Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Archives for February 2017

The Exhausting Story of “Me”

“How long will you think about this painful life?
How long will you think about this harmful world?
The only thing it can take from you is your body.
Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.”
~Rumi

An unexamined mind is a self-centered mind. If you’re unconsciously taking the content of your thoughts to be true, then you’re fully engaged in the story of me…me…me.

If you’re stuck in the machine of conditioning, without realizing it, you’re constantly thinking about what you need, what you want, and what you should or shouldn’t be feeling.

Your Personal Agenda

The “I” that you define yourself as is the reference point for everything, and all your thoughts are about your personal agenda.

  • Am I okay?
  • Am I getting what I need?
  • Am I doing the right thing?
  • Am I safe?
  • I want more.
  • I think he shouldn’t have said that.
  • In my opinion, she should be doing it differently.
  • It’s her fault, not mine.

Not only is this inner self-talk exhausting, it creates an agitated, unhappy mind.

If you identify with the contents of that mind and it becomes the sole focus of your attention, you will undoubtedly feel agitated and unhappy. Instead of engaging with a mind filled to the brim with personal thoughts of fear and dissatisfaction, consider the radical proposition of being empty.

Empty of the Story of “Me”

What if you were to empty out these personal thoughts? How? Take them in a big heap and put them aside because they’re not serving.

And here you are, pure and pristine. A mind infinitely open like the sky. Breath breathing itself. You might think you need a personal self with all of its preferences and opinions. But here’s the truth: you don’t.

Life goes along just fine whether or not the mind is chattering. And when you’re empty of the personal self, your experience will be so much more peaceful.

But don’t take my word for it. Find out in your own experience. Next time you’re lost in suffering, realize how much your attention is supporting the story of me…me…me. Subtract the “me” and all that goes with it, and you’re one with the seamless flow of life.

An Experiment

Try this experiment: become very familiar with the story of the separate self and how it wends its way into your mind and body. Then empty it out. Pour out the personal needs and strategies that aren’t serving. Throw away the needless opinions, demands, and expectations. Then experience yourself as fully here and available to life’s unfolding.

What About You?

I’d love to hear your reports and insights. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Love to you…

Gail

PS: This passage is Chapter 33 from my book entitled, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. For more and to purchase the book, please click here.

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A Simple Practice for Being at Peace with Feelings

“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~Carlos Castaneda

Much of the turmoil we experience in life comes from battling our feelings. We don’t want to feel what we feel, so we do everything under the sun to avoid them.

We overthink, overeat, use substances, stay busy—anything but actually stop and feel what we feel.

And when we resist what we’re feeling, we’re avoiding the truth of the moment, living in the fantasy of wishing for a better or more peaceful moment.

The Practice

I can tell you from where I sit, life is so much simpler when we come to peace with our feelings. And I see evidence of this every day in the clients I work with. All it takes is a simple, friendly shift inward toward what we’re experiencing.

In almost every session, at some point I’ll stop the conversation and invite the person I’m speaking with to place one hand on their heart and one on their belly and just be.

It’s a simple reset, a homecoming that turns down the volume on the turbulence of the mind and creates the possibility of opening into presence.

Where before there were problems, now there’s just sensation, movement, and the open space of being aware. In the moment, problems seem to literally melt away.

Ending the War with Feelings

Feelings have power only when we think we need to avoid them. But when we turn our attention toward them and feel what is present, the inner war ends and we’re being honest and authentic with things as they are.

It’s the mind that judges feelings as wrong or scary. When we let go of our interest in these diminishing thoughts and just feel the sensation, there is always an opening into peace.

I woke up last night at around 3am, and my body was filled with vibration. Rather than stressing or resisting, I spent the next hour or two loving these sensations. I had no goal and no agenda to change anything—I was the welcoming presence for whatever was there.

It’s that simple. You let the story line go, and love what’s here. Why? Because it’s here.

Why not try it? Close your eyes, and place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Just be present to whatever appears. You are the presence—loving your experience just as it is.

What About You?

What is your experience being at war—and at peace—with feelings? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail