Archives for June 2019

The Story Is Extra

story is extra “The greater part of human pain is unnecessary.It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.”~Eckhart Tolle

Several years ago, I ran into a friend who had just finished a month-long silent meditation retreat.

I asked her how it was, and as she pointed to an imaginary banner across her forehead, she said, “If there’s one thing I learned, it’s ‘the story is extra.’”

Have you ever been caught in a story? Here’s what it looks like:

Worrying about what might or might not happen;
Thinking about what other people should or shouldn’t do;
Believing our own internal voices that criticize, doubt, shame, and judge;
Gossiping to friends about other people’s stories.

Did you ever consider that these stories are extra?

We get so used to defining ourselves by these familiar narratives. And, maybe you’ve noticed that being lost in stories keeps us tied up in our minds and not available to relax into the present moment.

When we’re attached to stories, things feel complicated.

What if we didn’t refer to stories to define our reality…

Who would you be if you didn’t worry constantly? What would you do if you didn’t listen to the contents of your mind?

If you look closely enough, you will notice an effortless unfolding of life that is happening. Your body walks into the kitchen to make a snack. You get into the car, turn on one of your favorite podcasts, then drive to wherever you’re going. You get dressed, breathe, move, chew, sit down, stand up, blink…

Whether or not you’re consciously aware of it, life is happening—without any stories whatsoever. It doesn’t need anything extra to unfold.

Can you look outside your mind to tap into this effortless flow?

I had a conversation with someone recently who was filled with doubt. She was trying to make a decision about whether or not to accept an invitation, and she went back and forth in her thoughts, terrified that she would make the wrong decision and miss out on something seemingly important.

It was clear to me from the get-go what she really wanted to do, but she took the long, circuitous route through the stories in her mind to get there.

There is a simplicity to life if we let ourselves see it…it’s beautiful…and perfect. We become aware of it when we don’t listen to the mental noise in our minds.

We stop thinking we know the answers and instead take a breath and open to the truth of the moment. We stop grasping for control. We start taking our preferences—and even our fears—lightly. Because when we attach to them, we suffer.

We trust that the only way to peace is to put the personal stories aside and surrender fully to this flow…as it is…

If the story is extra, then where does that leave you? What do you notice?

You’re here, present and alive, available to what’s happening now—the actual felt experience of this now moment. You’re open, receptive, quiet…and peaceful.

Can you feel it?

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Abandon Hope and Wishful Thinking

hope “The spirit is so near that you can’t see it! But reach for it… Don’t be a jar, full of water, whose rim is always dry. Don’t be the rider who gallops all night and never sees the horse that is beneath him.”
~Rumi

I’ll let you in on a little secret. If you’re waiting to be happy or looking forward to the time when you’ll finally feel better about yourself and your life, then you’ll be waiting for a veeery long time.

You’re caught in a cycle of hope—hoping that things will be better than they are now, hoping you’ll get over the things that bother you, and desperately wishing that disturbing thoughts and feelings will magically disappear.

And while you’re waiting and hoping for a better future, what is your present moment experience?

You feel like you’re missing something;
Your mind is full of thoughts telling you you’re dissatisfied and frustrated.
You’re immersed in that inner friction of not being at ease with the moment you’re actually in right now.

If you feel like something is wrong with this moment, it makes sense that you would hope for a better moment—at some point in the future. After all, you reason, the future must be better than what’s happening now.

Here’s the problem with this line of thinking.

~~There is no future. When you drill down to understand what the future actually is, you see that it is a concept in your mind, an imagined picture of what you hope will happen, and a comparison that makes the present come up short.

~~If this moment feels somehow wrong, then you’re not opening fully to all that’s available to experience right now. You’re caught in the tunnel of your conditioned patterns. It’s like living in a cloud and forgetting that the sky exists. Or seeing only the words on a screen while losing sight of the screen itself.

Here is an essential truth, and it’s a truth that will begin to set you free. Ready? There is more to your present moment experience than your mind will have you believe.

While you’re busy in your mind hoping and wishing for things to be better, you’re missing out on a deeper exploration of the reality present right now.

And what’s present right now? This question starts you on a sacred heartfelt path of discovery.

Take a breath and feel the life moving in your body;
Check in with each of your five senses so you can savor you’re actual right now experience;
Look outside the noise of the thinking mind to find the silence between thoughts, the open space of effortless being, the intimacy with all things.

