Archives for March 2010

The Seeker’s Guide to Inner Guidance

pathrose “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Steve Jobs

My lovely friend, Jenny, recently told me that she is faced with some big life decisions. With so much sincere devotion, she has been searching for her inner guidance, trying to hear the still, small voice within. Yet she can’t quite find it.

She described to me the experience of thinking she is close to it, then getting confused. Of recognizing the mental stories about her situation swirling in her mind, preventing her from finding clarity.

I don’t know about you, but I know that confusion well. Should I or shouldn’t I…what if I do…what if I don’t…but what about… And I know the possibility of finding my way through it to the place of clear seeing.

If your inner guidance seems inaccessible, or if you are boxed in, stuck, or indecisive, here are some pointers that might help. These are pointers in the sense of suggestions, but they also point toward what is alive in us – the whisper of truth, knowing, and ultimate fulfillment.

Recognize your thoughts, but don’t buy into them

In any moment, whether faced with an important decision or not, we may be unable to hear the quiet voice of truth because of thoughts bouncing around in the mind like popcorn. We tell ourselves how things should be, we make a list of pros and cons, we’re trying to fix ourselves so everything falls into place. You may have noticed that trying to stop these thoughts is fruitless, so just let them be.

We find our way to the quiet inner voice by recognizing thoughts, then not believing them. I know this sounds radical, but it is the absolute truth.

The mental activity in our minds does not offer the clarity that we are seeking. When thoughts beckon, look elsewhere. When doubt creeps in, notice what was arising just prior to the doubting thought, as this is likely your inner voice speaking.

Thoughts come in the form of beliefs, stories, opinions, and expectations. If you want to discover the inner voice of truth, don’t buy into thoughts. Open your attention to all aspects of experience, and let your natural intelligence speak.

Honor your feelings

As we walk the path to our inner voice, we are asked to welcome in our feelings. We refrain from analyzing them, and simply allow them. We notice what feelings are present, and let them be without the story around them.

Certain feelings are not trustworthy guides. Consider shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, frustration, and fear. Making decisions by following these feelings will keep our true voice locked away.

Now reflect on excitement, wonder, awe, potential, heart-opening, YES. Follow these, and your light will shine.

Spiritual teacher Adyashanti once said that fear is never a good reason to do anything. If fear arises as you step into your true path, meet it, feel it, let it be present as part of your experience. But don’t let it stop you. The world is waiting for you.

Consider all the data

If thoughts and feelings are not keeping us on track, then where do we look to find the inner guidance? We can open up our awareness to all aspects of experience.

See what your heart is longing for (and may have been longing for for a very long time). Notice what happens in your body as you contemplate different options or move in different directions. Experiment with not knowing and simply invite yourself to listen.

Bring your attention right into your natural wisdom itself, and surrender – just for a moment. Dip a toe into the flow of your natural life.

Feel your way in

I love this phrase that a friend said to me recently: just feel your way in. There is so much freedom in this approach.

If we feel our way in, we don’t need to have it all figured out. We can let go of searching for the big picture before making a move. We realize we don’t need to know all the answers. What a relief!

Feeling our way in means simply taking the next step. How to discover the next step? By taking in the totality of our experience and doing the obvious thing. It might be contacting someone or taking a break or attending to some thoughts or feelings that are tripping us up. We simply ask, “What is my next step?” and be open to whatever answer arises.

Notice what is actually here

The surprising thing about the next step is that we may already be doing it. Our natural wisdom is always speaking whether we hear it or not.

If we put figuring things out on hold, we have the space to notice our interests and tendencies. We can see what we organically move toward or away from. We spot natural inclinations and pockets of enthusiasm. These are the voice of inner guidance.

What commonly happens, however, is that we squelch these proclivities before they have had a chance to flourish. We judge them away or miss them completely because they aren’t aligned with our expectations.

So, just for a moment, let go of all mind activity, and see what happens. Where does the body go? What actions are taken? What do you feel moved to do, or not do?

