Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Body, Awareness, and our True Nature with Ellen Emmet

ellen“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.”
~Rumi

If you’re one of those people who is stuck in your mind a lot, then you’re going to love this.

I’m so pleased to introduce you to my friend, Ellen Emmet. Ellen has a beautiful way of creating the space for the separate self to dissolve through guided body awareness. She is an expert in welcoming people into the direct experience of emotions.

I invited Ellen to join in a conversation with me. We’re both therapists, and we share a passion for meeting each moment with full aliveness.

You can listen to or download the audio or listen on YouTube. I hope you enjoy it.

To learn more about Ellen, please visit her website, EllenEmmet.com. And be sure to listen to her guided explorations available here.

 

To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.

Here are some of the topics we covered:

5:00 Body awareness vs. being consumed by thinking
8:15 Body awareness and knowing our true nature
13:05 Deeply welcoming the experience of the body
14.45 Trauma, the story, and the body
21:10 Being alive in our lives
25:30 Healing and knowing your true nature
29:00 Giving yourself over to your life
34:00 Attunement to emotions
35:00 The welcoming space of therapy
42:00  Ellen’s offerings—EllenEmmet.com

What About You?

Please feel free to leave a comment or question below. If you are reading by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and comment.

 

A Practical Guide to Working with the Pesky Mind

pesky-mind“All the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.”
~Eckhart Tolle

“If only my mind would give me a break.” “I’m constantly bombarded by thoughts.”

These are some of the frustrated statements I hear from people every day who are trying to find peace from their thoughts. And most of the time, they hold onto the wish that their thoughts would just stop.

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret—you can’t make your thoughts stop. And the more you try to do that, the more you are actually focusing on the fact that you’re thinking.

It’s like trying not to think about a pink elephant. The more you try not to do something, the more you’re resisting the urge to do it. And the net effect for you is certainly not the peace that you’re looking for.

Freedom from the Pesky Mind

But don’t lose hope…because freedom from the power of your thinking is possible. I know because I speak from my own experience. I used to be tied up in knots with worry and anxiety. I spent so much time in my head trying to figure out how to navigate my life that I missed many opportunities.

And now I hardly worry at all, and I’m so much more at ease as I go with the flow. I see life as a precious gift instead of one gigantic threat that robs me of my happiness.

The key to this shift has been how I relate to my mind.

A Friendly Relationship with Your Thoughts

Forming a friendly relationship with your thoughts asks you to develop insights and have tools in your back pocket. You need to deeply understand how thinking works, and you need tools to work with your thoughts and the feelings that drive them.

Changing how you relate to thoughts takes focus and effort on your part, especially in the beginning. So abandon wishful thinking and the vague hope that things will improve.

Buckle down, commit, and make your peace your highest priority. And if you think that’s a selfish goal, think again (pun intended 🙂 ). Because once you’re less consumed in your mind, you’re more available to listen, engage, and fully live your lovely life.

Insights

We’ll start with four insights about thoughts.

#1: You are not your thoughts.

You existed long before you started thinking. There’s an innocent, original part of you that is truly alive, and this part has nothing to do with your thoughts. If you don’t know this, experiment. Pretend that you’re not your thoughts, and see if you’re still here. Get to know this “you” who is alive prior to your thoughts.

This insight means that your thoughts don’t define you. This might sound like a revolutionary statement, but it’s true. Your thoughts may tell you that you’re unworthy and limited, and they may tell you that you’ll be lost if you don’t worry incessantly. But without these beliefs, you’re still here—and you’re way more at peace.

#2: You can choose how you relate to your thoughts.

Since your thoughts are not who you are, you can choose how much attention you give them. You can live in the stories they tell you, or you can see them as mental chatter that has no meaning.

#3: You don’t have to buy into the content of your thoughts.

