Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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The Heart and Soul of Self-Compassion

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
~Buddha

Our true nature is endless peace, beyond space and time, and pure aliveness. And it’s beautiful to explore this truth directly.

But if you’re like me, sometimes we have very human experiences of getting caught in old stories and limited ways of thinking about ourselves.

We feel sad, angry, frustrated, unworthy, jealous, or shameful, and it doesn’t feel good.

At times like these, it can help immensely to practice self-compassion as a way home to peace.

We’re all good people, right? We care about others and know how to treat them with support, acceptance, encouragement, kindness, and love.

Self-compassion is about meeting our own experience with this same love and care.

Many of us are conditioned to turn against ourselves. In our minds, we belittle and criticize our bodies, our creative ideas, our choices, and our actions.

And when waves of emotion visit, we want to fix, change, and avoid—anything but let these tender experiences be as they are. We often feel like we’re just not doing it right.

Self-compassion is the healing balm that helps us weave the fragments of ourselves back together. And here is where we discover our essential wholeness that was always who we are.

We start practicing self-compassion by turning our attention toward whatever we’re experiencing in the moment. We slow things down so we can consciously feel what’s here. Why? Because it’s here for our loving attention.

We stop fighting with our feelings and instead stay open to lovingly receive what appears. And whatever it is, we welcome like our long lost child coming home.

By being kind to what arises, we’re attuned to ourselves. We acknowledge what’s happening; we have our own back—which is exactly what these tender parts of ourselves are longing for.

And practicing this deep self-acceptance over time, we start to find a safe base within that we can return to any time—our harbor in the midst of any storm. We slowly trust again.

We practice self-compassion first with a willingness to be kind to ourselves—because I know you know that self-judgment is stealing your happiness. Then, turning inward, we’re curious about what we find.

  • What sensations are appearing in your body?
  • What thoughts are in your mind that are telling you negative, distorted stories about who you are?
  • What emotions want to be seen by you?

Simply this heartfelt noticing is a supremely kind act.

And here are some other ways to be self-compassionate:

  • We breathe with one hand on the heart and one on the belly—softening into ourselves, being our own best companion.
  • We arrive back to the present moment using our five senses. What do you hear, see, smell, taste, feel? This is what’s real right now.
  • We see how the inner critical voice undermines us, and we become a coach to ourselves instead. What can your inner coach say to support you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once there’s space from the prison of your inner negativity, you get to listen deeply within. What is your inner aliveness saying to you? What wants to be born in you? What is itching to be expressed?

Then you find the courage to let the truth of you be known.

Bringing kindness within is the path that will light up the way…

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Devotion to Silence

“Silence has a music of its own. It is not dead, it is very much alive, it is tremendously alive.
In fact, nothing is more alive than silence.”
~Osho

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

If you’re interested in cultivating peace and ease in your life, if you’re looking for clarity beyond your conditioned mindsets, then you will need to have a friendly relationship with silence.

Many of us live our daily lives in the habit of thinking. We’re in our heads analyzing, planning, fretting, and trying to figure out how to be happy. We frantically move from one thing to another without space in-between.

We are firmly living the mind-driven life, stuck in a rush of mental noise.

But if you want to make a shift in your level of consciousness, it’s essential to befriend inner silence.

A few years ago, I was standing at the entrance to a street market in New Delhi that I wanted to visit. As with many places in India, it was absolutely flooded with people, wall to wall.

The first thought that came was overwhelm, “How am I going to do this?” Then silence took over. My attention shifted from the crowds of people and opened into what I could only call a vast field of silence. It was as if I was gliding forward, fully immersed in my surroundings, and completely still at the same time.

Your life becomes more sane when silence is your go-to place. It’s an anchor that lets you reset when you’re caught up in stressful thinking. It’s the secret to finding clarity when you’re frustrated or out-of-sorts.

And it’s the ground of being that is infinite, open, and free…

Turning away from the objects that bring about suffering and inward toward the silence within is like a homecoming. The momentum of suffering recedes, and there’s spaciousness, presence, and a fresh perspective on everything.

To be honest, I don’t know how to find freedom from the pull of long-standing patterns without a strong relationship with silence.

How can you cultivate silence? We might call it meditation—and it’s ultimately a way of being in everyday life.

  • Take a few moments to sit quietly;
  • Focus on a few breaths as you turn your attention inward;
  • Be the observing presence that notices everything in form come and go;
  • Then notice how this observing presence itself is silent—simply here, vast and open, the welcoming space for whatever wants to pass through;
  • Rest here.

Practice relying on silence as a touchstone as you go through your day.

