Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Take a Glorious Breath

conscious breathing

“Best of all is to preserve everything
in a pure, still heart, and let there be
for every pulse a thanksgiving,
and for every breath a song.”
~Konrad von Gesner

Most of us underestimate the power of a conscious breath. But if you want to stop the momentum of programmed habits, it’s a tool you’ll want to have in your back pocket
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Just about every client I’ve ever worked with naturally takes an expansive breath, almost a deep sigh, when they first realize that their attention has been captured by a conditioned thought pattern.

This breath is like a homecoming. It breathes life into the body that’s been closed down and forgotten by endless mental activity, and helps the mind to open beyond a habitual and contracted line of thinking.

Just this morning someone was raving about the benefits of conscious breathing, as it helps her stop the habitual movement into anger. As a result, her relationships are improving, and she revealed, “I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.”

How Conscious Breathing Affects the Body

Conscious breathing calms the nervous system by relaxing your muscles, slowing your heart rate, and bringing oxygen throughout your body. It acts as a reset, taking you off the treadmill of mental patterns that run automatically so you can find the stillness and ease of being present in the moment.

Our lungs are actually quite large, going from the top of the collarbone to the bottom of the ribs and expanding through the front, sides, and back of the body. That’s a lot of space to fill up with air!

When we’re caught in stressful thinking, our breathing is shallow, using only a small portion of the upper lung. And the muscles and connective tissue around the chest, belly, and back are tense. And some of us even forget to breathe.

A couple of deep conscious breaths draws your attention away from your mind and invites opening and relaxation into your whole body.

Let’s Breathe…

Here are the instructions for conscious breathing. And if you click here, you’ll find an audio recording I made for you that will guide you.

  • Start by bringing your attention to your low belly, just below the belly button. You might even put your hand there so you can feel your belly expand and contract.
  • Exhale out all the air completely, then inhale from your belly, taking four slow counts to fill your lungs completely to the top of the collarbone…1…2…3…4. You’ll feel your ribs expand all around your body.
  • Then exhale slowly for a count of six…1…2…3…4…5…6.
  • Come back to normal breathing, and just be still.

When you’re ready, try a few more deep conscious breaths. You can change the counts for the inhale and exhale however you need to so it’s comfortable for your body.

Here is an audio recording I made for you to try out conscious breathing.

(To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.)

So simple, right?

A Useful Tool Anytime

You can take these conscious breaths anytime…

  • When you’re beginning to feel angry,
  • When you notice you’re stuck in worry, stress, or fear,
  • When your inner critic gets noisy,
  • When your mind is spinning with thoughts,
  • When you feel the urge to act in a way you know doesn’t serve you,
  • Anytime you’re triggered.

Simply breathe…inhaling and exhaling. You may notice you’re in touch with feeling vital and alive, grateful and still. It’s the universe breathing itself through you…

What About You?

Comments are open. Any questions or reports? I’d love to hear…

Getting Out of Prison

getting-out-of-prison“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”
~Eckhart Tolle​​​​​​​

We all hold identities about ourselves, and these are the filters through which we view the world.

Say that being capable is part of how you define yourself. That means you’ll show up in situations with confidence, believing you’ll be able to accomplish whatever is needed.

The Prison of Identities

Some of our identities are not so supportive.

If you believe you’re inadequate or unworthy of love, you’ll live as if these ideas are true, and you’ll feel and act like you’re inherently deficient. Here are some other examples:

  • You think of yourself as independent, so you don’t ask for help or share your needs with others,
  • You’re supposed to have it all together, so you think you have to hide your vulnerable side,
  • You think you need to be perfect, so the inner critic constantly bashes you to keep you in line,
  • You need to prove yourself, so you run yourself ragged creating a positive self-image.

Identities are made up of programmed thought processes and emotions that we wear like a skin that’s way too tight. And living them is exhausting.

We take the vast magnificence of who we are that expands way beyond these made-up identities and squish it to fit inside an imaginary boundary.

It’s like we’ve put ourselves in prison with the key sitting there right next to us.

Out of Prison

Believing these identities is optional because they are not who you are. Whatever you believe about yourself—you don’t have to believe it.

Couldn’t you take a breath and open to the fullness of the moment rather than ruminate about your inadequacy? Couldn’t you turn toward the inner critic, put up your hand, and say a firm, “No thank you?”

These self-beliefs are so familiar that we assume they are true. We can’t see outside of them, and we think we’re doomed to suffer forever.

The invitation always is to bring the light of conscious awareness to your in-the-moment experience. Notice what stories about yourself that you’ve taken to be true.

Then take the shortcut route to happiness. Have a mind that doesn’t believe what it thinks. Turn away from all of these identities, and you’ll find that things—right here and right now—are just fine.

Your Natural Brilliance

Putting on a limited identity separates you from others and the world and mutes your brilliance.

Step out of this skin that you pretend is real, and meet life as it is—generous, benevolent, and totally in love with itself.

How do you define yourself? How does that self-definition affect you? What would happen if you stepped away from this identity?

Leave it in a heap on the floor, as you enter the world innocent, full of wonder, and not knowing anything.

Questions? Comments about leaving the prison of your identity? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

PS: I’ll be in London the week of May 22. If you’re around, please come to the meetup. I’d love to see you!

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Loving the Unknown

“It is both the work and the adventure of a lifetime to reclaim the only moment we ever really have, which is always this one.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen.

And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or you resign yourself to playing it safe.

Your attention is captured in fear-infused thoughts, while you’re missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now.

Fear Fears the Unknown

At the core of every fear-filled thought is a desire to know what cannot be known. This desire manifests as an imagined negative, scary outcome.

  • I won’t find a job.
  • I’ll always be alone.
  • I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.
  • What if I fail?