Really take a look at the content of your thoughts. If thinking is a problem for you, you will find that your thoughts are quite negative. They tell you to constantly be on guard so you can’t enjoy life. They fill you with doubt and concern. They make you believe you’re a fraction of your true magnificence. And they judge everyone and everything, including yourself, concluding that the reality of things as they are is not good enough.

Bringing in insight #2, you can choose how you relate to these thoughts. Do you want to magnify this content and make it the veil through which you see life? Or do you want to drop the veil and see things as they truly are?

#4: You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Most thinking is negative and useless. It’s just not needed. Sure you need thoughts to follow directions or plan a trip. But it is not your birthright to be stuck in ruminating thoughts that spin around and make you feel anxious.

When you don’t pay attention to thinking, you’re open to life as it is. You relate to others with your heart open instead of with fear of abandonment or disapproval. And you take things as they come without resisting them. Sound good?

Tools

Insights are often not enough to change your relationship with your thoughts. Thinking has a strong momentum to it because it has been reinforced for decades, so you need tools to apply in the moment when you realize you’ve been lost in thought.

As you commit to working with thoughts, you will get lost in them. Expect that to happen many times, and don’t think you’ve failed when you realize it.

See each realization that you’ve been thinking as an opportunity to do something different. Really, see it as a celebration, a “Yes,” a moment when the veil of thinking drops away and you have choices available to you.

Stop and breathe.

When you become aware that you’ve been thinking, stop and breathe. Take a big expansive inhale and breathe out. You’re home!

Shift attention away from thinking.

Notice that your attention has been glued to thoughts. Shift your attention away from the content of the thoughts. Lose interest in what they’re telling you because they’re probably not helping you be happy and at peace in the moment.

Instead, take a few conscious breaths, look around you and reconnect with your surroundings, feel your body, and notice that you’re present and alive. Your whole energy will shift.

Feel the sensations in your body.

While you’re completely in your head, it feels like you’re cut off from what’s happening in your body. One of the ways to short circuit thinking is to move your attention into your body to feel the sensations that are present in the moment.

If this practice is new to you, you’ll probably notice a lot of tension. When I speak with people who are caught in their minds and ask them how their body feels, across the board they tell me they feel tense and contracted.

These unexplored bodily sensations are the fuel for thinking. They are interpreted as signs of threat and fear. Leave them unnoticed, and the anxious stories will run amok. Breathe with these sensations and let them be, and your experience in the moment will be one of ease and peace.

Expand into presence.

The awareness that is always here in the background of any experience is free of thinking. Being aware is the steady, stable, ever-present space that exists whether thoughts are present or not. You can be aware of things such as thoughts, physical sensations, objects in a room, or other people. And you can be aware of the experience of being aware.

When you expand into presence, which is the experience of being aware, you’ll get a taste of this space that is free of thought. Rest your attention here, and you’ll notice great peace and relaxation.

Be open to fresh and new options.

You don’t need to rely on thinking to live. And if this insight is new to you, you may wonder what to do next. Here are some possibilities:

  • Trust the truth of the moment and not your thoughts.
  • Be open to what the moment brings to you.
  • Instead of being motivated by fear and anxiety, ask, “What would love do?” or “How does life want to move me right now?”
  • Be in wonder and “don’t know” mind, and see what feels right to you.

Persistence and Dedication

Often people will say to me that they’ve done what I suggest, but it hasn’t worked. This tells me that they are still harboring an expectation that the thoughts will disappear and they’ll never get hooked again.

Expect to get hooked by your thoughts! And take each moment as an opportunity for finding your way to peace. Be persistent and dedicated—because your happiness is at stake.

I eventually got to the point of not believing any of those pesky thoughts. They could come and visit me—and they do—but I’m not bothered by them. Literally, they float across the background of my awareness, and I don’t pay attention to them.

And now there’s space for so much joy, peace, and ease.

What About You?

Are you bothered by thoughts? Have you found freedom from them? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

And if this post resonates with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear these words.

