Archives for July 2011

10 Life-Changing Facts to Heal the Inner Critic

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”
~Thornton Wilder

Note: This post is part of the 10 Life-Changing Facts series. Feel free to check out the other posts on fear, habits, and attachment.

Let’s tell the truth. If you feel held back in any area of your life and have the sense that there must be something more, your inner critic is alive and well. There is nothing helpful about the way the inner critic guides you. Who finds it supportive to be incessantly doubted, devalued, and deflated?

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you learn to recognize the inner critic in all its disguises and commit to no longer letting this voice dominate you, you can return to wholeness. After all, you in all your awesome glory, are not limited, needy, scared, and small. You are vast and spacious, infinitely creative and endlessly at peace.

Study these facts about the inner critic, then apply them to your own experience – relentlessly. The thoughts may remain, but they will lose their power over you. After all, would you tolerate for one second someone else saying the things to you that you say to yourself? Don’t wait one more second to reclaim the life that is rightfully yours.

10 Life-Changing Facts

1. Self-critical thoughts mask the truth. Do you believe that you are incapable or unworthy? These beliefs hide your inherent wholeness, enthusiasm, and potential.

2. The past doesn’t predict the future. The root of self-critical thoughts is in our experiences in the past. News flash: The past is over. See yourself and the situations you are in with the innocent eyes of a child. You will realize that the conclusions you drew from the past no longer apply. Who are you now?

3. The inner critic is a habitual way of thinking. As with any habit, you need to study how it arises and plays out. What triggers it? What does it say? How does it make you feel in your body? What does it make you do or not do as a consequence? As you get to know it intimately, you see it for what it is – thoughts, feelings, physical sensations – and it begins to no longer define who you are.

4. The inner critical voice is learned. It is not naturally occurring or present at birth, which is very good news. It is a layer of conditioning that is absolutely possible to unwind. As it loosens its grip on you, the unconditioned you begins to shine through – light, joyful, alive, happy, open.

5 .Self-criticism may be at the root of unhealthy tendencies and addictions. When the inner critic goes unattended, it can lead to all sorts of trouble – making poor relationship choices, abusing substances, accepting “good enough” and giving up on your passions and interests, sustained unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Make it a priority to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Learn what subtle patterns underlie your discontent, and address them. This is the path that will set you free.

6. Believing self-critical thoughts creates separation. Do you feel alone, abnormal, not a part of this world, unworthy? Then the inner critic is in control. You are believing thoughts without checking to see if they are actually true. Investigate them, and simply say, “No thank you,” to thoughts that don’t serve your happiness and well being.

7. Love heals. The inner critic is built on the illusion that you are damaged, lacking, or insufficient. Rather than continuing to live according to these false stories, welcome the hurt feelings into your tender, open heart. Receive them with kindness, and you will know firsthand that love heals.

8. Inattention and ignoring feed the inner critic. Instead, turn to face these challenging parts of yourself. With compassion, lean into the hardest places. Learn about them with open-hearted curiosity. They can’t help but surrender in the face of love and acceptance. Then they begin to lose their power over you.

9. The inner critic might be protecting you. These nagging and demeaning thoughts might be keeping you from realizing your inherent greatness. As the strength of these thoughts melts away, you may find that changes are inevitable – in the realms of work, relationships, how you spend your time. Even though you may be afraid, be exhilarated by realigning your life circumstances with the truth of who you really are, rather than with the fiction of the inner critic.

10. Funny as it sounds, the goal is not to do away with the inner critic. Don’t resist it in any way. Make the radical choice to turn to meet it fully with love and understanding, like you would a hurt and lonely child. See it clearly with a laser focus. Even if the thoughts don’t disappear, you will have the objectivity to effortlessly let go of what doesn’t serve and cultivate what does.

The inner critic just might be a blessing in disguise. Don’t avoid it any longer or let it define your reality. Know it, embrace it, love it, let it melt into the whole of you. Then go forth and enjoy!

