Freedom Articles and Blog Posts

What Creates Problems and How to Be Free of Them

“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”
~Epictetus

Recently, I set off on the trip to France that I had been dreaming about for five years. As luck would have it, my plane left Los Angeles two hours late, and by the time we arrived in New York, after circling for another hour, I had missed my connection. The result was an overnight in an airport hotel and one less day in Paris.

But was this situation a problem? I knew I had a choice.

How We Create Problems

Every day we encounter circumstances that we can turn into problems – if we want to. Do you want more problems in your life? Here is the how-to:

Tell yourself that what is happening is bad or wrong or shouldn’t be happening.
Think of all the negative consequences.
Repeat these negative consequences to yourself over and over.
Experience a feeling and don’t examine it.
Create a stressful or depressing story about what is happening based on this feeling.
Repeat this story to yourself over and over, embellishing it each time.
Ignore any positive aspects, benefits, or opportunities this experience offers you.

Sound familiar? When I realized I would miss my connection, I could have been irate and disappointed. I could have blamed the airline and thought about what I was missing out on. I could have created a lot of trouble for myself – unnecessary trouble, if you ask me.

Separate Facts From Reactions

But isn’t this what we do all the time? We take the facts of a circumstance, then apply stressful thoughts and feelings to it that launch a problem.

And here’s the truth: the problem isn’t inherently contained in the circumstances – it is added on to the facts. Need evidence? Just look around you. There is a myriad of reactions possible to any event – not just your habitual one.

Facts are facts, but reactions are up for grabs. We cannot change circumstances, but how we respond to them is under our control. And this is very good news.

If you are willing to bring awareness to your thoughts and feelings, you can recognize them, see them as simply experiences that arise, and choose to not get involved in them.

Freedom from Problems

This is the amazing possibility: we don’t have to turn circumstances into problems.

Ready for the how-to? Here goes:

See the facts of whatever is happening as separate from your thoughts and feelings about these facts. This essential step creates the space to get out the microscope, become a scientist, and intimately study your thoughts and feelings.
Notice the content of your thoughts. Are they stressful, negative, heavy with emotions? Do they run in an endless loop like a hamster on a wheel? Is this what you want?
Notice your feelings. See that a feeling actually consists only of thoughts and bodily sensations. Can you allow these experiences just to be present without letting them fuel more thinking?
Now go back to the facts. What is this circumstance offering you? What are the benefits, blessings, and opportunities for insight and understanding?

As I realized the plane to Paris would be taking off without me, I surrendered. And in that surrender, I saw:

The kindness of the airline agent who patiently helped me at midnight, well past his quitting time.
The grace of the hotel reservations clerk dealing with an onslaught of people checking in.
The good humor of my fellow passengers.

My jet lag wasn’t as bad as it would have been if I had made the connection, and I had the time to work on another blog post. In the end, something happened, but I couldn’t find a problem anywhere.

Are You Willing to Be Free of Problems?

My question – and challenge – to you is this: Are you willing to see how you create problems out of facts? Are you committed enough to your own peace and happiness to make the radical move to eliminate drama from your life?

Since we manufacture problems, we have the power to be free of them. And in this freedom lies the simple, amazing, awe-inspiring, heart-expanding glory of being alive.

Now it’s your turn. Can you see how you create problems? Have you discovered how to be free of them? I’d love to hear…

image credit

Note: My friend, Christopher Foster over at The Happy Seeker, is offering a beautiful course on how to keep the light alive as we age. You may want to check it out.

How to Live in the Land of Yes

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.
~Epictetus

What does it mean to live in the land of Yes? When you inhabit Yes, you are open, receptive, available. You approach each moment with wonder and curiosity, without expectation, with openness.

In the land of Yes, you don’t close down or shut yourself away. You don’t avoid or resist. You are here, present, awake, aware, alive.

How Do You Say No?

If we want to live in Yes, we must understand no. How do you say, “No” to life? Here are some clues:

I don’t want this to be happening.
I don’t want to feel this way.
I want to be reacting differently.
I want him to be behaving differently.
She should be doing or saying…
This shouldn’t be happening.
I don’t want to be sick, unhappy, in pain, stressed.
My past should have been different.

