Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Too Much Thinking? Four Insights to Guide You to Freedom

“Don’t wait for your mind to be quiet.”
~Mooji
“All the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.”
~Eckhart Tolle

“If only my mind would give me a break.” “How do I get these thoughts to stop?”

These are frustrations I hear a lot from people trying to find peace from their thoughts.

Well, I’ll let you in on a profound secret: you can’t make your thoughts stop.

And the more you try, the more you’re actually focusing on the process of thinking and creating an inner war—you against your thoughts.

Remember: what you resist persists. Wanting your thoughts to stop is resisting them. You’re in a state of non-acceptance. Here they are, churning in your mind, and you’re wanting the moment to be different than it is.

Trying to get rid of thoughts actually energizes them—and it won’t bring you the peace you’re looking for.

But don’t lose hope…because freedom from the pull of thinking is absolutely possible. And it’s about shifting the relationship you have with your thoughts—not about getting rid of them.

Without realizing it, most of us are attached to the content of our thinking.

  • We’re conditioned to go to our minds for information and guidance;
  • We give our attention to every doubt and worry;
  • We believe the thoughts that tell us we’re inadequate and unlovable.

No wonder we feel stressed!

There’s a completely different way to relate to our thinking other than believing it, which is to lose interest in what thoughts are telling us. That way you’re not fighting with thoughts or wanting them to go away.

They can be present, but you’re just not paying attention to what they’re saying.

Practice loosening your attachment to thoughts. Because once you’re less connected with the content of your mind, you’re more available to listen, engage, be curious, feel, expand, and fully live your lovely life.

Here are four insights about thoughts that might help…

#1: You are not your thoughts.

You existed long before you started thinking. There’s an innocent, original part of you that is naturally alive and aware, that has nothing to do with your thoughts.

Here’s an experiment for you to try: pretend that you’re not defined by your thoughts, and see if you’re still here. Get to know this “you” who is alive prior to your thoughts.

Your thoughts may tell you that you’re unworthy and limited, and they may tell you that you’ll be lost if you don’t worry incessantly. But without buying into these beliefs, you’re still here—and you’re way more at peace.

#2: You can choose how you relate to your thoughts.

Since your thoughts are not who you are, you can choose how much attention you give them. You can live in the stories they tell you, or you can see them as mental chatter, a droning sound in the background, that has no meaning whatsoever.

#3: You don’t have to believe the content of your thoughts.

Take a look at the content of your thoughts. If thinking is a problem for you, you will find that your thoughts are quite negative. They tell you to constantly be on guard so you can’t enjoy life. They fill you with doubt and concern. They judge everyone and everything.

They make you believe you’re a fraction of your true magnificence.

Bringing in insight #2, you can choose how you relate to these thoughts. Do you want to magnify this content and make it your reality? Or do you want to drop the thought-created reality and see things as they truly are?

#4: You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Most thinking is negative and useless. It’s just not needed. Sure you need thoughts to follow directions or plan a trip. But it is not your birthright to be stuck in ruminating thoughts that spin around and make you feel anxious.

When you don’t pay attention to thinking, you’re open to life as it is.

  • You have a fresh perspective on everything;
  • You relate to others with your heart open instead of with fear, lack, or judgment;
  • You take things as they come without resisting them.

Why not try it?

Let go of your attachment to thinking and expand into the unknown, overflowing with potential. You’ll discover a whole new way of being…

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A Compassionate Guide to Forgiving Yourself

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection.”
~Buddha

If you’re truly interested in living the freedom that you know is possible, take a look at all the ways you keep yourself separate from it.

And for some of us, one of those ways is to live in regret of our past actions.

Here’s the scenario. Whether you intended to or not, you’ve done something that hurt someone else or yourself, and you just can’t let yourself off the hook. You can’t stop repeating the story of what you think you did wrong in your mind, convincing yourself that you’re damaged and unworthy.

It’s like you’ve created a movie of what happened, and you keep pushing play—over and over. And the images of what you did and the choices you made recycle in your mind nonstop.

If this is what’s happening for you, something needs to change for you to come to peace. If you continue to punish yourself and believe that you’re bad to the core, you’ll live in this shame forever.

So how to release yourself from the prison of feeling badly about your past actions? How to stop being hijacked by thoughts about what you should have done?

There’s no easy fix, no magic suggestion that will take away all the pain. But there’s much for you to consider and practice to begin to move toward peace.

Be Open to Peace

If you’re stuck in shame and self-blame, see if you can find at least a sliver of openness to explore the possibility of finding peace within.

Imagine seeing your life 5 or 10 years into the future. Do you still want to be feeling the shame you’re feeling now? If not, then contemplate the possibility of finding a way through it. You’ve suffered enough already.

