Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Take a Glorious Breath

conscious breathing

“Best of all is to preserve everything
in a pure, still heart, and let there be
for every pulse a thanksgiving,
and for every breath a song.”
~Konrad von Gesner

Most of us underestimate the power of a conscious breath. But if you want to stop the momentum of programmed habits, it’s a tool you’ll want to have in your back pocket
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Just about every client I’ve ever worked with naturally takes an expansive breath, almost a deep sigh, when they first realize that their attention has been captured by a conditioned thought pattern.

This breath is like a homecoming. It breathes life into the body that’s been closed down and forgotten by endless mental activity, and helps the mind to open beyond a habitual and contracted line of thinking.

Just this morning someone was raving about the benefits of conscious breathing, as it helps her stop the habitual movement into anger. As a result, her relationships are improving, and she revealed, “I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.”

How Conscious Breathing Affects the Body

Conscious breathing calms the nervous system by relaxing your muscles, slowing your heart rate, and bringing oxygen throughout your body. It acts as a reset, taking you off the treadmill of mental patterns that run automatically so you can find the stillness and ease of being present in the moment.

Our lungs are actually quite large, going from the top of the collarbone to the bottom of the ribs and expanding through the front, sides, and back of the body. That’s a lot of space to fill up with air!

When we’re caught in stressful thinking, our breathing is shallow, using only a small portion of the upper lung. And the muscles and connective tissue around the chest, belly, and back are tense. And some of us even forget to breathe.

A couple of deep conscious breaths draws your attention away from your mind and invites opening and relaxation into your whole body.

Let’s Breathe…

Here are the instructions for conscious breathing. And if you click here, you’ll find an audio recording I made for you that will guide you.

  • Start by bringing your attention to your low belly, just below the belly button. You might even put your hand there so you can feel your belly expand and contract.
  • Exhale out all the air completely, then inhale from your belly, taking four slow counts to fill your lungs completely to the top of the collarbone…1…2…3…4. You’ll feel your ribs expand all around your body.
  • Then exhale slowly for a count of six…1…2…3…4…5…6.
  • Come back to normal breathing, and just be still.

When you’re ready, try a few more deep conscious breaths. You can change the counts for the inhale and exhale however you need to so it’s comfortable for your body.

Here is an audio recording I made for you to try out conscious breathing.

(To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.)

So simple, right?

A Useful Tool Anytime

You can take these conscious breaths anytime…

  • When you’re beginning to feel angry,
  • When you notice you’re stuck in worry, stress, or fear,
  • When your inner critic gets noisy,
  • When your mind is spinning with thoughts,
  • When you feel the urge to act in a way you know doesn’t serve you,
  • Anytime you’re triggered.

Simply breathe…inhaling and exhaling. You may notice you’re in touch with feeling vital and alive, grateful and still. It’s the universe breathing itself through you…

What About You?

Comments are open. Any questions or reports? I’d love to hear…

Living in Truth, Not False Beliefs

not-false-beliefs-1“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Do you believe things about yourself that just aren’t true?

  • Did someone tell you you’re nasty?
  • Did you grow up believing that you can never be good enough?

I know my mother did her best, but she often called me selfish, and it took me a long time to shake that label.

We Learn to Believe False Labels

Sometimes we’re outwardly given a label that others think describes us. And sometimes we draw conclusions about ourselves from things that happened.

Mark was the functional child in a chaotic family. He took care of his younger brother and cleaned the house the best he could. But he drew a conclusion about these experiences, which is that he could never measure up to what was expected of him. He just couldn’t fix the problems in his family. And he carried this belief about himself, of not being good enough, into adulthood.

It’s amazing how strong the conditioned mind can be—it soaks up what it learns like a sponge. And, especially when we’re young, it often can’t discriminate between what is true and what is false.

So we end up not questioning the messages we receive and take them on as if they accurately describe us.

We Live What We Project

These false messages are distorted, untrue, and don’t serve our peace and well being. It’s like we’re hypnotized, living under their spell. And when we believe these messages, we project them onto the world.

