Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Flexible Mind, Happy Mind

flexible

“Do you want to know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”
J. Krishnamurti

It’s so simple, isn’t it? “I don’t mind what happens.” It is a way of being that deeply accepts, doesn’t resist, and offers the possibility of profound peace.

If you truly don’t mind what happens, then anything can occur and nothing disturbs. It is the end of emotional drama, stress, and all kinds of suffering.

The Pain of a Rigid Mind

But most of us frequently feel stuck,and we suffer because of it. We hold on tightly to familiar ways of thinking about ourselves, relationships, other people, and situations. And as we move through our lives with these patterns firmly in place, things matter, and we hit edges everywhere that make us react.

He shouldn’t have done that…That shouldn’t have happened to me…I can’t seem to get what I want out of life…I’m a failure, an imposter, inadequate, scared of what might happen. Each of these thought patterns causes an emotional reaction that contributes to the cycle of discontent.

Couldn’t you write a manual on how to be stuck? I know I could:

  • Expect things to be a certain way.
  • Identify yourself as insufficient or incapable.
  • Continue seeing yourself as a victim.
  • Think and feel the same things you’ve always thought and felt.
  • Say the same things you’ve always said.
  • Do the same things you’ve always done.

In other words, be rigid. Let yourself be confined by the past. Don’t consider any fresh perspectives or new possibilities. Stay in the same old, same old.

The Possibility of Being Flexible

But…what if you considered being flexible. If you’re tired of feeling rigid and stuck, contemplate flexibility. It’s a great word, inviting you to be malleable, bendable, stretchy, spacious. It gets you out of the rut of habitual thinking.

Being flexible breathes new life into those places that are so rigid you’re barely alive when you are stuck in them. It’s like a verdant oasis when you are parched and dying of thirst.

Practically speaking, flexibility offers a new way of being that brings a fresh, undistorted perspective to old habits. Almost like a miracle, familiar ways of behaving don’t feel right anymore, fresh thoughts appear, new conversations happen.

How to be flexible?

If it’s out of your comfort zone, take your time to feel into it.

Flexible Body

Allow yourself to feel the possibility of being flexible in your body. I don’t mean the kind of flexibility where you can do a split or put your foot behind your head.

But I do mean flexible in every cell of your body.

When you look closely, you will find that rigid habits have a strong physical component. You feel tense, contracted, and closed down, especially in your chest or belly.

Now try this: offer the gift of presence to your muscles and tendons, to each of your cells. Welcome openness and flexibility into every physical sensation.

Find the places that are stuck – and those that aren’t, and offer the simple invitation to every cell to open and relax. Give them time to release from their contracted state. Practice this exercise for a few minutes a couple of times a day. Isn’t this what your body has been craving all along?

Now it is primed for new ways of being.

Flexible Mind

If you are stuck in habits, your thought processes are rigid. In the spirit of flexibility, let your mind open, and discover new potential you didn’t even know was there.

Recognize the power of conditioned thoughts that are so familiar to you. Now, imagine them breaking apart and falling to pieces to reveal space that is free of habit. They aren’t serving you anyway, so let them collapse in a heap – just for a moment.

Where you held a world view about how things are supposed to be, you find that you are free.

Where you convinced yourself that you were inadequate and undeserving, you are open to the freshness of truth.

Where you were stuck, you can now wonder, question, and not know.

There is no limit to how flexible the mind can be, beyond anything you could imagine. So let it open…more and more…infinitely…to discover its unconditioned state – transparent, radiant, completely alive.

Flexible mind, infinite mind, boundlessly peaceful mind.

What habits are asking for flexibility? What is your experience of flexible mind? I’d love to hear…

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Discovering Happiness – With Link to Video

Sorry for the sending this a second time. This one includes the link to the video.

Hi Everyone,

A warm hello to each of you. I so much appreciate that you are part of the community here at A Flourishing Life.

Occasionally, I am asked for interviews, and today I’m sharing with you two that were published recently. Below is a video of an interview with Neera Menon of Only Happiness Counts. She asked me some great questions about the nuts and bolts of discovering the possibility of happiness in the moment. You can also click here to find the video:

And Annabel Ruffell of Journey for Earth invited me to respond in writing to three engaging questions. They are:  what journey are you on, what has been one of your greatest challenges over the years and how did you overcome it, and what is your greatest hope for our planet at this time.  You can find the interview by clicking here.

As always, any questions or comments are welcome.

So much love…

Gail

Discovering Happiness and More…

Hi Everyone,

A warm hello to each of you. I so much appreciate that you are part of the community here at A Flourishing Life.

Occasionally, I am asked for interviews, and today I’m sharing with you two that were published recently. Below is a video of an interview with Neera Menon of Only Happiness Counts. She asked me some great questions about the nuts and bolts of discovering the possibility of happiness in the moment.

And Annabel Ruffell of Journey for Earth invited me to respond in writing to three engaging questions. They are:  what journey are you on, what has been one of your greatest challenges over the years and how did you overcome it, and what is your greatest hope for our planet at this time.  You can find the interview by clicking here.

As always, any questions or comments are welcome.

So much love…

Gail

It’s Not Personal

not_personal“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”
~Charles R. Swindoll

Are you sensitive, prone to feeling resentment, rejection, disapproval, or disappointment? Then you’re taking things personally, and you know how much it hurts.

It’s one of the human experiences that cuts deep, and we often have trouble finding our way out.

I used to feel personally offended if someone was late or he didn’t call or the feedback I got was less than stellar. At times, it seemed like everywhere I turned, someone was trying hurt my feelings. And, although I didn’t know it, I was a willing participant.

Nothing Sticks

There is so much freedom in realizing that you don’t have to take things personally.

You are lighter, free of the hooks and edges that cause you to feel put down or slighted. You feel open, generous, and compassionate – ways of being that are just not available to you if you are caught in taking things personally.

You live as the free-flow of life where nothing sticks. An event happens, someone says something to you or about you, and here you are – not attaching to any reaction, stable, fully allowing, not resisting anything.

But how to make this shift?

Welcome Your Reactions

The first key that unlocks the door to freedom from taking it personally is to bring your focus to your own reactions.

What someone else says is about them, and how you react is about you. So focus on something you can do something about, which is your own reactions.

If you feed the story, wallow in feeling bad, or run mental loops about what should and shouldn’t happen, you will stay stuck, guaranteed.

These reactions play out over and over, while you are asleep on automatic rather than being awake to what is happening within you.

If, instead, you step back and take the perspective of awareness, you notice something very simple: thoughts in your mind and feelings in your body. You might call it disappointment or rejection, but what is absolutely true in your direct experience is that some thoughts and feelings have appeared.

And these may be very familiar to you.

Why You Take Things Personally

For most of us, these painful feelings date back to childhood. When we are young, events happen that bring about emotional reactions in us. If you didn’t have the means to experience the feelings and let them go, they leave an impression in your body and mind, creating a sensitivity to reacting the same way again and again.

Decades later, here you are, experiencing rejection, disappointment, and shame – taking it personally. Then the spinoff stories start: I’m not deserving, I’m inadequate. These experiences congeal into an identity that keeps you frozen and limited.

You have developed a filter through which you view the world.

Question Who You Are

But what exactly is this identity? It seems so real, but when you shine the spotlight of your attention on your direct experience, all you notice are thoughts and feelings. That is all.

There is no “you,” no identity of one who has been rejected or disappointed. Only thoughts and feelings floating through awareness.

And if you don’t attach your attention to them, if you don’t engage and make them important and tell stories about them, they disappear, creating no disturbance whatsoever.

You no longer take them personally because there is no personal thing called you.

You realize you don’t have to make a big deal over something that isn’t real anyway.

Here is the possibility:  to stay as the sky and let the dark clouds of difficult thoughts and feelings move through. They are nothing more than insubstantial wisps of energy that appear and disappear.

Persistence and Kindness

It takes time to erode these attachments that feel so real, so be very kind to yourself.

  • When you notice that you are taking something personally, step off the habit wheel.
  • Pause and take a breath. You’re halfway there already.
  • Know that these thoughts and feelings are not important and don’t define you.
  • Stay as the sky, clear, open, and undisturbed.

When you discover that it’s not personal, you walk through the doorway to the deepest peace beyond imagination.

Have you discovered that it’s not personal? Still stuck? I’d love to hear…

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Orient Your Whole Life Toward What You Love

orient_love“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.”
~Rodin

What do you love? What really matters to you? For most of us, the answer is simple: we want to be happy.