Does your inner critic control you? Have you discovered freedom from it? I’d love to hear…

Finding Your Way Back to Your Self

“Love says ‘I am everything.’ Wisdom says ‘I am nothing.’ Between the two, my life flows.”
~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

The most transformative thing you could ever do is remember who you are. I don’t mean the “you” who you think you are or the one defined by the roles you play or the masks you wear. Not the one who is driven by fear, insecurity, or need. But the real you – pure, shining, precious, whole, undamaged, undefended.

Do you have the courage to find your way back to your Self?

Recognizing Your Self

You will know when you get there, even if for an instant, and here are the signs. You let go of conflict and confusion. You are lovingly present with things just as they are. You are enthused by creativity, wonder, life itself.

Your personal needs and wants fade in importance, and you find yourself being effortlessly generous and available. With a full and open heart, you let the conditioned patterns and tendencies that have defined you wind down. They are old news, anyway, and don’t serve a purpose anymore.

There is space to express yourself in any way you are called to do so. You listen to life, to love, “How am I moved? How am I to be used?” And you respond with ease. You use your skills, capabilities, and gifts in the service of the truth as it appears in you.

You are empty of beliefs, troubles, and the need to control, yet you are amazingly full and overflowing.

You may not be living in this remembrance of Self, but it resonates because it is true. And here is your task:

Bask in the glow of knowing your Self in those moments when the light shines through
Untangle the patterns that veil the truth of your Self.

It’s so simple. If this is all you ever do, you will have lived a blessed life.

How We Forget

We all develop false identities so that we can survive in the world. We learn to seek approval or create a certain image that we show to the world or take a stand as independent or defiant. We strive for money, power, control, or love.

And it is so understandable why we do this. Early on in life, we get the message that who we truly are is unacceptable. We shouldn’t feel the way we feel, we should think and act in ways that will please those around us. We learn to suppress ourselves, to ignore and avoid our natural longings so we can feel safe and loved.

And what is the result? Confusion, alienation, separation, and massive discontent. This is how we lose our way.

Some examples: a young girl needing to hide her feelings and wear the mask of being good and sweet so she doesn’t add to her parents’ stress; another being told a dark family secret and needing to pretend that everything was fine; a young boy growing up in the chaos of ongoing verbal abuse with no space to express his feelings; any child with an alcoholic parent who can’t be there to listen, support, and guide.

These situations leave us trying so hard when all we want is to be happy, to rest, to let go of all the effort of trying to be or to get. We want to know who we really are before all the veils, patterns, and strategies have been applied.

The Way Home

The trail of breadcrumbs back to our Selves is always available – we just need to learn how to recognize it. Moments of joy and contentment, the flash of a creative idea, an inner knowing that cannot be denied, a fleeting sense of being connected to all of life, a realization of love so huge that it seems impossible to contain.

When you notice these experiences, stop and let yourself revel in the celebration. You are home!

And then there are the breadcrumbs of another sort. These call us to be honest, investigate, study how our conditioning works, be vigilant so we can choose wisely. Some examples: being caught in the whirlwind of a habit; recognizing the ways you avoid and defend; becoming aware of a consistent pattern in choices you make that don’t serve you; general unhappiness.

If you use these experiences well, you see them clearly with open eyes. You are willing to change and let go. You see them as a reflection of the ways you are veiled, and you stay true to your intention to remember your Self.

In truth, you are never stuck. Being stuck is a frame of mind, unwillingness, a strategy of self-protection. What seems stuck is always ready to soften, and all it takes is your kindness, your clear intention, your willingness to put down all the weapons of defense and rest in things as they are.

Blessed Remembrance

When you touch into who you really are, there is a recognition. Oh, I remember. That’s who I am. We meet ourselves like a long-lost friend.

Just for a second, drop everything, like a hot potato. You can always pick it up again. Let yourself be in no-mind, no-story, no-attachments, no-needs, no-beliefs. Be clear and unidentified. You just might find what you’ve been searching for your whole life.