We become magnets for rejection, judgment, and unkindness, which only confirms that the messages are true. Our whole lives feel off because everything stems from these false beliefs.

Here’s what I say: these false ideas about ourselves need to go. Why? Because they’re damaging, they hijack our happiness, and they’re just not true.

Somehow the innocence of who you are and the unlimited potential that is your birthright were lost. At your core, you are effortlessly at ease, unquestionably whole and good, and boundlessly open and loving…but these truths were masked.

Rejecting False Beliefs

How to start reclaiming yourself? Reject these false messages.

First, get clear on what they are. Sit down and make a list of the ways you’ve come to think about yourself that just aren’t true.

Then, every time you notice one of these beliefs, take a breath and throw it away. It might appear a million times a day, but each time, turn away from it. Say it isn’t true, and turn toward the light of peace, ease, and presence.

  • Nasty? Not me.
  • Inadequate? Not true about me.
  • Unlikable? Into the trash.

Your mind will look for evidence to support the distorted, programmed label, but don’t even go into that story. Throw it all away because it doesn’t serve.

Living Truth

Now, here’s the exciting part: see what’s left.

When you throw away these false messages, you’re left with clear space filled with potential. How to be? What to do? How to feel in your body?

Let the intelligence of the moment show you the way. It will feel fresh and new, filled with new possibilities now that you’re out of the tunnel vision of the distorted label.

You’re moving forward free of the messages of the past.

As a person, you are a child of the universe no different from anyone else on earth. And in truth, you are infinite, universal consciousness itself. Don’t worry if you don’t believe it. Stop living by these old messages, and the rest will take care of itself.

You’ll discover your essential goodness and your pure, open, and loving heart.

What About You?

What false labels have you taken to be true? What beliefs are you going to throw away? Please share them in the comments, and if you’re reading by email, please click here to comment. I’d love to hear…

PS: I’m excited to tell you that I’m participating in a free live online retreat called Healing and Awakening moderated by Grace Bubeck. It takes place on December 12 and 13, and I am the last speaker. There is a lovely group of teachers scheduled, and I’m sure you’ll find it helpful. It’s free, and you can register here.

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How and Why to Get Familiar with Fear

familiar_with_fear“Happiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.”
~Rupert Spira

When we look closely enough, we discover that fear is at the root of our conditioned habits.

Take people pleasing as an example. Why do we need to please others? We’re afraid of rejection, abandonment, or being alone.

And what about an addiction or compulsive behaviors? Behind them is a a fear of meeting deeply-held tender feelings.

If fear remains unexplored, habits will continue to play out in your life, over and over. Turn toward fear with love and care, and these habits will start to lose their power to control you.

Finally, you’ll have space to live outside of them…in the land of freedom, openness, and infinite possibility…

The Inner Voice of Fear

Fear may not be obvious at first, so you have to look for it. It rarely appears in your face screaming, “I’m afraid!” It has other more indirect ways of showing up.

The voice of fear is all about no. It tells you that you won’t be successful, that you’re going to be rejected—and it points out every negative outcome imaginable.

The intention of the voice of fear is to keep you safe. And it does this by making you terrified of going one millimeter outside your comfort zone. It doesn’t want you to be bold and trust life.

Here is how fear speaks:

*It tells you what you should and shouldn’t do.
*It traps you in doubt, going back and forth in your mind so you can’t make decisions.
*It keeps your mind spinning in an ongoing flood of thoughts.
*It imagines the worst about the future.
*It questions your brilliance and creativity.
*It wants you to stay stuck in familiar ways of being, even if they’re hurtful.

The fear voice is contracted and edgy and relentlessly tells stories about what is wrong and not okay.

What to do with the mind in fear? Lose interest in these thoughts. Don’t believe them. Break up with them. Don’t let them define you and your reality.

Fearful thoughts are all about limiting you and making you believe things about yourself and the world that just aren’t true. Consider that there are endless possibilities to explore regardless of what the fear voice tells you.

