Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Archives for July 2022

Too Much Thinking? Four Insights to Guide You to Freedom

“Don’t wait for your mind to be quiet.”
~Mooji
“All the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.”
~Eckhart Tolle

“If only my mind would give me a break.” “How do I get these thoughts to stop?”

These are frustrations I hear a lot from people trying to find peace from their thoughts.

Well, I’ll let you in on a profound secret: you can’t make your thoughts stop.

And the more you try, the more you’re actually focusing on the process of thinking and creating an inner war—you against your thoughts.

Remember: what you resist persists. Wanting your thoughts to stop is resisting them. You’re in a state of non-acceptance. Here they are, churning in your mind, and you’re wanting the moment to be different than it is.

Trying to get rid of thoughts actually energizes them—and it won’t bring you the peace you’re looking for.

But don’t lose hope…because freedom from the pull of thinking is absolutely possible. And it’s about shifting the relationship you have with your thoughts—not about getting rid of them.

Without realizing it, most of us are attached to the content of our thinking.

  • We’re conditioned to go to our minds for information and guidance;
  • We give our attention to every doubt and worry;
  • We believe the thoughts that tell us we’re inadequate and unlovable.

No wonder we feel stressed!

There’s a completely different way to relate to our thinking other than believing it, which is to lose interest in what thoughts are telling us. That way you’re not fighting with thoughts or wanting them to go away.

They can be present, but you’re just not paying attention to what they’re saying.

Practice loosening your attachment to thoughts. Because once you’re less connected with the content of your mind, you’re more available to listen, engage, be curious, feel, expand, and fully live your lovely life.

Here are four insights about thoughts that might help…

#1: You are not your thoughts.

You existed long before you started thinking. There’s an innocent, original part of you that is naturally alive and aware, that has nothing to do with your thoughts.

Here’s an experiment for you to try: pretend that you’re not defined by your thoughts, and see if you’re still here. Get to know this “you” who is alive prior to your thoughts.

Your thoughts may tell you that you’re unworthy and limited, and they may tell you that you’ll be lost if you don’t worry incessantly. But without buying into these beliefs, you’re still here—and you’re way more at peace.

#2: You can choose how you relate to your thoughts.

Since your thoughts are not who you are, you can choose how much attention you give them. You can live in the stories they tell you, or you can see them as mental chatter, a droning sound in the background, that has no meaning whatsoever.

#3: You don’t have to believe the content of your thoughts.

Take a look at the content of your thoughts. If thinking is a problem for you, you will find that your thoughts are quite negative. They tell you to constantly be on guard so you can’t enjoy life. They fill you with doubt and concern. They judge everyone and everything.

They make you believe you’re a fraction of your true magnificence.

Bringing in insight #2, you can choose how you relate to these thoughts. Do you want to magnify this content and make it your reality? Or do you want to drop the thought-created reality and see things as they truly are?

#4: You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Most thinking is negative and useless. It’s just not needed. Sure you need thoughts to follow directions or plan a trip. But it is not your birthright to be stuck in ruminating thoughts that spin around and make you feel anxious.

When you don’t pay attention to thinking, you’re open to life as it is.

  • You have a fresh perspective on everything;
  • You relate to others with your heart open instead of with fear, lack, or judgment;
  • You take things as they come without resisting them.

Why not try it?

Let go of your attachment to thinking and expand into the unknown, overflowing with potential. You’ll discover a whole new way of being…

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A Compassionate Guide to Forgiving Yourself

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection.”
~Buddha

If you’re truly interested in living the freedom that you know is possible, take a look at all the ways you keep yourself separate from it.

And for some of us, one of those ways is to live in regret of our past actions.

Here’s the scenario. Whether you intended to or not, you’ve done something that hurt someone else or yourself, and you just can’t let yourself off the hook. You can’t stop repeating the story of what you think you did wrong in your mind, convincing yourself that you’re damaged and unworthy.

It’s like you’ve created a movie of what happened, and you keep pushing play—over and over. And the images of what you did and the choices you made recycle in your mind nonstop.

If this is what’s happening for you, something needs to change for you to come to peace. If you continue to punish yourself and believe that you’re bad to the core, you’ll live in this shame forever.

So how to release yourself from the prison of feeling badly about your past actions? How to stop being hijacked by thoughts about what you should have done?

There’s no easy fix, no magic suggestion that will take away all the pain. But there’s much for you to consider and practice to begin to move toward peace.

Be Open to Peace

If you’re stuck in shame and self-blame, see if you can find at least a sliver of openness to explore the possibility of finding peace within.

Imagine seeing your life 5 or 10 years into the future. Do you still want to be feeling the shame you’re feeling now? If not, then contemplate the possibility of finding a way through it. You’ve suffered enough already.

Understand and Accept

If you keep repeating the story about what you shouldn’t have done, you’re resisting the facts of what happened. No amount of wishing will change the past. The invitation then is to accept what happened and do your best to understand why things unfolded the way they did.

Maybe you were caught in a moment of unconsciousness. Maybe you weren’t thinking clearly because you were taken over by a pattern from your childhood to protect yourself or seek attention or approval. Maybe fear or anger was in charge when you did the things you regret. Take your time to go inward and see what you discover.

No matter what happened, accept the facts with compassion and understanding. Know that we all get caught in emotions and unconscious patterns and couldn’t have done any better at the time. And now you have a tremendous opportunity for growth and freedom.

Bring Kindness Toward Yourself

The story of regret is filled with self-judgment and self-criticism. These are extremely harsh ways of treating yourself in your mind and will keep you stuck. Start to tell yourself that right now, if you don’t listen to your mind, you are okay—and it’s okay to feel that way. You’re here, breathing.

Notice the feelings that are present. Find some space from the story they tell you and create a field of tenderness that welcomes all that arises. Breathe with the sensations in your body as they come and go.
Be an understanding friend to yourself rather than a judge and enemy.

Make Amends

Do whatever is necessary to make amends. This brings the focus from your thoughts about yourself to the other person and the relationship. Acknowledge the pain you feel, then apologize, return goods or money, listen deeply to what the other wants to share, or somehow make it up to those who were hurt as best as you can.

And if you can’t do that in person, write a letter even if you don’t send it or have a friend role play with you so you can say the words of apology. Create a ritual that lets you say, “I’m sorry,” and feel it in your bones.

Learn from Your Experience

When you look beyond the pain and regret, you’ll realize that you’ve learned some valuable life lessons. Be clear about what these are and live them. This is the essential step that sets you free because it changes the way you show up in the world.

Know what your values are and step up into acting in alignment with them. Make conscious choices from a place of wisdom, compassion, and understanding for yourself and others.

Even if you’ve messed up in a big way, you don’t have to hold onto the pain forever. Let the moments of your life be a testimony to conscious living and deep compassion for the suffering of all.

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