Do you remember? Do you forget? I’d love to here…

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What It Takes to Bring Light to Darkness

“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence. “
~Henry David Thoreau

We all have them, so let’s be honest, can we? You know they are there – those places inside yourself that you let hide out in the darkness. They may be memories, feelings, fears, secrets. You try to pretend they don’t exist, yet, in your desperate moments, you admit they are the reason you are not happy.

And oh, what we do to avoid these experiences. We engage in addictions, compulsions, and habits of all kinds. We strategize and rationalize, resist and defend. Anything to keep us from taking off the blinders and meeting ourselves fully and directly.

We live like we are split in two trying to carry on, as the truth is nipping at our heels. And, meanwhile, we deny ourselves the freedom and peace that we long for.

The Fire for Truth

I know whereof I speak, as this is how I lived for years until I got serious about being happy. And once I did, I was on fire. I sought out teachers who could show me the way. I was willing to put my whole life up for grabs for freedom. I became open and receptive.

If you want to know what you are committed to, just take a look at your life, for it speaks volumes. Before my journey began, I lived in a tangled web of confusion, and it showed. Now there is alignment, intention, clarity, and peace.

It is amazing that in any moment, we have the power to make a choice. If you want happiness, you can stop choosing unhappiness. If you want love, you can realize that it is already the essence of who you are. Be inspired, and blast through the limits of what you think is possible.

What Do You Choose?

“How to do this?” you might be asking. Here’s how. Orient your life in the direction of your deepest desire. Honor each sacred moment by intentionally making a choice. Find these qualities in yourself, and make the space for them to flourish.

Be ferocious

Let yourself be on fire for the truth and keep it burning. Be willing to jump into uncharted waters that may be way outside your comfort zone.

Focus

Be single-minded in your desire to know what you need to know to be free. Clear away distractions in your life, which takes honesty and commitment on your part.

Cultivate discipline and diligence

Stay on your path, even when it gets challenging. Know that every moment counts toward freedom.

Embody willingness

Make the commit to do whatever it takes to realize enduring happiness. Let every cell of your being be open to learning and discovering.

Take responsibility

No more blaming, accusing, wallowing, defending, running away, or making yourself into a victim. These are a recipe to keep you exactly where you are. Be willing to investigate your own thinking patterns and emotions and keep your attention there.

Get humble

Give up the need to be in control. Abandon your cherished belief systems about how things are supposed to be. Let go of what isn’t working for you. Find teachers and teachings that support your journey and apply what you learn to your own experience. If you are still suffering, realize that you don’t know everything you need to know.

Set your priorities

Remember that you are always making a choice. Determine your highest priority and align yourself with it in your thoughts and actions.

Discover innocence

Cultivate beginner’s mind. Forget everything you know and approach each moment as fresh and new. Because it is.

Stay enthusiastic

The power of old habits can be very strong. Find ways to keep your intentions and priorities alive in your daily life.

Open to compassion

Be ruthless and compassionate. Meet each moment, even the hard ones, with a full and loving heart.

Trust

Listen to the quiet voice inside you and follow it. Let yourself be moved by your natural intelligence rather than by the mind and thoughts.

Be resilient

It’s a guarantee that you will forget. Your emotions will get the better of you, and you will feel like you are at square one. Go inside to find your inner strength to keep going. Reconnect with what you really want.

Change your life circumstances

It might take time – years, even – but move toward aligning yourself with people and situations that are a reflection of your deepest truth.

Find support

It’s everywhere in books, blogs, online videos, retreats. Keep looking until you find what you need, and when you do, stop. Don’t get caught in endless searching. Take in the teachings and let them flower in you.

I offer you a prayer, from my heart to yours. May your mind be like a still mountain lake without a ripple. May your heart be vast and wide to hold everything unconditionally. May your happiness overflow everywhere.

What is your experience with bringing light to darkness? Anything you want to add or report? I’d love to hear…