Allow your natural life to take shape in this very moment.

Notice – and abandon – expectations

I’ve said this already, but it bears repeating. Listening to inner guidance requires recognizing expectations, then choosing to let them go. Expectations, which can be quite subtle, are like telling a river where it can and cannot flow. They suffocate a living process that needs air to breathe.

If you notice thoughts, such as, “What would … think?” or “I couldn’t possible do that,” you can be certain that an expectation has arisen.

We cannot know ahead of time what our lives will look like when we follow the inner voice. They simply unfold moment by moment. And in this unfolding, our true heart’s desires are realized beyond measure.

What has been helpful to you as you discover your inner wisdom? What have you found challenging? Are there any pointers you would add to this list?

image credit: jurvetson

The Body Tells the Truth

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“A trembling in the bones may carry a more convincing testimony than the dry documented deductions of the brain.”
Llewellyn Powers

“Few of us have lost our minds, but most of us have long ago lost our bodies.”
Ken Wilbur

I recently got a new GPS, and I love it! All I need to do is plug in the destination and follow the step-by-step directions, and I arrive exactly where I want to be. No thought is required, no figuring anything out. No maps, no getting lost. I simply listen and respond, and everything else is taken care of.

It is a big relief to not have to know how to get to where I’m going. I can relax and enjoy the journey.

Listening to the Body

Listening to our inner guidance is kind of like turning on the GPS. When we let go of the mental activity of trying to figure things out, we have the space to become aware of the guidance that is already there. And when we follow the directions that are offered, we stay on track and do not lose our way.

This is easier said than done, I know. But we can start by paying attention to the body. The body is like the voice inside the GPS. Using its own special language in the form of physical sensations, it tells us exactly what we need to know. If we are willing to listen.

In this complex world we inhabit, most of us are consumed with our thoughts. We live in our heads trying to analyze people and situations, sort through input, plan for every possible occurrence. We live by expectations and “shoulds.” If we were to draw the way most of us experience ourselves, it might look like this:
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If we are so enamored with our minds, following the thoughts that pull us away from ourselves, how can we possibly be in touch with the messages that our body is trying to send us?

The Physical World Within

The body is extremely sensitive. It is the perfect barometer that tells us when our thoughts and actions are aligned with our inner wisdom and when we have turned away. If we carefully observe the reactions of the body, a whole world opens up. We notice subtle changes in heart rate, breathing, muscular tension, and digestion. We feel tightness, softness, vibration, heaviness, space.

When we begin to observe the body, what we might notice is a veritable orchestra of experiences not necessarily playing in tune. There are physical urges and desires that propel us in a given direction as well as habitual contractions of the muscles and constricted breathing. It may seem impossible to find the inner navigation.

But underneath the pressures and tugs is the whisper of truth waiting for our kind attention.

Just as we develop mental and emotional habits, the body has learned how to protect us with a physical armor. These patterns evolved in response to fearful experiences in the past. When we perceive a lack of safety in our environment, the body pulls in to prepare for attack or defense, fight or flight. And these patterns in the body may last well beyond the original threat itself. This leaves us living in a state of heightened tension borne of fear.

Listening to the intelligence of the body asks us to wend our way through the forest of our long-standing habits to discover the place of natural wisdom and clear seeing that has been there all along.

Learning the Language

For some of us, we need to learn the language of the body. The body speaks in physical sensations, illness, and injury. Everything that happens in our bodies is an opportunity to see what hidden treasures we haven’t yet become aware of.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with colitis. At the time, I prided myself on already having let go of many old patterns. But life had more in store for me. Since then, I have become so much more kind to myself. I don’t push myself nearly so much, and I take the time (usually) to relax. Even though my yoga practice is challenging, it comes from within rather than from me imposing it on myself – more a being than a doing. And when the symptoms flare up, which doesn’t happen too often these days, I’ve learned to stop, rest, eat the foods that help, and say no to requests for my time.

