if you feel the urge to fight or control, simply let that be also.

See how it works? There is always a path to peace. Allow everything, effortlessly, and resistance ends.

The Benefits Flow Everywhere

The secret power of the practice of meditation is that it begins to seep into your daily existence. Your body learns how to stay relaxed, even when things are hard. You begin to say, “Oh, this” rather than struggling or defending.

I was trying to exit a parking lot yesterday, and the line stopped moving for a long time. There must have been 12 cars stuck trying to get out, eventually with horns blaring. I felt the agitation of the other drivers like it was mine. It was so clear that I had a choice, and I chose peace. It was barely a ripple in my evening.

Returning to stillness again and again is the key to unlocking the prison door. You might feel like you’re trapped by the ways you react in the course of your daily life. It may seem impossible to sustain peace.

Allowing your attention to rest in silence lets you see these reactions with objectivity, and what becomes apparent is their stressful and unfulfilling nature. It becomes easier and easier to choose sanity and let these reactions fall away.

Relaxing into stillness creates the space for deep listening. It invites you to hear the truth that is spoken to you—the voice of insight and clarity that is normally muffled by inner noise and external busyness. Confusion diminishes, and your path is laid clear.

Tapping into silence draws you deeply into yourself. You can let go of the effort to think yourself into being. In this quiet, timeless space, you can effortlessly be. No walls, no division, simply the pure essence of you – alive, loving, and completely at peace.

What keeps you from exploring silence? What happens when you do explore it? I’d love to hear…

10 Life-Changing Facts About Happiness

Note: This post is part of the Life-Changing Facts series. Check out the other posts on fear, attachment, habits, and healing the inner critic.

“The moment you move out of the way, you make room for the miracle to take place.”
~Dr. Barbara King

The number one desire for most people on this planet is to be happy. And I don’t mean the silly-smile-on-your-face version. True happiness is a deep sense of well being, the capability of abiding in a state of ease and peace that is present no matter what. Happiness is a way of being that can permeate every moment of your life.

The Problem

But for most of us, happiness seems to be elusive. Instead of simply being happy, we play out conditioned habits that distort our thoughts and bring drama and disappointment to our lives.

If you want to be happy – reliably, completely happy – then you need to see in great detail how your thought patterns and emotions make you unhappy. When you stop feeding unhappiness, you will realize a simple fact: you always have the option of being happy.

The Facts

Are you ready to get serious about happiness? Then consider these 10 life-changing facts. Contemplate them and apply them diligently to your own inner experience. You will know the happiness you long for.

1. Enduring happiness is possible. This is the essential starting point. You can have faith that enduring happiness is possible. How do I know?

I used to live with lots of inner struggles, wondering why I couldn’t be happy. Years ago, I heard about the possibility of ending suffering. I didn’t know how to achieve it, but I was set on fire to find out.

Now I know. If you make the choice to live a conscious life in every moment and investigate how you get in your own way, enduring happiness is possible.

2. You need to get serious about happiness. Moments of happiness may appear, but if you want to be truly, deeply happy, you need to get down to serious business. The power of habits is strong, so happiness takes a great willingness to be aware.

Make the commitment to happiness, keep it alive in every moment, and you will see results. Guaranteed.

3. If you rely on unreliable objects for your happiness, you will not end up happy. What is an unreliable object? A person, a situation, the future, a house, possessions, money, status. None of these can offer you a guarantee of happiness because they are outside your control.

And if you place your happiness in the hands of something you don’t control, you have set yourself up for disappointment.

Don’t look for happiness in anything outside yourself. Instead, turn your attention inside. Shed the habits and patterns that keep you unhappy, and you will discover the wellspring of happiness that is always here, unrelated to any objects or circumstances.

4. If you want to be happy, look at how you make yourself unhappy. Happiness is your true nature. It is here, always available, but is masked by your conditioning. If you want to know happiness, these automatic habits and patterns need to be untangled.

Don’t wait for happiness to miraculously appear in your life. Notice when you are unhappy, and investigate:

What are you thinking?
What are you believing?
What emotional reaction has captured you?