Understand and Accept

If you keep repeating the story about what you shouldn’t have done, you’re resisting the facts of what happened. No amount of wishing will change the past. The invitation then is to accept what happened and do your best to understand why things unfolded the way they did.

Maybe you were caught in a moment of unconsciousness. Maybe you weren’t thinking clearly because you were taken over by a pattern from your childhood to protect yourself or seek attention or approval. Maybe fear or anger was in charge when you did the things you regret. Take your time to go inward and see what you discover.

No matter what happened, accept the facts with compassion and understanding. Know that we all get caught in emotions and unconscious patterns and couldn’t have done any better at the time. And now you have a tremendous opportunity for growth and freedom.

Bring Kindness Toward Yourself

The story of regret is filled with self-judgment and self-criticism. These are extremely harsh ways of treating yourself in your mind and will keep you stuck. Start to tell yourself that right now, if you don’t listen to your mind, you are okay—and it’s okay to feel that way. You’re here, breathing.

Notice the feelings that are present. Find some space from the story they tell you and create a field of tenderness that welcomes all that arises. Breathe with the sensations in your body as they come and go.
Be an understanding friend to yourself rather than a judge and enemy.

Make Amends

Do whatever is necessary to make amends. This brings the focus from your thoughts about yourself to the other person and the relationship. Acknowledge the pain you feel, then apologize, return goods or money, listen deeply to what the other wants to share, or somehow make it up to those who were hurt as best as you can.

And if you can’t do that in person, write a letter even if you don’t send it or have a friend role play with you so you can say the words of apology. Create a ritual that lets you say, “I’m sorry,” and feel it in your bones.

Learn from Your Experience

When you look beyond the pain and regret, you’ll realize that you’ve learned some valuable life lessons. Be clear about what these are and live them. This is the essential step that sets you free because it changes the way you show up in the world.

Know what your values are and step up into acting in alignment with them. Make conscious choices from a place of wisdom, compassion, and understanding for yourself and others.

Even if you’ve messed up in a big way, you don’t have to hold onto the pain forever. Let the moments of your life be a testimony to conscious living and deep compassion for the suffering of all.

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Slowing It Down

“When we slow down, quiet the mind, and allow ourselves to feel hungry for something that we do not understand, we are dipping into the abundant well of spiritual longing.”
~Elizabeth Lesser

When I feel into how we all live day-to-day, it seems to me that we’re moving way too fast.

We’re in our heads with spinning thoughts, our actions are pressured, and we’re ahead of ourselves and missing out on being present in the moments of our lives.

Constantly on our devices, we’re living in a culture of distraction.

We tend to go through our days like robots, unaware of the reality of what’s actually happening. There’s no room for inner reflection or just being. We’ve lost connection with ourselves…and life…

And if you’re like me, you feel ungrounded, anxious, and just plain tired.

What are the effects of this way of living?

  • Lost in compulsive behavior, there’s no space to feel ourselves and our emotions;
  • We’re so distracted that we avoid intimacy with others;
  • We feel confused and uncertain;
  • With our attention in our heads, we’re disconnected from the deep inner knowing of what’s true and real.

And we think this is how life has to be.

If you’re interested in peace, if silence is calling you, if you just want to rest, then maybe it’s time to consider……slowing……down……

When you notice you’re following your mind, take a slow and conscious breath… Slow down your movements…shine the light of awareness on what’s here right now…

You’re entering the sacred space of your present moment experience.

Without the veil of stressful thinking, feel what’s alive in this moment…

  • Love what’s present in your body…the tensions and vibrations that want space to be…
  • Open to what you notice through your five senses…
  • Use fewer words and listen deeply…
  • Be aware of the silent space in-between…beyond any ideas about your personal identity.

Slowing down invites you into waking up in this very moment… You know the formless vibration of present moment awareness, while holding all of your humanness in a loving embrace.

You feel the depths of what’s here, right into the very core of your belly, and meet it all with infinite kindness and eyes wide open.

Life in this moment is so incredibly rich, no matter what is showing up. But you’ll only know that by slowing down.

Can you expand into all that’s here with curiosity, wonder, and heart?

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Keeping It Simple

“Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.”
~Mary Oliver

At its core and in its natural state, life is simple—now in this moment, and always.

There is a just what’s here and happening…with no commentary, judgment, or resistance that complicates matters.

It’s like stripping the moment down to the barest experience of what is: just seeing, reading, breathing, sitting, hearing, talking, moving, life emerging…

But don’t take my word for it. See if this is true in your own experience. Take a look right now and delete the mind’s interpretations. What is actually here in your direct experience?

Continue with this contemplation, and you’ll start to notice how simple life is.

If something needs to be taken care of, it will become obvious. If you’re hungry, you’ll get something to eat. If the car is running out of gas, you’ll stop at a gas station. If someone asks you for help, you’ll say yes or no.

