Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Archives for October 2014

What’s Behind Your Mask of Fear?

behind_mask_fear“Fear is the cheapest room in the house.
I would like to see you living in better conditions.”
~Hafiz

Note: This is the third in the series of posts on fear. Please find the first two here and here.

Get out the pumpkins. Bring on the ghosts. It’s Halloween, and we’re going to investigate the spooky nature of fear.

Boo!

Actually, the fear that you take so seriously in your life is just like a costume you put on. When you’re dressed as a dragon, are you really a dragon? No. You take off the costume, and here you are in your natural brilliance. You know what’s true and what’s not.

Fearful Thoughts Aren’t True

It’s exactly the same with fear. Believing fearful thoughts is like believing you’re a dragon because you’re wearing a dragon costume. Just because a thought appears doesn’t mean it’s true.

Turn your attention away from these thoughts, stop making them your reality, and what do you discover? You’re here—alive and enthusiastic for your life. You realize that you’re not the scaredy-cat you thought you were. You’re here as your natural brilliance.

So many of us live in perpetual fear, and as a recovered fear addict, I can tell you there is another way.

Let the Pain of Fear Inspire You

If you need some inspiration to turn toward fear, consider this. Unexplored emotions cause disease. They transmute your cells so your immune system doesn’t function properly. And they wear out your nervous system because it stays on high alert.

Add to that the effect of anxiety and agitation on your quality of life. It’s utterly exhausting to be afraid all the time.

Fear can be sneaky. It’s the feeling behind the subtle unease you feel, the precursor to a mind spinning in doubt and worry.

If you want to find your way through fear, here’s what’s most important. You need to participate fully.

Applying Guidance to Your Own Experience

Just reading these words right now and feeling hopeful or calm for the moment is not enough. For many people, fear is the underlying driver of their waking life. It may not even lose its grip on you when you’re asleep. And by now, the expression of fear in your body and mind is highly conditioned.

If you don’t bring your heart and soul to this process, fear will continue to reign, guaranteed. It’s not going to magically disappear.

Do you need to hear that again? Fear isn’t going to magically disappear. It requires your attention, your passion for truth, your love, your earnestness, your sincere desire for peace.

Make it a priority, above all else, to investigate, inquire into, and feel the sensations of fear. Commit to being consciously aware of fear until you see there’s nothing to be afraid of. Rinse and repeat a million times because each moment you bring conscious awareness to fear is a moment of freedom.

Then go out there and let your full authentic truth guide you.

My Journey with Fear

When I first realized how much fear had invaded me, I was on fire to be free. I refused to live one more second of my life with that constant anxious agitation I knew so well. Many times each day, whenever I felt an inkling of fear, I sat down on the sofa, closed my eyes, and let my attention rest in the vast field of awareness as the sensations came and went.

Sometimes there were a few sensations. Sometimes they were everywhere and strong. Nothing really happened—I was simply being with what was present in the moment. But it was a completely different way of approaching fear—an approach based on truth.

Eventually, the experience of fear subsided. I stopped worrying about the future because those thoughts got no attention. I no longer doubted myself because I didn’t play into the doubting thoughts. The fears about whether or not I was liked or if I was accomplishing enough were seen as not meaningful.

I realized that without these fear thoughts, everything is just fine. The peace I thought I would never know is my abiding experience.

Now I take none of the content of those thoughts personally. When they arise, they’re barely a whisper in my mind. I take a breath, open to sensations in the body, and melt into infinite being with a heart overflowing with love.

Fear was never who I am, and now I know that for sure.

What About You?

I see who you really are, and I know you’re not really the scared, limited one you think you are. You are whole, complete, lacking nothing. You might believe the mask of fear you wear, but I see right through it.

This truth is here for you to see in any moment. Abandon thoughts and welcome the physical sensations of fear with relaxed openness. Then be that openness. This is where peace lies.

I am happy to hear your insights, questions, reports, and frustrations. Please click here to go to GailBrenner.com to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

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How and Why to Get Familiar with Fear

familiar_with_fear“Happiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.”
~Rupert Spira

When we look closely enough, we discover that fear is at the root of our conditioned habits.

Take people pleasing as an example. Why do we need to please others? We’re afraid of rejection, abandonment, or being alone.

And what about an addiction or compulsive behaviors? Behind them is a a fear of meeting deeply-held tender feelings.

If fear remains unexplored, habits will continue to play out in your life, over and over. Turn toward fear with love and care, and these habits will start to lose their power to control you.

Finally, you’ll have space to live outside of them…in the land of freedom, openness, and infinite possibility…

The Inner Voice of Fear

Fear may not be obvious at first, so you have to look for it. It rarely appears in your face screaming, “I’m afraid!” It has other more indirect ways of showing up.

The voice of fear is all about no. It tells you that you won’t be successful, that you’re going to be rejected—and it points out every negative outcome imaginable.

The intention of the voice of fear is to keep you safe. And it does this by making you terrified of going one millimeter outside your comfort zone. It doesn’t want you to be bold and trust life.

Here is how fear speaks:

*It tells you what you should and shouldn’t do.
*It traps you in doubt, going back and forth in your mind so you can’t make decisions.
*It keeps your mind spinning in an ongoing flood of thoughts.
*It imagines the worst about the future.
*It questions your brilliance and creativity.
*It wants you to stay stuck in familiar ways of being, even if they’re hurtful.

The fear voice is contracted and edgy and relentlessly tells stories about what is wrong and not okay.

What to do with the mind in fear? Lose interest in these thoughts. Don’t believe them. Break up with them. Don’t let them define you and your reality.

Fearful thoughts are all about limiting you and making you believe things about yourself and the world that just aren’t true. Consider that there are endless possibilities to explore regardless of what the fear voice tells you.