Become an expert in how your conditioning works and the ways it affects you. You will see that these habits are stressful and depleting. Then, you are faced with a choice. Make the commitment to no longer feed them with your attention. They don’t serve you anyway, so let them soften and dissolve.

When you stop buying into the patterns that make you unhappy, simply relax and feel the sense of well being that is possible.

5. Happiness breeds more happiness. When you incline your thoughts, feelings, and actions toward happiness, you create a happiness momentum. How to do that? Don’t be afraid to be happy.

Orient your life toward situations and people you enjoy. Notice what is already working, rather than what needs to be changed. Open your heart to recognize your many blessings.

6.Happiness is always present and available. You can spend a lifetime trying to work out your past so you can feel resolved. And sometimes these tangles need attention.

But don’t put off happiness one more second. Don’t delay happiness by thinking things need to be perfect before you are happy.

Instead, go deeply into the direct experience of this present moment, right now. Let all boundaries and mental structures collapse, including the idea that you are a separate entity in this vast universe of love. This is the doorway to the enduring happiness you are searching for.

7. Happiness is a word that refers to a state that can’t be defined in words. Many words point to happiness – peace, ease, well being, love – but none of them defines it accurately. True happiness is a state, an experience. It is life itself, the essential reality of all things.

Just for one moment, let go of your idea about what happiness is. In fact, let go of all ideas about everything. Drop any words, and notice what is actually here in your direct experience – the peace beyond peace. You have come home.

8. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. These are the words from a recent research study that shows that people spend on average half of their waking hours thinking about something other than the task at hand and that these wandering thoughts cause unhappiness.

When you realize that your mind has wandered, shift your attention into the present. Simply see, hear, taste, touch, and breathe. Experience reality as it is unfolding right in this moment. There is no struggle here, only peace, ease, and happiness.

9. Thoughts undermine your happiness. Become very knowledgeable about the kinds of thoughts that undermine your happiness. Then, when you notice that they have taken hold, relax your attention away from them. Make a vow to say “No” to the thoughts, and say “Yes!” to happiness every time they appear.

These thinking patterns can’t possibly support you in being happy:

Self-criticism
Compulsive worrying
Regrets about the past
Stories of how you have been wronged
Thoughts about how things should be different than they are.

When they are present, you will know, as you feel heavy, tense, and depleted. Now you have the chance to make the essential choice. Just say no, every time. And as you do, you dip into the endless well of happiness that is here in this very moment.

10. Happiness is a choice. There are many things in life you don’t have control over, but you do have a choice about where you place your attention. You can feed stories that keep you afraid, despairing, and emotionally upset. You can convince yourself that you are unworthy of happiness. Or you can move your attention to the truth of what is present now.

I know these mental habits can be intense and consuming. But truth is more powerful. Love is designed to heal. Every time the habits arise, shift your focus to the present. Again and again and again. See what is actually true. Live here, and be happy.

What interferes with your happiness? I’d love to hear…

Note: I love the work of Tara Mohr. Tara has recently released a book of her amazing poetry with the most beautiful images, which you can find here.

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Feeling Inadequate? A Guide to Discovering Your True Magnificence

“Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.”
~Eckhart Tolle
Are you pretending that there is something missing? Feeling a sense of lack is so pervasive in our society. And believing in your inadequacy prevents you from recognizing the brilliance that is already always here.

Just watch ten minutes of commercials on TV. You will be told that you aren’t young enough or stylish enough, that you need exactly what you don’t have. We live in a culture of non-acceptance and dis-ease, compounded even further by what we learn from our families as we grow up. It’s a legacy of lack.

A Personal Sense of Lack

Of course, this sense of lack seeps into our personal psyches. Do these sound familiar?

Piling on the “should’s” – what you should and shouldn’t do or be
Needing others’ approval to feel OK about yourself
Criticizing yourself endlessly
Feeling that there must be something more
Compulsively seeking objects to fill yourself up

It’s like the bucket is always leaking so you can never feel whole, relaxed, full, and at ease.

The Way Out

If you take one point away from this post, let it be this: there is a way out. It is absolutely possible for you to live the moments of your life in peace rather than poverty, fullness rather than fear and despair.

Do you know how to pay attention?
Are you capable of love?

