Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Keeping It Simple

“Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.”
~Mary Oliver

At its core and in its natural state, life is simple—now in this moment, and always.

There is a just what’s here and happening…with no commentary, judgment, or resistance that complicates matters.

It’s like stripping the moment down to the barest experience of what is: just seeing, reading, breathing, sitting, hearing, talking, moving, life emerging…

But don’t take my word for it. See if this is true in your own experience. Take a look right now and delete the mind’s interpretations. What is actually here in your direct experience?

Continue with this contemplation, and you’ll start to notice how simple life is.

If something needs to be taken care of, it will become obvious. If you’re hungry, you’ll get something to eat. If the car is running out of gas, you’ll stop at a gas station. If someone asks you for help, you’ll say yes or no.

Can you imagine carrying out these activities without paying attention to the spinning commentary of the mind?

There is a natural, utterly simple unfolding of things that is completely apparent—when you can see it clearly without the mind’s complications.

But for many of us in our normal everyday lives, we’re distracted by mental and emotional noise…and we overlook the simplicity of the moment.

  • We go into our heads trying to solve endless problems;
  • We feed anxious stories about things not going our way;
  • We live in fear that we won’t get the attention and approval we crave;
  • We’re fearful of not being perfect and just being human.

The mind entices you into believing that the present moment is lacking. We believe that whatever is happening now isn’t good enough—and we’re not good enough.

And this leads to “if only” thinking. “If only I had more confidence, if only everything was just right and I felt comfortable.”

Then you scramble to find solutions to this perceived lack. And things quickly get complicated.

See how your thinking spins out of control? You move away from reality (so simple in its clarity) and into the made-up stories in the mind.

But here’s what’s always possible—to rediscover the simplicity of the moment.

Ignore the commentary that takes you away (blah, blah, blah…) and return to the bare experience of what’s actually here. This is where you find freshness and insight, “Oh, it’s just a thought! Oh, there’s nothing here that needs to be fixed.”

Peace and ease are always available—in this and every moment. But you won’t know that if you’re lost in the complexity of your thoughts.

Disregard the content of your thinking—just turn away from it—and you’ll discover the peace you’re looking for. If there is action to be taken, you can trust that you’ll know just what to do.

Keep it simple, and you might have the brilliant insight that nothing is missing and things right now are perfectly okay as they are.

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How to Be with a Busy Mind

“One has to watch the fluctuations of the mind without touching anything. By remaining as a neutral witness of thoughts, sensations, and perceptions, one comes to know that which is prior to the mind.”
~Swami Atmananda Udasin

What is it like when we’re caught in a busy mind? We’re flooded with thoughts that doubt, compare, judge, worry, and ruminate.

And what do we do with all these thoughts? Repeat the same stories over and over, engulf others in unnecessary details, and compulsively share our self-doubt, seeking advice from anyone who will listen.

I was once in the courtyard of a yoga studio waiting for a daylong training to start. I struck up a conversation with a young woman near me who proceeded to ask questions nonstop. How many people will be here? What will the teacher be like? Will we have any breaks? How hard do you think this will be?

My answer to all of these questions was, “I don’t know.” And I felt compassion for the anxious reality she was creating for herself.

Isn’t this how many people live their everyday lives? Attached to thinking, swirling around in the contents of the mind, trying to know what can’t be known, trying to control what can’t be controlled.

Would you like to know why you’re not peaceful and happy? You’re somehow believing the thoughts in your mind. It’s as simple as that.

So let’s open to discovering that there’s a whole other relationship you can have with your busy mind—and it’s available to you now and in every moment.

It’s a way of relating to your mind that frees you from stressful thinking. It’s kind…and supportive of your peace and happiness. Sound good? Here’s how:

  • Experiment with turning your attention away from what your thoughts are telling you—because they’re limiting, false, and mostly unnecessary;
  • Lose interest in your thinking—because it undermines your well-being;
  • Feel into what’s happening in your body as a way to reconnect with presence here and now.
  • Rest in the open space that remains—once you stop engaging with the content of your thoughts.

Your attention is a precious resource, and what you pay attention to is what becomes your reality.

The beauty of losing interest in your thinking is this: you’re not resisting your thoughts or trying to get rid of them. You’re not efforting to make them more positive.

You simply stop giving thoughts your attention.

A peaceful mind is not muddied by excessive thinking. It’s infinitely curious, unendingly open, fundamentally unattached, and at ease with not knowing.  Thoughts come, but they’re not given the time of day.

Turn your attention away from your mind and into the lived reality of this moment. What is here right now? What is fresh and alive?

You’ll discover the peace you long for, outside of your busy mind, right here waiting for you…

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The Ease of Non-Attachment

“Non-attachment is not the elimination of desire. It is the spaciousness to allow any quality of mind, any thought or feeling, to arise without closing around it, without eliminating the pure witness of being. It is an active receptivity to life.”
~Stephen Levine

Some time ago, I was speaking to a charming 92-year-old woman who was in a nursing home following a fall and faced with the probability of never returning to the home she had lived in for decades.

When I asked her how she felt about this transition, with quiet strength she responded, “I’m not attached.”

She told me that as a young girl following the death of her mother, she learned that being attached brought her suffering and being open to the comings and goings of life brought a sense of ease.

This understanding enabled her to live life to the fullest—she had many wonderful adventures—as she was no longer afraid of what she could lose. She lived in true acceptance, and her sense of peace was palpable.

What can we learn about this profound message of non-attachment? Simply said, when we make our happiness dependent on people, money, success, possessions, circumstances, or even life itself, we suffer.

Attachments are sticky. Our freedom goes out the window as we spend our energy trying to keep what we want and reject what we don’t want, trying to feel safe, comfortable, and fulfilled.