Being with silence has the potential to shift everything—because you’re not in your head listening to your thoughts. You’re more present with people, more accepting and compassionate, and you’re no longer driven by forces outside your control.

Turn to silence:

  • When you’re bored;
  • When you’re going back and forth trying to make a choice;
  • When you’re lost in the complexity of programmed thinking;
  • Every moment when you remember.

Be devoted to inner silence…and you’re available to discover the peace beyond peace…

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Awakened Qualities—Limitless Compassion

“The more evolved you become, the more compassionate you become, the more you show loving kindness to everything, to the mineral kingdom, to the vegetable kingdom, to the animal kingdom, and to the human kingdom. You show total compassion, loving kindness. You become an embodiment of love simply because everything is you.”
~ Robert Adams

There’s one thing I’ve noticed recently along the spiritual path: there seems to be no end to our capacity for compassion.

How do I know that? I keep finding the secret ways I still judge myself and others when patterns get played out or emotions take over. And as I look deeply into each one, every time I see the invitation for softening, acceptance, and as Byron Katie says, loving what is.

I can always find the capacity for compassion.

As I look deeply, I sometimes discover a subtle rejection of experiences that arise because they don’t meet my expectation of what I think should be happening.

I shouldn’t feel confused or bored. My friend shouldn’t be so upset because she should know by now that her difficult family members will never change. Another friend should stop recycling a distressing story that causes him to suffer.

Even though it’s painful—and surprising—to become aware of these resistances, I love discovering them. Each discovery is a little awakening, coming out of the fog of robotic, unconscious, divisive thinking and into the light of infinite possibility.

And in this light, over and over, I find limitless compassion.

As much as the fear-driven mind tries to avoid and fragment, it can always be met with the willingness to be intimate with what is.

And that’s how everything serves—and I mean everything. Every moment offers a unique arising of the human experience. We can react with resistance and story-telling—or open with curiosity.

We can swim in the familiar pain of fear and lack—or meet it all with the deepest acceptance and celebration.

In these times, it’s easy to get lost in the sorrows of the world. There is plenty of suffering of all kinds, and our hearts break in response to it.

But you can always bring light into your corner of the totality—right here, right now. And that changes everything.

Take a courageous moment to reflect:

  • What feelings have you been avoiding—or rationalizing to yourself?
  • How are your stories of judgment and blame dividing you from others?
  • What “should’s” are blocking your peace and happiness?

If you’re like me, you’ll find many answers to these questions. What would it take to soften in these places of resistance?

Love is always here as the essential nature of reality. Although we may feel stuck and separate, there’s another way: the ongoing miraculous discovery of limitless compassion…

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Awakened Qualities—Comfort with Not Knowing

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”
~ Socrates

Today’s article is the second in our Awakened Qualities series. You can find the first one here.

If we drill down to the absolute truth of things, we see that we have no idea what is going to happen. Life just is, and it unfolds as it does.

This is true of the small, mundane moments of our lives as well as the more momentous ones. But don’t take my word for it.

  • Do you know the next words that will come out of your mouth?
  • Even if you work hard to make something happen and want it with all your heart—do you actually know that it will happen?
  • Isn’t it true that your whole life can change in a moment—by a chance meeting, a diagnosis, or any unexpected event?

The nature of reality is completely fresh, shining with timeless brilliance. This means that we, with our human minds and personal desires, can’t possibly know what will happen.

This is the absolute truth no matter what we expect, no matter what has happened in the past, no matter how much we want something to happen.

And if we’re lulled into same old-same old, thinking things are familiar and commonplace, we’ve bought into another of the mind’s illusions. Because without applying mind-made stories, every nanosecond is utterly new.

So we’re faced with two choices.

We can stay entangled in our assumptions, expectations, and desires—then feel frustrated when they’re not met.

Or we can align ourselves with the truth that we know nothing.

The exploration of not knowing reveals how much we resist:

  • Assuming things should happen a certain way;
  • Thinking we know what is right for other people and the world;
  • Worrying about what might or might not happen;
  • Fighting against things as they are.

Or maybe we fall asleep to the essential aliveness of everything, living like we’re half-alive, because we take things for granted.

Reflecting on these ways of being, we notice we’re left in an imagined state of lack, with that sneaking feeling that something isn’t right.

This information about our inner workings is so valuable—because it points us to another possibility.

In the moments when we receive and allow—rather than expect and assume—our suffering ceases.We come alive to what is!

And we begin to follow the flow rather than struggle against it.