Then you have the tools to realize the relief you seek. And where do you end up when you use them? Smack in the middle of the land of happiness. The well being you have always wanted is here, available, possible for you. You can stop trying so hard. You can relax and be still.

The Art of Paying Attention

If you are living in lack, then you are caught in a story that has convinced you of your inadequacy. You are giving your most precious resource, your attention, to believing in not being good enough. And this problem will never be solved by thinking more about it.

Know this: what you feed is what will grow. Feed lack, and you get more lack. Bring your attention into what you are experiencing in the moment, and you can be free.

Whenever you spin in the story of inadequacy, stop. See what emotions you are feeling, and welcome them. Notice the sensations in your body, and breathe with them. The story diminishes, and in that moment, you are free.

Add up these moments, and the fire of inadequacy becomes a pile of ash.

Every time the inadequacy rises up, now you know what to do. Bring your attention away from the story in your mind, and be in the moment with your feelings and physical sensations. Time after time…peaceful moment after peaceful moment.

The Art of Loving

Now comes the juicy part. You get to steep yourself in love. Whenever the sense of lack arises, counter it with kindness. Give yourself what you think you are lacking, which is love.

Take every thought, every painful emotion, and bathe it in love. How to do that? Accept it, welcome it, allow it to be as it is. Put down the fight with what is present in your experience, and wholeheartedly let it be.

Can you see how your entire experience can be transformed? No longer stuck in the story of lack, no longer pretending you are a fraction of your true magnificence.

Practice paying attention to your in-the-moment experience. Practice being a loving host to whatever arises. Rinse and repeat in every difficult moment. In the face of this intelligent practice, inadequacy dissolves.

And when it does, You are revealed – shining, open, peaceful, loving. Shed the story of lack, and discover that you are already overflowing.

Do you have problems with inadequacy? Does the practice I am offering here make sense to you? I’d love to hear…

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Why You Need to Be a Very Good Student

“Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.”
~Claude Bernard

What are you looking for? Do you want to make a change…discover how to stop suffering…realize the essence of your true self? There are so many beautiful teachings available – more than you will ever need. But what is most imperative is this: you must be a very good student.

How to Learn

You can hear or read the most clear and articulate teaching, but if it falls on deaf ears or drops into a mind that is closed like a bank vault, then things will stay exactly as they are. If you are lost in seeking, if you keep trying to find answers, you need to reflect on what you are bringing to the table as a student.

As you know, the momentum of conditioned habits is very strong. They infiltrate your body and mind and squelch your spirit. Unraveling them takes great resolve and commitment. You need to be very aware so you can see how they begin to take hold. And you need to stay open so you can receive the teachings you need in the deepest part of your being.

There was a moment in my own journey when this lesson landed. I had been hearing the same words over and over, retreat after retreat. Finally, in a stroke of grace, the clouds covering my mind parted, and the light poured in. I realized that my task was to take what was being spoken and apply it in my moment-to-moment experience.

It was the end of spoon-feeding, which doesn’t work anyway, and the beginning of true transformation.

Embody These Qualities

It is so easy for our brains to get congealed. We become so attuned to the familiar that the new seems inconceivable. But here is the truth: you have the capacity to know the peace you long for.

Are you waiting for your life to begin? Are you seeking but not finding? Then maybe you can be a better student by tapping into these essential qualities.

Openness

Let every aspect of your being be open. Open your eyes, your ears, your pores and cells and heart, your brain and mind. It might feel strange at first, like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz who is just getting oiled. But just this degree of openness may be enough.

Willingness

Be willing to go into the most feared places within yourself. Be willing to try something new, go out of your comfort zone, challenge your thoughts and beliefs about the world. Absorb the teachings you need, then apply them diligently to your own experience.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm comes from the Greek meaning, “possessed by the gods.” Let yourself be possessed by your quest for wholeness and freedom. Be willing to go out on a limb, to do things that don’t make sense, to let your journey unfold through you.

Curiosity

Be acutely interested in your in-the-moment experience. Be curious about how your reactions work. Shine your laser-like attention into the heart of your habits.

Trust

Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, but the ultimate teacher is life itself. Your teacher may be your child or an illness or loss. Trust that you are getting exactly what you need for freedom. And if you follow a person who is teaching, choose wisely, then trust completely.

