Dr. Gail Brenner

Sacred Space for Awakened Living

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Archives for February 2014

5 Surprising Ways to Express Love

surprising_ways“Socrates showed us that thinking the truth is not enough. Truth demands to be lived.”

~Americ Azevedo

Real love is the essence of everything. In truth, everything and every moment is infused with it endlessly, if we’re open to seeing it.

Love has so many beautiful faces as it’s commonly expressed in the world: kindness, generosity, compassion, celebration, sharing joy…the list goes on. When our hearts are open and undefended, we taste the true heart that sees everything as one, the same, the infinite source of all.

From this perspective, everywhere we look we see ourselves. We are love itself.

But love isn’t always soft and sentimental. Grounding ourselves in true love where nothing is separate, we are fearless and whole.

Our actions aren’t based on any ideas about how we think we should act. Rather, they emerge from clarity as fresh responses that are perfectly appropriate to the moment.

They are aren’t thought out and habitual; they are free and spontaneous. And often surprising.

Consider these five less common, but enormously powerful ways to express love. Love may be more a part of your experience than you ever thought.

Saying No

The end of suffering comes when we say a continual Yes! to life, to things as they are. And that includes your inner knowing about situations that arise in your life. Yes doesn’t mean you always do, give, and support. It means that you see the big picture as well as all the details in it. Then the most loving action happens.

Maybe you aren’t comfortable around a friend who gossips. Or you don’t like how someone treats you. Maybe you don’t want to do what someone is asking of you. Or you feel taken advantage of.

Saying yes is opening to all aspects of what happens, including your own reactions. And from this openness, a wise “no” may be the clearest and most loving response.

Pleasing others is not always loving. If it comes from a generous heart, and others are happy, then you are freely giving what you already know to be true. There is nothing for you to get.

But when fear, need, guilt, or obligation are the drivers, tell the truth about these reactions until you see them with clarity. Then, fearlessly and kindly, just say “no.”

Silence

Our minds are often filled with endless chatter that affects how we show up in our daily lives. Do you fully pay attention? Do you babble on to fill up space? Are you afraid to just be quiet?

The root of these behaviors is distraction and unawareness. They suck the life out of life and block your appreciation of the living breathing reality of now.

Stop and ask, “How do I want to be in this moment?” You may find that the simplicity of silence is the most natural and aligned choice you could make.

Fearless Action

Fear-based action cannot possibly be an expression of love. Love is infinite, overflowing with potential, all-encompassing, and fearless. This is far from the picture that fear presents.

I can tell you from my own experience that you can put fear aside and let fearlessness guide you. There came a time when I just wasn’t willing to give fear the authority it was trying to have. I didn’t care what the results were or how others would evaluate me. I just had to stop behaving according to the limits of fear.

The bound up, fearful me was finally put to rest, and what was revealed was life, so fresh and alive, love in motion!

A friend put it another way. When fear visited, she said, “I’m not available to that.” Done. End of story.

So no more complaining about what you could be doing if you weren’t afraid, OK? Take Nike’s advice: just do it.

Moving Toward Pain

It’s a survival instinct of the human form to move away from pain. But if you want to be deeply at peace, you must see how you fight your own experience.

Ignoring painful feelings keeps pesky habits locked into place. And rejecting feelings is rejecting a part of the preciousness that is you.

Open your heart to all of your experience. Every nuance of feeling, every tender contraction in the shadows of your body. Whatever comes, receive it with the deepest acceptance.

Be like the ocean that provides a home to all the life in it. Be a welcoming, loving host for everything that knocks on your door.

Listening

If you stand in the belief that, “I know,” then you will forget to listen. You think you’ve got it all figured out, while you are missing out on the clarity that comes by simply listening.

Truth speaks in a subtle whisper. It has nothing to do with fear and need and everything to do with love. It asks you to not know, to surrender control, and to receive.

In the moments of deep listening, you are empty and available, open to whatever appears. Can you open your heart and listen from the space of love?

* * * * * * *

Love is fierce, soft, tender, sharp, and everything in between. It doesn’t look any given way—it all depends on what arises in the freshness of the moment.

When conditioned beliefs have fallen away, all that remains is love. Live here. Clear your mind, and let yourself be surprised by how love moves.

What About You?

How is love expressed through you? How is it blocked? I’d love to hear…

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How to De-Stress, Unwind, and Come Home to Yourself

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“Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways. Where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.”
~Arlen Price

I haven’t experienced stress for quite a long time—until recently. All of a sudden, I found myself anxious, pressured, and ruled by my to-do list which contains way too many things to accomplish.