Take a conscious breath, wake up to your experience right now in the present moment, and turn your attention away from these thoughts.

Without them, who are you? You’re still here and alive in your full magnificence.

Lean into a vast space inside that is not inhabited by fearful thoughts. Become familiar with not being limited by them. You’re opening to the full, lovely, boundless potential of you.

The Fear Body

Fear also shows up as physical sensations in the body. You might notice contractions, tightness, an energetic sense of unease.

Getting to know the physical expression of fear is essential to being free of it. Ignore these sensations, and fear will be running in the background. Meet them with loving awareness, and the stories of fear can’t take hold.

Sit quietly, then bring your attention away from your mind and into the sensations in your body. Don’t do anything with them—simply notice them and allow them to be present.

Be unattached to what happens. Let the sensations be here as long as they want to, as they change, intensify, disappear…it doesn’t matter. You’re giving them liberating space to be.

The point is not to get rid of these sensations—don’t see them as a problem to solve. The human body is built for survival, and these sensations help you stay vigilant so you can protect yourself.

But know this: meeting them in a field of welcoming awareness derails the pattern of fear from overtaking you.
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Unawareness keeps challenging habits firmly in place. And awareness softens. Get to know the inner voice of fear and the way fear appears in your body.

Every moment you welcome fear with conscious loving care is a moment of grace. You find yourself here…open, expanded, and overflowing with possibility.

Always in love,

Gail

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Are Hidden Fears Suppressing Your Happiness?

hidden_fears“When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result.”
~Byron Katie

If you’re like most people, there is more fear driving your behavior than you could ever imagine. Fear is behind just about every pattern you play out that doesn’t serve you. It’s the reason you get stuck, the subtle agitation you feel that keeps you from experiencing the peace you long for. If you want to be happy, it’s essential to learn how to deal with it.

Unexamined fear is at the root of our personal suffering. And bringing it out into the light of conscious awareness is a huge step toward freedom from it.

You can assume that fear will never go away. So if you’re waiting to be free of fear, you’re going to be waiting for a very long time.

Instead, here’s how to handle it. Get to know fear intimately. Bring it out of the shadows of your mind, heart, and body so you can recognize it.

Then, you can make a choice. You can let yourself be hijacked by fear and respond to its limits. Or you can turn away from it and choose the truth that wants to speak through you.

It’s a matter of limits or infinite possibility. Fear or love. Constriction or true freedom.

Do the work to meet fear lovingly. You’ll discover that the ease you seek is more available than you could ever imagine.

In the next few posts over the next week or two, we’ll look at fear more directly. How does it hide out in your programmed habits? How can you meet it in openness? If fear isn’t the driver, what is?

For now, I offer you this reflection. Sit quietly, and ask yourself:

  • Am I willing to get to know fear?
  • How does fear live in me?
  • How does it drive my behavior?

Feel free to share your discoveries in the comments. And if you’re reading this by email, click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

You’re about to embark on an exploration for truth and authenticity. Who are you really? Not the fearful self you think you are.

Always in love,

Gail

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A Simple Experiment with Profound Results

act_as_if“What you are looking for is within you
Fall silent a moment and contemplate what that means…
You lack nothing.”
~Prem Rawat

I know, it’s hard sometimes. Things get you down, and you can’t seem to find your way out. Life seems blah, and you’re thinking there’s got to be a better way.

Well, there is. And one way to access it is to “act as if.” Whatever you want for yourself, you act as if it’s already the case. You can act as if you’re confident, completely fulfilled, or free of attachments to painful emotions.

“Acting As If” Transforms

Acting as if might sound like a superficial technique that couldn’t possibly help you. But I’m not into superficial, and acting as if can be profound and transformative.

We so easily get in our own way. Our attachments to distorted thought patterns and unhappy feelings sabotage our ability to fully express ourselves in life. It’s so pervasive that we might not even realize these habits are hijacking us. But they are.