Humility

Forget what you already know that isn’t serving you, and adopt an attitude of, “I don’t know.” Recognize that your mind tries to solve problems it can’t begin to know the answer to. Empty yourself of what you think you know, then let something new come forth, fresh in the moment.

Dedication

Stay with it. The journey to wholeness and healing can bring you all kinds of challenges. Remain connected with your true heart’s desire. Keep the fire burning.

Self-kindness

Habits run deep, so treat yourself with tough love. Be unceasingly attentive, and unendingly kind. Relax and breathe. Not resisting anything is the most loving thing you could ever do.

If there is something you know you need to learn, be like a sponge. Absorb the teachings and let them filter in completely. Then, as if you are reborn, emerge – fresh, alive, and whole.

How are you doing as a student? How can you incorporate what you learn into your daily experience? I’d love to hear…

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Relationships Are for Your Awakening

“I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.”
~Simone de Beauvoir

I have come across a treasure trove of useful articles about relationship recently. If you are interested in deepening in your exploration of relationship, any of them, then be sure to take a look.

From Sibyl Chavis at Possibility of Today: 30 Tips for a Great Relationship
From Tess Marshall at The Bold Life: 25 Tips to Boost the Love Factor in Your Relationships
From Jonathan Wells at Advanced Life Skills: 10 Timeless Guidelines for a Happy Relationship
From Jayson Gaddis at Jungle of Life: The Most Effective Way to Deepen Your Relationships

You can glean just as much from these posts if you are single as if you have a partner. Because, as you will see, the ultimate relationship skill is to know your own triggers and learn to intelligently deal with them. And who can’t benefit from that?

The Necessity of Taking Responsibility

Pay close attention to what you bring to any interaction.

Are you ready for a fight?
Are you waiting for the other to satisfy your every need?
Do you show up bored, half-present (which is not present at all), already thinking you know how the conversation will go?
Do you try to help, save, and fix while sacrificing your own needs and desires?

None of this is about the other person. Holding up the mirror and seeing that the responsibility is yours paves the way for inner peace and outer harmony. You investigate how you get caught so you can be open, transparent, and available to intimacy.

A Common Story

I know whereof I speak when it comes to struggle in the area of relationships. Even friendship didn’t come naturally to me, let alone a healthy connection with a romantic partner.

Then I realized the futility of waiting for Prince Charming to show up at my door. That’s when I got down to business and began to meet my fears and emotional reactions with unflagging honesty.

I saw how I had not been the easiest person to get along with. I pulled out of need and pushed out of fear. No wonder there was so much drama.

Now my policy is this: I notice when I am triggered, then meet my expectations and emotions with curiosity and love. Ninety percent of the time, the trouble miraculously dissolves. No need for “the talk,” which is most often leaking our own unfinished business into the relationship. No more short-circuiting intimacy in the name of communication.

And, although I don’t think this has everything to do with it, I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world (an unbiased view).

Relationship Is Opportunity

If you are single, use this time well. Read carefully: become the one who the one you are looking for will clamor to be with. Recognize the story of lack and realize there is nothing lacking when you tap into the fullness of you. This is a win-win situation. You get to be happy, no matter what.

And if you are with a partner, look first within. Clear yourself out. Make a lifestyle of not looking outside yourself, even to the one right next to you, for your emotional rescue.

Maybe you will be surprised, as I was, at how easy it is to love – in a healthy, sane, and sustainable way – when you come from a heart that is already overflowing. Take care of your own business, and you can love without attachment, honor and cherish while holding nothing back.

Where do you get stuck when it comes to relationships? What is your hook that needs your kind attention? I’d love to hear…

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10 Love-Filled Ways to Live From Your Heart

“I name it silence. Some people say self, or love, or fullness. It is actually life itself.”
~Gangaji

Living from the heart is incredibly relaxing. You stop using your mind to analyze, plan, organize, and figure everything out. What a relief! As you let go of all of that mind activity, you are able to relax into presence, where there is no trouble and no resistance.

When you live from the heart, you begin to touch into the universal experience of love. Love is the source of everything – the fabric which makes up our very existence.

Sure, there are many waves in the ocean, but they all are made up of the same thing. Play with letting go of your individual self and live from the eternal ocean of love.