These symptoms became my navigation, and they have guided me beautifully.

Discerning the Whisper of Truth

Just as we know the feeling of “rightness” and certainty, we know when we are off – the sinking feeling, clenching in the gut, too much tension to sleep. But sometimes our experience is not so clear. The inner guidance whispers while the conditioned habits are screaming.

Then you “start where you are” by befriending the patterns so they begin to soften. Fighting them will only make things worse.

Being open to our inner intelligence is like a prayer. We put down our need to control and know, and we ask for help and direction. This is where the GPS metaphor breaks down. We can’t program in our destination because we don’t know what it is until we get there. All we need to do is listen, follow, and appreciate the richness of the journey.

What do you notice about the language of the body in your own life? What happens when you listen – or when you ignore it? Is there anything that your body is telling you now that you haven’t yet heard? I’d love to hear….

image credit:LaurenManning

The Art of Listening to the Still, Small Voice Within

“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”
Shakti Gawain

I saw the film “Crazy Heart” yesterday. Jeff Bridges plays an alcoholic country singer who connects with Jean, the lovely mother of a 4-year-old son. At the climax of the story, Jeff Bridges’ character loses the little boy in a mall while he is at a bar having a drink. In the aftermath once the boy is recovered, Jean screams something like, “I knew in every bone of my body not to get involved with you, but I did.”

This got me thinking. How is it that we know in our bones the best course of action for ourselves, yet we take another path? And how often does it come back to bite us? We even have a phrase for it – against our better judgment. If our judgment is so good, why are we going against it?

The “Yes!”

Let’s begin our exploration of this important topic by looking at what it is like to know something in your bones. For me, I just know it. There is a definitiveness, an undeniable truth, a “yes!” This knowing does not arise from the logical and rational mind. It is not caused by emotions. It is clarity, pure and simple, that seems to just appear in my consciousness.

I was recently speaking to someone who was deliberating about a decision. I asked her if she ever had the experience of “yes,” of knowing something was absolutely true for her. She brightened, and told me about her clarity in deciding to marry her husband and in choosing a fulfilling career.

Isn’t this something we all know – this deep inner certainty?

Listening and Turning Away

Spiritual teacher Adyashanti says that truth is always speaking to us. The voice might be quiet, but it is ever present, guiding us to navigate the river of our lives with perfect intelligence. Are we listening, or is the inner cacophony too deafening to hear?

We can make our way to that still, small voice of truth by recognizing what makes us turn away from it.

It is not the voice in our heads telling us what we should or shouldn’t do.
It is not a story justifying our actions.
It may not look logical.
It is not what we are propelled to do out of fear.
Or out of neediness.
It cannot be discerned when we are clouded by strong emotions.

When our internal experience is crowded with stories, opinions, doubt, justifications, fear and other emotions, we aren’t quiet enough to allow the truth to be heard. And this is where we get into trouble.

Consider Jean from “Crazy Heart.” She knew in her bones not to continue the relationship but was misled by desire, inadequacy, and romantic ideals. I know I have made similar choices in my life. How about you?

If we make life decisions by listening to the noise – and not the silence – these decisions come from fear and unconsciousness. And we eventually suffer the consequences.

As we all know, the pull of the “noise” can be very strong. So strong that we don’t even consider stopping, pausing, inquiring into what is best or right. We blindly choose, or we opt for what seems logical or appropriate. We take the path that fits our ideas of how things are supposed to be. We are swayed by intense emotions.

We ignore the gentle tap on the shoulder that could show us the way.

Discover the Still, Small Voice

How do we know when truth is talking?

It moves us toward love – for ourselves and others.
It ultimately brings enjoyment.
There is no sinking feeling that something is wrong.
The body unclenches.
There is a sense of clarity, excitement, or relief, an undeniable knowing.

It’s fascinating to become familiar with your inner wisdom, and here are some ways to experiment.