Acting as if is a way through these habits that have never served us. It opens us to the deepest fulfillment.

Let’s take feeling inadequate as an example. If this is your reality, you repeat negative thoughts in your mind about how you’re not good enough. These thoughts cause you to conclude that you won’t be able to accomplish the goals you want before you even try.

Then you might spend your time thinking about the disappointing things that happened in your past that you blame for your inadequacy. It’s a repetitive cycle that keeps you locked into negativity.

And how do you feel if you think you’re inadequate? Anxious, downtrodden, hopeless. These thoughts and feelings inhabit your body, constricting your breathing, weighing down your posture, and silently diminishing your health. They get into your cells and distort the pathways of connections in your brain.

But what if you were to act as if you’re confident? You have to get into it, thinking the way a confident person would think, feeling the way they would feel, and letting the brain and body rearrange so you get the visceral, in-the-body experience of feeling confident.

If you were confident, how would you walk and stand? What would you say and how would you say it? What would you do when self-critical thoughts happen to appear in the mind? How would it be to go out into the world with your whole being screaming, “Confident!”

See how acting as if can be a powerful way to break through false identities?

It Accesses Your Deepest Knowing

And I’ll let you in on a little secret. Acting as if is actually a trick to get you to connect with your inner intelligence, the wisest you who already knows how to be free and happy.

If you’re feeling inadequate, how do you know how to act as if you’re confident? Where did that information come from?

What a surprise to realize that something in you already knows how to let go of inadequacy and be your full confident self. The prompt to act as if is a bit of a sneaky way to guide you into sanity and clear seeing. It takes you out of your limited, programmed ways of being and delivers you right into the vast potential that is always available to you.

If you’ve been sitting around waiting for life to bring you what you’re hoping for, you might want to experiment with acting as if. Rather than wishful thinking, investigate to see if what you want might already be more of a possiblity than you ever imagined.

Your Turn to Act As If

Here are some suggestions. Choose one or more of these, or come up with your own. Reflect on what it would take to act as if and experience it deeply in your mind, heart, body, and spirit.

Get out of your chair, and make it like you’re auditioning for the role of your life. Because you are. When you act as if, you’re shedding ideas about yourself that aren’t true and inhabiting the expansive potential of you.

Act as if: you’re wise.

  • If you were wise, what would your thought process be like?
  • How would you make decisions?
  • What would you do when things don’t go as planned?

Act as if: you care about yourself.

  • How would caring about yourself play out in your thoughts, actions, choices, and emotions?
  • What would you do if you were in a situation you knew wasn’t right for you?
  • What would your daily life look like?

Act as if: you’re ready for healthy relationships.

  • Who would you choose for your partner and your friends?
  • Which of your relationships would need to end?
  • How would you show up with others?
  • What would you think about?
  • What would you do when you feel scared or angry?

Act as if: you’re free of the pain from your past.

  • Without being held back by your past, what would you do differently in your life?
  • What would you stop doing?
  • How would you relate to strong feelings that arise in you?

Act as if: you’re so much bigger than your imagined limits.

  • How would you feel in your body?
  • What would you do with limiting thoughts?
  • How would you know what actions to take?
  • How would you relate to other people?

Back to Basics

You may be an expert at acting as if you’re miserable, disappointed, and ungrateful. But what if you made a different choice? I love acting as if because it immediately busts the false identities that hold you back.

Maybe you can entertain the possibility that you’re already whole, healed, and totally fabulous. Maybe you are way more knowledgeable about being fully alive in your life than you ever imagined.

Act as if the light of universal presence shines through you—because it does. Act as if you’re capable of making wise choices—because you are if you’re willing to be honest with yourself. Act as if you don’t let fear get in your way—because who you really are is way bigger than fear.

What happens to all those self-imposed limits you thought you were stuck with? They miraculously dissolve, and here you are, with a sweet, knowing smile on your face.

What About You?

Try acting as if. In the comments, tell us what quality you’re acting as if you had. How did the experiment go? I’d love to hear… If you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

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