Can you feel the no? It boxes you in and traps you in a corner. And it does absolutely nothing to change your reality. In fact, as the adage says, “What you resist persists.” Resisting reality has a paradoxical effect – it strengthens exactly the experience you wish would disappear.

Stand up and try pushing against a wall. Does the wall move? Are you making any progress? Now, stop pushing, and everything changes. You relax, you give up the fight, you accept.

Yes Is Discriminating

It is important to recognize that living in the land of Yes, doesn’t mean you become a doormat. Yes is discriminating. When you see things as they are, without blinders on, your next step becomes obvious. You choose without adding in the drama of resistance.

Say that your friend is always late when you have a plan to get together. You are sitting there waiting, and you feel tense. Your mind swirls with angry thoughts. You think of the times you already mentioned this problem, but she doesn’t seem to listen. This is resistance.

Now, let’s move into the land of Yes. First, fully accept the situation – her lateness, your tension and frustration. What are your choices? You can enjoy your present circumstances, moving from waiting to sitting, looking, hearing, appreciating. You can call her and let her know you will be leaving in 10 minutes. You can tell her you won’t be making plans with her anymore. You can recognize that you are willing to love her as she is.

The End of Drama

See how it works? When you let go of resisting, choices appear, and you make one. Either accept what is happening exactly as it is or change something. And here is what you can change – your behavior, how you hold your thoughts and feelings.

But sitting in frustration and running an angry story in your mind about her only has one result – you suffer. I don’t know about you, but I choose to not suffer.

The Joy of Yes

In the land of Yes, you are present and aware. You aren’t fueled by fear or resentment. You are free of conditioning from the past and worry about the future.

When you arrive at Yes, you might be surprised at how peaceful you can be about things that once bothered you. You might laugh at how useless negative thinking is. Your whole way of being in the world may transform.

Where in your life are you resisting? What are you saying “no” to and what is the effect? Are you bumping into walls every way you turn?

Let yourself be amazed by living in the land of Yes. Make the choice now, and you will realize that you are never truly stuck. In any moment, say Yes. Drop the trouble, take a breath, and open to the truth of things as they are. Life is here, right now, waiting patiently for your Yes.

Are you resisting? What has been your experience when you enter the land of Yes? I’d love to hear…

Love and Spiders

“We are joined together with invisible threads. If I hurt you, I hurt myself. If I hurt myself, I am hurting you all.”
~Osho

This is a post about friendship, love, oneness, freedom, and spiders. Yes, spiders. Let me explain.

I have had a lifelong phobia of spiders, and I live in a place that, for some reason, spiders frequently visit. Several times a week, they would show up in the bathtub whenever I stepped in to take a shower. And for a phobic like me, it was far from a pleasant way to start the morning. I was freaked out and upset, and I’m not proud of the ways I got the spiders out of the tub.

Frankly, I didn’t know what to do and couldn’t foresee any solution.

The Truth Wakes Me Up

Then I read a book that changed everything. Really. My friend Robin Easton, who blogs at Naked in Eden, published a book, also called “Naked in Eden”. On the surface, this book is about Robin’s exploits in the Australian rainforest. But from her experiences with the natural world, Robin conveys so clearly the realization that we are one with life, that we are nature itself, and that there truly is no separation.

Whether communing with a dying bandicoot (a large rat indigenous to Australia) or sharing the journey of a butterfly breaking out of its pupa, anyone reading this book can’t help but meet every living creature with a heart filled with knowing and love.

As a result of reading “Naked in Eden”, I began to look at spiders in a whole new way, and my phobia was finished for good. Shortly after, there was a large spider in the tub one morning. Before, I was literally unable to hold a box containing a spider so I could deposit it outside.

This time, I stopped. I looked at the spider and was amazed to realize that it was not my enemy. I talked to it, literally felt the oneness with it, and gently got it into a box so I could release it outdoors. My heart was brimming over, and I almost couldn’t believe that this phobia no longer plagued me.

