Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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What Are You Serving?

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“At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient . . . only the universe rearranging itself.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

How many of us burn ourselves out trying to do good in the world? We think that being of service means serving others no matter what. And we end up losing our boundaries and betraying our truth while strongly believing we need to keep giving.

It’s an exhausting conflict that has its roots in false ideas about how we define ourselves that ultimately lead to alienation and separation.

We start out with good intentions—to express love through our actions. But soon it gets messy. We feel rejected when our help isn’t received. We end up being taken advantage of. And we don’t believe we’re allowed to say no.

Our personal self is on the line because the results of what we do are attached to our happiness. We’re not giving just for the sake of giving. We’re giving so we can feel good or righteous or self-satisfied.

The problem here is the identity with the personal self, and the solution is to know that is not who we really are.

True Service

True service emerges effortlessly with complete surrender of everything personal. We take our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our stories, our expectations and needs, our attachment to any outcomes and throw all of it into the holy fire of truth. Because these are ideas created in our minds and none of them can begin to define the truth of who we are.

True service is revealed as simply listening. It’s about not knowing anything and being willing to be moved. It has nothing to do with thoughts or ideas. And it doesn’t come from lack, need, or the wish to feel good about ourselves. Actions happen with no regard to the outcome.

The Joy of Surrender

At the beginning of my career as a psychotherapist, I was confused about service. I felt frustrated when clients didn’t improve and considered that maybe my skills were inadequate. I’m so grateful for the help that changed my perspective entirely.

With no personal needs involved, I could show up fully in every moment. Without attachment to outcomes, the joy of doing this work blossomed. All that is being asked is complete surrender, and all that is left is emptiness and love. How that looks is none of my business.

True service is not only about how we relate to others. Every moment of surrender and listening is service. In these temporary human forms, we’re in service to the undivided, to the flow of life, to how love wants to move.

And it takes into account everyone and everything. It’s the energy you bring to driving in a traffic jam, the way you chop the celery, the kindest “no” that speaks what’s true.

Do you want to truly be of service? Then know who you’re not and discover who you are.

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Interviews, Private Sessions, and More

Dawn Of A New Day

“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.”
~Chuang Tzu

Today, I’m sharing with you two recent interviews. The first one is from the site called Buddha at the Gas Pump, which includes hundreds of interviews with people interested in spiritual awakening.

I enjoyed this conversation with the lovely Rick Archer so much and am happy to share it with you. We discuss many useful topics, including the nature of identities that distract us from peace and how seeing through to the truth of language is incredibly freeing. You can watch the video and listen to and download the audio podcast.

The second one is a written interview on Psych Central and discusses my work as a therapist. You’ll read some practical advice about happiness and might even learn some little-known facts about my secret wishes!

And if you’re interested in private sessions with me, please visit this page to find out more. I love these one-on-one meetings with people. They are available by skype and can be very useful for unraveling conditioned patterns that you take to be true and discovering that you can live from your true essence that is already whole, peaceful, and at ease.

Please enjoy! And feel free to leave any questions or comments below or by clicking here.

Always in love,
Gail

Flow Like Water

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“Wisdom begins in wonder.”
~Socrates

I recently spent some time with someone who triggers me, and my motto going in was “flow like water.” Flow like water: it turned stress into enjoyment, annoyance into curiosity. And it neutralized my reactions before they even had a chance to take hold.

And, since I was no longer caught up in my inner ruminations, it brought so much more compassion and understanding to our interactions.

Think about it. What does it mean to flow like water? Water resists nothing. It goes everywhere, embracing everything. It has no opinions or judgments.

It offers a gentle “yes” to everything it touches. Not a passive “yes” or a doormat “yes.” It’s a yes that comes from a loving, empowered choice to open our hearts to things exactly as they are—for peace, calm, and sanity.

Flow or Resist?

I recently received an email from someone desperately wanting her life circumstances to change. You could hear her plea to the universe in her words. “Please improve my health so that l can be happy.”