Love always,
Gail

PS: This is the last week for the introductory special of Guided Meditation for Wholeness, Clarity, and Freedom. You’ll get three volumes for the price of two, which includes 32 different meditations. Please click here for all the details!

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From Unworthiness to Freedom: Return to Your Natural State

"Achieving Balance" SarahGoodnough.com

“Achieving Balance” SarahGoodnough.com

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

Just about every single person I meet with is consumed in shame and self-doubt. It’s a dis-ease that’s rampant in our society today. We feel worthless and inadequate. The language in our minds that we use to describe ourselves is so harsh and disparaging.

And we’ve come to believe that what these thoughts tell us is the truth of who we are.

Right now, reflect on the possibility that these thoughts of brokenness and inadequacy don’t accurately describe you. They’re programmed ways of thinking about yourself, but they’re not an accurate reflection of the truth.

You absolutely did not come into the world believing yourself to be inadequate. You came in innocent, whole, and filled with potential. Thinking you’re unworthy and not good enough is an identity you learned through your interactions with others.

Returning to Your Natural State

So the medicine for this identity is to return to your natural state. This is the state of who you were before the identity took hold. And this state, your essential wholeness, has always been here and available to experience.

Distorted beliefs grab our attention and become our reality. But the invitation here is to untangle from these beliefs by withdrawing your attention from them.

Thoughts such as, “I feel worthless; I’ll never amount to anything,” might be very familiar to you. But what happens when you stop feeding them with your attention? What happens when you stop using them to label yourself?

They’re seen as a pattern of words that are random and meaningless. And amazingly you’re free of their impact!

Nothing to Get Rid Of

Every time you notice that you’re caught in thinking that you’re unworthy or lacking, it’s possible to relax your attention away from the story in your head and open to being here right now.

The story may recur many, many times. But don’t see that as a problem. Your job is not to get rid of these thoughts, but to soften your connection with them. And you do that by withdrawing your attention from them. You stop feeding the hopelessness and despair so you’re not reinforcing this way of being.

So here’s how it works. The thought comes, I’m inadequate, I’m worthless, I messed up again, I’m a failure, there’s something wrong with me. Then you stop, and say, “Wait a minute. This pattern of thinking isn’t serving me. I don’t want to believe this about myself. I don’t want this thought pattern ruling my choices any longer. I don’t want to feel so bad.”

With this fire in your belly to stop the suffering, you withdraw your attention from these thoughts. Let them float away like a cloud or burn in the fire of your intention to be free.

You don’t need these painful beliefs about yourself to function in the world. In fact, you might find you’re a whole lot happier without them. Not that they go away, but you don’t use them to define yourself.

The Simple Truth

These thoughts tell you that you’re broken and need to be fixed. But what you realize when you stop buying into them is that right now, you’re here, present, and okay. You don’t need to be fixed or improved.

You’re no longer stuck in the conversation in your head about how you’re inadequate or what you should or shouldn’t have done. Your attention opens to presence, to relaxation, and to the simple fact that without these thoughts, everything is okay. You are okay.

Now there’s space in this present moment. You release into your natural wholeness, into not knowing. Now, you wonder, “How can I be without these thoughts? What will I do? What will I say?”

These are beautiful questions that arise when you step out of limiting thoughts and into a world of new possibilities.

So right now in this moment, notice that without your attention feeding the thoughts of inadequacy and brokenness, you can’t possibly be inadequate or broken. Self-doubt disappears. You no longer need to strive for attention, approval, and validation.

The only true solution to any problem is to realize that your thoughts are not who you are. Then you’re available to the magnificent, never-ending river of life.

What About You?

How do you handle feeling unworthy and inadequate? How have you found freedom from these thoughts? I’d love to hear…

Note: I’ve received many beautiful emails about my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. If it helped you, please consider leaving a review on Amazon to let others know.

So much love…
Gail

Know How Thinking Works

thinkingNote: I’m excited to share with you Chapter 11 from my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It’s the kind of book you’ll want on your bedside table with 52 essays, each with a reflection or practice to bring the teachings alive in your own experience. To purchase the book, please click here.

