Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Archives for July 2018

What You Need to Know About Emotions—Part 1

“Open your heart to who you are, right now,
Not who you would like to be.
Not the saint you’re striving to become.
But the being right here before you, inside you, around you.
All of you is holy.”
~John Welwood

Whether you are well established in knowing the peace of your true nature—or you’re new to the spiritual path—if you’re human, then you experience emotions.

We grieve and feel sad, we’re fearful at times, or we feel the burn of anger and maybe even explode. So far today, I noticed a jittery feeling in my chest when I woke up, and I felt the immediate rush of frustration in response to an email I received.

Emotions Are Normal

Our human bodies are designed to react to the outside world. Here’s how it works.

Our brains process information that comes in through our senses and sends signals out to the rest of the nervous system to prepare us for fight or flight.

If what we perceive is familiar and comfortable, we relax. But if there’s danger, the nervous system goes on high alert, ready to react.

Things get complicated when our thinking minds try to make sense of what’s happening. This leads to rumination, worry, confusion, and irritation.

And for those of us who’ve had traumatic experiences when we were young, our nervous systems are highly sensitive and subject to strong reactions such as terror, rage, hate, and chronic anxiety and hopelessness.

Returning to Being Aware

If you’ve made it a practice to study your emotions with curiosity and meet them with deep acceptance, the emotions won’t grab hold of your reality—and the natural state of peaceful awareness illuminates quickly.

Emotions still occur, but you notice them like clouds floating across the sky—and they don’t disturb you.

This happens to me a lot with fear. Fear is a highly conditioned reaction in my mind and body. I’ve studied it and felt it thousands of times, so usually when I notice it, I take a few breaths with the sensations in my body, then move on. The fear doesn’t create an inkling of a problem, and there’s peace.

Turning Toward

Emotions are asking for our tender loving care. Left unexamined, they leave us in pain and are the culprit behind behavioral choices that get us in trouble.

We’re frustrated because we want them to go away, but we just don’t know how to make that happen. They detract from our quality of life and block us from knowing the peace and happiness that are available in any moment.

So let’s take emotions out of the shadows and bring them to the light of consciousness—even the hard ones. Because only then will you be able to learn what to do with them so they don’t overtake you.

A Slow and Conscious Breath

We’ll be talking about emotions in the next couple of Fridays, as there is a lot to say. What I’d like to leave you with today is the simple practice of taking a conscious breath.

Whenever you feel tense or grabbed by an emotion or any conditioned pattern, stop and take a slow, conscious breath. Put your attention on the breath and take a slow inhale and exhale. You might put one hand on your heart and one on your belly as you breathe. Enjoy a few breaths as it feels right for you.

Conscious breathing is a reset for your experience and right away brings your attention back to the here-and-now. What’s happening? You’re just here breathing, and all is okay.

It’s a very helpful tool for when you’re caught by an emotion. By taking a conscious breath, you’ve stopped the momentum of the emotion and you’re in a position to let love and wisdom show you the way forward.

For more—and a guided audio meditation to support you, you can check out this article.

Wishing you expansion beyond your problems to the peace and ease of this now moment…

What About You?

Do emotions overtake you? How do you relate to them? I’d love to hear…

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I have a few openings for one-on-one sessions. If you’re interested, please click here for the information or reply to this email. I would love to work with you—and you can be anywhere in the world! Our conditioned patterns can be very embedded and tricky. Conversations tailored just for you and the ways you get stuck are so useful! Private sessions have been—and still are—an essential part of my path.

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Healing at the Source of Shame

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.”
~Paul Tournier

The more I speak to people on the spiritual path, the more I become aware of the hidden shame that many of us carry.

We’re ashamed of our bodies, our thoughts, and the feeling that we’re odd, defective, or abnormal.

Shame is a form of secret suffering that we keep in the shadows of our being. It’s like a bruise that keeps getting re-opened over and over. Simply said, shame hurts.
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Shame is a source of unhappiness that thrives on inattention. Ignore the shameful feelings, and they’ll poke at you forever.

But turn toward them with your loving and curious attention, and the pain of shame begins to soften.

Befriending Shame

You get to know the story of shame and the way it takes up residence in your body. And your heart begins to open with compassion to the sense of the one who feels so hurt.

And what opens to this hurting part of yourself? It is you being aware of shame, watching it like a movie on the screen.

This is so important to know: the you who is aware of shame is simply noticing, untouched by the shame itself.

This is how you find freedom from the shame. You discover the gap between the experience of shame and you as the observer of it. In the moments when you rest as this observing presence, the wave of shame subsides.

Now you’re relating to shame in a completely new way. Instead of being lost in it, you study it to see what it is—and realize that it doesn’t have to define you.

You become tender toward the shame, feeling its pain, while also knowing that something in you is strong, whole, and perfectly okay.

Can you find that sense of being okay? Maybe it will help to take an expansive, conscious breath. Even if that being okay is a tiny seed, it’s in there, I promise you.

Softening Into Our Humanity

The more we befriend our own perceived imperfections, the more tender we are toward others.

In our humanity, we know at some level that we’re all messy, awkward, and unsure. We all have vulnerabilities that show the richness and diversity of living the human life.

So in a sense, anything that we experience as shameful isn’t personal to us. In the silence of shame, you might convince yourself that you’re the only one who feels the way you do.

But dig one inch below the surface, and you’ll find that everyone is vulnerable in the same way. It’s the nature of the human condition.

This invites us to meet our own and others’ vulnerability with love, compassion, acceptance, and lightness—and not judgment. Judging doesn’t serve, but love and presence do.

Be the loving presence for whatever arises—whether in yourself or someone else.

Intimacy from No Longer Hiding in Shame

Then, with deep acceptance of your own experience, the fear of judgment starts to fall away.

  • You show up with others open and vulnerable.
  • You share what you’re experiencing because you no longer need to hide it.
  • You break down walls and open the door to so much intimacy and deep understanding.

It’s a sacred path.

Ignoring shame will keep you lonely and disconnected. Meet it with curiosity and a tender and open heart, and you’ll wake up to yourself: peaceful, boundless, and one with all.

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