And here’s the truth: her health is as it is and my friend is sometimes harsh and unkind. We can wish with all our hearts for things to be different, but here we are, right smack in the middle of the life that has been given to us. Situations, people, our own conditioned reactions—this is the reality of what is here.

It’s Your Choice

We’re certainly not required to flow with things as they are. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting things to change.

But it’s important to know that you have a choice: how are you going to meet what appears?

And I choose the simplicity, ease, and inner stillness that come with flowing with things as they are.

How to Flow Like Water

Are you interested in experimenting? Want to experience what it’s like to flow like water? Try these:

In Relationships

  • Ignore your own opinions and preferences (I know it’s a lot to ask—just try it).
  • Stay open and present by listening deeply.
  • Try understanding other people rather than judging them. Be curious. What are they feeling? What is motivating them?

In Life Circumstances You Can’t Change

  • Appreciate the power of honesty and authenticity with accepting what is true.
  • Tell yourself that this is how things are at the moment.
  • Say, “yes” or “okay,” this is what is here right now.
  • Stop feeding the wish or hope for the situation to be different.
  • From this place of deep acceptance, what is being asked of you?

With Yourself

  • Don’t let your opinions and judgments define you.
  • Acknowledge difficult feelings when they arise, but don’t let them determine your choices. Instead, let things unfold.
  • Put aside your thoughts about things and instead be curious about what’s happening right in front of you.
  • Don’t assume anything about who you are or how you’ve responded in the past. Be open, fresh, and fluid.

When you find yourself stuck, caught, or just plain unhappy, consider flowing like water. It might just be the welcome shift that sets you free.

What About You?

What happens when you flow like water? What is it like to resist—and to flow? What do these experiments show you? I’d love to hear. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

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There’s Space for That

“The song is ended…
but the melody lingers on.”
~Irving Berlin

As I write this, I’m grieving the death of my mother who passed away six weeks ago. That familiar sense of steadiness that I always experience as I move through life has been present, but it’s been interspersed with times of sadness and just plain emotional pain.

In recent days, I’ve realized that I haven’t given these emotions much attention. I haven’t pushed them away, but I haven’t welcomed them in either. And I know they’ve been sitting there humming in the background, muting my usual zest for life.

I talk a lot with others about embracing all of our experience and not resisting anything. I know in my heart of hearts, and through my own experience, that avoidance sustains suffering and embracing brings peace. So I thought it’s now time to follow my own suggestions.

That means letting down any barriers that have been keeping my emotions at a distance and inviting these emotions fully into the field of conscious awareness.

I led a meeting called Living in Truth the other night where a woman described how she had recently been experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil. But during the guided meditation, things quieted down, and she became aware of the possibility of being with her emotions in a new way.

The phrase that came to her was, “There’s space for that.” Confusion, upset, panic about not knowing what to do? There’s space for that.

It was a phrase that resonated deeply with me, and it perfectly applied to my own experience. The sadness and loss that had been hanging around along the edges of my awareness? There was space for that.

Before I wasn’t ready and even enjoyed the idea of connecting to my mother through grieving. But now there is a shift. There’s space for the emotions and whatever else wants to come.

As I settle into the being aware of meditation, resistance falls away. I can feel how I’ve subtly turned away from these feelings, and now they are welcome in a great expansive space. There’s no dramatic insight or explosion of light. But there’s a sense of ease that comes as the doing of resistance comes to an end, and the feelings themselves become softer and more diffuse.

The sadness is sweet, and rather than being lost in my own story of loss, surprisingly, the connection with my mother is alive and joyful.

No matter how pure our intentions to be free, the events of life can catch us off guard. Without realizing it, we create division—between life as it’s actually unfolding and our stories about it, between awareness and our feelings, between what others are doing and what we want them to do.

But at any moment, when the time is right, it’s always possible to bring space to that. We put down the fight, and rather than letting anything go, we let it all come in, welcoming things just as they are.

What About You?