Then an odd thing began to happen – the spiders stopped visiting. It was uncanny. They used to appear several times a week, and now months later, they rarely turn up. I have learned the lesson, and I don’t need their presence anymore. But each time they do appear, there is barely a ripple in me as I lovingly capture them and return them to their natural home. In fact, it happened just this morning.

All I can say is, “Thank you, Robin. Thank you, spiders.” You have been my teachers. You showed me where I was stuck and how to be free. And I have realized a deep insight that goes well beyond spiders.

Use Life Experience for Your Liberation

Life offers us exactly what we need to liberate ourselves. If we notice contracted emotion around a thought, person, or situation, we can locate our misunderstanding and gain the clarity that will re-align us to the truth of non-separation and love.

I misunderstood spiders. I was attached to the creepy feeling I got looking at one, and all I wanted to do was get rid of it. But when I see a spider in the truth of oneness, I want to care for it and treat it honorably. It is a privilege to scoop it up and take it outside.

The golden rule tells us to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But the truth is even deeper. What you do to others, you do to yourself. There is no difference, no separation.

When we don’t need the lesson anymore, it disappears, just like the spiders, and there is only happiness, freedom, and celebration. A friend of mine who heard this story calls this the “spider effect.”

Lessons from a Phobia

Here is what I learned from the ending of my phobia. Maybe you will experience your own spider effect – the ending of a problem, and the remembering of life, love, and oneness.

It is possible to be free in areas of life where you feel stuck, held back, frustrated, or hopeless.
Every moment of life is either a lesson or a celebration.
The only enemies you have are the ones you create in your own mind.
If you find yourself in the same stressful situation over and over, take an honest, penetrating look at yourself. Something about your thinking pattern is keeping you from being free.
There is truly no separation. Everything you see, feel, and touch, including yourself, is transparent. If you look deeply enough, you will see that at the source of everything is life itself.
The essence that shines through all forms is love.

So what is your spider phobia? Is it fear, physical pain, an addiction, low self-worth, victimhood? Where are you contracted in your life? My prayer for you is that you meet it with eyes open, find your misunderstanding, and clear the way for your light to shine even brighter.

Any comments or reflections? I’d love to hear…

image credit

Take the Leap and Arc Over Into Freedom

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
~Abraham Lincoln

Do you want to be free of those bothersome habits that plague you? Then try arcing over. It’s an idea I just learned about, and I love the image. Taking off, soaring, and leaving the trouble behind as you expand into freedom that is unconditioned, limitless.

In any moment, we can make the choice to arc over. In fact, if change is to happen, we must arc over at some point. Picture yourself ready to walk forward into a familiar pattern with a familiar outcome that you know doesn’t serve you. You’ve walked into this quicksand countless times before, and you realize that it won’t get you the peace you really want.

You can step into this pattern, again – or you can arc over. Instead of being pulled down by the weight of your well-learned reactions, you look up, take flight, and arc over into freedom.

I’ve done it, and you can do it, too. You can break the ties with your ingrained habits, and arc over. Are you game?

Habits Are a Signal to Arc Over

Everything is useful when it comes to discovering the happiness we all long for. The appearance of a habit can be cause for celebration because you have the opportunity to arc over. It is a signal to wake up, be conscious, and connect with your deepest desire. Then, the choice is clear.

You can arc over anything:

A behavioral pattern like overeating, smoking, or drinking.
An urge to pick a fight or defend yourself.
A habitual feeling such as heaviness when you wake up in the morning or fear that is unwarranted.
A moment of being too busy to be kind and thoughtful.
A grudge you’ve been holding – for how long?
The stress you feel to accomplish too much.
An addiction to a substance, behavior, or person.
The need for approval.
Self-critical thoughts.

The Choice to Arc Over

How do you do it? Arcing over happens in the moment. You are faced with the well-worn groove of your habit that keeps you chained to the past, and you make the choice to launch instead. You say to yourself, “I’m not going to do this. I’m going to arc over.”

You enter the space of the unknown where you are free of concepts, beliefs, and expectations. You are present and alive.