Notice that all of these suggestions invite your attention to rest outside of the content of thoughts that wish and hope for something better.

These thoughts about a better future lose their power as your heart opens with infinite tenderness and welcoming to what’s here now.

If you stay attached to hope and wishful thinking, you’ve sidestepped the profound, luminous openness that’s available right now.

Forget about the future, and lean fully into all of your present moment experience. Like a miracle, you’ll find exactly the peace and well-being you’ve been looking for.

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Tools for Compulsive Thinking

tools “The more you think and talk, the more you lose the Way. Cut off all thinking and pass freely anywhere.”
~ Zen Patriarch Seng-T’san

In our last post, I invited you to reflect on four insights about thoughts and thinking, and how they apply to your own experience. How did it go?

As a refresher, the insights are:

You are not your thoughts;
You can choose how you relate to your thoughts;
You don’t have to buy into the content of your thoughts (very powerful to know!);and
You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Now it’s time to get even more practical. Today, we’re going to talk about some specific skillful means you can bring to your experience of thinking once you realize you’ve been lost in thought.

You may have noticed that thinking has a strong momentum to it. Certain thought patterns have been reinforced for decades, and they cycle around in your mind without actually helping you feel better or navigate life more intelligently.

It’s a sacred moment when you realize that these patterns have taken hold. Because now you have enough consciousness to do something other than compulsively continuing to think. It’s a celebration, a “Yes!,” a moment when the veil of thinking drops away and you have choices available to you. And here are some of these choices.

Stop and Breathe

When you become aware that you’ve been thinking, stop. Breathe. Feel the breath in your body. Immediately, your relationship with thinking shifts. You experience more space…more presence…

Shift Attention Away from Your Thoughts

Notice that your attention has been involved in the stories your thoughts are telling you. This is what thinking is—being involved with the content of thoughts—churning endlessly!

Here’s the medicine: shift your attention away from this narrative. Lose interest in what the thoughts are telling you because they’re not helping you be happy and peaceful.

Instead, take a few conscious breaths, look around you and use your senses to reconnect with your surroundings, feel your body, and notice that you’re present and alive.

Now you’re out of the mental chatter. Even though it may still be going on in the background, you’re back here to the actual, living reality of the moment.

Feel the Sensations in Your Body

Underneath sticky thought patterns are often feelings that haven’t been explored. Stuck in thought, it feels like you’re one big head completely disconnected from your body.

Instead of continuing to think, move your attention into your body to feel the sensations that are present in the moment.

Welcome any tension, contractions, or subtle energies. Create a warm and open space for any sensations you notice. Spend a few moments or more letting them be without moving away from them.

Unexplored bodily sensations are the fuel for compulsive thinking because they’re interpreted as signs of threat and fear. If you ignore them, the anxious stories will keep running.

As you breathe with physical sensations, you’re uninterested in the content of your thoughts—and you’ll begin to enjoy the peace that’s here now.

Expand into Presence

Being aware is the steady, stable, ever-present silence from which thoughts arise.

You can be aware of things such as thoughts, physical sensations, objects in a room, or other people. And you can rest in the totality of being aware, free of objects.

When you expand into the being aware experience, you’ll get a taste of the space that is sometimes called thoughtless awareness. Rest your attention here, in this stillness, and you’ll notice great peace and relaxation.

Be Open to Fresh Options

You don’t need to rely on thinking to live. And if this insight is new to you, you may wonder how you’ll know what to do. Here are some possibilities:

Trust the truth of the moment and not your thoughts.
Be open to what the moment is calling for.
Instead of being motivated by fear and anxiety, ask, “What would love do?” or “How does life want to move me right now?”
Rather than trying to figure things out, listen and be receptive to what you hear.

Vigilance and Dedication

Thought patterns are highly conditioned, and will return, so expect to get hooked by thinking. Take each moment as an opportunity to untangle your attention and re-establish yourself in the present moment.

Be vigilant and dedicated—because it’s your happiness that’s at stake!

~~~~~~~~~

There’s a flow to thinking, then losing interest in the contents of the mind and releasing into the aliveness here now.
Isn’t it amazing that this release is possible?

Keep it simple and stress-free. Let compulsive thinking come and go without latching onto it—and let the experience of being aware be infinitely vast and open like the sky.

Layers of conditioning melt away, and here you are…in your original innocence…and wildly free…