Ask, “What would love do?” In any situation, look for the response that is peaceful and free of stress. Put aside your fears and conditioned habits, and let love guide you.
Let love pervade every conversation. Can you not take your relationships for granted and be more openly loving? Even when things get tense, drop away from your emotional reaction and melt back into love.
Treat yourself like gold. When it comes to love, you are included, too. Tune into what you need and let yourself have it. Live as stress-free a life as possible.
Be here now. Spinning stories in your mind about things that have happened in the past and what might happen in the future take you away from what is here right now. When you are stuck in your mind, it is impossible to be fully in touch with the love that is here. Let your attention explore this very moment. Open your senses, open your heart, and live from there.
Become aware of the oneness of love. Consider this: what is looking out of your eyes is the same as what is looking out of everyone else’s eyes. When you meet an “other,” you are actually meeting the essence of yourself. When you understand this, love is impossible to deny. Check it out with the next person you speak to.
Don’t obsessively plan. In fact, only plan when absolutely necessary. Planning is in the mind, and when you realize how little planning you actually need, there is space to recognize that you are alive right now. And in that aliveness, let your heart glow.
Make hard choices. When you live from the heart, you begin to be very honest with yourself. You may realize that certain situations or people aren’t working for you. Likewise, you will see your own tendencies that don’t serve. Sometimes, the most loving response you can make is a kind but firm, “No.”
Honor your personality quirks. A funny thing happens when you live from the heart. As conditioning falls away, your natural gifts and inclinations have space to be expressed. Let your creativity flow in whatever way it wants to. Go where you are guided, learn what you want to learn, enjoy yourself in all your activities.
Bring boundless acceptance to your moment-to-moment experience. Be a kind host to all the emotions and reactions that visit you. The more you resist, the more trouble you will have. Say, “Hello” and let it be.
Get to know the unconditioned, totally free you. When you relax away from all your conditioned habits, you will discover formless space that is clear, open, and inherently loving. Begin to become familiar with this space, as it is the essence of you. Listen, let it guide you. Live here.

In any moment you have a choice – the head or the heart, inauthenticity or truth, distraction or love. Play around with living more in your heart. Don’t be shy. Let love in, and life’s greatest treasures will be revealed.

What is your experience of living from the heart? Is it easy? Do you resist? I’d love to hear…

Bogged Down by Fear? The Two-Step, No-Fail Guide to Freedom

“Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less.”
~Norman Mailer

Are you human? Then you are familiar with fear. But what you absolutely need to know is that you have a choice over how fear affects you.

You can listen to the voice of fear, letting opportunities pass you by. You can live an “if only” life that is small and safe. You can pretend you aren’t magnificent, creative, and capable.

Or you can thrive, with your light shining in all directions. The choice is yours.

The Courageous Choice

And it is a courageous choice that is asking to be made. Because fear can be powerful. It convinces you that you are unworthy and paralyzes you from moving forward. Yet it feels like an old, familiar friend – one who has overstayed her welcome and needs to go.

Are you ready to tell yourself the truth about fear? Are you prepared to take the sacred step to let the essence of your being be expressed in the world? (We’re all waiting for you.)

Then take on board this two-step guide. Open up to receive its guidance, and find within yourself the courage to roar.

Step 1: Get to Know All the Faces of Fear

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
~Joseph Campbell

Fear can be a wily character. You might be shaking in your boots. But just as likely, you will find yourself procrastinating, rationalizing, getting distracted, or losing yourself in judgmental and limiting thoughts.

I recently revealed to a friend a story that runs through my mind that keeps me from finishing projects I am passionate about. Rather than empathize with me, she said, “You’re comparing. It’s a sign that you need to return to your center.” She didn’t give the story itself a second thought – and she was right. I had momentarily lost my way – in fear.

Any mind activity that interferes with your brilliant self-expression is, at its source, fear. If it reeks of “No,” makes you doubt yourself, or persuades you to stop what you’re doing, it deserves investigation.

Approach it with tough love. Be kind, not harsh, but commit to seeing the truth about these thoughts. When it comes to fear, you can be sure that the mind will not support you. No fear-based thoughts are true.