Where you will land, no one can say. Because when you arc over, you open to all possibilities. You are willing to leap into the unfamiliar, you are available and receptive without the constriction of patterns that deaden you.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that arcing over is the panacea that will change everything once and for all. Many habits are deeply rooted and take some time to unwind. But every time you choose to arc over deconditions the habit. You are loosening the bonds and making space for what is fresh and new.

What holds you back from living as your fullest expression of yourself? What keeps you from realizing that happiness is always here? What brings suffering to your magnificent life? See it clearly, then arc over. You will be glad you did.

What do you need to arc over? How did it go? I’d love to hear…

Image credits: first, second, third

10 Life-Changing Facts About Attachment

“The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things.”
~Epictetus

I have made a very interesting discovery. Whenever I have a reaction to anything – a person or situation, something someone says or does, I am attached. I am holding a belief or expectation that things should go a certain way or that a given outcome should occur. I want what I want, and in that attachment, I suffer.

The Fallout from Being Attached

I recently spoke to a very frustrated friend who had just discovered a big computer glitch. Our conversation revealed many attachments she was holding – that things that are working should stay the same, that programs shouldn’t have bugs, that her schedule for the day shouldn’t be interrupted because of this.

Sanity returned as she saw how these attachments were causing her to resist the reality of the moment.

Simply said, when we make our happiness dependent on people, money, success, possessions, or circumstances, we suffer. Attachments are sticky. Our freedom goes out the window, and we react emotionally and maneuver to get what we want and reject what we don’t want. Oh, if only the world would cater to our personal desires.

Just for a moment, imagine being free of attachments. Things come and go, but you are stable and unmoving in the midst of it all. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. In fact, in the lack of clinging, you are free to care deeply. The most intimate state of being is devoid of the separation that attachment brings.

Are You Attached?

Chance are that whenever you find yourself in reaction, you are attached. You are looking through a lens of “me” – how I think things should be, what I think should or shouldn’t happen – and then reacting when things don’t go according to your plan.

Do you find yourself feeling frustrated, angry, scared, sad? Then you are probably attached. You are stuck and not available to the comings and goings of life. Consider exploring your attachments, and re-discovering freedom, with these potentially life-changing facts.

10 Life-Changing Facts

1. Attachments to people prevent us from examining ourselves. Clinging to someone in a relationship often masks an underlying sense of lack or unworthiness that can benefit from your loving exploration. Are you willing to take the focus off the other to see what thoughts and feelings are driving you?

2. Attachments to identities keep us stuck. Are you aware of any habitual ways in which you react emotionally? See if you can pinpoint the identity you hold about yourself. Maybe it doesn’t serve you anymore, and you can give yourself the freedom to respond with greater wisdom and awareness.

3. What often underlies attachment is a fear of not being in control. Can you befriend the unknown and receive things as they happen?

4. The root of many relationship problems is that people are attached to what others should say or do. Recognize when someone is attached to how you should be. Rather than resisting and creating conflict, stay grounded in yourself. Feel compassion for the other’s fear and confusion.

5. Attachment to possessions or money is all about fear. Have as many possessions as you want, but don’t stake your happiness on them. Do your possessions define you? Deeply contemplate losing them all, and realize that you don’t really own anything.

6. Attachment to wanting what you don’t have leads to interminable unhappiness. Can you shift your orientation to appreciate what is already here?

7. Being attached to your needs makes you a victim of circumstances. Do you really need what you think you need? Maybe you are stronger and more whole than you think.

8. Not being attached brings relaxation and ease. You no longer worry about losing what you have. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t excited about having something or sad about its loss. But your underlying peace is not disturbed.

9. Attachment to beliefs and ideas is like living in a small space with many walls. Everywhere you turn, you bump into one. Can you let yourself be vulnerable and open by abandoning your treasured beliefs?

10. When all attachments fall away, what remains is reality. When we see things without the veil of our attachments, we realize life – delicious, pure, luminous, and true.

What have you discovered about your attachments? What happens when you let them go? I’d love to hear…

You may be interested in a free e-book entitled,”Life Lessons: The Best Self-Reflections from 108 Bloggers” compiled by bloggers Abubakar Jamil and Farnoosh Brock. Just click the image to download.

« Previous Page