Go to the grocery store without a list. Bring your attention inside, and listen to where you are directed to go.
Rather than doing an automatic behavior, such as turning on the TV after dinner, sit quietly and see what you feel moved to do.
Let go of your morning routine. Stay in bed, and wait for the inner signal to do the next thing, and the next. (At first, you may want to wait for the weekend for this one.)

The true path for our lives cannot be figured out or created. Our job is simply to listen, and in the listening, we will be given all the guidance we need to do exactly the right thing. When we listen, life unfolds mysteriously. We get out of our own way and allow the still, small voice to be heard.

How have you turned away from your inner wisdom? What have you learned? What is your experience with the experiments described above to get to know the quiet inner voice? I’d love to hear….

image credit

Want to Let Go? Be Ruthless and Compassionate

In the last post, we examined the usefulness of unchaining ourselves from old emotional baggage. Readers offered some beautiful comments that speak to the power of letting go. There are certainly those welcome moments when, without our doing anything, the stuck energy of emotions moves through us in one big torrent.

More commonly, though, the emotional and mental habits that weigh us down play a kind of hide-and-seek game with us. We know we engage in patterns that don’t serve us, but somehow the full display stays just enough out of awareness that the patterns sustain themselves. We truly want to stop doing whatever it is that keeps us from being happy, but we just can’t seem to get to the bottom of it.

Rather than waiting for those moments of huge release, it is intelligent to cultivate the intention to investigate these patterns. As we all know, the force of a pattern can be intense. It’s exactly like an addiction that has us by the throat.

If we want to be free of the pattern, our intention to fully embrace it needs to be stronger than the energy of the pattern itself.

Fully embracing a pattern means being willing to take off all the blinders and directly experience our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. It means putting down our defenses, distractions, and urges to avoid and simply allowing ourselves to be aware of our own inner experience. And it is not always easy because the force of our habits can be so intense.

In my own journey, I have found the unlikely twins of ruthlessness and compassion to be essential.

One Twin: Ruthlessness

Ruthlessness is a very strong word. I use it because a strong intention, a fire is sometimes needed to burn through our conditioning, especially when it is well-embedded in us. When we want freedom more than anything, we become open to investigating everything we take for granted, including all our treasured beliefs and emotional dramas. We become intimate with all of it, bringing every bit of our experiences out of the shadows.

To realize complete freedom, nothing is immune to conscious examination – no assumption, no expectation, no identity. Nothing gets to hide; everything is seen. This exploration can be unrelenting, merciless, and unyielding, and leaves everything up for grabs. It’s kind of like dying, where what dies are the unconscious, often deeply-held, tendencies that lead us down a road of suffering.

The desire to know ourselves may smolder in a single ember or blaze through our lives igniting everything in its path. Buddhist meditation master Ajaan Chah says,

“Do everything with a mind that lets go. If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggles with the world will have come to an end.”

The process isn’t meant to be cruel. It is designed to expose all our misunderstandings and confusions. It can turn our lives upside-down for a while, but eventually leaves us clear, open, grateful, and supremely happy.

The Other Twin: Compassion

Ruthlessness alone is devoid of heart. Although the path to freedom is sometimes quite fiery, it is incomplete without compassion. As we open our awareness to our deepest fears, we may notice the tendency to avoid or judge – anything but actually feel the terror at the core of our being.

Compassion reminds us to relax, to receive, to welcome. What is is. If fear is present, or any other difficult feeling, it just is. We commit to unearthing everything, with ruthlessness, then we receive what is discovered in openness and love.

We find within us the most loving, accepting place that becomes a haven for our challenging emotions and distorted beliefs systems. Compassion is the welcoming invitation for all the disowned and fragmented parts of ourselves. Every experience can come out of the shadows and return home. Habits weaken, and we realize that who we are is whole, undefended, and free.