What can you bring space to in your own experience? What is that like for you? Please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

The Way Through the Mindset that You’re Inadequate

inadequate“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

“I feel like a loser.” These were the words of a friend of mine, as we were sitting over coffee, and it just didn’t compute. Before me I saw a beautiful being with such a tender heart. And in listening to her story, I again became aware of the impressive power of the mind.

Every time she showed excitement or clarity, in a split second her thoughts derailed her. “I can’t…” “It won’t work…” No wonder she felt like a loser. Her thoughts were constantly telling her these lies that she couldn’t find her way out of.

The Pain of Thinking You’re Inadequate

These are the kinds of painful thoughts that get us into so much trouble. They somehow take up residence in our minds, living there for decades, stealing our happiness, creativity, and well being.

These thoughts are familiar, and, without realizing it, we keep putting them on over and over like your favorite pair of jeans.

We believe what these thoughts tell us, and they unknowingly create our reality.

But these negative, denigrating thoughts have nothing to do with our true identity. Because these thoughts aren’t real. They’re a temporary gust of energy that travels through your mind. They’re sounds with no actual meaning.

But just reading these words may not be enough to find the wholeness that is already your natural state. How many times have you heard, “You’re perfect just as you are” or “You’re not inadequate—it’s only your thoughts?”

These statements are true, but they don’t become our reality until we know them in our bones. We need to own these truths and know that they are absolutely real.

If you want to continue living the painful belief of your personal inadequacy, then read no further. But if you really want to know the truth of you, if you’re sick and tired of feeling the weight of not being able to fully and freely be alive in the world, then bring your attention to your own direct experience. Do the work, because that’s the key.

Learn to inquire into your thoughts. Learn how to turn toward your feelings and embrace them with love and intelligence. And experiment—in the unfolding moments of your beautiful life—with knowing you are whole, boundless, open, and infinitely free.

Inquire into Your Thoughts

The simple act of inquiring into your thoughts is revolutionary. Inquiring cuts through well-worn assumptions and habits of mind. We take the programmed thoughts that run outside of conscious awareness, and we put them under the microscope.

Suddenly, what you took for granted as true is now completely fresh. Instead of being defined by these thoughts, you wonder about other possibilities.

And here’s what we examine:

Are these thoughts actually true? Are you really damaged, inadequate, or destined for mediocrity? Take any thought that has defined you, and question it, asking if it is true.

What is the impact of these thoughts? Say that one of your mantras is, “I could never succeed at that.” How does that thought make you feel? How does it affect your behavior? What does it do to your soul?

Do these thoughts accurately represent who you are? Feel how limiting thoughts contract you into a tiny space with no room to breathe. And begin to consider what’s outside this space. Get a sense of you, your real truth, without these thoughts defining you. Become aware of your essential nature limited by nothing. You’ll find it outside of your thoughts.

Turn Toward Your Feelings

Your identity of inadequacy is not just about your thoughts. You also feel it in your body.

And if you want to see through it into your true magnificence, turn toward your feelings. Is fear rage, or disappointment present? Go beyond the story to welcome the sensations that arise in your body.

Open to all of your experience, including feelings that may be hiding out in the shadows of your awareness.

Welcome the way the feeling lives in your body. See what it’s like right now in your experience without going into your head and into the false story of incapable you.

Then let it all be. Realize the space that allows things to be exactly as they are. Don’t resist, just be.

Experiment Living Who You Already Are

Now that you’ve seen these thoughts of lack and you’ve turned toward the feelings, act from the fullness that is absolutely alive in you.

Stand up in your brilliance. The thoughts may be present, but you don’t have to buy into them. The feelings may come, but you don’t need to let them run the show.

This belief that you’re not worthy is a mask that hides this truth: you are whole. Take off this mask, and begin to step into your truth.

Expand your mind beyond habitual thoughts. Breathe new life into your body. Then see how life wants you to shine.

What About You?

Have you discovered your natural wholeness? Bogged down by feeling inadequate? Please share in the comments. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,
Gail

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