I used to live my life completely caught up in my mind. An underlying sense of anxiety fed a constant stream of thinking that left me feeling stressed and out of sorts.

Now I know it’s not a requirement to live in that stress. I’ve studied these thought patterns and have found 99.9% of them to be repetitive, negative, and patently unhelpful. They don’t support, and they don’t bring joy and celebration.

One day many years ago, I was lying by the pool relaxing in the sun, and I decided to experiment. I brought to mind some common, worrisome thoughts and immediately felt physical tension in my body. Then I shifted attention away from those thoughts, and noticed that after a short time, the tension released. I went back and forth between thought and no thought until the lesson became crystal clear. And the lesson was about how much unconscious stress I had been holding onto, probably for decades.

From that moment on, I lost interest in thinking. Many thoughts still come, but if they are critical, agitating, gloomy, or divisive, I dismiss them. Because I don’t want to pretend that I’m separate from this amazing life that’s here right now.

We take thoughts to be real, but they aren’t. What is a thought? It’s a wisp of energy with words attached. And when we believe the meaning of these words, the thought becomes our reality. Mixed with emotions like fear and anger, the thoughts seem to have a life of their own. We believe the self-doubt, judgments, and fears about the future.

But thoughts are temporary. They are the mind’s feeble attempts to protect and control. Recognizing them and letting them be, we’re free of their meaning and the tension they create. And we’re here, fully alive in this beautiful, uncontrollable, mysterious unfolding.

Practice

Get to know the content of your thoughts—not to embellish the stories, but to realize how negative and self-defeating they can be. Feel how these thoughts bring stress to your body.

Check in to see if your thoughts are actually necessary. Don’t pay attention to them and see what happens. You may notice that your life unfolds just fine without that constant, judgmental, complaining commentary. In fact, aren’t you more here and alive without it?

What About You?

To read more, you can purchase At the Core of Every Heart here. Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them. core final front cover 6-1 copy 2

And once you read the book, I would be so grateful if you would leave a review on Amazon so others can know about it.

So much love…
Gail

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New Book: At the Core of Every Heart


core final front cover 6-1 copyI’m so pleased to let you know that my new book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title is, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It will be published on June 14, and you can order it now by clicking here or on the book cover.
The title comes from this beautiful quote by Indian saint Sri Anandamayi Ma:

When by the flood of your tears
the inner and outer have fused into one,
you will find Her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life,
the very core of every heart.

And that’s where we meet—in the love and aliveness at the core of every heart.

We all benefit from support along the spiritual path, and that’s just what this book offers. It contains 52 short essays, and each has a practice or reflection that invites you to pause, come alive to the moment, and remember the deepest truth of who you are. As the subtitle says, it’s about waking up and living free—right in the midst of the practicalities of our everyday life.

Here are some of the chapter titles:

  • Tending the Garden of Presence
  • Stillness Beckons You
  • Learn from Experience
  • Clarity Beyond the Inner Critic
  • Be Empty of the Exhausting Story of “Me”
  • Feeling Shame and Regret?
  • Living the Yes! to Life
  • When Times Are Tough
  • Free of the Anxious Mind

Each chapter is user-friendly. We start with everyday human problems: holding a grudge, believing the harsh critical voice in our minds, being stuck in feelings from the past. Over and over, we meet our experience with deep acceptance and discover the unifying field of aware presence that holds everything with love. It’s the living, breathing, timeless knowing that all is well beyond our personal attachments to stories and emotions.

At the Core of Every Heart includes stories from my own and others’ life situations that we can all identify with. It skillfully navigates the paradox of this messy, emotional human life and the freedom that’s available in any moment. Right here and now, we open our hearts fully to everything and realize the most profound release into limitless ease, spontaneous joy, and loving celebration. This is what is possible for you.

Please click here to pre-order.

Always in love,
Gail