Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Lessons of the Heart

“When you beautify your mind, you beautify your world.”
~John O’Donahue

“Can you explain the sinking into your heart for me?”

This is a beautiful question I received from a reader, Paul, in response to the post from a couple of weeks ago. It was about pressing the reset button – the choice that is available in any moment to stop feeding the momentum of a reactive pattern.

If you are caught in an emotional whirlwind, or if you are consumed by a flood of thinking, you can stop, pause, connect with your wisdom and intelligence, and reset. Ahhhh, sanity.

I mentioned that one of the ways to reset is to let go of thinking and sink into the heart. This is what prompted the question. What exactly does that mean – to sink into the heart?

The Value of Inquiring

I love this question because it is penetrating. You could easily assume that you know what it means. After all, everyone has a heart. But let’s make sure. Let’s inquire deeply, so you can fully understand. Let’s shine the laser on even the most obvious idea so you can drill down to the absolute truth of it.

Only then can you relax.

Your mind stops questioning, so you can live the answer.

Isn’t that what you long for?

So let’s take a deep, penetrating look. What does it mean to let go of thinking and sink into the heart?

Lose Interest in Thinking

We all know what it’s like to be caught up in thinking. You judge, ruminate, worry, plan, and tell yourself sad or scary stories. You negotiate and justify and defend. When the mind is functioning in full force, you can’t possibly be fully available to the moment.

Now the letting go part. If you make the choice to become less interested in thoughts, your attention will naturally move away from thinking. Then you are available to presence, reality. And this is the realm of the heart.

Without attention to thinking, miraculously you notice sounds and sense perceptions that were always here. You are quiet enough to realize there is breathing, the wind on your face, tension in the jaw, a feeling you’ve been ignoring.

You are waking up to what is. Mind clear and alert. Eyes wide open. Seeing and hearing from the space beyond eyes and ears.

I used to do silent meditation retreats where, after a few days, the mind would become very still. Looking out through my eyes everything was so clear and precise. There was a great sense of peace. At first, I thought something was wrong, and I would look in the mirror to see if my pupils were dilated.

Now I understand that with no interest in thinking, the reality of what is actually here in the moment becomes obvious. No distractions, no hiding, no pretending.

With nothing whatsoever in the way, what remains is infinite clear seeing, unlimited awareness. Perception of everything that is so amazingly fresh.

And in this clarity, heart-centered qualities appear naturally – compassion for people and situations, being overcome by beauty, gratitude overflowing.

A Practical Experiment

I invite you to try an experiment, just for a moment. Think about something with gusto, then let go of the thinking. Be awareness itself, fully open and allowing.

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I just tried this myself and noticed a palpable difference in my experience. Thinking felt tight and contracted. But once I stopped feeding thoughts and opened to awareness, there was the sound of birds, the rays of sunlight dancing with the leaves, and a sweet softness and relaxation.

Live in the Heart

“Sinking into the heart” is a remembrance of our true nature, or, as one of my teachers says, our “infinite magnificence.” When we disconnect from thinking, there is somehow an unshakeable knowing that we have arrived home. Who we are is not our thoughts, not the individual entity we call the body or Paul or Gail.

Separation is seen as untrue, and what is realized is the inter-being (as Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says) of all of life. In the realization of this wholeness of all, with nothing excluded, is the unnameable. But probably the best word to describe it is love.

The suggestion to sink into the heart is an invitation to align with life, to let go of resistance, and to know ourselves as love, as life itself.

What is your experience with losing interest in thinking? Is it hard or easy? What happens?  I’d love to hear…

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It’s So Simple: Just Press Reset

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”
~Jill Bolte Taylor

Teaching stories are everywhere, like this one, for example. My new husband and I were lost in the woods this weekend, and, well, what else to do but take out our iphones.

In a minute, his showed us the way, yet mine was woefully blank. A trip to the Apple store solved the problem – a simple reset, and I was good to go.

Reset Applied

The next day, I found myself grumpy and stressed. Then the lightbulb went off. Oh, a reset! And that was all that was needed. The clouds cleared, and there was openness and peace once again.

Really, my choice to reset changed the whole tone of the moment and the rest of the day.

Can it be as simple as that? Absolutely. You are never more than a nanosecond away from sanity. You are closer than close to knowing yourself as aware presence, alive to all possibilities.

Just as you choose to be troubled and downcast, you can opt for a reset. As the quote by Jill Bolte Taylor says, “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.”

It’s Your Choice

Take responsibility for your mood, what you think about and believe, your attachments. Take responsibility for happiness, and you will see that this simple shift changes everything.

Here’s how it works:

  • Reset: What do I really want in this moment?
  • Reset: What is most important right now?
  • Reset: Let me forget about thinking and sink into the heart.
  • Reset: What emotion, expectation, or idea do I need to let go of – right now?

Maybe you think if you read enough blog posts, one day you will magically become happy or more in control of your thoughts or feelings. Maybe you think that happiness is not possible for you.

My suggestion to you is: don’t just read – try it out in your own experience. When you find yourself stuck in lack or misery, press reset. Clear your screen completely, and look out with fresh eyes. Drop the veils that hide your magnificence, and relax into the space of no projections.

Here each moment is brimming with potential. Whatever seemed frustrating or painful dissolves. You sparkle with creativity and openness. You are flexible so new solutions come to mind.

 The amazing good news is that you don’t have to settle, you don’t have to accept good enough. Take responsibility for the energy you bring to any space.

If you are struggling, reset. It’s the button you are always carrying, right in your back pocket.

How do you reset if you’re having a hard time? Do you find it difficult? I’d love to hear…

In case you haven’t heard, I am offering a free ebook, “Tending Your Garden of Everyday Joy: 30 Reflections for a Flourishing Life.” It is my gift to you in appreciation when you sign up for the mailing list. Simply click here.

Your Guide to Everyday Joy


Tending Your Garden of Everyday Joy: 30 Reflections for a Flourishing Life. This is the title of the new ebook I wrote, and I am happy to give it to you for free.

All you need to do is click here sign up for the mailing list, and, you will receive a link where you can download it. And if you are already on the list, you will receive the link, too. It is my gift to you because I appreciate your support of what I offer here at A Flourishing Life.

I love this book because I designed it to be very useful for you. Really, it tumbled out of my heart and onto the page. It contains 30 short passages that you can reflect on, study, then diligently apply to your own life.

Here is #22, From Unworthiness to Wholeness:

A pattern of thinking that is way too common these days involves people feeling that they are lacking, unworthy, or insufficient. This is a story that masks the magnificence of who you truly are.

If this story defines you, consider leaving it behind and walk out into the light of your full potential. Be loving and kind toward yourself whenever the story appears, but be ruthless in realizing, over and over, that it is not the reality of you.

Somehow you learned to believe that you are limited. Pull this weed from your garden, and create the space for your unique creative self to shine.

Can you live from wholeness today?

In a way, everyday joy is serious business. It invites you to stay very aware of the choices you make – and you make millions of them every day – so that you can stay connected with what you really want.

This is not a book of affirmations or trite suggestions. It offers what you need to know so that you can live the moments of your precious life in everyday joy.

I recommend that you take your time with these reflections. Stay on each one as long as you feel moved to – a day or a week – and return to them often.

It seems easy to forget your true magnificence when thoughts and feelings take hold. This book is about remembering. Remembering who you are – truly magnificent you.

Make everyday joy a priority, and you will see results – every day.

I’d love to hear your feedback, so feel free to comment once you’ve taken a look.

Love,
Gail

The Power of Vowing

“I pledge to meet you with openness and acceptance in the moments of our life together.”

These are the words that my partner and I will be saying to each other at our wedding ceremony next Friday. Yes, I’m getting married, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it.

The process of creating our ceremony has been revealing in unexpected ways. Over the years, I have made commitments to myself, but speaking a vow to my beloved in front of our family and friends is potent.

After all, I live with a great deal of integrity, so if I make a vow, I intend to keep it.

But I want this vow to be freeing – not loaded with should’s and feeling like a prison. So I take it as an expression of my deepest desire: to meet all of life with openness and acceptance.

Which includes being open and accepting of myself when I fall short.

You can think of it this way: the noun “vow” is lived as a verb. It is a living, breathing, spacious, loving way of being.

So I invite you to fill in the blank: I vow to….

Take your time with this. Get quiet, bring your attention inside, and let the answer come from the deepest part of your being.

Then watch how your life aligns in unimaginable ways.

Years ago I gathered my fragmented life and committed to knowing the absolute truth, no matter what. Some areas are still a work in progress, but here I am, marrying a man who is amazing, and the right match for me, beyond anything I could have ever dreamed up.

All I can say is, “Thank you.” I am on my knees with gratitude.

Have the courage to state what this life is about. Be conscious, awake, and infinitely loving. Every moment is more precious than you could ever know. Make a vow, and you won’t miss out on what you have been given.

Now it’s your turn. What do you vow to? Say it in the comments below, let it be known with all of us as witnesses. Then live it, and the rest will be taken care of perfectly.