Each of these common thoughts contains an assumption about what will happen in the future.

And here is the logical truth: you cannot know ahead of time what will happen. You either know that something is true because it has already occurred. Or it hasn’t occurred yet, and you don’t know what the outcome will be.

Fearful thoughts guess or assume the worst with no logical evidence. When you take these assumptions to be true, you end up anxious and paralyzed.

The Truth of Not Knowing

When it comes to fear, the most liberating statement you can make is, “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know if I’ll find a job,” “I don’t know if I’ll always be alone.”

“I don’t know” opens the door to unlimited possibilities that the fearful mind can’t begin to contemplate.

Seeing the truth of the unknown is a healing balm for fearful thoughts. And here are the effects:

  • No more pressure to know what you can’t possibly know.
  • The end of “should”—what you should know or should be doing.
  • Infinite openness to all possibilities.

Living in the reality of the unknown brings your attention right into the present.

From Fear to Presence

Lose interest in the imagined, scary future, and you will discover:

  • The ability to focus on doing what needs to be done now
  • Appreciation and gratitude
  • Relaxation
  • Enjoyment
  • Acceptance
  • Wonder
  • Peace

The unknown is the truth, and the truth will set you free. Do you want to be free of the effects of fear? Say “Yes!” to not knowing. Savor the experience of saying, “I don’t know.”

Always in love,
Gail

PS: I had a delightful conversation with Lee Davy, creator of the Alcohol and Addiction Podcast. I think you’ll find it practical and helpful. Audio and video are available here.

The Pain of Holding On—and the Promise of Letting Go

“As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I met with someone recently who was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Going through a breakup, she felt hurt, disappointed, left, lost, and all the other feelings that you might expect.

And in the middle of all this pain, came the golden insight: “The only way out of this pain is to let go.”

Sounds easy, but how to do that?

Inquiry for Letting Go

This insight prompted an interesting line of inquiry to identify the hook that was causing the pain:

  • What was she holding on to?
  • What endings did she not want to face?
  • What was she hoping for that wasn’t happening?
  • What expectations were hidden below the surface of her awareness?

The answers to these questions revealed so many ways that her attention was stuck in wanting things to be different than they are. No wonder she was in so much pain.

The letting go of these hooks happened without too much struggle because she really, really wanted the pain to stop. She went through each one, and asked, “Can I let go of this?” Each time, her wise mind pictured holding on then letting go, and said, “Yes.”

In fact, she felt the relief of finally being more aligned with the truth of how things are.

How to Move with Change

As humans, it’s natural to hold on. We want control, we resist change—and we want what we want. We get into a certain groove and expect things to stay that way forever.

Change is scary and pushes us out of our comfort zone.

But here’s the truth that we’re all aware of: things change. And our job is to figure out how we want to move with those changes. We can go forward kicking and screaming, not accepting what’s happened.

Or we can look within to see where we’re holding on, and ask if letting go is possible.

So here are some questions for you to contemplate—but only if you’re suffering.

  • Are you holding on, attached to how you want things to be?
  • What could you let go of?
  • Are you willing to let go and open fully to the life that is being offered to you now?

Don’t rush this process. Take time to let the pain—and all the “I want’s” behind the pain—rise to the surface. Let it all be seen in the light of conscious awareness so nothing festers.

Then go through each one. Contemplate holding on…then letting go, and experience what happens.

Welcoming Letting Go

Letting go isn’t something you do. If it were that simple, we’d all be doing it. But here’s what you can do:

  • Recognize you’re suffering,
  • Become aware of the thoughts behind the pain,
  • Feel what it would be like to hold on,
  • And welcome in the possibility of letting go.

When you’re ready, when grace shines on you, you’ll leave the limited world of hopes and expectations and awaken into expanded consciousness, clear seeing, and the luminous truth of present moment experience.

What About You?

Are you holding on? Have you created the space for letting go? I’d love to hear in the comments. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

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A Simple Practice for Being at Peace with Feelings

“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~Carlos Castaneda

Much of the turmoil we experience in life comes from battling our feelings. We don’t want to feel what we feel, so we do everything under the sun to avoid them.

We overthink, overeat, use substances, stay busy—anything but actually stop and feel what we feel.

And when we resist what we’re feeling, we’re avoiding the truth of the moment, living in the fantasy of wishing for a better or more peaceful moment.

The Practice

I can tell you from where I sit, life is so much simpler when we come to peace with our feelings. And I see evidence of this every day in the clients I work with. All it takes is a simple, friendly shift inward toward what we’re experiencing.

In almost every session, at some point I’ll stop the conversation and invite the person I’m speaking with to place one hand on their heart and one on their belly and just be.

It’s a simple reset, a homecoming that turns down the volume on the turbulence of the mind and creates the possibility of opening into presence.

Where before there were problems, now there’s just sensation, movement, and the open space of being aware. In the moment, problems seem to literally melt away.

Ending the War with Feelings

Feelings have power only when we think we need to avoid them. But when we turn our attention toward them and feel what is present, the inner war ends and we’re being honest and authentic with things as they are.

It’s the mind that judges feelings as wrong or scary. When we let go of our interest in these diminishing thoughts and just feel the sensation, there is always an opening into peace.

I woke up last night at around 3am, and my body was filled with vibration. Rather than stressing or resisting, I spent the next hour or two loving these sensations. I had no goal and no agenda to change anything—I was the welcoming presence for whatever was there.

It’s that simple. You let the story line go, and love what’s here. Why? Because it’s here.

Why not try it? Close your eyes, and place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Just be present to whatever appears. You are the presence—loving your experience just as it is.

What About You?

What is your experience being at war—and at peace—with feelings? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail