Archives for July 2010

How to Stop Stumbling Blindly Through Life

leaping_man “Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

Have you ever had an epiphany – a moment that changes everything? The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear.

This recently happened to my friend, Angela, in an unlikely circumstance. Much to her surprise, the outcome of grieving the loss of her beloved dog has sparked a tremendous natural uprising of kindness that is permeating every area of her life. It’s the type of kindness that comes from pure empathy, the recognition of the one heart that dissolves all separation. She virtually glowed as she shared with me her dedication to allowing this newfound realization of kindness to transform her whole way of being.

The Power of Commitment

I love those moments when we have an epiphany that changes everything. The clouds part, and our path becomes crystal clear. When we are inspired to make the commitment to live our lives according to what we truly want, to what seems undeniably obvious, we find ourselves facing the unknown with the exit door closed and locked behind us. For Angela, it was the commitment to kindness. For me, it was an unceasing quest to understand the truth about reality.

A commitment of this level stokes the inner fire like nothing else. We stop pretending that our true desire doesn’t matter, and we devote ourselves entirely to it. Inevitably, old ways of being will fall away, and we will be tested. Like the shoot of a flower emerging out of the earth, we step into the unknown full of possibility.

The commitment can be to anything – kindness, truth, health and well being, forgiveness, freedom from the inner critic, mindful communication. At this moment in your evolution, what do you commit to?

This path of deep commitment is exceedingly supportive, showering us with gifts, if we use it well. It commands us:

To be conscious in the moments of our lives,
To choose skillfully,
To investigate how we turn away, and
To resolve to stay true.

We shift from going through the motions like an automaton to intelligence, wisdom, and alignment. Try it out and see what wonders are set in motion in your precious life.

The Fire to Live Consciously

Life is a constant stream moving through us, layered with life circumstances and inner reactions. When we live an uncommitted life, we fall victim to these experiences as long as they remain unexamined. We feel confused and anchorless.

Committing to a path, value, or intention is like an alarm clock going off in the middle of the night. We are shaken awake and asked to become conscious. Rather than stumbling through life, we realize that we can be present for it and truly live. We let go of filters that color our perceptions, and see clearly what is actually arising in the moment. Oh, this feeling, this interaction. So much intimacy with everything is revealed.

We stop living on the surface and come to appreciate that unconsciousness has kept us from experiencing feelings, sensations, tenderness, and compassion. What we experience may not always be comfortable, but we awaken to our lives. Only then do we contact the possibility of realizing our heart’s desire.

The Fire to Choose

The outgrowth of becoming conscious is the capacity to choose. We begin to notice when we blindly go astray, and in that noticing realize the possibility of making choices. It dawns on us that we can actually make a decision infused with our deepest intention.

This is how habits change. At first, we don’t realize that we are actually making a choice about what we think, feel, or do. Behavior seems to occur; thinking patterns appear and proliferate. Once consciousness ignites, we recognize that our actions have been fueled by unseen fear and lack. We contemplate the possibility of considering what we actually want and allowing the choice to flow from this generous, healthy, bountiful place.

This is a revelation! We can actually unwind our conditioned patterns enough so that we are no longer victimized by them. It’s just like waking up to ourselves. We can experience the moments of our lives stable in the understanding that we are aware and alive. We can be free of unconscious motivations and pulls. We can be guided from the most intelligent place inside of us.

The Fire to Investigate

Making a commitment with both feet in opens the doorway to any feelings we may have been avoiding. We live unconsciously in the hopes of hiding from painful emotions. In the commitment to stay true to something , the automatic habits come to an end, and the energy that has been driving them has space to surface.

This is where the rubber meets the road. If we are to live the intention or value that is most important to us, we need to be fully aware of all the programming that diverts us. This might mean befriending fear, welcoming inadequacy, or leaning into long-standing sorrow, then learning how these feelings generate behavioral patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy. The more we know how these dynamics work, the greater the chance of being able to make a different choice when they arise.

The process of making a commitment to a true intention reveals its opposite. In Angela’s longing to deepen in kindness, she began to realize all the subtle ways she had been harsh. My quest for truth unveiled false identities and roles that held me back. Compassion spills over as we recognize the misguided ways we try to protect and care for ourselves. And this clarity shows us that only love and how it guides us makes any sense.

The Fire to Stay True

No doubt, we are tested when we make the choice to stand in our own truth. According to legend, in the days following the Buddha’s enlightenment, the demon, Mara, showed up to entice him with visions of beautiful women.

Mara represents the temptation to give into our conditioned habits and ignore our deepest longings. When we commit to a path, Mara will most likely arrive for a visit. These trials are nature’s way of testing our resolve, and their function is to inspire us to stay true to our commitment.

Commitments are powerful – and necessary to withstand the enticements of our familiar patterns.

Vowing to live in our own fundamental truth opens up a whole new way of being. Once the fire is lit, no matter how hard we try, we just cannot stay the same. When we put the old behind us and step out into the realm of possibility, we have set the stage for wonders to happen.

Have you made a commitment to something that is important to you? How has it affected you? I’d love to hear…

Bored? Go Straight to the Source

Note: As you investigate boredom, you may find it helpful to listen to a guided audio meditation I recorded called, “You Are Welcome as You Are.”

“Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.”
~Zen Proverb

There was a time when boredom ruled my life. Either I was bored, or I spent my time escaping boredom. Sure, I chose some great ways to stay occupied, and I had a lot of fun. But, if I really tell the truth, a lot of my activity was driven by the fear of being bored.

We all know what it is like to feel bored. We somehow trick ourselves into believing that nothing interesting is happening. We feel numb, restless, and unsettled. We don’t know what to do with ourselves. And it doesn’t feel very good, does it?

Even now, you may feel like clicking away from this page. Who wants to tap into a feeling we strive so hard to avoid? But here is the paradox – and the secret doorway: we can bring aliveness to our investigation of an experience that seems so dull and lifeless.

Boredom Draws Us Outward; Wisdom Draws Us Inward

The definition from dictionary.com describes boredom as a reaction to unstimulating events in our environment. We may label as boring a conversation, a repetitive task, a speech, a person, or even life itself. Following from this definition, the malady of boredom would be cured if only we were adequately entertained by an array of fascinating circumstances. But this solution is doomed to failure, as life has a way of being mundane and ordinary.

We can chase exciting experiences endlessly, and many people do. But if our deepest desire is enduring happiness, then boredom is a golden opportunity rather than an obstacle. Why move into boredom rather than fix it? In the words of George Mallory, early Everest climber, “Because it’s there.” If our present moment experience is boredom, we have two choices: resist and avoid or accept and befriend.

And when we are awake and curious in our investigation of boredom, are we actually bored?

The Experience of Boredom

As we lean into boredom, here is what we discover:

In our minds, we may notice judgments about people and experiences, a sense of mental fog, and negative opinions about our present experience. There is a sense of contraction rather than openness.
Emotionally, we feel numb, blah, down, anxious, dissatisfied, hopeless.
The physical body shows heaviness, fatigue, agitation, an inability to get going.
The actions we choose might include sleeping, eating, picking an argument, getting into trouble, wasting time, using substances, or staying ridiculously busy.

It seems like a film of negativity and lack of motivation has descended on us. We feel locked in behind a smudged window that makes the world look drab. We are standing in our own shadow.

Going Deeper

Now that we are familiar with the experience of boredom, let’s peel another layer of the onion. One important question to ask is: Is boredom masking an uncomfortable feeling? We might find it easier to feel disinterested and blasé than to experience anger or sadness or fear. Maybe boredom keeps us from facing the reality of some aspect of our life situation.

When you tell the truth to yourself about what is actually present, what do you find?
Are you willing to turn toward this moment as it is in its entirety?
Can you let yourself see what you really want and need?

Only then, can we fully receive the wisdom and inner direction that is being offered to us.

The Ultimate Solution

In the state of boredom, we look outward to fill ourselves up with amusing objects and feel frustrated when we fail to find them. This is an effortful doing that is ultimately unsatisfying.

Once we stop buying into the mental story of boredom, however, our minds become still enough to open to the vast space of the present moment. Seeking ends, and wonder, enthusiasm, gratitude, and creativity emerge. We rediscover that our hearts are capable of embracing all of life. We begin to care once again.

The contracted feeling of boredom is a sign that we have fallen asleep as well as an invitation to step out of our own shadow. When boredom appears, lucky you! If you receive it as a special gift and use it well, it will guide you to reclaim the beauty of this existence that is rightfully yours.

What is your experience with boredom? How have you dealt with it? I’d love to hear…

image credit

Who Do You Answer To?

“The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.“
~Elbert Hubbard

I see it all around me, and it breaks my heart. People who are confused, disgruntled, and desperate. Their lives are, in some way, misdirected and off track. They feel a deep, inner dissatisfaction, wondering, “Is this all there is?”

I was part of a beautiful conversation recently in which a lovely woman, a veterinarian, was questioning how to proceed in her life. She spoke of the hurt she experiences when, in the name of treatment, she causes pain in animals, and she admitted to the pride she feels from having the status of “doctor,” a level of education her father encouraged her to pursue. Her refrain, like a mantra, was, “I’m confused. I’m confused.”

Although we heard her words, what was apparent to everyone else in the room was her clarity. When she expressed a longing to commune playfully with lots of dogs, as a dogwalker for example, the glow emanating from her filled the room.

I came away asking myself, “Who is she answering to?”

Important Questions

Events happen in our lives, and we are making choices constantly. These occurrences come from somewhere. The word authority means the power or right to decide. It contains the root author, which derives from words meaning to write or create. Our lives are continually being created. Who (or what) is creating them? Who has the power or right to decide?

Asking these questions is essential…urgent, even. This is our life. Right now. The moments are ticking away as you read this.

Who/What Is in Charge?

If we consider who or what has authority for our lives, here are some possibilities.

Fear

When we give our power to fear, we make the choice to play it safe. What are we afraid of?

The unknown
Success or failure
Other people’s reactions
Change

Fear is an emotional response to an imagined future. When fear is the author of our lives, we turn away from possibility and live a limited and familiar storyline.

Other People’s Expectations

We frequently hear stories of people pressured out of following their childhood dreams to achieve status, image, or wealth. How many lawyers or bankers hold a secret wish to build furniture or paint? If we are answering to the expectations of family or culture, we are living in a tunnel vision that produces a one-dimensional existence, like a cardboard cutout.

Our Ideas About How our Lives Should Be

Some of us give our minds authority – minds that create pictures of what our reality is supposed to look like. We ignore the actual happenings of life while worshiping our mind-made constructed realities. When we pin ourselves in by ideas of what we should be doing, how much money we should be making, how the people around us should behave, we are asking for trouble. When we let the true, one reality express itself organically, well, that’s a different story.

Unquestioned Beliefs

I received my Ph.D. in psychology over 20 years ago, and, from time to time, I catch myself being identified with the role of “psychologist” to the exclusion of what life is actually offering me. These subtle beliefs can run deep. When we give them authority, we end up being what we think is a husband, employee, daughter, or lover. We forsake the freshness of the moment to play a role that disconnects us from our inner wise one.

Claim Life by Surrendering Your Version of It

At this point, you may be expecting me to stand on a soapbox and proclaim that we are the authors of our lives, that we are empowered to create our realities. This is certainly the view a proponent of personal development or the law of attraction would take. But that is not who I am.

Trying to create a better “you” is fraught with ongoing dissatisfaction because there is always something that can be improved in the realm of thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The only way out, the only way to be truly happy, is transformation beyond the personal “I.”

So, let’s embark on an exploration to know who is that “I” who is the author of our lives…who is that empowered one. When we look inside, we don’t find it! Really, where is that I? There are thought forms of all kinds and physical sensations. But is there really a thing called a body, a thing called “me” that has your name on it?

It might begin to feel disorienting at this point, but that’s OK, trust me. If we open up even more deeply, all we find is the vibration and energy of life. We are alive! This is real: the current of life.

So who is the author? Call it God, the divine, the life force. The label doesn’t matter. What does matter is who/what we answer to. We are not in charge. When we surrender all false authority, what remains is clarity, intelligence, and perfect guidance that whispers when to stop, go, turn left or right, when to pause.

There isn’t much we can choose in this existence, but the one choice we have is the ultimate one – what we revere. Do we pay homage to fear, our own and others’ expectations, and unquestioned beliefs, or do we bow in humility and allow reality to show us the way?

One is an uphill struggle that mutes our existence. The other effortlessly lights up the world.

Do you connect with your inner wisdom? Do you wrestle with what it tells you? I’d love to hear…