Love to you,

Gail

PS: I’ll be taking a couple of weeks off, and I’ll be back with you later in February.

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10 Life-Changing Facts About Anger

anger“Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But, when I felt that anger well up inside of me, I realized that if I hated them after I got outside that gate, then they would still have me. I wanted to be free so I let it go.”
~Nelson Mandela upon leaving prison after 27 years of confinement

Frustrated, impatient, pissed off, raging…aaarrrrrrgh! Yes, it’s normal to feel angry – you are human, after all. But if anger causes problems in your life – if it interferes with your health and happiness – then consider these 10 life-changing facts. Get curious about anger, and you just might discover an untapped well of vital energy that improves your life circumstances and wakes you up to the whole of life.

1. It’s easier to feel anger than hurt.

Anger tends to be a surface emotion. But if you look at what is driving the anger, you will often find hurt, pain, or fear. Can you tell the truth to yourself about what you are actually feeling? Can you meet the depth of your experience with supreme kindness? You might be surprised at the freedom you discover.

2. Anger has a strong physical component.

Bring out the microscope when you are angry, and you will find strong physical sensations – tightness, contraction, burning. Anger is a fiery emotion full of energy. If you don’t want to be caught in anger, bring your attention right into these physical sensations.

Without running a story in your mind, fully allow yourself to feel what is present. It might be difficult, but you won’t actually combust, I promise you. Be real with your sensations, and eventually the anger will stop controlling you.

3. Perfectionists are angry.

Are you a perfectionist? Then take an honest look at what you are saying to yourself. You will undoubtedly find a repetitive loop playing in your mind that is harsher than you might imagine.

Don’t kid yourself – this is anger. If you don’t want to be a slave to your perfectionist tendencies, then go to the root of the problem and learn to meet your anger with love.

4. Stories sustain anger.

Angry stories barrel through our minds like an out-of-control train careening down the tracks. To find freedom from anger, you must recognize the story and see that repeating it doesn’t serve you. Yes, what happened happened. But how much longer are you going to let it be your ball and chain?

Here are some strategies to help you soften the story:

  • Open up with compassion to everyone involved, including yourself.
  • Recognize that you are bringing the past into the present by repeating the story endlessly.
  • Bring your full attention into the sensations you are experiencing in the moment.
  • Commit to bringing all your actions in alignment with what you really, really want.

5. Anger comes from an overblown sense of self-importance.

Often, what underlies anger are statements like, “I’m right” and “I want my way.” There is a huge attachment to “I” and the beliefs of that “I” that causes separation and disharmony.

Recognize these “I”-focused statements and know that they keep you locked into one way of thinking. Then inquire:

  • Am I really right?
  • Does this wanting to be right serve me – and others?
  • What does it mean to want my own way? What are the implications?

Exploration of these “I”-focused beliefs can lead you to untangle the deepest knots that block your happiness.

6. Anger causes separation.

Speaking of separation, what are the effects when you are angry? Anger pushes people away, scares them, makes them fight back or shut down. Relationships don’t have room to breathe when they are defined by anger. “How could you?” “You shouldn’t have…” Sound familiar?

Remember that anger – or any reaction – is not the fault of the other. If you are angry, look within yourself. Lovingly investigate what has been triggered in you, and your whole perspective on the situation will shift.

7. Anger gets attention.

Maybe you express anger because you want attention. Depending on the circumstance, this could be a useful strategy.

But consider this: there may be other ways for you to express yourself so that you are heard. Open up your mind and heart to all the possibilities.

8. Unexplored anger can mute your experience of life.

Are you sitting on a hotbed of anger, but keeping it so underground that you can hardly live? Some people are so intent on keeping peace that they minimize the truth of their experience.

Are you asleep at the wheel, attached to inner peace and pleasant living? Exploring the seeds of anger can enliven you to all of life.

9. Anger can transform into useful action.

Taking in all the problems in the world can bring about a sense of injustice. Yet, if you move from anger, you are missing out on the whole picture.

Meet your anger with love and let your heart break open. Then move forward with actions that are wise and skillful.

10. Anger traps you.

The arising of anger is not necessarily a problem, and is not even under your control. What matters is how you relate to anger once it is present. If you dwell in the energetic sensations and convince yourself that your thoughts are true, anger overtakes you.

But there is an alternative: feel the sensations and tell the truth about the story. Then anger is your ally – revealing more and more deeply the essence of you.

How does anger impact your life? What is your experience of dealing with it? We’d all love to hear…

Note: This post is part of the Life-Changing Facts series. Check out the others: fear, attachment, habits, healing the inner critic, happiness, and healing the pain of the past.

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