I know how it happened—it’s the way any habit takes hold. In a moment of unconsciousness, a thought seems to be meaningful and important. It feeds a story about things to do and not enough time to do them. It shows up as tension in the body. And a veil of stress descends as pleasure and enjoyment in the doing melt away.

Sure, I can apply some techniques to reduce stress. I can take deep breaths, exercise, and get massages, all of which I do. But these are temporary fixes. I don’t want to live under the shadow of impending stress, hoping I can find some relief.

I want to get to the source of the problem so I can be free of it. I want true, abiding peace. Why? Because it’s possible.

What I know to be absolutely true is that my essential nature is not capable of stress. There has to be a way to return to peace. And there is.

So let’s explore what we call stress because I’m far from the only one on the planet who experiences it. In the spirit of clear seeing, let’s bring out the laser to investigate:

  • What exactly is the direct experience of stress?
  • What does it take to shift from peace to stress?

An Opportunity for Exploration

It’s not wrong to feel stress, or anything for that matter. I know it’s a platitude to say that every experience is your teacher, but it’s true. Every single thing that occurs is either about fear or love.

If it comes from love, there’s nothing to do but enjoy and celebrate. But if it’s about fear, there is an opportunity for an empowering insight that can set you free. So let’s see what stress has to offer.

Stressful Mind

Events and happenings in the world aren’t inherently stressful. They just occur. What makes them stressful is the thoughts you have about them.

Stressful thoughts evaluate, compare, and make the present seem like it’s inadequate. They create a story of urgency. Things have to get done, they’re so important, and something terrible will happen if the list doesn’t get accomplished.

When stressful thoughts are in control, who’s the victim? You. Your whole reality centers around doing what they require of you in hopes that they will just stop. If only you push yourself to do the impossible, then maybe you will feel a smidgeon of peace. It’s a setup for…more stress.

And where are wisdom, intelligence, and clarity? Hidden behind the fog of thought. In order to access them, you need to look outside of your thoughts.

When you are feeling stressed:

  • Take a moment to become aware of the way you are thinking about the situation.
  • Recognize that these are distorted thoughts that don’t serve peace and happiness.
  • Find those lovely, transcendent qualities of wisdom, intelligence, and clarity, and establish yourself in them.
  • You have returned home. Now go forth from here.

Take away the urgency, and see everything with fresh eyes. Stress is replaced by wise choosing and efficient action.

Stressful Body

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that stress has a physical component. Tightness in the chest and shoulders, a stomach in knots—these are hallmarks of a body in stress. Let these go unchecked, and the body may start trying to get your attention with all sorts of physical problems.

You are unlikely to see through to the truth of what stress actually is without attention to the physical sensations. You can shift your attention away from stressful thoughts, but until you acknowledge the physical sensations, you are primed for more stress. Because unseen physical sensations are the seed for a slew of troublesome habits.

I know these sensations can be very uncomfortable. But running from them leaves the pattern of stress locked into place. So they are asking you to turn your loving attention toward them. It’s very simple.

  • Rest your attention in welcoming presence.
  • Notice whatever is appearing in your body.
  • Let the sensations be. They will do what they will do—change, intensify, decrease, disappear.
  • Be very accepting of whatever happens without any preference.

That’s it. You are so beautifully embracing your experience. You aren’t attached to what happens. You are simply being with what is, effortlessly present.

And remember this: the goal is not to make the sensations go away. This is resistance, and it won’t work anyway. You are not making anything happen; you are simply ignoring the mental noise and being with what is.

You experience the sensations without acting on them.

Freedom

Stressful thoughts and physical sensations come together to create the experience of stress. And both are a doorway to knowing your true nature as free of stress and fundamentally at peace.

Recognize the distorted stressful thoughts and live only in what is true. Welcome physical sensations with full awareness, and they are less likely to trigger stressful thinking. Be honest about what habits originate from stress. Intelligent exploration of thoughts and sensations creates the space for them to unwind.

Then question the one who experiences stress. Let the sense of you as separate from the world fall away, and see yourself as the all. The undivided universe is powered by love.

And stress is no match whatsoever for the power of love.

What About You?

Are you stuck in stress? Can you find your way back to peace? Sharing is most welcome…

Note for Santa Barbara locals: I’m hosting a meeting called Living in Truth. Please go to the Events page for information.

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