Ruthlessness without love is one-dimensional, and compassion without fierce determination leaves room for us to slide. Discover your compassionate inner warrior. Commit to openness always. Live in the receiving of things as they are. Know yourself fully, and you are free.

“Wisdom without love is like having lungs but no air to breathe. Do not seek wisdom in order to acquire knowledge but in order to live and love more fully.”
Adyashanti

What challenges do you notice in living a self-aware life? What qualities are important? I’d love to hear…

What Old Baggage Are You Carrying Around? (and Is It Time to Let It Go?)

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“There’s a light bulb in everyone
Bright enough to swallow the sun”
Songwriter Stuart Davis

I used to do a lot of meditation retreats – the hard ones where we would sit in silence for 10 days. When I signed up for the first one, I had no idea what I was in for.

I had been in psychotherapy on and off for years, but was still looking for relief from my inner suffering. Somehow I knew freedom from it was possible. I kept searching and found myself in the desert of California with the cactuses, lizards, and every feeling I had ever suppressed or ignored.

About the fifth day or so, the floodgates opened, as I literally cried nonstop for three days. Yes, it was painful, but so incredibly cleansing. Every emotion had the space to be. It felt like they had been waiting a thousand years to finally be invited out into the open. And they were having a field day.

By the end of the retreat, my whole inner world had transformed. I had released so much into the vastness of the desert sky: old stories, onerous feelings, confused beliefs. Talk about baggage, the chains were breaking so fast I couldn’t keep track. I left the desert feeling so much lighter. It was the beginning of true freedom that has continued to this day.

Even now, I occasionally become aware of some hidden remnant that draws me into an old reaction or thought pattern. And I happily shine the light on it so I am conscious enough to allow a different choice. Snip, snip…another piece of baggage left at the side of the road.

Identifying the Baggage

Although retreats can be very useful, they aren’t required to let go of the outdated baggage we carry around. In fact, all that is required is the willingness to see the truth, to air the dirty laundry packed up in those suitcases, to put the whole mess out onto the floor so it is no longer trapped inside of us.

So right now, in this moment, what baggage are you still carrying around?

Here are some possibilities:

A relationship with someone that you know in your heart of hearts has seen better days and is no longer serving you;
A grudge that keeps you from soaring;
A habit that somehow hooked you but doesn’t fit anymore.
A perspective or way of thinking that is confining, depleting, or just plain negative.
An identity as unworthy, meek, lacking, fearful, controlling, needy – a case of mistaken identity that masks the awesomeness of who you actually are.

How to Put it Down

You’ve identified your version of baggage? Great! Time for celebration! You have just completed the first essential step toward being free of it.

Second step: Whatever the trouble is, welcome it into your loving heart. Recognize that it showed up in your life to protect or help you. See that it’s job is done and the time has come to say goodbye. Ask yourself: Do I need it? Is it serving me? Is it time to put it down?

I recently spoke with someone who is working on eating a healthier diet. As we splayed open the problem, examining every aspect of her experience related to food, it became obvious that her unhealthy eating habits are a vestige of an old way of being. At one time, she felt her body had betrayed her, so she disconnected from it and stopped paying attention to how she was treating it. Now so beautifully welcoming to all of her inner experiences, unhealthy eating no longer fits. Where before food was a weapon, it is becoming a joyful feast.

Next step: Make the shift. When the old tendency arises, choose life. Walk away every time, and step into the possibility of a life unencumbered by old baggage.

Allow change to happen. It’s OK if you feel fearful or uncomfortable. As you let go of what is old and outmoded, you are making the space for something new to arise. This is the beginning of a life lived in freedom.

Everything New

After that first retreat, the world never looked quite the same to me. The inexorable process of shedding couldn’t be stopped. Investigating every habit, every limited identity, every reaction became a way of life that has revealed greater and greater depths of openness and possibility.

Subtract all of these tendencies, and discover what remains…ease…peace…wonder…love.

What baggage are you carrying around? Is it time to let it go? I’d love to hear….