Feel into that possibility in your own experience…

If your mind is like mine, it cycles in a desire-driven monologue of “I want! I want! I want!” or a fear-driven stream of worries about the future. It judges others and makes you believe you’re damaged and unworthy. Or it shuts down to the freshness—”Oh, this again.”

Try calming your mind down with a full and conscious breath and tuning in with curiosity to what is alive right now. Coach your fearful mind to know that all is okay so you can show up fully to what is.

Move through the dullness of familiarity by starting with, “I don’t know” and not relying on inner programming.

This is how what to do becomes apparent. Without resistance hijacking our attention, there’s less extraneous thinking and the space to clearly recognize the natural flow of things.

We’re simply at ease, trusting the truth of the moment. And it’s beautiful—because it’s right here, totally alive, and palpably real.

Free of limitations, we enter the sacred realm of innocence and wonder. We’re available to infinite possibilities and indescribably intimate with what is.

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Awakened Qualities—Enthusiasm

Welcome to the first article in a series called Awakened Qualities.

When you reflect on your everyday life experience, what do you notice? How do you meet the moments of your life?

Are you stewed in negative thinking and doubt? Does everything frustrate you?

Or are you peaceful, easygoing, and prone to joy?

Living in the Flow

Without the constriction of the idea of your mind-made separate self capturing your attention, infinite possibilities open up—available to you now and in every moment.

You may not be aware of it, but it’s absolutely possible to live in the flow of things as they are.

And when you don’t resist anything, life feels sane. You act from intelligence, clarity, and grace. This inner knowing is completely trustworthy.

In this series, we’ll explore some qualities of awakened living that you can experiment with in your own life.

Let the message of this article seep into the moments of your everyday life. Receive it in every cell of your being and see what opens…

The point is to bring these qualities alive in your own experience. And when you do, you’ll make the amazing discovery that everything you want may actually be here, right in this moment.

Enthusiasm—Being Divinely Inspired

Today we’ll explore enthusiasm. Every word contains its whole history, and the root of “enthusiasm” conveys being “divinely inspired, intensely eager, and rapturous.”

Take that in! Begin to imagine discovering the seed of divine inspiration and intense eagerness in the moments of your life. When have you felt that? It’s about living in the full-on Yes!

“Wow, I get to breathe right now! Wow, these colors, forms, scents, and sounds I’m experiencing right now!”

You may be wondering what I’m talking about if you’re not so enthusiastic about things in your daily life. Where is this enthusiasm? That’s because your attention is locked into the contents of your mind which tell you limiting stories about you and your life.

Where to Look

Most minds are filled with repetitive, anxiety-ridden stories, so it’s no surprise that you don’t find enthusiasm there. And you may be focusing on a situation, such as a job you’re not passionate about or struggles in your personal life. No enthusiasm there either.

You may feel bored, disappointed, or lacking. How could you possibly find rapture or divine inspiration there?

Perhaps you need to look somewhere else. Maybe this seemingly normal material world of people, objects, and events is not the whole reality of a given moment.

Maybe the way you’re thinking about these common everyday experiences is masking something deeper…

Beneath this seeming reality of the everyday human life is the energy of aliveness, the vibration of pure existence from which all things arise—here to be discovered in any moment.

It’s the open spaciousness that is aware and alive—and fully loving of everyone and everything.

Meeting the material world from this open spaciousness allows you to experience it in a whole new way.

  • Instead of saying, “I’m bored,” you meet boredom with freshness and curiosity. Maybe it has something to show me…
  • Instead of feeling stuck in a job, you go beyond the feeling of stuckness to expand your view. Is it my life path to be here? Since I’m here, how can I meet the tasks and people I encounter every day infused with love?

And eventually you live in the, “Wow, this is what I’m experiencing right now!” receiving whatever it is with full acceptance.

Beyond the Mind, Into the Moment

Can you feel into the possibility of going beyond what your mind is telling you and seeing familiar thoughts, feelings, and situations with fresh eyes? Here’s where you begin to access the Yes! to the moment.

When enthusiasm arises naturally in you, notice it and expand into it fully. It’s a divinely given experience that is a gateway into your true essence.

To find your inner enthusiasm, clear away your ho-hum ideas about things. Delete any history along with your assumption that things are familiar.

Then, with an awakened mind open like the sky, take everything in with exquisite freshness.

  • Notice the energies and sensations moving through…never before experienced!
  • What do you see, touch, and hear? So fresh!
  • Encounter people with no story of you and other. Heart bursting open!

Try bringing this perspective to the places in your life that feel shut down and flat. Or even to just what you’re experiencing right now. Shed the layers of contracted mind, and discover the Wow! at the heart of every moment.

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