Then when things don’t go our way, we feel let down and disappointed, concluding that life isn’t fair. We live in fear of what we could lose.

Consider these examples:

  • I need attention and approval from others to be happy.
  • I need to feel safe, so I can’t explore life outside my comfort zone.
  • I’m attached to routines and habits.
  • I need to feel peaceful and don’t like feeling agitated and upset.
  • I need others to change—or stay the same.
  • I’m attached to staying young; I’m afraid of aging and death.

If we stay mired in our attachments, we’re resisting reality. It’s like living in a room filled with furniture—everywhere we turn we bump into something.

And caught in stories about what we should or shouldn’t have, we’re distracted from the free flow of what life has to offer us. We contract into the known and resist expanding into wonder, potential, and spontaneity.

Can you feel into what it’s like to be attached? How do you feel in your body?

Recognizing your attachments, the invitation arises to reflect on how you want to meet whatever appears in the moments of your life.

You may not be able to control what happens, but you can choose how you show up to what comes.

There is nothing wrong with being attached—it’s part of being human along with grieving the loss of those we love. And, if we want peace, if we want to align with the truth of our experience, can we say “yes” to reality as it is?

Can we meet our reactions—the grief and fear—with an open heart capable of holding it all?

When we remove the veil of our attachments, along with our personal ideas about what is and isn’t okay, miraculously here we are…one with life, free, and fully alive.

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Soften Something

“You are not separate from the whole. You are one with the sun, the earth, the air. You don’t have a life. You are life.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Soften something. This is a phrase I once heard in a yoga class—it’s an invitation that is simple and profound…

Soften something…see what happens when you let this possibility melt into you…

Immediately, your attention falls away from the outer world and turns inward to the inner landscape of your experience.

The invitation to soften something points to our conditioned patterns that mask the essential truth of who we are. What we soften are the tension of unresolved traumas, the emotions that won’t let us rest, and the nonstop thought loops in our minds that make us suffer.

And what’s revealed is relaxation, ease, and peace…We expand into the living reality that is always here beyond the layers of our conditioning.

So let’s investigate the possibility of softening something where contractions tend to live—in the body, mind, and heart.

Body

Bring your attention to the body. See if you notice places that feel agitated, tight, stuck, or numb. These are signs of old fears and other undigested emotions.

What would it take to soften something? Maybe you can breathe a little more deeply using the whole volume of your lungs or take a stretch to find more openness in places that feel tense.

Maybe just inviting softening in is enough for you to relax a little more.

Mind

How can you soften in your mind? If you notice a whirlwind of thinking, maybe you can step back and let the thoughts whirl without getting involved in what they’re saying. Maybe you can let the stories be—just for now.

If you notice a knot of self-judgment or a familiar theme of doubt, worry, negativity, or hating what is, maybe you can soften something.

Can you bring spaciousness to these thought patterns?

Heart

Now notice how you pull away from other people—and from life. Maybe these walls were helpful in the past so you could feel safe. But is it possible to step a little bit more into life as it is right now?

Can you soften something so you can turn toward yourself with compassion? Can you hear and see others without the veil of fear? Maybe soften something to find a little more intimacy with what’s here right now in the present moment…

The momentum of conditioning is powerful, and it closes us off from truly experiencing the magnificence of life.

In any moment, soften something in the body, mind, or heart. Notice as your whole experience shifts…and openly receive what comes…

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What Is Your Window on the World?

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite.”
~ William Blake

How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life?

Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing?

As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: it has nothing to do with the world.

Why? Because the world is a projection of our inner state.

That’s right. There’s no objective world “out there.” It’s all in how we see it. Take any two people, and you’ll probably find two completely different perspectives on exactly the same situation.

How we experience things depends entirely on our inner state, our interpretations, our past, and our points of view.

It’s like you’re looking out through a window. If your window is layered with unresolved hurts and distorted ideas about yourself, how will the world look to you? Scary, frustrating, and ultimately disappointing.

And if your view is pristine and clear, with no layers in the way, the world feels inviting. You’re open, expansive, trusting, and fully available to what is.

Take a moment to reflect: what is your window on the world? How do you move through life?

A friend once told me that she used to feel flooded by judgments of how her partner couldn’t do anything right. And, not surprisingly, expressing these judgments created friction in their relationship.

Then she had an illuminating—and profoundly transforming—insight. She realized that whenever these judgments flooded in she was also feeling stressed and overwhelmed by her work.

She hadn’t been aware of how much her inner experience was clouding her window on the world.

She stopped giving attention to these negative thoughts and instead reconnected with herself—a few minutes alone after work, a walk to decompress, deep and conscious breathing—and the judgments miraculously dissolved.

See how valuable it is to turn toward your inner experience? That’s how you untangle challenging situations and find clarity about the real cause of problems. And that’s how intelligent solutions come to light.

In fact, knowing about the window you’re looking out of by exploring your inner landscape is the only path that will clear up confusion and bring you back to a settled place inside.

And here’s a hint to keep in mind: any distress you feel has nothing to do with the other person or the situation you’re in and is always an invitation to go within to explore your window—your own views, stories, and reactions—with tenderness and care.

My invitation to you today is to turn inward toward yourself to get a sense of your window on the world. Here are some questions to help you:

  • How do you view the world?
  • Go deeper within. What are the inner beliefs, stories, and emotions behind this view?
  • How would a clear window look to you with nothing in the way? How would it feel? How would you get there?

Seeing things as they are, without the layers of conditioning, may be more possible than you think. As an experiment, play with abandoning your opinions and attachments. Turn off the familiar stories and beliefs that cloud your view.

And here you are…fully present and intimate with all…

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