Take a conscious breath, wake up to your experience right now in the present moment, and turn your attention away from these thoughts.

Without them, who are you? You’re still here and alive in your full magnificence.

Lean into a vast space inside that is not inhabited by fearful thoughts. Become familiar with not being limited by them. You’re opening to the full, lovely, boundless potential of you.

The Fear Body

Fear also shows up as physical sensations in the body. You might notice contractions, tightness, an energetic sense of unease.

Getting to know the physical expression of fear is essential to being free of it. Ignore these sensations, and fear will be running in the background. Meet them with loving awareness, and the stories of fear can’t take hold.

Sit quietly, then bring your attention away from your mind and into the sensations in your body. Don’t do anything with them—simply notice them and allow them to be present.

Be unattached to what happens. Let the sensations be here as long as they want to, as they change, intensify, disappear…it doesn’t matter. You’re giving them liberating space to be.

The point is not to get rid of these sensations—don’t see them as a problem to solve. The human body is built for survival, and these sensations help you stay vigilant so you can protect yourself.

But know this: meeting them in a field of welcoming awareness derails the pattern of fear from overtaking you.
~~~~~~~~
Unawareness keeps challenging habits firmly in place. And awareness softens. Get to know the inner voice of fear and the way fear appears in your body.

Every moment you welcome fear with conscious loving care is a moment of grace. You find yourself here…open, expanded, and overflowing with possibility.

Always in love,

Gail

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Are Hidden Fears Suppressing Your Happiness?

hidden_fears“When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result.”
~Byron Katie

If you’re like most people, there is more fear driving your behavior than you could ever imagine. Fear is behind just about every pattern you play out that doesn’t serve you. It’s the reason you get stuck, the subtle agitation you feel that keeps you from experiencing the peace you long for. If you want to be happy, it’s essential to learn how to deal with it.

Unexamined fear is at the root of our personal suffering. And bringing it out into the light of conscious awareness is a huge step toward freedom from it.

You can assume that fear will never go away. So if you’re waiting to be free of fear, you’re going to be waiting for a very long time.

Instead, here’s how to handle it. Get to know fear intimately. Bring it out of the shadows of your mind, heart, and body so you can recognize it.

Then, you can make a choice. You can let yourself be hijacked by fear and respond to its limits. Or you can turn away from it and choose the truth that wants to speak through you.

It’s a matter of limits or infinite possibility. Fear or love. Constriction or true freedom.

Do the work to meet fear lovingly. You’ll discover that the ease you seek is more available than you could ever imagine.

In the next few posts over the next week or two, we’ll look at fear more directly. How does it hide out in your programmed habits? How can you meet it in openness? If fear isn’t the driver, what is?

For now, I offer you this reflection. Sit quietly, and ask yourself:

  • Am I willing to get to know fear?
  • How does fear live in me?
  • How does it drive my behavior?

Feel free to share your discoveries in the comments. And if you’re reading this by email, click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

You’re about to embark on an exploration for truth and authenticity. Who are you really? Not the fearful self you think you are.

Always in love,

Gail

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Finding the Gift in Boredom

bored_alive“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”
~Paulo Coelho

It descends like a cloud before you know it. Your mind turns to mush. You stare into space. Your focus goes out the window. Your body feels like a heavy sack. And there you are…bored out of your mind.

Boredom is one of those experiences that dulls your engagement with life. It’s a mindless state that blocks your creativity, enthusiasm, and interest. As teacher Francis Lucille says, it’s a rejection of the present moment.

Let boredom go unchecked, and who knows how long you’ll sit there in a fog. But come alive to your boredom, and everything changes in less than a nanosecond.

Waking Up to Boredom

As paradoxical as it might sound, what if you got interested in your experience of boredom? Instead of being bored, you shift your attention away from boredom to being here, aware in this present moment.

Instead of being lost, now you can study what you’re experiencing. And that’s when things get interesting.

Say you’re fascinated by Josephine Bonaparte, wife of Napolean (like I am). What do you do with that passion? You read everything about her. You become knowledgeable about the social and historical context in which she lived. You learn about the personalities of the people in her life and the roles thay played.

You put your thirst for information into practice.

Now, what if you found your own experience of boredom to be equally fascinating? You might ask questions like:

  • What is happening in my mind and thought process when I’m bored?
  • What emotions are present, maybe suppressed by the boredom? (for example, fear or anger)
  • What does my body feel like when I’m bored?
  • What happens to my energy?
  • What do I feel like doing or not doing when I’m bored?
  • How do I show up in my relationships?
  • What triggers boredom?

Now that you’ve shown interest in boredom, where did it go? When you’re fascinated by boredom, it just doesn’t trap you anymore.

Finding Your Aliveness Again

This post was inspired by my own experience being bored while I was trying to write it. I “woke up” to realize I had shut down and somehow disappeared. But instantaneously, I was back!

I took a breath and said, “Hello, boredom.” Then I reconnected with my desire to communicate what would be most helpful for you, the lovely one reading this.

When you let boredom have its way with you, you’re consumed by it. But when you step back to find some space from it, all of a sudden you’ve found your aliveness again. It’s always been here, only temporarily obscured.

No longer stuck in the cloud of boredom, you’ve accessed a new, expanded state of consciousness—you might call it clarity. Fresh options become apparent that before were hidden.

In your full aliveness, what are you moved to do? What is most vital to you in this moment? What is calling you?

Next time you’re bored, remember this: the aliveness that is you is here, so incredibly present, overflowing everywhere. You’re just a shift of attention away. Wake up to the moments of your life, and see what begins to unfold…

What About You?

What do you notice when you come alive to boredom? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

Note: I’ll be offering a half-day retreat on October 18 in Santa Barbara. Please click here for details and to register.

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