But are you orienting your whole life toward happiness? No wonder you’re not happy.

The search for happiness is often misunderstood. If you are hoping to be happy once the right relationship and work situation magically show up, your present moment experience now is frustration and lack.

If you are waiting for inadequacy, resentment, and other inner troubles you experience to finally, somehow, disappear, what are you experiencing now? Inadequacy, resentment, and inner turmoil.

Your life is happening right now, in this very moment.  But if you are looking out to the world for happiness to arrive at some other time, your now experience is not so happy.

If happiness is what you love, discover it now. Consider that it is not somewhere else, but here to be revealed, the very essence of who you are.

Maybe you, who you actually are, is simply covered up by worrying, regretting, and telling yourself stories. Maybe you are already everything you are hoping for and waiting to be – happy, fulfilled, completely at peace, heart overflowing.

Be on fire to know by orienting your whole life toward what you love.

How do you meet life?

The qualities you bring to the moments of your life matter, if you want to be happy. Consider being curious, flexible, and open. Rather than living in reaction to things that happen, start asking questions.

  • What is the nature of this feeling that is here right now?
  • Are these thoughts that I’m thinking actually true?
  • Who am I?

Acknowledge the places in you that are rigid, and bring flexibility to them – your brain, your mind, your body, and your heart. Let your grudges completely untangle, your old stories become uninteresting.

Open in every cell of your being to the possibility that who you are is infinite beyond measure. See yourself everywhere.

What does your attention feed?

If you give close attention to anxious and judgmental thoughts, what will you get? More anxious and judgmental thoughts.

If you indulge feelings and dramatic stories, what will you get? More of the same.

You might say that you want to be happy, but where you place your attention shows what you are actually most interested in. Show interest in difficult thoughts and feelings, and that will be your in the moment experience.

Instead, recognize that thoughts and feelings are temporary. They come from nowhere, arise in the space of awareness, and dissolve. They are essentially free, but get stuck when you feed them with attention.

Notice that awareness is stable, unchanging. No matter what appears, you are always aware.

Establish yourself in that which is aware, and let the unhappiness be.

How do you spend your time?

Just as where you place your attention reveals what you are interested in, so does how you spend your time. Simply track it for a day or two, and you will know how your life is oriented.

Do you complain, argue, isolate? Are you overdoing it somehow in your behavior? Who do you spend your time with? Are you sitting in unhappy feelings much of the time?

Now that you are conscious of what you are actually fascinated by, let wisdom guide you. Make the changes that support what you love. Maybe you will meditate more, find a group of like-minded people, slow down, and read, watch, and listen to inspiring media.

Let what you love show in your behavior. Nothing can replace the fire for true happiness.

Resistance, anyone?

Resistance is saying “no” to life. A situation or feeling shows up as part of the natural unfolding of reality, and you say, “No, I don’t like it, I don’t want it to be like this. It should be different.”

If you resist, there is no way you can discover that peace is possible in this very moment. You are too busy rejecting what is here to realize that it is actually a doorway to all that you long for.

Study how you resist so you can learn to recognize when it’s happening. You might notice that you:

  • Avoid feelings that are present
  • Get caught in compulsive behavior or addictions
  • Ruminate in your thoughts
  • Believe that people and situations should be different than they are.

These are ways of being that say, “No, not this.”

Now feel into the effects of resisting – tension, fear, contracting against life. Instead, say “Oh, this,” with the deepest acceptance and embrace.

Opening or closing?

In any moment, you are opening or closing. You close to escape discomfort and the fear of discomfort. But in so doing, you close to life. You end up spending your precious energy managing your inner experience so you can stay away from that which you fear.

This is not a sustainable way of being (it’s so tiring!), and it doesn’t orient you toward what you love.

Really, uncomfortable feelings aren’t so bad. In fact, when seen with the eyes of absolute truth, they are only sensation and energy, and barely that. They are impersonal, meaning that they come and go and have nothing to do with you.

When you open, you disidentify with everything, including uncomfortable feelings, and you allow things to be as they are. It’s like taking a step back and becoming uninvolved.

But don’t worry, you lose nothing, except pain. And you realize that everything you wanted is already here, awake, and alive.

Really, it’s simple. Orient your whole life toward what you love, and each moment sings with joy.

How’s it going for you? Any comments or questions? I’d love to hear…

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