Can you imagine carrying out these activities without paying attention to the spinning commentary of the mind?

There is a natural, utterly simple unfolding of things that is completely apparent—when you can see it clearly without the mind’s complications.

But for many of us in our normal everyday lives, we’re distracted by mental and emotional noise…and we overlook the simplicity of the moment.

  • We go into our heads trying to solve endless problems;
  • We feed anxious stories about things not going our way;
  • We live in fear that we won’t get the attention and approval we crave;
  • We’re fearful of not being perfect and just being human.

The mind entices you into believing that the present moment is lacking. We believe that whatever is happening now isn’t good enough—and we’re not good enough.

And this leads to “if only” thinking. “If only I had more confidence, if only everything was just right and I felt comfortable.”

Then you scramble to find solutions to this perceived lack. And things quickly get complicated.

See how your thinking spins out of control? You move away from reality (so simple in its clarity) and into the made-up stories in the mind.

But here’s what’s always possible—to rediscover the simplicity of the moment.

Ignore the commentary that takes you away (blah, blah, blah…) and return to the bare experience of what’s actually here. This is where you find freshness and insight, “Oh, it’s just a thought! Oh, there’s nothing here that needs to be fixed.”

Peace and ease are always available—in this and every moment. But you won’t know that if you’re lost in the complexity of your thoughts.

Disregard the content of your thinking—just turn away from it—and you’ll discover the peace you’re looking for. If there is action to be taken, you can trust that you’ll know just what to do.

Keep it simple, and you might have the brilliant insight that nothing is missing and things right now are perfectly okay as they are.

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How to Discover Great Value in Hard Things

“Your life, all of your life, is your path to awakening. By resisting or not dealing with its challenges, you stay asleep to Reality. Pay attention to what life is trying to reveal to you. Say yes to its fierce, ruthless, and loving grace.”
~Adyashanti

Freedom. Isn’t that something we all want more of? Who doesn’t long to feel relaxed, peaceful, unstuck, and open to everything.

How can we find this ease and flow? It helps immensely to discover that there is great value in hard things.

Have you noticed that we tend to avoid our most challenging feelings and reactions? We drink, smoke, snack, get busy, call someone, procrastinate, ruminate, or worry. We get caught in addictions, relationship drama, and stress of all kinds.

The purpose of these strategies is to keep us from feeling pain. And in the avoidance of pain, we stay stuck in a limited view of ourselves and life, denying the peace and contentment that are rightfully ours.

Take a look at any problem that persists in your life, and I can guarantee that there are unexplored feelings driving it.

If you truly want to live in freedom, openness, and full aliveness, then learn how to be with challenging experiences. When they’re met with love and care, they lose their power, they relax, and the expansiveness of your true nature is revealed. Consider these pointers, and watch your life transform.

Be willing. Find openness within yourself to be with whatever experiences arise in you. Vow to stay open to them, even if it’s hard.

Know your strategies. Reflect on your particular avoidance strategies. Become an expert in what triggers them and how they play out in you so you can know when you’re turning away from hard experiences.

Peel the onion. Start with any emotional reaction, and create a spacious field of compassion in your mind and heart to let the feelings be present as they are. Let go of your thoughts about the feelings, and bring your attention to the actual direct experience of them. Give them the open, loving space they need. Then keep going whenever feelings arise.

Be aware of the sensations in your body. Make space for movement, blockages, energy, and whatever wants to come.

Can you feel the freedom in this approach? Eventually, you might notice something miraculous. What you thought was hard and even scary is just more experience arising and passing on. It’s energy, bodily movement, the release of breath, maybe tears, but not something that you need to avoid.

Turning inward to welcome what is puts you in harmony with things as they are, and you are bound to notice a number of happy side effects.

Effortlessness. Being afraid of our feelings and using strategies to avoid them is draining. We are constantly on the lookout for any shred of discomfort, then scurry to deflect from it. These inner dynamics sap energy, and simply being restores it.

Truth. Strategies to avoid our feelings contain within them a subtle lie. We are lying to ourselves about the full reality of what is happening in the moment, and at some level we know it. Telling the truth about what’s actually here might be difficult, but what we gain is a deep sense of integrity.

Transformation. When we offer our loving attention to the most buried fragments of ourselves, we can’t help but change. When we are no longer driven by unconscious forces, we feel relaxed, whole, loving, and clear.

Empathy. When we welcome our feelings with love and acceptance, we connect with the universality of life beyond our personal selves. Fear is not just “my fear,” but we realize that everyone feels it. Same with sadness, loss, shame, or inadequacy. We naturally feel tender toward others who are suffering.

We don’t need to go searching for difficult experiences. As Adyashanti says in the quote above, life offers them to us for our awakening. Invite yourself to discover great value in hard things. You’ll be grounded, present, and available to all.

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