Get to know intimately how fear arises in your experience. The subtle tightness in your chest, the mental fog that keeps you from carrying out your passions, the spinning mind that concludes, “I can’t.”

See procrastination, excuses, and getting lost in busyness as gifts handed to you on a silver platter. They are signals that fear has taken over. Recognize it. Acknowledge it. Then go on to Step 2.

Step 2: Choose Life

“Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.”
~Alan Alda

It is impossible to be aligned with life if fear is controlling your behavior. Fear will make you choose what is safe and known. It won’t stretch you or take you out of your comfort zone.

Once you recognize that fear has taken over, you are awake! Now you have a choice. Do you let fear drive you – or do you choose life? Do you hang out in what you already know, or do you venture out into the garden of unknowing?

You will never know what is on the other side of fear until you take the leap.

And leap you will – over and over. Fear may be a constant companion, offering you the opportunity to choose life time after time after time.

In choosing life, you say, ‘Yes!” to creativity, to intelligence, to the inner whisper of truth, to passion and wonder and delight. Who knows where it will take you? You can’t even begin to imagine. Nourish the glowing ember of You, and enjoy yourself endlessly.

Any comments, questions, or reports about fear? I’d love to hear…

Stuck in a Rut? Start Asking Questions

Note: Does fear hold you back? Please join me for my first-ever conference call on “Moving Through Fear with Grace.” You will hear exactly what you need to know to be released from the trap of fear. I look forward to speaking with you!

“Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke

As we all know, it doesn’t take much to get stuck. Before we know it, we are barreling along on automatic, going down a road that doesn’t support our happiness and well being. Sound familiar?

Some of these tendencies we perpetuate are so strong, that we may not even know what to do to find our way out. We are lost in tunnel vision, with seemingly no choices for freeing ourselves.

A friend of mine gets caught in trying to be perfect. When he needs to make a decision, he researches the options endlessly, staying on the fence for a very long time (up to a year!).

Some of us are stuck in seeking approval and validation or avoiding life due to fear. And others might be immobilized by a grudge, an addiction, or a victim story of, “Why me?”

Why Ask Questions

Whatever is your special brand of suffering, here is the truth: There is always a way out. Not sure how to begin? Simply ask questions.

Asking questions is like a healing balm for unhappiness. And it’s easy. You don’t need to know the answer – you only need to learn to ask intelligent questions. Begin to ask questions, and you will:

Discover useful information about what you are thinking, feeling, and doing.
Embark on a path that offers the freedom to make appropriate choices for yourself.
Stop the loop of unsatisfying or self-defeating patterns.

The How-To

How to do it? Simple. Take any habit at all that you recycle in your life, any way you spin your wheels, and ask yourself any of these questions. Take them slowly, one at a time, and let them sink in.

What am I actually doing?
Is this supporting my well being?
Is this serving me and everyone else?
How is this pattern bringing trouble to my life?
What do I really want? Is this what I want?
How can I be more aligned with what I want?
What is my heart saying? How is it directing me?
How can I be kind to myself?
How can I bring ease to my life in this very moment?

It is not an exaggeration to say that asking these questions can be transformative. When you stop to inquire about what is actually going on in the moment, the raw truth is revealed. You may not like what you see, but seeing things clearly opens up the possibility to make a new, healthier, more life-supporting choice.

Say that what holds you back is self-critical thinking. Without you even realizing it, court is in session, and judge and jury are hard at work – in your mind. At some point, you will recognize what is happening. And this is the time to start asking questions.

“What am I doing?” “Is this supporting me?” “What is my heart saying?” “Can I be kind to myself?”

The Wonder of It All

Any tendency that brings you unhappiness is not aligned with your true desires. This disconnection needs to be identified, brought to the surface, and seen in the light of day – and asking questions will allow this to happen. Only then can you turn toward the peace and ease you long for.

I have to say, I’m amazed at the power of synchronicity. Just as I was completing this post, what shows up in my inbox, but a link to an article by poet David Whyte called “10 Questions That Have No Right to Go Away.” Immensely revealing.

Interested in truth, authenticity, and heart-fueled living? Start asking questions.

What do you discover when you ask yourself the essential questions? I’d love to hear…

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